disenador

[disenador]

#we love a bicon who doesn’t speak over his gf

[disenador]

2x06 // 3x05

[disenador]

futuramarquesita :

   Carla had never made any effort to befriend Cayetana before, even when she first arrived. She had been too busy trying to control everything: the secret of the night of Marina’s death, Polo, Samuel, her heart. Perhaps if things had been different, she would have been friends with Cayetana. Despite what many people could think, the marchioness was not the most superficial student. She would not have cared whether she had money or not. After all, she did not care that Christan and Samuel were not rich. 

Despite everything that had happened between us, Polo had helped her. She knew that the reason for his fight with Valerio was her overdose. Polo had been the one to save her when she had almost drowned. She had been really started to read about his suicide attempt, and heartbroken by his death. They had been through hell but he was her first boyfriend, the first boy who had ever made her feel beautiful and loved. He would never be forgotten.

❝ You stood by him when no one else did. ❞  She remarked, lowering her head as her eyes were focused on Polo’s grave. ❝  It does not matter who has known him for the longest. What matters is the moments you spent with him, how you stood by him in spite of everything.  ❞ If he could see them, Carla was sure that Polo would be smiling. The marchioness looked back at Cayetana, shaking her head.

❝  Pity isn’t really my thing. Besides, I know he would have wanted us to stick together.  ❞  

Cayetana didn’t know what Polo would have truly wanted.  It was easy to build up all these possibilities about how he might have felt about life moving on after his death or talk about how things might have been if he hadn’t died.  None of them really mattered in the grand scheme of things. He wasn’t there to tell them anything or to do anything. He was gone and there was nothing that was going to change that.  

The funeral and the words people said weren’t for him.  Their actions or promises to never forget him were just acts in the heat of the moment.  At the end of the day, she doubted half of them would remember him. They’d go on with their lives and wouldn’t give him a second thought.  All the people who might remember him were wrapped up in the lies surrounding his death.  Maybe they were okay with what they said or did to save Lu but it was bound to haunt some of them. 

“I was a terrible girlfriend,” she admitted.  “He didn’t judge me when he learned about my family and he stood by me even when everyone in the school shunned me.  He deserved so much more than what I did to him. I was so scared of losing him though.  He could have told me he wanted to go anywhere next year and I would have followed him.  After people started to turn against him, he wanted to leave and I took it away from him. Who does that so someone they love?”

If there was one thing that could be said about relationships in their social circle, it was that they were always complicated and generally messed up.  Cayetana had heard some particularly messed up things about other people. Somehow, she felt as if her sins were worse than the rest.   Carla probably ranked right up there based on some of the things she’d heard.  Maybe she could answer the unanswerable.

“If he is watching this now.   I would at least hope he’s having more fun than us. – I’ll take some non-pity wine then.”

[disenador]

I haven’t been around much with Easter weekend and everything. Sorry for those who might have been looking for me.

[disenador]

we were a  tragedy           and i think i liked that  a  little  too  m u c h

[disenador]

[disenador]

futuramarquesita :

Grief was a strange thing. It woke her up during the night, tears rolling down her cheek and heart beating loudly against her chest. Despite everything, she had loved Polo. They had been together for years, the golden couple. Deep down, Carla felt responsible for his death. If she had done more for him, perhaps nothing would have happened. But what more could she have done? Covering up Marina’s murder had eaten her from the inside out.

She was doing it again now with Polo’s death. It was different, she told herself. A few more lies and everything would be over. Carla could still see the images of this terrible night every time she closed her eyes. Polo on the ground, bleeding to death, Guzman offering him solace… Samuel stepping up as the first willing to risk being caught because that was what she asked. They all had come together to protect Lu despite their differences, but this had made her realize that she needed to go away before she could hurt the one she truly loved.

The funeral was quiet, a small thing. Carla was standing alone, eyes staring at his grave. He was so young. The date on Marina’s grave had shocked her. The one on Polo’s had the same effect. Just as she was about to leave, she noticed Cayetana. Carla only hesitated for a few seconds before walking towards her and putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. They had barely talked ever since Cayetana had arrived at Las Encinas, but this kind of tragedy could also bring people together.

❝  It’s hard, I know.  He would want you to think only about the happy memories you two shared. ❞  She paused, biting her lip. Comforting someone had never been her specialty. ❝ If you need to talk… Well, you can come to my house. I just received the best wine from the vineyard. ❞  

Cayetana wasn’t deserving of love or sympathy.  They’d all failed him but none more so than her.  The touch of a hand on her shoulder made her jump slightly. She was completely and utterly unprepared to pretend to be okay anymore.  The voice that followed the touch only served to startle her.  Of all the people to talk to her, Carla was the one who had and it sent her mind reeling.

When most of the student body had turned against Polo, Cayetana had stuck to his side.  She would never know if it was loneliness that made him even give a second glance. In her heart, the love she’d had for him had been real though and she liked to think the time they’d spent away from the school just sitting around talking had been real.  He had been the only person that she felt like she could be her real self with and so she’d opened up to him. He’d opened up to her in return.  She felt as if she knew him.  Even still, she knew that there was more that even she hadn’t been privy too.

He had never lied about his relationship with Carla.  She HAD been his first love. It was part of his story. Even parts of it were better forgotten, it hadn’t always been a disaster. When he’d told her about the murder, he had told her everything. She knew how serious it had been, the fact that it hadn’t been perfect but he’d planned to spend the rest of his life with her. She also knew about Christian. She knew about his insecurity about how he’d felt about his relationship, his fears of being replaced and the reality that in his attempts to make it work he’d lost her trust and her relationship.  She knew that he had struggled with it and even after he’d had to go to court because Carla had revealed their secret, he’d been prepared to take all the blame to save her.  Cayetana knew that Carla didn’t have complete ice in her veins though when she said she’d made it up.  She hadn’t. 

Polo would have always had love for Carla and even if she didn’t choose him, Cayetana knew the other blonde would always have had love for him too.  When he’d been alive, it had been something that she’d accepted.  She didn’t speak it because she’d wanted the connection to dissipate.  There were moments that she would have given anything to be girl that he loved enough to be willing to give everything up for to protect.  Now that he was gone, she could see how backwards and messed up that train of thought truly was though.  She would have given anything to be the one who could have protected him. She’d missed her opportunity.  He could have been safe and London but she’d messed that up.

“I B A R E L Y knew him,”  She admitted. “ I mean, I knew him – the guy that was left behind after everything but I don’t know that I ever knew the Polo you knew. It just feels wrong—all of this.  All he wanted was for everything to go back to how it once was and I – I just wanted things to be how they were.”  She paused realizing that  as miserable as all of that sounded and as miserable as she was, he probably would have gotten some sort of enjoyment out the fact Carla was the one pitying her enough to invite her back for wine.  “You don’t have to pity me or watch over me. I’m not going to tell about – what happened. He would have done anything to get his friends back – to have gotten his life back.”

[disenador]

Real life is the worst this week. I will get to messages/drafts tomorrow hopefully. Thanks for being patient, Loves!

[disenador]

“Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt but you’re looking a little shy. What’s wrong?”

[requested by @addysbeth​] 

[disenador]

polocayeval :

“I think I have the perfect costume *mimic drumroll*: Jackie O. Onassis. Well, when she was still Jackie Kennedy. I actually want to wear that epic dress she had on when her husband was killed. I’m just not sure whether to go as before or after the shooting. I guess after, to make it look darker. Boom!” [requested by anon]

[disenador]

That fun moment when you owe nothing so you just draft some pretty shit so people don’t think you’re dead and watch murder shows.  This is me.  I’m still alive. I still love you all.  If I ever miss something, don’t hesitate to let me know.  

[disenador]

zayniepottah :

Valerio: We’re leaving. Lucrecia: Okay. We’re leaving. Thanks.

[disenador]

polocayeval :

You’re allowed to have him        You’re not allowed to save him

[disenador]

polocayeval :

“She’s his widow, damn it. Can’t you let her say goodbye before they wrap him up like a sausage”

[disenador]

@raindrcpsfell

mumu indie blog feat. élite’s omar shanaa (& other canon and original muses)

[disenador]

What’s wrong? I just woke up, Cayetana, and I don’t like what I see one fucking bit! … Get out. Both of you. Out.

[disenador]

                Besides, who   wants to be happy nowadays                                     when they can be best?

    Independent. Selective. Crossover and OC friendly Lucrecia Montesinos Hendrich of Netflix’s

                                                     ELITE

                      sideblog to @maddypcrez