Daily thoughts from me. 33 year old married male. Wife may post as well. Both battling depression, while raising four children... maybe five in the future, but we'll get into that later. Our idea of family is very different from many, but after being a part of that family for only 5 and a half years now? I wouldn't have it any other way. Many of our friends also battle such things as depression, anxiety, ptsd, battered woman syndrome, drug addiction, alcoholism, victimization of many and varying types of abuse, and the list grows every day. This blog will have mature content that is pertinent to our marriage. No gratuitous details will be cavalierly shared. I am an open book. I will answer every question honestly because we need each other. If you're reading this, you may be looking for confirmation that you aren't alone, or maybe your fucking male pride won't let you accept that YOU could be depressed. And I need to write this. This is a therapeutic experiment. Something I need to do. When my wife is comfortable with going public, we will, until then our identities will be played by B.D. (33 year old Dad), C.B (29 year old Mom *Step Mom to 3 older babies*), E.B. (12 year old daughter), G.B. (9 year old son), S.B (8 year old daughter), and B.B. (4 year old son). Possibly X.B. (BD's ex-wife) will be involved in some posts.
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Tuesday morning, 5/9/17
A lot of good things lately. Lot of rough things lately. It’s up and down. I’ve been taking Lexapro since December. It has done a world of good for me, even though I grew up believing that mental illness was simply weak mindedness.
I was dead wrong.
My wife opened my mind to the world of mental illness. C.B. suffers from depression, bipolar, anxiety, and battered woman’s syndrome. She had nightmares for years. Knocked the hell out of me a time or two lol never intentionally, mind you. Only when I was trying to wake her from her nightmares.
Anyway, I wake up this morning on my day off (haven’t worked less than 11-12 hours per day on my feet for the last 2 weeks), and am asked to wake the 2 middle kids for school. Ok. I assume that means I’m taking them too. Ok. They’re awake, 30 minutes to spare, so it’s time for the morning shit. Mind you, we live less than a mile from the school, but on my days off, I like to take them to school for that extra time. She starts calling out to me, “Babe, hurry up.�� “You know what time it is?” “You ARE taking them, right?”
On any other day, that might not have gotten to me. Today? Not so lucky.
It’s now 2 hours later. She’s asleep, which she needs. She works very hard around this house, and doing online schooling. And I’m up with our youngest, and my dog. A pot of coffee in my belly, 2 cigarettes, and I don’t feel like killing anybody anymore.
I don’t like getting upset with C.B. We’ve been through so much that it seems childish for me to get, honestly completely PISSED, for something so trivial. It took me an hour and a half, but that’s what had to be done.
Take time. Breathe.
Now time to occupy the baby while I sneak under the covers to “wake up” my beloved 😉😉😉
B.D.
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Saturday, May 6th, 2017
BD here. This is brand new to me. I kinda feel some fear. I'm not a good sharer. I need to be. This has been my 2nd real day off in 2 weeks, but even then, after closing last night (I'm a restaurant manager) at 2 am (we have a bar), getting home at damn near 5am (you ever work in a restaurant? Lol) then up at 10 to set up for my son's 4th birthday party. Then had to go get all the food, drinks, ice, decorations, etc., (we're procrastinators lol). Left there at 2:30pm to go to my second career; an independent professional wrestler. Got back at 7pm to pick everybody up from Nanna's, and now here I am. I've got some emotional conflict going on. I want to openly tell you. I can't. There's a block, but a few reactions (or lack of it) tonight since we got home, really hit me in my husbandly nuts. Up at 530am tomorrow for work. I'll check in with y'all after while. Holla, BD
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