kalefare

[kalefare]

It will never be enough. The thrill of reaching your goal, the adrenaline of finally making it, the pride and satisfaction with how hard you have worked. But if you make that the centre of your life, you put yourself at risk of merely running within a hamster wheel. 

The busier you get, the more important it is to understand the value of what you are doing 

[kalefare]

Fulfilment

Main: 

I like to read, think about things, and pen my thoughts and philosophies down. 

So I read a lot and I journal a lot - and sometimes I put them on social media to share them with the world. 

I like to plan, design strategies and timelines to reach certain objectives. 

So that’s what I do for a living at Epidemic. 

I like to sing and create my own versions of songs that I like. 

So I create covers on IG and I write songs under Haha Music

I like to go for runs, listening to good music. 

I like to do things with my partner and spend quality time with him. 

I like to take care of my body

Non-main: 

I like long bus rides, where I listen to music that puts me in a certain mood. 

I like to have simple gatherings with my friends and family, talk about each others’ lives, have good laughs. 

I like to play basketball with my friends. 

I like to watch a good movie and be inspired. 

[kalefare]

The Things That Matter

I feel like in the past, I romanticised substances. The relationship that I shared with substances, with alcohol, created an intimate space in which my boundaries dissolved such that I had access to inspiration, to certain feelings that I never thought I could ever feel. Today, I feel that these boundaries I put up, should not be dissolved through artificial means. They should be consciously broken down - a voluntary act of exposing one’s vulnerabilities.  

And I only realised, through spending more time with Tim, that there is a greater form of romance in loving yourself. It might sound terribly bland at first, eating right, exercising daily and getting your 8 hours of sleep. But just like how you would care for a plant or a pet, there is no better way to love yourself than to treat your body well and speak to yourself with compassion. 

I think I am quite a slave-driver to myself, so much so that I compromise on my health, my energy levels and my relationships with others. After watching the Minimalists documentary, I discovered a need to really go through all my commitments, my possessions and people that I keep in my life thus far - are they adding value to my life? 

And I know it sounds selfish. But it really isn’t. Because life is too short, and ultimately, it’s about being aware of what brings you true fulfilment and happiness, and choosing to pursue the things that matter and let go of the things that don’t.  

[kalefare]

People

I am not responsible for other people’s emotions. I care for how they feel, and how I made them feel. But they also hold a level of autonomy over their own thoughts and their own emotions. It’s not my duty to ensure that they feel good all the time, and neither would they expect me to do so if they are my true friends. 

So give up on all your people-pleasing tendencies. It’s a beautiful thing to be compassionate, generous and considerate to others’ needs, but not at the expense of your own happiness and peace. That always comes first. 

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I’m just really grateful to have these opportunities, this exposure, to have met so many different people. 

[kalefare]

Be inspired not intimidated 

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Revolutionising the Music Industry

Music should be free. It’s the ability to make music that should cost money as the expanding middle class would be more willing to spend on their hobbies. 

The knowledge and the skills to make good music should be what costs money. I dream of a world where a person who makes good music stands on the same level as a person who is just starting out in music. At the end of the day, we are creating something that we hope touches other people’s souls, or at the very least, brightens up their day. 

Why would knowledge not cost anything? When we focus on getting people to learn music, hobbyists would buy more audio equipment, more books, sign up for more lessons....buy sample packs, buy plug-ins... 

[kalefare]

I wonder how people sustain their passions. It must take a lot of hope and grit. I hope I am able to be one of those people who are able to find meaning and contentment in having and chasing a dream. 

Oh, but I haven’t told you about my dream. My dream is to build songs. I think it’s amazing and wondrous how songs are put together. How much thought and meticulousness that’s involved. 

I pray that I can put my whole heart and soul into cultivating this craft. I pray that there is no temptation of comfort and abundance. I pray that my desire to learn and create was pure enough to overcome the obstacles I face. I pray that my spirit was strong enough to believe in myself and to push myself further everyday. 

[kalefare]

To Define Is To Limit

It’s not lacking clarity. It’s because I have found clarity, that I realised that I do not want a certain something in life. I do not have to become a certain person. I do not have to achieve what I wrote on my wall. 

Yes, I still have 2020 goals written on my wall. Creating an amazing track, developing compassion and patience, hitting 48kg. These do not serve to limit what I can achieve, or to restrict it even. I don’t know why i still have them there. But I feel like I will figure out the reason soon. They give my life meaning perhaps? They are there to inspire me? 

[kalefare]

Dealing with Disappointments

I guess pain is just part of the journey. Pain that comes from being disappointed, from having given your all and then getting betrayed. But I don’t believe that people want to be evil. I don’t believe that people want to do the wrong things. I believe that everyone wants to be good. I want to believe that. We have all made our fair share of mistakes, of hurting people. And the only way to move on, is to forgive. 

From the bottom of my heart, there is hurt, there is an intense amount of disappointment, self-blame and despair. Like WHY. Why are people like that? Refusal to accept that the people whom you treasure would hurt you that way. Am I not good enough? And the reason you feel that way is cuz you view the world and the people around you that way. You look at people and decide if they are “worth your time”, whether they are of the same value as you. You wanna surround yourself with the cool friends. You feel validated that way. When someone whom you really respect or admire, validates you - you feel more confident in yourself. 

But why are we even measuring a person’s value? We are not things. Everyone has equal value because we are all the same. We are mere humans, fighting our own battles and trying to pursue meaning in life. Just because someone is more articulate, or looks better, does not mean that the person has more value than an average-looking person. Just because the person has done so much for a country, does not mean that the person has more value than a commoner. Just because the person is successful in his career, does not mean that he has more value than a construction worker. Just because a person listens to “better music”, does not mean that he has more value than someone who listens to pop. 

I think this culture of comparison has led to a lot of confidence issues, a lot of mis-prioritisation and a lot of fear. We use it to make ourselves feel better. When we should learn how to feel good about ourselves, without external indicators. We should strive for something, because we truly desire it from the bottom of our hearts. We should work hard for something because we believe in its meaning in our lives. Not because it’s what society tells us to do. Not because it’s what everyone else around us are doing. 

Then what about competitive sports? Well, if what you want is to be a master at your craft, then your only competitor is yourself. And other people are there for you to learn from, not for you to measure your worth. 

Society seems to frown upon a lack of ambition and that’s why we all feel like we need to be really good at something. But the thing is, if we don’t feel the need to be really good at something, then why waste your time and effort doing that? Why try so hard to be good at something, to make lots of money, if that’s not what your inner voice tells you it wants. Maybe we should all learn to be silent, to tune out the noise of the outside world, so that we can listen to what that inner voice is whispering. 

[kalefare]

Feel like your dreams are so far away sometimes sigh 

[kalefare]

Morning Coffee Thoughts

Morning thoughts. I just spent my morning reading up on GE2020 and SG history, and I had this semi-epiphany on social media platforms. 

Social media is such a double-edged sword. Some days, I loathe its toxic nature. Other days, I truly value the knowledge I gain from it. The algorithms do somehow create this echo chamber where we tend to just gravitate towards and reinforce the opinions that resonate with us. Which is dangerous, I agree. 

But I feel that there is so much quality content out there, so many people with wonderful ideas and works to share. Swearing off social media does have its benefits: it makes me calmer and somewhat less attuned to the negative energies of the world (esp if some shit is going on). And of course, there are other types of news sources out there. There are books, news articles and podcasts, which are actually pretty damn sufficient. However, I feel that the pros really outweigh the cons you see. The efficiency of information dissemination and to a certain extent, the unfiltered content, do bring something to the table. And I guess, the onus is on us, readers - to be able to discern the veracity of what we consume. 

To sum it all up, I think it’s silly to see the world in black and white, where you’re either wrong, or you’re right - it’s a false dichotomy. I don’t think social media is bad or good. I think there’s no need to qualify it that way. And that applies to so many other aspects of our life. We like to see people as either good or bad, villains or superheroes - a notion that was propagated by film, TV and perhaps ANY story arc. 

And many people might shit on me for sitting on the fence, but the truth (as Oscar Wilde puts it) is rarely pure, and never simple.  Thats all I wanted to say, before I start doing work.

[kalefare]

Can I be the next Miyazaki ples

I want to be somewhat like a Hayao Miyazaki in future - immersed in my craft and fulfilled by the simple pleasures in life. I envision a life that is filled with art, music and the exchange of ideas. I envision a life where what we value are intellectual conversations, self-discovery, curiosity, compassion towards strangers, friendships and family. 

Sometimes, it feels like this will be a lonely journey because everyone else is working towards something vastly different. 5K salaries, climbing the corporate ladder, getting a BTO, earning big bucks. And I get fearful that this direction that I’m heading in, is the wrong one. But I shouldn’t be fearful and I should charge forth with conviction and determination, because this is something I’m doing for me and solely me. 

I believe that a creative and autonomous career is what I’m looking for. I believe that it might take some time, but it will be worth the wait and the uncertainty. I know that there are many people around me who are worried for me, who are concerned for my well-being. But I also know that I should be grateful that they care. 

[kalefare]

So angry that I let some people into my life sia

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There is a certain enchantment about a glimmer of light in the abyss, compared to the blinding rays of the sun.

[kalefare]

Because sometimes we aren’t able to grow together, so we must grow apart. And believe in the wonder that occurs when we meet again one day, many weeks later, many months later or even years later.

[kalefare]

24 June - Superhero Complex

Maybe I expected people to fall in love with me if I saved them from themselves. Maybe I thought I was invincible, that I could take on any amount of hurt, any amount of darkness. Maybe I insisted on jumping in and getting myself wet, when I could have just thrown a buoy. 

How do we remove expectations? How do we remove attachment? How do we eliminate sentiment?