horrorbloggin

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Dracula (1931) dir. Tod Browning

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Count Dracula is the title character of Bram Stoker’s 1897 gothic horror novel Dracula. He is considered to be both the prototypical and the archetypal vampire in subsequent works of fiction. The character has appeared frequently in popular culture, from films to animated media.

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take this

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Saw II (2005)

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GAME OVER

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me: i promise not to go out into the woods of rural maryland and lose the map and end up at the blair witch’s house

me after two drinks:

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Don't Kill It (2017) Since I was a small child, my dream profession has been Paranormal Investigator. Like Fox Mulder. Who is me but with real aliens to investigate. This film finally gave me a viable second option: Southern demon hunter. I also want to hang around in bars, enjoying ice cream and women and carrying rubber bullets because I am in the habit of shooting people if they get on my tits. For me, this had the perfect comedy-to-horror ratio, it's kind of campy, kind of cheesy and utterly owns it. As all good horror should.

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Paranormal farm (2017) Honestly, I bought this as a low-budget straight-up ghost-hunting video. At times it's hard to tell if it's a well-observed piss-take or if it's a low-budget found footage masterpiece. There are times where it tries to do too much, but the comic relief in the woods is perfectly timed. The whole thing seems a bit of a nonsensical clusterfuck at times, but exactly in the ways you would expect if you've seen a bunch of ghost hunting shows in the past. It's a mess, but it's a watchable mess that knows its target audience is chumps like me who love this stuff.

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Visions (2015) A woman makes such terrible decisions that she picks Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory as her Gynaecologist. And a whole bunch of other people I kind of recognise from American sitcoms. The whole thing is a mess.

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The Visit (2015) Spoiled kids visit grandparents with their camcorder. Of course it all goes to shit and "accidentally" gets caught on film. I love this nonsense. WARNING: you will see nana's entire naked arse. It tries to go for a big twist, but it comes about half an hour after you work out what's clearly going on. It's predictable and ridiculous, but it's exactly the kind of ridiculous I love.

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The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) When is an autopsy not an autopsy...? This is an interesting one. Personally, I wanted to see more of the father-son autopsy team. I bet they could solve some awesome mysteries. It has plenty of gruesome - bodies being cut open, bits being taken out, there are also some excellent tits because that's what Horror is all about, right? Don't expect a masterpiece, but an effort has been made here to do something good and I really enjoyed this one.

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The Truth (2014) Maybe it's my Catholic School background, but I saw the "twist" in this one about two seconds in. After that it was an awkward and dull wait for the inevitable. The whole thing feels like a hip young vicar trying to tell you that Jesus is the ultimate meme. Super awks. Please no.

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Death on Scenic Drive (2017) This one is slow as hell and really only worth watching if you really want to see a woman licking her own used tampon. I guess someone out there is probably into that, right?  

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Freddy vs jason (2003) If you like your films to make sense, maybe give this one a miss... From the start, Freddy has a newspaper about his being burned for killing children - this is present in his house prior to the burning. Wat. Freddy also narrates his whole situation and plan to the audience by breaking the fourth wall, which just comes across weird.

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Area 51 (2015) This is another one I thought I'd already seen but it turns out this is a totally different film. A bunch of dudes go to a party, one of them goes and stands outside and comes back weird. Surely that's nothing to worry about? I'm always here for some found footage and the alien-themed stuff is my favourite. Their bad decisions have outcomes that would be tediously predictable, but the video-game style found footage filming manages to keep an air of anxiety about their antics that keeps your yes on the screen. It's trash, but I love this kind of trash.

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Little evil (2017) I'm ususally wary of comedy-horror as they often manage to not really be either. But if you're a fan of stuff like 30 Rock or Parks and Recreation, this might appeal. At times it's in danger of going full RomCom but manages to stay on plot. I'm personally a big fan of Al because anyone who drives a monster truck and listens to Rush is a hero. If you're seriously not into comedy, might be worth giving this one a miss, but for a light easy watch, this one is fun.

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Boys in the Trees (2016) From the start, you could be forgiven for thinking this is another douchey teen scream clusterfuck. It certainly sets itself up to be, but diverges in some unexpected directions. It actually becomes very sweet and could get you right in the feels - also an appearance from Wendy Rule which is worth watching if you're into that...