highopes-lowexpectations

[highopes-lowexpectations]

i think first love has more to do with you than the other person

[highopes-lowexpectations]

zab

I always think about the concept of love letters. Like, someone taking their time and sitting down just to express their love and feelings for you. Someone writing for you and telling you how important you're for them. That's like such a sweet, loving and beautiful gesture.

[highopes-lowexpectations]

Ong fr moment

i’m neither who i used to be nor who i’m supposed to be 

[highopes-lowexpectations]

omg, life is worth living.

Quick costume change

(via)

[highopes-lowexpectations]

how come i want to do everything tomorrow but nothing today.

[highopes-lowexpectations]

normal.

i hate how little people i care about think of me, it might be in my head but god damn it i feel it. i feel like i have to prove myself every time but when i try to find something fascinating about myself i just can't find anything, the fear of being normal consumes me everyday, it shackles me.

[highopes-lowexpectations]

how can i get to a better place if i don't even know where i'm at right now?

[highopes-lowexpectations]

[highopes-lowexpectations]

things i miss: peaches, august, the feeling of emotional security and summer

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[highopes-lowexpectations]

moving forward?

nostalgia brings me comfort, it sparks joy sometimes, but almost always leaves me with a bitter feeling that i can’t get rid off for a while, and i can no longer afford it. I am growing up, my time is getting more precious, my mental health is so important to me, and i can’t just sit there living in the past while time goes through me. My anxiety is making living the moment or being present even harder, it’s like i’m everywhere but right now and right here, i cling to the past or overthink about the future.

I stay late at night with my eyes open, i think about how my life is going, the people i love, the people i loved, and thinking about that kind of stuff leads me to nowhere but pain.

i want to let go of everything, everything that weighs me down, everything that hurts me, everything that holds me back, everything that stands between me and living my ideals.

it is a process getting from where you are to where you want to be; what keeps me going is that i find refuge in sincere music, genuine films, stoic philosophy, good architecture and mainly my family.

i have a constant fear of death. my bad anxiety makes it worse, i get heart palpitations almost always, i just live with it, every time i go to sleep i genuinely feel that it is my last night on earth and this terrible feeling takes over me where i picture my mother at my funeral and the chest ache would just get worse and worse until i eventually go to sleep and go through the same thing the day after.

i feel like i’m destined to do great things, i feel like i have an obligation to do everything well and impress everyone and it’s not for the validation, i just feel deep in my heart that i have to immortalised by my work; i want to write that book, make that album, start that company, make that beautiful garden and be that surgeon; but in what universe is that truly possible, i am just a human, i don’t even know if i’m going to wake up tomorrow and that angers me, limited time angers me, but still i’m wasting it, i’m procrastinating, i’m scared, i’m still clinging to nest that is my childhood and i need to be pushed and leave that nest. it has been comforting and just beautiful; but i never knew how much comfort can be limiting.

ultimately i want to live a fulfilling life, have a beautiful white mediterranean house with blue accents, beautiful and diverse garden, a dark green porsche and most importantly a loving partner to share that with.

isn’t that what we all want? love, to be loved and love, to truly understand and be understood, to share every random thought with them, to listen to music with them, to feel physical affection, to have kids and raise them to be their own “adults”, to grow old and die besides each other.

life is so much more than i expected, but i’m willing to suffer if it gives it meaning, i’m willing to wait for the inevitable fate of death and try to do everything that makes me feel alive. i truly want to live before i die.

[highopes-lowexpectations]

things i miss: peaches, august, the feeling of emotional security and summer

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[highopes-lowexpectations]

"ستظل تحبني للأبد؟"

"Will you love me forever?"

حتى تحترق النجوم، وحتى تفنى العوالم

حتى تتصادم الكواكب، وتذبل الشموس

وحتى ينطفئ القمر، وتجف البِحار والأنهار

حتى أشيخ فتتآكل ذكرياتي

حتى يعجز لساني عن لفظ اسمك

حتى ينبض قلبي للمرة الأخيرة

فقط عند ذلك ربما أتوقف

ربما

Until the stars burn out, until the worlds wear away,

Until the planets collide, and the suns fade away,

Until the moon goes out, and the seas and rivers dry up,

Until I grow old and my memories fade away,

Until my tongue cannot utter your name,

Until my heart beats for the last time,

Only then, perhaps, I would stop loving you.

Perhaps.

-Ahmed Khalid Tawfik

[highopes-lowexpectations]

Sufjan Stevens, Fourth of July

[highopes-lowexpectations]

i live for music

[highopes-lowexpectations]

I love sharing my existential crisis with an Australian purple puppet

[highopes-lowexpectations]

i could change humanity or i could just kill myself

life is so fucking weird lmao, you just get used to something just for it to change. you get used to your parents just to move away later in life, get used to a partner just to break up, get used to university just to end up in an office, get used to feeling down just get a momentary high that reminds you how great your life could’ve been.

is that really life, is it really this crappy or is there more to it?

does it get better? is the light at the end of the tunnel really there or is it just an illusion? 

i want to die, or just get a pause, live in nothingness; but at the same time i want to live a good life and make an impact on humanity

[highopes-lowexpectations]

i love marcus aurelius

“Thou must now at last perceive of what universe thou art a part, and of what administrator of the universe thy existence is an efflux, and that limit of time is fixed for thee, which if thou dost not use for clearing away the clouds from thy mind, it will go and thou wilt go, and it will never return.”