goblin-gab

[goblin-gab]

the thing that’s bothering me is that there’s no reason to spell “pete” and not “peet” … nothing is stopping you

[goblin-gab]

Nobody is listening. Nobody is ever fucking listening. Everybody thinks they’re being helpful, and they think they’re fucking listening - but nobody ever is. They don’t fucking get it. I’m not exaggerating, and frankly, I’m so fucking sick of being treated like a neurotic trauma patient any time I speak. I’m so fucking tired of everything. I’m tired of existence as it is. One misfortune after another, time and time again. Grandpa is dead. COVID is everywhere. The world is in shambles. People are so so mean and hate filled, and I can’t understand it. My uncle is an incestual pedophillic meth addicted rapist. My sweet baby cousin is scarred for life. My aunt is a vegetative sheep. My dad and grandma are mourning, but so fucking passive that they allow her to stay, just so they don’t lose someone else. It’s a slap in the face. My mind is festering. I am incapable of doing any of the things that I enjoy, and therefore have seemingly lost all of my fucking coping mechanisms in one full sweep. I can’t watch tv. I can’t go outside. I can’t make art. I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I can’t see my fucking friends, as if I really have any that want to see me. Nobody fucking gives a shit about anything but themselves, not really. My well-being and it’s scale of importance is only in the realm of priority when they need me to carry their weight for them. I’ve been a fucking pack mule my entire life. Forever doomed to just be a little girl carrying the mental baggage of an army, and knowing that if I stagger a single fucking step, that someone will pay the price. Whether it be me or not, the answer is always going to be me. I care too much, so I lucidly suffer for those I love. I wish I was selfish. I wish I had the luxury. I wish I didn’t feel anything at all. I am nobody’s first choice. I’m nobody’s favorite. I am nobody’s everything, but they’re all my whole world. It’s a cruel unfair world, and I’ll grit and bare it until the divine put me out of my misery. Maybe some people just weren’t meant to receive.

[goblin-gab]

I just want to have someone else be strong for once. I’m tired.

[goblin-gab]

I’m a dancing monkey, nothing more nothing less. I’m just a pair of tits in a dress. Fuck you.

[goblin-gab]

I feel like I’m choking on everything lately, like I’m fucking drowning in all of it. Yet I’m expected to go to work every day and smile, give 110%, to stay up to date and care about current events; my friends and everyone inbetween. I’m fucking tired. I’m exhausted, and I have fuck all to show for it. At the end of the day I’m alone, just me and my shell, trapped with my thoughts and issues to solve on my own. Nobody actually cares enough to consider me, not really. They care, but just enough to send their condolences as they pass. I’m alone, I’m exhausted, and I’m severely overwhelmed; and it seems like that’s all I’ll ever be. For every ten steps of progression, I take twenty back. I hate my body, I hate my absence of personality until provoked, I hate my lack of capacity. I hate it. I hate all of it. On top of all this, why did he have to leave me behind? Why couldn’t I go in his place, so grandma didn’t have to be alone? Why do I have to feel this? Why do I not deserve happiness? And if I do, as they say, why has it never found me? All these questions, and no answers. The purpose of life is to live, but I’ve never felt so dead while breathing.

[goblin-gab]

not everyone around me ignoring me until it’s convenient for them! anything but that! wouldn’t that be craaaaazy?

[goblin-gab]

The world around me is so divided. Divided by race, by gender, by appearance, by beliefs; the list goes on and on. It makes me sick to my stomach to see so much discrimination and hatred, when we are all one in the end. We’re so concerned with the differences, that we lose sign of ourselves.

[goblin-gab]

wow what a time for me to not sleep

[goblin-gab]

beans do be yummy sometimes

[goblin-gab]

something about my existence feels like a mistake

[goblin-gab]

why is sitting in your idolling car at night like a different plane of existence

[goblin-gab]

guess it’s time for the annual demolition of my entire fucking life via mental instability and the incapbility to keep my fucking mouth shut!!! happy holidays y’all!!! (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

[goblin-gab]

how do you tell someone you potentially have remenants of old feelings for them that you don’t want to do anything about, but continue to wrestle with due to conflict of interest between your brain and heart .... I’m involuntarily shutting down trying to process, so that probably doesn’t make sense but 🤷🏻‍♀️

[goblin-gab]

anyone who eats fish skin should be shot. monstrous.

[goblin-gab]

lol what if I just hid in the bathroom and cried at work.... that would be craaaaaazy

[goblin-gab]

not me still half naked when I need to leave for work in like five minutes

[goblin-gab]

I have watermelon scented chapstick and still receive no kiss?????? W A C K