difettosi

[difettosi]

JOHN GREEN CHARACTER AESTHETICS [3/?] → hazel grace lancaster

[difettosi]

starter call !

[difettosi]

gasoline // halsey

[difettosi]

HE IS NO ROMAN EMPEROR. frangible mortises and GRANDIOSE lies. in limbo ATHENA honors his constellations. corporeality trammels him in adamantine fetters. he wears on, uncaring of arid pastures.

                    “  –he seeks another mile before he sleeps.           another mile before he S L E E P S.  ”

[difettosi]

                         I’m a grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up                                        and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?

[difettosi]

Henry Lancaster. Hazel Lancaster.

If this be our destiny, then let us endure it together.

“Every part of you was made for me. Your lips were made to kiss mine, your eyes were made to wake up to me looking at you in my bed every morning, and your tongue was made to roll my name off of it. I am more certain of us than I’m certain that I require oxygen to breathe.” 

[difettosi]

❛ i don’t MISS the sky ( i don’t, i don’t, i don’t ), i don’t miss the BLACK HOLES & glass HEARTS or my healer’s hands & my best friend’s smile. i don’t miss it. there’s NOTHING left to miss. down here i’ve got a KINGDOM; down here i’ve got a FIGHT. down here i’ve got a reason to DOUSE my hands in blood & GASOLINE & light myself on FIRE to try to save the world. i don’t miss not knowing the way the earth CRUMBLES in my grasp. i don’t miss not seeing the STARS above me instead of around. & i don’t miss the BOY i loved or the parents i USED to know. i don’t miss how my world was CRACKED & splintering & still – & still, it was WHOLE, & BRIGHT, & WARM. somehow, i don’t miss the SKY. i don’t, i don’t, I DON’T. if you’re listening to me: i don’t miss a SINGLE thing about that old SHIP floating in the stars. there’s nothing there, not ANYMORE, & everything i love is here: on EARTH, in hearts & hands & small, WAVERING smiles – my people, my kingdom, my world. ❜

               ❛  i really HOPE they’re                            doing  OKAY without  me                                     ( & at the same time, i hope    ;;                                             i’ll do okay  WITHOUT  them ) ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

Eyes would settle on the glimmering ring in the midst of her palm. For years, it served as a symbol of UNWAVERING faith of a husband to his wife. Even kings and queens bowed before its universal UNION. It was a symbol HE didn’t question until now. He glanced out of the window and to her father shoveling the front walk, yet he turned at the mention of a certain word. 

                                       FORCED. 

                      “ I am not a man to FORCE myself to do that which I despise. I love you.                        ALL of you. “

The true EXTENT of her sickness was yet unknown to him, but if she required some breathing apparatus to survive, it must be LETHAL. Rather than turn around and run in the opposite direction he stayed. NAY, he approached, tilting her chin just a notch to draw all of her focus on her. Once more, he covered the ring with her fingers. A silent plea to KEEP in, no matter the outcome. It should have adorned her finger EONS past, yet the need for political gain cowed him, persuaded him to turn from she whom he so LOVED. 

                         “ But should you wish me to leave and return the PEACE in your life, I                            shall. I shall not force you to accept my proposal out of fear of my                             reaction. “

                                  ❛ you don’t understand, do you ? christ, i don’t want you to go ! trust me, i want this just as much as you do, but            ❜

                                              && she is chaotic ADJUDICATIONS, dearest, such deranged WRECK of cruelty’s VERDICTS ( a frail hand seeks anchor, finding only his ) on how this TRAGIC tale would eventually come to a disappointing finish ! have you ever seen a SUPERNOVA collapse, hm ? or the UNIVERSE explode in the BIG BANG theory ? aye, its wonderful !! like a SHATTERING piece of glass so CHARMING ‘pon its finality, FRAGILITY’s story had been written on the same page: the birth of DISASTERS. too bad, huh ? didn’t you realize ? oh well, truth hurts doesn’t it ? the red STRING of fate has become a NOOSE around her neck, awaiting the RICKETY chair to tip with GRACEFUL endings before the credits begin to roll. still need a memo ? oh of course not, you KNOW what the epilogue is ( keep in mind, you’re both in the same book, the ROMEO to a doomed JULIET ) even when your mouth had been marred by own howling DENIAL because you’re a child, BEGRUDGING the universe for how it is until you have your PATHETIC little proof. do you CRAVE one ? look at her, my darling, how BEAUTIFUL right ? simple reminder          PRETTY faces won’t last, it never truly does.

                                  ❛ it’s this…. it’s me.. i’m…… ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

Perhaps it was the solemn tone of their daughter that spurred their actions, but her parents soon left under the pretext of PRIVACY. And that was probably for the best, as he felt his chest CONSTRICT at the supposed conversation that was ahead. It was rare for a king to converse with a lady-in-waiting, especially that of his QUEEN. But she was a happy exception, much to Katherine’s dislike. 

                                “ ….. of course. What is it that you wish to SPEAK to me of? “

Oh it was difficult to keep such formal titles! He was accustomed to addressing her as ‘lady’; such MODERN forms of communication truly puzzled the former monarch. Yet his ATTENTIVENESS was unwavering, and he finished his coffee before turning to Hazel.

                                  ❛ it’s about this..... ❜

                                              && here comes the portrait of damaged MORTALITY: innocence cloaked in OBLIVION’s plague ( palms splayed; the cold STING of wreathed iron against SCALDING flesh ) & sadistic imitations of TORTURE to remind you that the world was never a wish GRANTING factory. she’s USED to it, though, FRAGILITY is no longer a VIRGIN to death’s fury. well have you noticed those UNMARKED graves ? those nameless TOMBS awaiting a lifeless body ? the list goes on !! but oh she had seen them all, honestly, like a CRUEL joke at the back of her hand she remembers everything         the beautified ENDINGS of humanity ( fate is a VICIOUS enemy to our SUFFERINGS ) without a split second to spare. what a shame ! remember, this is what you should be TERRIFIED of. yet you’ve always been a STUBBORN little child, right ? you have a weakness for SHATTERED promises of happily ever after’s, dearest, an ITCH to engrave your own PATHETIC brand of romantic endeavors ( tongue coils with EMPATHY’s hesitations ) along that pale, COLD mouth of hers because now you’ve become romeo even if the POISON isn’t yours to bear.

                                  ❛ i honestly don’t know what to say & god, believe me, i want… i really wanna try but         i don’t need you to force yourself on getting into something you can’t escape from ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

A RAISED voice shattered a previously DEEP conversation. Both men stopped, turning towards the young woman. Both their faces showed CONCERN, but it was he who rose, keen on DEPARTING should his prolonged presence further UPSET her. 

                          “ Good morrow, Hazel. I was just…leaving. “

Yet even THAT sounded UNCERTAIN, like he lacked any ability to make decisions PROPERLY. Her parents glance at each other, wondering what new CONFLICT was about to erupt between the two. He turned to the father, giving him a FIRM handshake, before thanking her mother for the COFFEE. His gaze DROPPED as he passed her, murmuring his farewell for the second time in several hours. 

                                  ❛ no, don’t              ❜

                                              && she remains moored by COMPASSION’s duties, my darling ! funny, right ? MARTYRDOM breeds, a FIXATION to soothe your  wretched AGONY in exchange for hers alone. can you hear EMPATHY now, hm ? such gentle DECLARATIONS of aching heart ( an INSTABILITY poised beneath BATTERED lungs, nerves FRAYED ‘pon nonplussed worries ) & disquieted soul          your CATACLYSMIC romances with FRAGILITY’s feminine personification. well aren’t you afraid ? doesn’t she TERRIFY you ? all those CRACKED ribs ? her defective HUMANITY ? oh you should be ! death STAINS her palms, cradling the image of filthy GRAVEYARDS that demand own DESTRUCTION like a live grenade ( careful reminder: there will be casualties ) awaiting IGNITION, the cue to pull the pin & DESTROY. but even hell would be TOUCHED by your foolish BRAVERY !! who wouldn’t, anyway ? you have become the hopeless PLAYWRIGHT of the century, dear, you with your desperate desires to rewrite HISTORIES once again ( fingers span distance, touch TENDER against warmth of skin ) about how NAÏVE of you to learn to WORSHIP ill-fated tragedies.

                                  ❛ i…. can we talk ? ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

Though it was COMFORTING to be close to her, even his mortal body had its LIMITS. The cold DROVE him from the porch and back onto the streets, seeking the warmth from the diner close by. The waitresses already knew him, and they had no problems letting him stay. Their charity was indeed touching, and he made sure to tip them well. Business was picking up, and it felt good to reward those who deserved it. 

It was about five in the morning when the snow finally slowed down, and he was able to walk back to Hazel’s house with warm breakfast from the diner. He had no intentions of staying long, but her mother insisted that he at least have a cup of coffee and some of the grilled cheese sandwiches that he brought. It was an offer he could HARDLY refuse, and he sat down with Mr. Lancaster ( who seemed amused that they shared the same last name ) immediately falling into a discussion about the current state of the ECONOMY. Not a boring subject as one might think, but it wasn’t enough for him to sense HER presence close by. 

                                              && how delightful repose would seem without the HORRORS of the night & the fears amongst the DYING. hush, sleep has become a momentary ANESTHESIA, granting us SALVATION’s gifts to forget, to stop the TICKING of the clock ( time is a RUTHLESS enemy for FRAGILITY’s imagery ) because that’s what we all NEED: an escape from the bitter DOSE of reality no matter what the consequence is. oh wonderful, isn’t it ? like a LOYAL hound the COLD seeps peacefully along DUSTY pores, such FUTILE endeavors to dull those ANCIENT sufferings trapped amid DECREPIT lungs. but we live in a TEMPORARY world, darling, a tingling DROP of a spoon & all FANTASIES could shatter ( velvet lashes flutter ‘pon the CURVE of winter-kissed cheek ) so easily. hail, it is EMPATHY who awakens ! her hands are FROZEN now, see ? nails CLAWING against silken blankets too frigid against SCORCHING skin. there is a brief PAUSE, however, a silent INTERLUDE to gather scattered thoughts before she SLIPS ‘part the glacial arms ( fostered concerns laden with every syllable ) of LETHARGY.

                                  ❛ mom ?? i think the heater’s not worki      …. henry ?! ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

Her final words ECHO in his mind as he began his walk. WINTER was a season he was familiar with; WARRIORS faced such harsh conditions during a long campaign. But he sought no brazier with which to WARM himself and moved away, hands slipping into his pockets. His only DEFENSE against the cold that had settled over the city. 

Henry doesn’t DOUBT her apology, its sincerity and depth. Yet he fears that he is DOOMED; caught in an endless cycle of falling for a woman who is INCAPABLE of returning his sentiment. It is a PAINFUL thought, to be sure, but he is used to such TRAGEDIES. Yet the IRONY of his state is made even more evident as he realizes WHERE he has ended up in. A familiar vehicle is in the driveway, and HER voice comes in from one of the rooms. His mouth twitches, as he is unsure whether to LAUGH or cry. But instead, he sits on the porch swing, unmoving.  

                                  ❛ i just… i can’t do this now, mom. i wanna rest, ‘kay ? sleep fights cancer, remember ? ❜

                                              && there is an IMPATIENT itch that curls ‘neath her chest, TIPTOEING along dusty skeleton ( remain wary: DESOLATION is its oxygen, destruction its soul ) like STRAYED ghosts bidding GRAVEYARDS ‘pon FRAGILITY’s vulnerabilities. heed, she has become a COMPLICATED wreck of HUMANITY, lungs CRACKED ( every breath muddled with INCURABLE debility ) & veins a SHELTER for DEATH’s wicked pleasantries         MORTALITY’s living nightmare, well, barely. but please, dear one, do forgive SCATTERED mind ! carnivorous thoughts had begun to FEAST on teetering EMPATHY, devouring forged NONCHALANCE whilst birthing SORROWS from own disconcerted WORRIES. where have COMPASSION gone, then ? what of MERCY, pray tell ? the NEED to escape ( voice topples athwart PURSED lips, rattled ) is now a foremost NECESSITY: a deer CAUGHT in the headlights attempting to FLEE .

                                  ❛ i’ll tell you everything about it in the morning ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

WHAT can anyone do when faced with such a PERSUASIVE plea? His LONGING for contact was evident in his very POSTURE, one that commanded LEGIONS to war. But now it was slumped in DEFEAT against an enemy so FAIR, and he nodded, accepting such a TEMPORARY fate. But he lingered long enough to set the golden band in the middle of her palm, closing her fingers over it.

                                          “ Keep it with you. It is YOURS. “

If only she knew what ELSE she had in her keeping! But he had hidden such PASSIONS for centuries, and he would do so for DECADES more. Or as long as he needs to. Snow crunched against his feet as he stepped back, AWAY from the warmth of her presence, and he squinted in the distance. A LONG WALK back to his home seemed IDEAL now, and he bowed at the MAIDEN FAIR, waiting for her to leave before he began his slow TREK back. 

                                              && FRAGILITY remains a tragic tale, dearest, like a deceased HEROINE ( such DECAYING entity that feasts on beauteous DISASTERS ) she had become a DREADFUL scrap of history         remembered ONLY for unfought BATTLES & defective HUMANITY seething along ASPHYXIATED lungs. but you’re a FOOL, are you not ? admit it, you ALWAYS have been ! the STENCH of poisoned ROMANCES cling ‘neath that BEATING heart ( a MOCKERY for the weak ) of yours, your HIGHNESS. hush, notice the way your belly RUMBLES ? oh you are STARVED, of course, wanting. as would any other LIVING creature you shall CRAVE those you’re never MEANT to have, an APPETITE for what FATE has DENIED you with long ago: her. yet CRUELTY has many favors to PAY ( footfalls withdraw to demand DESOLATION; lips whelmed in FAINT whispers ) a SORROWED soul akin to yours       yes, you will be ROMEO, & you are DOOMED to fall.

                                  ❛ i'm sorry ❜

[difettosi]

▐▐ henry l.┊✮╯

𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽𝒆𝓻 𝒇𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓲𝒇𝒆𝓽𝓽𝓸𝓼𝓲​

The world was not what it WAS. Through the ages, PROGRESS marked the very lives of citizens, ROYAL and COMMONER alike. But for a previous monarch, such development paled in comparison to a CHANCE that he had been given. But alas, such HOPES seemed dashed as he watched her leave. A MONTAGE of images flashed in his mind. MEMORIES of a time long past, but yet the passionate FLAME that he felt refused to be extinguished.

BEATRICE…

                                      “ Hazel. ”

Even SHE was different. It was almost STRANGE to hear the word ‘no’, but he was no longer King Henry V of England. Now, he was simply ℋ𝒆𝓷𝓻𝔂 ℒ𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓪𝓼𝓽𝒆𝓻. But no matter what name he bore over the years, he still knew one thing. He still loved her. He bore one step forward, yet went no FURTHER.

                                                                     “ Please.” 

                                  ❛ please, don’t. i’ll…. i’ll think about it i promise, i just           ❜

                                              && come now, darling, she has become FRAGILITY’s famed incarnation: feminine DESTRUCTION latched along CREAKING bones ( quintessential SIDE EFFECTS of dying, of OBLIVION awaiting her DECAY ) & rusty hinges ‘pon ACHING heart in desperate NEEDS of repair. oh a PITY, isn’t it ? she is your BEAUTIFIED disaster wearing GRAVEYARD skin. but no, of course you don’t WANT this, you can’t HOLD a ticking clock forever & EXPECT it to work when the battery finally runs out of click           MARTYRDOM is one thing, STUPIDITY is another. can’t you see ? such DESOLATED lungs a constant reminder ( tongue falters, yet LITHE footfalls remain afleet ) that even EMPATHY could be the DEVIL’s yearning WISH ! do be WARY, she is a TRAGEDY begging to be written in INK.

                                  ❛ i have to go ❜

[difettosi]

We are nihilistic thoughts, suicidal thoughts that come into God’s head.

Franz Kafka, quoted in Walter Benjamin’s Selected Writings