exsrae

[exsrae]

Please make a post about the story of the RMS Carpathia, because it's something that's almost beyond belief and more people should know about it.

Carpathia received Titanic’s distress signal at 12:20am, April 15th, 1912. She was 58 miles away, a distance that absolutely could not be covered in less than four hours.

(Californian’s exact position at the time is…controversial. She was close enough to have helped. By all accounts she was close enough to see Titanic’s distress rockets. It’s uncertain to this day why her crew did not respond, or how many might not have been lost if she had been there. This is not the place for what-ifs. This is about what was done.)

Carpathia’s Captain Rostron had, yes, rolled out of bed instantly when woken by his radio operator, ordered his ship to Titanic’s aid and confirmed the signal before he was fully dressed. The man had never in his life responded to an emergency call. His goal tonight was to make sure nobody who heard that fact would ever believe it.

All of Carpathia’s lifeboats were swung out ready for deployment. Oil was set up to be poured off the side of the ship in case the sea turned choppy; oil would coat and calm the water near Carpathia if that happened, making it safer for lifeboats to draw up alongside her. He ordered lights to be rigged along the side of the ship so survivors could see it better, and had nets and ladders rigged along her sides ready to be dropped when they arrived, in order to let as many survivors as possible climb aboard at once.

I don’t know if his making provisions for there still being survivors in the water was optimism or not. I think he knew they were never going to get there in time for that. I think he did it anyway because, god, you have to hope.

Carpathia had three dining rooms, which were immediately converted into triage and first aid stations. Each had a doctor assigned to it. Hot soup, coffee, and tea were prepared in bulk in each dining room, and blankets and warm clothes were collected to be ready to hand out. By this time, many of the passengers were awake–prepping a ship for disaster relief isn’t quiet–and all of them stepped up to help, many donating their own clothes and blankets.

And then he did something I tend to refer to as diverting all power from life support.

Here’s the thing about steamships: They run on steam. Shocking, I know; but that steam powers everything on the ship, and right now, Carpathia needed power. So Rostron turned off hot water and central heating, which bled valuable steam power, to everywhere but the dining rooms–which, of course, were being used to make hot drinks and receive survivors. He woke up all the engineers, all the stokers and firemen, diverted all that steam back into the engines, and asked his ship to go as fast as she possibly could. And when she’d done that, he asked her to go faster.

I need you to understand that you simply can’t push a ship very far past its top speed. Pushing that much sheer tonnage through the water becomes harder with each extra knot past the speed it was designed for. Pushing a ship past its rated speed is not only reckless–it’s difficult to maneuver–but it puts an incredible amount of strain on the engines. Ships are not designed to exceed their top speed by even one knot. They can’t do it. It can’t be done.

Carpathia’s absolute do-or-die, the-engines-can’t-take-this-forever top speed was fourteen knots. Dodging icebergs, in the dark and the cold, surrounded by mist, she sustained a speed of almost seventeen and a half.

No one would have asked this of them. It wasn’t expected. They were almost sixty miles away, with icebergs in their path. They had a responsibility to respond; they did not have a responsibility to do the impossible and do it well. No one would have faulted them for taking more time to confirm the severity of the issue. No one would have blamed them for a slow and cautious approach. No one but themselves.

They damn near broke the laws of physics, galloping north headlong into the dark in the desperate hope that if they could shave an hour, half an hour, five minutes off their arrival time, maybe for one more person those five minutes would make the difference. I say: three people had died by the time they were lifted from the lifeboats. For all we know, in another hour it might have been more. I say they made all the difference in the world.

This ship and her crew received a message from a location they could not hope to reach in under four hours. Just barely over three hours later, they arrived at Titanic’s last known coordinates. Half an hour after that, at 4am, they would finally find the first of the lifeboats. it would take until 8:30 in the morning for the last survivor to be brought onboard. Passengers from Carpathia universally gave up their berths, staterooms, and clothing to the survivors, assisting the crew at every turn and sitting with the sobbing rescuees to offer whatever comfort they could.

In total, 705 people of Titanic’s original 2208 were brought onto Carpathia alive. No other ship would find survivors.

At 12:20am April 15th, 1912, there was a miracle on the North Atlantic. And it happened because a group of humans, some of them strangers, many of them only passengers on a small and unimpressive steam liner, looked at each other and decided: I cannot live with myself if I do anything less.

I think the least we can do is remember them for it.

[exsrae]

[exsrae]

I guess right now, december first at nine o'clock in the evening is the best time to explain this to you but i really do not have the courage to do so. And of course, i need time to arrange my thoughts like this.

We just recently concluded our argument/fight about the kiddo. It is a never ending cycle, but i cannot blame you for it is i, who is at fault. I do continue to keep in touch with him despite the earlier feuds we had, agreeing that i will not converse with him. I made a promise about it, and i know i broke it and mend it again. I hurt and heal and hurt and heal you.

I know that you know that i simply cannot refuse or just ignore kiddo *again*. We ended in bad terms, and this is just the year we made up, and became friends again. Kiddo is actually special. I can admit that. In a way, he was. He liked me at first because of my *"beauty"* as he says, then my brain since i was generally like that in class back then, then after long conversations, he loved me for my personality. He knows of my suicidal tendencies, so he does his best to make me eat(i didnt eat last year), he knows how to handle me too, and as fas i know, the one i confide in when i had my troubles. Before you, he knew me in a deep way.

I know im not helping with anything, but im trying to make you understand our friendship last year. But i dont know, you came and changed it all. Yes, i said he was special, but im fucking willing to throw that away for ***you***. for ***us***. You are much more special to me than he could ever was. I love you. And thats… thats **more than a friend**.

How? I know. :)

For one, i cannot look anyone in the eyes. Not anyone. Like if i look into someones eyes while theyre talking, *my* eyes will start twitching like theres an infection. Or maybe theres a shiver running down my spine, like **i cannot handle eye contact**. Its too overwhelming for me. With you? I can. I love to look into your eyes. Its… filled with love, and… pride. *Proud to have me.* By the way, i cannot also look into the eyes of my own parents, only glances.

Second, i can feel tension with someone im not comfortable with, or when someone is not comfortable with me. I dont feel that tension with you. Its like, i can breathe freely again. Its like, being overflowed with relief.

Third, i dont have a filter with you. When im with others, i tend to filter out words and thoughts so that maybe i can *fit in*. And they wont think im too weird. But i can say absolutely anything and everything with you. And i love that.

Fourth, i can be a child again with you. My childhood was spent mostly indoors, i played amongst myself and my abundance of stuffed toys. I had my parents to keep me company, the books they bought, the piles and piles of toys, and of course, the television.

Fifth, i **love** you. Isnt that enough proof that youre very special and precious to me? I cannot afford to lose you! I will do everything that would make you happy. Its just that the one thing i am still learning to do is to say no when needed. He is just a friend, i know, you know. In order for me to continue the promise, you need to repeatedly remind me not to do it, or else i will give in to what the other half of my brain is telling. Im sorry. I really am.

[exsrae]

When someone says ‘you’re better off without me’

Does that mean ‘I’m better off without you’ too?

[exsrae]

What’s the difference between a need and a want?

A need is necessary for survival

And a want is just something you desire to have

For things, a need is something we should put first

But what about humans?

I think it’s better to want a human than need them.

Why? Because once that need is met and done, you no longer need that person.

If you want a person, this means you’ll do everything to keep them.

So what am I? Do you need me or do you want me?

Do you need/want someone or is it me?

[exsrae]

Goodbye

It’s pouring rain

I don’t have any more reason to remain

How shall I say this to you?

So innocent, you don’t have a clue

It breaks my heart

But it’s like I’m being torn apart

I may not want to do this

But it’s for your own bliss despite of my surrounding abyss

Contemplating, “should I really say?”

Or hope for another day to go away?

Just leave it to the silence

And I swear everything will make sense

I just can’t take it anymore

It hurts physically and emotionally to the core

You’re talking about someone better

It’s idiotic, yet I tell you, “go get her”

You don’t need me

It’s her you want, can’t you see?

There are others who you deserve

Your distancing from me is what I can observe

I know I made a promise

But I’m someone you’ll not miss

And with the tears blurring my eyes

I whispered to the wind my goodbyes

[exsrae]

i am happy.

i am lucky.

i am brave.

[exsrae]

how wonderful is it that the same God who created the galaxy, and universe, and planets, and oceans, and mountains, decided the world needed you too?

[exsrae]

i have this thing. inside my head. its a feeling. although i have the power to control myself, it seems that i cannot control what i am feeling, maybe even thinking.

do you ever look at the mirror and stare at yourself? its not for vanity reasons like fixing your hair and clothes, or just checking yourself out. its to see that youre there. i do that. i stare at myself or hours on end, looking at every piece of my skin.

i do not feel real. sometimes, when i see my reflection, i am taken back, is that really me? is that what i look like? i touch my hair, and… its there. i touch my skin and my hand doesnt pass through. i am real. and yet, why do i feel invisible? unreal. a figment of someone elses imagination.

during a class that bores me to death, i zone out to my own world. the time i come back, i do not feel acquainted with reality. are these really my hands? am i a body with a mind or a mind with a body? truly, i think it is the latter. i could not have this consciousness without a vessel.

there are times that i feel emotionless. numb. void of feelings. well, that is a lot of times. and this is why i want to feel alive. i want to get mad. i want to cry. i want to smile. i want to laugh. but all i get is confusion and a handful of questions. in the end, i am left with distracting myself. distraction is the only way to keep myself from thinking of existence and its illusion of reality.

that is why i push all your buttons for you to get angry. to make you argue with me. after that, i regret my decision. after all, im the one who wanted to have a fight.

sometimes, its part of the process. because of arguing, i get to cry. its hard for me to cry. i dont know why. even at the most hurtful words, all i get is sadness, all while no tears coming out. of course, in other situations, i can cry at the littlest bit. it might be about what you said, the slight or over raise of tone, the words you said and i overthink, or a video that is very touching, maybe even because of my period.

as you know, i can fake a smile and force a laugh when i want to. i can be happy at the smallest things. for example, i get to laugh and be an idiot with my friends. and when i get to be with you, its like relief washes over me. its like i am myself. the one who isnt this anxious and depressed one. i get to feel something other than emptiness.

[exsrae]

blurred lines

[exsrae]

What's Wrong With the World?

We hate, destroy and kill like it’s no big deal. We don’t look back or even care to give it a second thought. Not caring or even thinking about whom it hurts or how it will affect anyone else. The only thing we care about is ourselves. Violence runs through our veins. Chaos, discord is everywhere around us. From bullying, cyberbullying, ignorance, teasing, outcasting, making others self conscious about themselves, fist fights on the streets, gangs, kidnapping, pornography, disrespect, molestation, mass murder, terrorism, mutilation, abuse, and many, many more. So much more. We have the choice to create or to destroy but we decided on choosing to destroy.

We hate and discriminate our own kind every second of every day. For the color of their skin, where they’re from, who their friends are, being themselves, what their religion is and sometimes just to hate. People jumping off bridges head first, putting guns to their heads and pulling the trigger because they’ve had enough of the pain. We hate each other for a few differences not realizing how much we have in common. Each and every one of us has fingers and toes, lungs and bones, eyes to see, ears to hear, hearts to feel.

So what if that person is another color other than yours? So what if that person is a gender that you don’t agree with? So what if that person is a race other than yours? Everyone deserves respect. Everyone has their rights. We’re all equal here, all human, and we only have ourselves to depend on. We should just mind our own business, because other peoples lives aarent our conceow.

We’re too ignorant to open our minds to the problems around us. To selfish to open our hearts to what else is out in the world. To ignorant to accept an opinion other than our own, deaf to other people’s voices, blind to the pain and suffering we see in the streets and scared to do anything about it.

We fight for peace and freedom but how can that be done at the cost of someone’s life. You cannot accomplish peace with war and you can’t have peace during war. It seems we have forgotten that not every answer lies in the barrel of a gun.

Little kids in the street covered in mud, crying tears of pain. No warm food to eat, no clean clothes to wear, no cozy little warm bed to sleep in, no toys to play with. Abandoned in the street with no one to love them. How can we lay our heads down at night knowing that an innocent child is dying and no one is trying to save them.

Young teens in school doing drugs thinking it’s cool. Taking after their parents and grandparents, never questioning if their actions are good. Bullying and making their friends conscious about themselves when they know that in their age, that is when we are all most self conscious. Elders who ignore the children who are taking a stand for what is right. They fed these new generations a constant diet of Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Hunger Games, Divergent, and Disney Princesses who were taking action and making things right again, and when they follow this, the older generations shrug them off like they are nothing.

Kids being ignored because they are too young to be stressed out, to be depressed, and have mental issues. Not old enough to drive and catching AIDS, STDS, and HIV. The next generation has already fallen to its knees and given up the fight when it hasn’t even begun.

Kids these days, not thinking of their future, only thinking about how to kill themselves. How life right now has become unbearable. How the rich and powerful has overcome with greed and the constant need for more. More of what? More of everything. And this costs the future generation their lives as well. The elders are happy, we are sulking.

The phrase Mother knows best is being put to the test. Mothers poisoning their baby filling their small lungs with smoke. Babies born addicted…can’t even walk or talk and addicted to cocaine and heroin. Having to be put on life support. Some born premature, some with birth defects and lose their fight for life when their life has barely begun.

Mothers grieving…Fathers weeping. Their child shot in cold blood because of a gang war. Their child beaten because someone didn’t like the shirt they were wearing. Their child stabbed to death for being gay. And worst of all…their child kills themselves because of a bully.

Our planet is slowly dying and we are the reason the blame for its slow demise. We have 12 years to fix this. But still, We fill her oceans with black poison. We fill her skies with acid. We cut down all the trees she spent years to grow. We cover her soil with blood and we use her as our own personal dump. Worst of all we just sit back and watch as it falls down in flames. Not doing anything to help it or even stop it. We all need to come together and save our planet. Though this place will never be prefect…we can make it more hospitably and livable. By having less blood spilled in anger, less tears cried in agony, and start living together without hate and fear of each other.

Those at the top blame us for this and tell us to change. Why not blame those who are in change of the factories that pollute the air? The manufacturers that produce so much? The ones who cut trees? The ones who drive the boats and ships and leak out oil? The ones who refuse to see the damage weve done? The ones who deny this is happening. Our leaders are corrupt. And continue to be.

There are little girls who are sold off to marriages. There are slaves in the African countries. A slave trade. There are rights not being distributed to the people. There is still no equality in gender, race, and reeligion. There are pedophiles. There are assholes. There are gay people being killed because of their gender. If there is a God, why would he want his children to die? If he loves his children why would he want them to die? Anyway, there are abused people still in abused relationships and families, there are others who are being denied the needed care and support they need. There are those who are ill, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually that don’t get what they need. There are little boys forced to engage in war. There are people forced to do what they don’t want to do. There are peeople in the sex trafficking ring. There are people at war. There are innocent people in jail. There are innocent people killed. There are people raped. There is just so much wrong in this world I could just go on about this.

The people who changed our world for the better...who stood up for what is right and changed our home and the way we think. What Abraham said in his address, What Buddha found as he sat under a fig tree, What Muhammad saw in his vision, Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross, What Anne showed us in her diary, What Michael said to the man in the mirror, What Martin told us about his dream, Einstein and his equation, When Rose refused to give up her seat, The men and woman who ran into the smoke and flames on that September day, and so many other that gave it their all to change this place forever. How can we let them all die in vain?

You may not like the words that I’m saying but they are the truth…the sad and awful truth. You may call me crazy, you may say I’m wrong but these words I speak…these problems are real. I speak these words hoping you’ll listen and spread it along to others. We all must come together and fight for our and save it before time runs out. We need to forget our differences…it does not matter the color of your skin, where you were born, the way you talk or even the way you walk…cause we are all the same…we are all human beings. But it’s the smallest variations that make us the most unique species on this planet. Yes there’s a lot wrong with the world but only we can change those wrongs into rights. We have the power, we have the voice, we have the will and we have the choice.

[exsrae]

Death, the ultimate rest as they say. But to some, it is the end of their world and they just can't have that. To people, they don't want to die, they want to live longer; live it with the people they love, there are just too many things they want to do in this ahort time but alas, everything comes to an end.

As a young girl divulged in media and other's opinions about everything, some… issues can be rather confusing. Death is one of them, she has heard a ton of stories about it, researched of what it is, what it causes (mostly grief), what is its effects, what is its consequences, and much much more. Being confused by all these, she often experiences headaches, rush of adrenaline, and the hard thumping of her heart when she thinks about it.

She asks, “*What even is death? What is the feeling of it? Is it the eternal slumber everyone thinks, no, hopes to be? If it is, will I be able to take the forever feeling of not knowing more things? Will I endure the pain of sleeping forever with the knowledge that right now, bacteria, worms, and awful parasites are eating me and turning me into the soil's nutrients? Will I be a ghost? Will I be remembered? Will my descendants and people who know me miss me? Will i be a soul trapped in this world lost?*”

“*What if it really is sleeping but you're not really brathing, or alive? Honestly, why do people waste time when they have a chance at dying at this moment? What about unexpected deaths? One moment you're so fine but the next… You're gone. Will I die unexpectedly or expectedly? *, ” these are only some of her questions.

Every night.

Every movie.

Every silence.

Every time she is thinking.

Every year.

Every month.

Every week.

Every day.

Every hour.

Every minute.

Every moment.

Every second.

Every time.

The thought always lingers. No matter how happy, no matter how preoccupied she is, no mattet how busy, no matter how much she ignores it, no matter how many times she shove it off her brain, it's still there; at the back of her mind, always staring into her soul, begging to be brought to attention, to awaken realization.

But she figured it all out. Maybe the reason why she can't stop thinking about it is not because of her almost 24/7 absorption in the internet, the media, and its other users. It wasn't because it was her time of the month, you just dont blame it on the period. Maybe it was because of their stories that kept taunting her to ask, her constant curiosity about everything, but isn't that what everyone is made of?

Curiosity, the primary ingredient that first appeared in Adam and Eve. Without it, how could we have achieved such marvelous inventions? If Sir Isaac Newton had not asked ‘why’; why did it fall? Then we should not have found out about gravity.

But it was not it. Curiosity is a suspect but it is not the real one ( a poser, perhaps?). Maybe it was because of the reason that she is still young. A teenager to be more specific. She had not seen the beauty and the cruelty of the world yet. She has not experienced what the elders have.

Ah yes, the elders, the wise ones, they are ready to die, a couple might even wish for it, so we ask, why is that? The reason? Perhaps it is because they have done their part well, and must part with the world soon because as said, they have lived their lives, maybe to the fullest, maybe not, but who are we to judge? It is their lives after all.

Now back to the topic, where we have reached the conclusion. Maybe the reason why she did not yet want to die, nor to think of dying and dying people and death and its horrible acts is because simply, she was to young and have not yet lived amd gained the knowledge for the other side.

[exsrae]

New year's resolution

1. Cut toxic people in your life

2. Eat healthier

3. Be hygienic, within yourself, with your body, and your surroundings

4. Save money.

5. Sleep early

6. Go home early

7. Exercise for 15 to 30 minutes every after class

8. Word hard. Work smart.

9. Be confident

10. Dont be so lazy

11. Smile more

12. Be sensitive, think of others

14. Dont be such a pushover, recognize your toxic traits and change them

15. Dont do the seven deadly sins: lust!!!!! Gluttony! Sloth!!! Wrath!! Pride!!!! Envy! Greed! Replace it with the seven heavenly virtues: humility, kindness, abstinence, chastity, patience, liberality, diligence 

[exsrae]

Constellations

We were stars, you and I

Shining brightly in the night sky

Two stars so close they could be binary

Despite this, there are times we didn’t quite agree

Caused rage and sadness

But this is when we’ll see our light in the darkness

You’d be there to comfort me and apologize

I say, “it’s fine” in spite of the tears flowing from my eyes

We’re happy with the presence of one another, I think

As we talk and get to know more about each other, these feelings inside sink

Like a fire, a deadly hot star burning a cool blue shade

Do you even know sometimes your words pierce through like a blade?

I started talking about how I wanted to be the brightest red supergiant

You didn’t want me any different

Then you also started changing your once blue-white color

Turning slowly to yellow-red and that’s when everything started to blur

I asked you, “What is happening?”

A girl who left you after changing

I promise I won’t be like her

But you love her and it was enough to make my heart rapture

Why am I feeling this way?

Why won’t these thoughts go away?

All I can do for my emotions is hide

Hoping that the pain would subside

Shouldn’t I have just shut up?

Bring out the wine and drink a cup

Wishing I could have had amnesia

And feeling like exploding into a supernova

I really want to hate you

But how can I, when this feeling is so true?

Why would you say she sacrificed herself for your good?

Trying to cope with her leaving I see you created a fantasy world from where I stood

What can I do?

Reaching out and my answers you threw

The distance between us is beginning to open

And I can’t say that you left me broken

For in the end,

You are Rigel finding ways to be mend

And she is Saiph who decided

I am but your Cursa, dead and bled

We were never meant to be

So from our imaginary connection, I set you free

After all, you’re connected to another star

As a last request, can you keep us as a memoir?