janillavanilla-blog1

[janillavanilla-blog1]

1) Crush

I feel that the internet is a place where you can anonymously open up and speak without fear of being judged. That's why I've started my first blog, and anonymous blog😁.

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Being a girl, its normal I'd be attracted to the other gender. But you see, I've just had the worst luck😑.

My first crush was in 5th grade. Let's call him donkey ass, DA for short. On the first day of fifth grade, I made my best friend forever, she actually sat next to me on the first day! Let's call her Miel. We became friends instantly driving us to talk endlessly until eventually the teacher had to switch Miel with the guy sitting next to her, DA. Me being the friendly type, we became instant friends. Me and Miel would talk through DA, are message passer. DA and I both had one thing in common which usually was the base of most of our conversations, Anime. We would walk the same way home and have very interesting conversations. I felt that I liked him. Me liking him dragged on till 6th grade. I'd convince my parents to let me walk home (the distance home was a mile) and say it was good exercise and on my way home, I'd "Accidentally" see DA and we'd walk home together. I'd walk a mile home everday in the humid sun with a heavy backpack and violin to walk home with a guy, Take the L Janilla🤦‍♀️. After a month of doing this, DA opened up to me. I thought he was going to confess but AW HELLL NAH WAS I WRONG. He asked me to be his wingman and introduce him to one of the girls who sat at my table because he thought we were friends!

Now you know why his name is donkey ass.

My second crush was in seventh grade, let's call him Bob. Bob and I met on the first day of school in P.E. (physical education). He sat in front of me, he was a friend of a friend. He was friends with a lot of girls, A LOT. And I became one of them. I failed to realize Bob was nice to all girls and thought I was special (I know I'm special, he just didn't realize it.) He'd give me piggy back rides and at the time, I was into kdrama and I saw this happen A LOT. So of course, I thought he liked me. Me being shy, I thought I would VAGUELY confess to him half into the year. We were at the park where he would practice basketball. Me being afraid of balls, would watch from afar.

"We've been FRIENDS for awhile so I think I can be honest with you."

'Omg, is he gonna confess, this was way easier than I thought!'

"I wanted to tell you... that I have a girlfriend. It's a secret relationship."

Why Bob? Why? Turns out all my friends knew but I didn't... Bob and I are still friends... JUST friends.

I met my third crush in the second semester of 7th grade. Let's call him Bokchoi. Bokchoi was an eighth grader in wind ensemble, and man I ain't gonna lie. He was fine as a kpop star. He was tall, Korean, perfect teeth, and long hair with bangs (almost like a bowl cut). There was this Japanese girl I was friends with, let's call het Yuri. She like this other Japanese kid from P.E. class. She was head over heals. I noticed wherever she went, so did Bryan. I never spoke a word to Bryan, I just liked him from afar. I'd legit ask my mom to pick me up from the back so I could catch a glimpse of him. Turns out, he already had a girlfriend but he like Yuri who liked the Japanese dude. Yuri kind of liked Bryan but was confused about it. I decided to step away from this hopeless crush cause Janilla is soo done with drama. I did stare at him from afar but that was pretty much it.

My fourth crush was just... He was super nice and perfect. He loved the same things as me. He loved fashion, kpop, anime, etc. He would compliment on my outfits everyday. I thought he liked me... I should have seen the signs. The boy was gay!

We're still friends but... that was it. I swore off guys or at least attempted to... But you see, god created us with something called hormones,if your an atheist, the science created something called puberty and hormones. It f*cking sucks.