Last Seen Blogs
alltwistedup
i got all twisted up, you helped straighten me out
alltwistedup
i got all twisted up, you helped straighten me out
kpop-pngs
Requests Are Closed !!
sonandoconpuertorico
Soñando con Puerto Rico
rowspiration
Rowspiration
Photo
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ah, my true aesthetic
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“why not? you’re the perfect material to sass. there’s so much opportunity.” dan held his hands on his hips and gave his father a look. he was going to see how far he could go without getting in too much trouble.
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“oh. huh. was it a good cure?” he asked with genuine curiosity. “i mean, like, i’m asking for scientific purposes of course.”
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“you-...you did what?” dan thought to himself for a moment. then it dawned on him, how bad could that be? seemed like something cheap and filling. “actually, now that you say that, i can’t imagine it was that bad.”
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“you? i look nothing like you...bro.” dan was trying to keep his cool. this guy seemed so awesome. a dad who semi-watched his child, he’s awesome! why did he think that they were at all alike? “you look...like...i dunno, not like me, that’s for sure.” he chuckled.
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“oh.” dan let out. that seemed like the sort of laid-back parenting he was used to. he hated over dramatic, fancy parents. “oh, i, uh, yeah.” he paused and stared up at the stranger in silence before realizing. “oh! you want my name. uh, yeah, it’s danny. you?”
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dan gladly let the man take her in his arms. they looked awfully alike and she seemed happy with him, so hopefully he wasn’t just at the park to kidnap her. either way dan was far too anxious to do anything about it.
he put his hands behind his back and nodded, “uh...sure...bro.” he bit the inside of his lip before speaking up, “uh...is she gonna be okay? i dunno how much kids can eat.”
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random ass starter for @craiigcaahn
“uh, hey, uh, ‘scuse me, is this your kid? she was eating grass by the swings and no one seemed to be watching her or answering her cries...”
#( how did river run away? who knows? )#( why was she eating grass? who knows )#( is this even a realistic scenario? who knows )
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“ya’ know you say that a lot for someone who 's still not dead.”
“ — I think I’m dying.”
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A Little Too Drunk Starters:
“Oh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!”
“We watched some horror movie.. I think it’s called, ‘the Teletubbies..’?”
“Pants are just an illusion.”
“Shut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.”
“Hey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dog’s cheating on you..”
“Hey, the cat crashed your car.”
“I thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isn’t, so now we have a bouncy house.”
“It’s not a mattress, it’s my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.”
“[NAME]’s a VIP at that one strip club….. What’s it called again… ‘Golden Corral’?”
“I’m bleeding?!”
“I have to tell you a secret…”
“You think it’s important that I lost my shirt?! You think it’s important?! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CAN’T FUCKIN’ TIE HIS SHOES!!!”
“I need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or I’m fucked.”
“I was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.”
“Look, man, I didn’t mean to pee on you.”
“Thanks for letting me room with you… By the way, vodka makes me gassy.”
“You want to go to Taco Bell?”
“I lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?”
“Wow, you look so much better when I’m drunk. You should try it more often.”
“I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT A LULLABY!!”
“Hello, 911? Are you still awake?”
“Jesus told me to do it.”
“I’m really sorry I’m so creepy everybody…”
“This is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.”
“How many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.”
“HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SO TALL? WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Hamsters have feelings, too..”
“Who convinced me to come here?”
“The dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.”
“I’LL PROTECT YOU! I’M BATMAN!”
“Look at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, that’d be cool..”
“You’re not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..”
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Symbol Starters~
Send ☔ for our muses to share an umbrella on a rainy day.
Send 📱 for my muse to send yours a random text.
Send 📞 for my muse to call yours.
Send ✞ for our muses to meet in an empty church.
Send ⚔ to challenge my muse to a duel.
Send 😢 for my muse to comfort you.
Send 🌸 to receive flowers from my muse.
Send ☁ for our muses to watch the clouds together.
Send ⌚ to ask my muse what time it is.
Send ℃ for my muse to discuss the temperature with yours.
Send 👻 to tell ghost stories with my muse.
Send 🐩 to play with my muse’s pet (or have my muse play with yours).
Send 😘 to see my muse’s reaction to yours flirting with them.
Send 💅 to do my muse’s nails.
Send 🐎 for our muses to go horse riding together.
Send 📺 for our muses to have a TV/movie night.
Send 🍸 for our muses to have a drink together.
Send 💪 for our muses to workout together.
Send 💤 to wake my muse up from their nap.
Send 🍔 for our muses to have lunch together.
Send 💢 for my muse to get mad at yours for something they did.
Send 😓 for my muse to apologize to yours for something they did.
Send 💖 for my muse to tell yours who they currently have a crush on.
Send 💘 for my muse to ask yours who they have a crush on.
Send 💋 to randomly kiss my muse.
Send 🎃 to carve pumpkins with my muse.
Send 🎁 for my muse to give yours a gift.
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iconic vines sentence meme .
❛ suck a motherfucking dick . ❜
❛ i thought you were bae , turns out you were just fam . ❜
❛ i thought you were american . ❜
❛ is that a weed !? ❜
❛ i won’t hesitate bitch ! ❜
❛ chipotle is my life . ❜
❛ turn off the flash you fucking moron ! ❜
❛ kiss my ass bitch motherfucker ! ❜
❛ is that a police !? ❜
❛ i’m calling the weed ! ❜
❛ done & done , let me pull the table out of my ass . ❜
❛ merry crisis ! ❜
❛ i don’t have enough money for chicken nugget . ❜
❛ i’m ready to die anytime , any place , for any reason . ❜
❛ hey guys , we’re unboxing this cheese stick today . ❜
❛ i aint never gonna stop loving you , bitch . ❜
❛ this is the comedy police ! that joke’s too funny ! ❜
❛ i’m not going back to jail ! ❜
❛ what the fuck ? $599 for a fucking playground ? that looks like a piece of shit . ❜
❛ FUCK YOUR TEA ! ❜
❛ the feminists are taking over ! ❜
❛ I GOT TWO FREE TACOS ! ❜
❛ and they were roommates ! ❜
❛ i’m not your friend ! ❜
❛ there’s no saving this sweet piece of ass . ❜
❛ hi welcome to chili’s ! ❜
❛ yeah tip of the penis to you too . ❜
❛ this is why mom doesn’t FUCKING love you ! ❜
❛ welcome to bible study , we’re all children of jesus . ❜
❛ aw fuck , i can’t believe you’ve done this . ❜
❛ YO HOLY SHIT HE DEAD ! ❜
❛ this is the dollar store , how good can it be ? ❜
❛ step back , i think i’m gonna vomit ! ❜
❛ oh sorry , i didn’t see ya there , i was too busy blocking out the haters . ❜
❛ shut up ! your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos ! ❜
❛ I’LL TAKE A NAP HERE ! ❜
❛ i hate to do this but i specifically asked for no mustard and you just brought me a bottle of mustard on a plate . ❜
❛ how are we gonna win if we fucking die ? ❜
❛ why the fuck would i say printer ? ❜
❛ the benefits of killing him would be that i’d be pushed way less . ❜
❛ but it pays off, because i dont even have time to think about dying . ❜
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SEND ☕ FOR OUR MUSES TO HAVE A COFFEE DATE
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Conversation
Me: That was impulsive. You probably shouldn't have done that.
Also me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Reblog if you don’t mind Pre-established Relationships!
And if you’d like, send “😍” if you’d like to talk about a pre-established relationship with our muses!!
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