livingthelifeofb

[livingthelifeofb]

[livingthelifeofb]

[livingthelifeofb]

This is the first year that you didn’t text me, “Happy Valentines Day”.

[livingthelifeofb]

[livingthelifeofb]

I'm so high off you, baby.

heart

[livingthelifeofb]

Forgive me if I don’t make sense.

Sometimes my brain feels foggy and empty, simultaneously... Lately I’ve been trying to find the answer to my problems - when I AM the answer to every single one of them! It all starts with me.......

[livingthelifeofb]

Me: Everyone has me misunderstood..

Me to Me: .....prove them wrong.

[livingthelifeofb]

Overwhelmed.

So many college essays and lab reports due. My supposed friend is trying to sleep the one I love. Flashbacks of misery keep fogging my mind and I cannot seem to make them go away. I pray to God asking for help, yet I feel unheard. But I know that He hears me. I know that He hears me when I cry asking him to strip my trio from this agonizing pain that I can't control. I'm putting way more on my plate than I can even eat. MAD is literally driving. me. MAD. I never thought the beginning of the rest of my life would start like this. I want help, but my insecurities are holding me back.

 I'm just overwhelmed.

 B.

[livingthelifeofb]

flowers

[livingthelifeofb]

Starting anew.

I took some time off of Tumblr to realize what I truly wanted to portray in the life of B. It would be best that I post based on current situations & daily experiences instead of reliving the past. Honestly, I'm not ready to open up about my life experiences this soon. --- Would it be too much to ask if I can wait until my first book?

Hopefully the select people who originally knew about the page have forgotten about its existence. And if you haven't? --- remember to keep quiet.

 Until next time,

B.

[livingthelifeofb]

Valentines day is coming up. I still don't know what to buy myself. 😒💕

[livingthelifeofb]

I lost respect for a lot of people this year.

Me (via xlxmxk)

[livingthelifeofb]

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

[livingthelifeofb]

Attic || A. (Part 2)

Growing up, I've always been fond of horror movies and strange things. In any given scenario, whether it's zombies, serial killers, or psychotic murderes - I would live. In this case, I dealt with a 50 year old pedophile. I felt if A was aware that I was still conscious, he would do any and everything in his power to make sure I told no one. 

The moment A felt I was asleep, he began to rub on my breasts - fearful, yet steady. His rough skin against mine forced me to wince in disgust. This caused him to draw back, afraid I would wake from my supposed slumber. Moments after, A continues his exploration by slipping his hand under my night clothes; stroking the lining of my underwear. Stop. He uses his index finger to slide the panties back. Stop. He then proceeds to massage my lady parts... Stop, please.

After a few minutes, A moves from his position and leaves the area. Minutes felt like forever from his absence. I could hear him in the background of my setting... I knew that he was too close for me to make an escape. A came back and towered over me like a giant, all the while I still tried to play asleep. His hands moved along the rim of my pajama pants and pulled them down with much focus.

On that night, not only was I raped, but also stripped from my innocence and self esteem. In a matter of minutes, my life was turned around for the worse. A became my worst enemy next to my mother. She didn't want to believe that A raped me. Maybe it's because she didn't want to ruin her 'perfect marriage'. Or maybe it's because she didn't want to be left alone with such an irksome kid.

To this day, I wake up with this haunting feeling of guilt and hatred towards A. And to top it all, he still lives with my mother and I. Everyone has pushed it out of their heads and I'm forced to live with a phony smile upon my face.

Good thing I'm blessed with a perfect smile.

 -B

[livingthelifeofb]

Stuck ||

The attic is by far one of the hardest parts to clean..... After years of neglect and lack of communication, it's difficult attempting to approach such a dark place. Fear is creeping, but I have to do this. I'm not going to allow myself to quit so easily.

[livingthelifeofb]

J: "Goodnight, beautiful"

me: *niagra falls*

[livingthelifeofb]

Attic || A. (Part 1)

The attic represents the mind. The mind withholds everything that you have pushed back in order to help Self cope throughout the day; anything that prevents the attic from being cleaned.

It's the one room that knows the root of my truth. Let's get started.

 Here are the main issues of the room: A, H, and holding on to junk.

A. When I was 11, my mother created a relationship with A. {to protect identities and such, I will use said letters} A eventually became a special individual to my mom and soon to be her husband. It was evident that A would have to befriend me if he wanted to win a place in my mother's heart. Therefore, A decides that he wants to be a "cool father" by being rule free and nonchalant about things a typical parent would disagree with. After picking me up from art club, A suggests that he stops by the liquor store and that we have some fun once we get home. Being vulnerable and naïve - I agreed. What eight grader do you know that would pass up drinking a little vodka? (Cool points!) Anyways - shot after shot, I begin to feel the liquor take affect on my body. It was then I began to feel immensely drowsy.

Hand.... a hand? Who's is it .... and why the hell is it touching my tatas?  Fear led my eyes to inch their way open, just enough for me to reveal this mystery person. A.