deeztales

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incorrect sab subtitles part (?/?)

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⚠️⚠️ No Way Home Spoilers ⚠️⚠️

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a list of my favorite funny shadowhunter chronicles quotes:

it’s the mortal cup jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

“how was the seelie queen?” “same as usual.” “raging bitch, then?” “pretty much”

no, i’m a very naughty boy. i do all sorts of bad things. i kick kittens. i make rude gestures at nuns.

“what’s this?” “it’s a girl, alec. your sister isabelle is one.”

the clave has the collective intelligence of a pineapple.

i thought i’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for awhile. it relaxes me.

that’s simon lewis, and he is my boyfriend. so if any of you think about trying to hurt him because he’s a mundie or–may the angel have mercy on your soul–pursuing him romantically, i will come after you, i will hunt you down and i will crush you to powder.

i was going to watch project runway. it’s on next

never trust a duck.

nobody calls me ‘blondie’ and keeps their kneecaps.

meanwhile, i wanted to tell you that lately i’ve been cross-dressing. also, i’m sleeping with your mom. i thought you should know.

speaking of hope, did you see that shot alec got off with his bow? that’s my boyfriend.

i think she asked if she could touch my mango.

i was alive when the dead sea was just a lake that was feeling rather poorly.

usually i’m remarkably good natured. try me on a day that doesn’t end in y.

a warlock who looks like a gay sonic the hedge hog and dresses like the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang.

hot faerie threesome. i can say i knew you when.

i’m pure at heart. it repels the dirt.

“and i don’t know how to be smooth, sexy vampire simon for you, either!“ “you were never that smooth, simon.”

not necessarily. i turn myself down occasionally just to keep it interesting.

it isn’t against the law to be an idiot.

first candy and flowers, then the apology letters, then the ravenous demon hoards- all in one day.

demon pox, oh demon pox. just how is it acquired? one must go down to the bad part of town until one is very tired. demon pox, oh demon pox, i had it all along—not the pox, you foolish blocks, i mean this very song— for i was right, and you were wrong!

"a…lord montgomery? you dated a member of the nobility? how am I ever going to compete with that?” “you’re lord montgomery, simon!”

“‘will. do you care more about the plan being enacted or about getting credit for it?” “that. the second one.”

i am a man and men do not consume pink beverages.

oh, i’m sorry. is there a different highway you’d like to die on? because we can arrange that.

the meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited like me.

but he hurt jules, so when we track him down, i am going to chop him up and feed him to my fish. well, i’m going to buy some. i’m going to buy goldfish and feed them blood until they acquire a taste for human flesh.

when i first arrived in london, i so quickly tired of being surrounded by so many people that it was only with great difficulty that i refrained from seizing the next unfortunate who crossed my path and committing violent acts upon their person.

i see you have decided to follow in the long herondale tradition of poor decision-making.

“so you just came here to torture me and talk about yourself?” “oh, simon, simon, simon. you may not remember, but that’s kind of our thing.”

i’ve heard the word ‘fear’, i simply choose to believe it doesn’t apply to me.

“i’m trying to figure out how someone could live in a brothel for a month and not notice. you must be terribly dull-witted. if it helps at all, it seemed to be quite a high-class establishment. nicely furnished, fairly clean…” “sounds as if you’ve visited your fair share of brothels. making a study of them?” “more of a hobby.’”

“jesus!” “actually, it’s just me, although i’ve been told the resemblance is startling.”

nice, bah. he’s gorgeous. you should leave him here. i could hang hats on him and things.

that’s why when major bad asses greet each other in movies, they don’t say anything, they just nod. the nod means ‘I am a badass and I recognize that you, too, are a badass’, but they don’t say anything because they’re wolverine and magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain.

i’m a werewolf not a golden retriever.

i’ll crash the wedding. i’ll jump out of the cake, but not in a sexy way. like, with grenades

did you ever think that in a past life alec was an old woman with ninety cats who was always yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off her lawn? because i do.

“have you got a spider anywhere?” “why would i have a spider? do i look like someone who would collect them?” “no offense, but you kind of do.”

unfortunately, we are all out of bitter revenge at the moment. so it’s either tea or nothing.

“i’m not gay. i’m not straight. i’m not interested.” “your sexuality is ‘not interested’?” “that’s right.”

just kissing? how quickly you dismiss our love.

you had to make a crazy jail friend didn’t you? you couldn’t just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?

just coffee. black like my soul.

magnus did not have enormous respect for the law, but if he was breaking it he wanted to look good doing it.

i don’t want to grow up, i want to be an angst ridden teenager who can’t confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.

“magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate.” “i’m a very open-minded sort of fellow!” “ragnor is not. when he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. it broke.” “so ended our love. ah, well. It would never have worked between me and the plate anyway.”

“when will says ‘enterprising’, he means 'morally deficient.” “no, I mean enterprising. when i mean morally deficient, i say, ‘now that’s something i would have done.’”

never believe the bad guy is dead until you see a body. that just leads to unhappiness and surprise ambushes.

“i promise to charm the dickens out of him. i shall charm him with such force that when i am done, he will be left lying limply on the ground, trying to remember his own name.” “the man’s eighty-nine. he may well have the problem anyway.”

i thought: classic jace. never makes a mess when a catastrophe will do.

“that’s not the spirit of the law, emma. remember? ‘the law is hard, but it is the law’” “i thought it was ‘the law is annoying, but it is also flexible.’”

“a little girl robbed you?” “actually she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of six-fingered nigel.”

“goodness. if you keep seeing six-fingered nigel like this, he’ll expect you to declare your intentions.”

you told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as a cactus.

your pretense does not fool me, gnome. my eye will be upon you

good proverb. however, like most proverbs, it sounds wise and yet does not actually clarify anything.

let me just follow up by describing what a big mistake you would be making if you broke up with alec. the lightwoods are seriously hot people. some people say the herondales used to be hot, but think about it-not only do we outnumber them, but we took their last hottie and we made him ours. obviously, we won the victory.

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Consul: The law is hard, but it is the law.

Blackthorns:

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self-empowerment in the grisha trilogy

There's this weird undercurrent of victim-blaming and acceptance of a shitty status quo that pervades the original Grisha trilogy. We're told that "power corrupts" and seeking it out is evil, but given the wider context of the Grisha being persecuted, the non-existent evidence for Alina's "corruption" via the amplifiers, and the way the story repeatedly punishes her and other victims for seeking more agency, self-determination, and self-empowerment, there are some uncomfortable implications.

What's evil is not the systemic and historic persecution of a marginalized group but the audacity of such a minority to ask for better treatment. What's evil is not Alina hurting herself by repressing her powers and putting up with a man who clearly resents them but her audacity to embrace her power completely and consider other love interests who like her power. What's evil is not a King abusing his power to repeatedly terrorize Genya but Genya's audacity to plot revenge against him. What's evil is not a member of the monarchy swooping in to restore the "order" that clearly benefitted him but the audacity of the Darkling to overthrow the powers that be.

Self-empowerment is evil. What is "good", "moral", and "just" is accepting your lot in life, being quietly obedient to the whims of society and the universe, and never daring to ask for better.

Grisha Liberation as Evil

Lots of readers have articulated the bizarre moral landscape of the trilogy better than I have so I'll just say that if your primary moral message is "power is bad", perhaps giving that message to a young woman who is now part of a marginalized group isn't the greatest idea. It's not the monarchy that gets dealt this message about the evils of power (Nikolai is lovingly placed on the throne as the "rightful king"), but the Grisha who get punished for asking for better.

Grisha cannot live anywhere other than Ravka for fear of being burned as witches or sold as slaves or tortured. The Second Army is their only refuge so is it really all that "evil" that they would dream of living normal lives? Where they are not merely exploited for imperial war games? Where their very existence is carefully balanced on the tightrope of exploitability vs threat. The Grisha cannot ask for better and they certainly cannot call out the corruption and evil of the monarchy.

The people who do ask for better (the Darkling and the Grisha that sided with him) are demonized and must go into hiding to avoid execution and sell their lives as slaves in Kerch after the civil war. Meanwhile, the upholders of the status quo (the monarchy) continue as planned and the social role that the Grisha have played in Ravka (as slightly more valuable canon fodder in the Second Army) also continue with the Grisha triumvirate. The only "evil" appears to be the fact that the Grisha were drafted without choice and some apparent snobbery between the Corpoalki.

Alina's Agency as Evil

The story repeatedly punishes Alina for employing her own agency in the story. She barely makes any decisions for herself, being carried along the plot by either side characters or the author. And when she does make decisions, she gets unfairly characterized as being "corrupted", "greedy", or "power-hungry" despite very little evidence of it in the text.

Advocating for yourself and empowering yourself is evil. What's "good" is running away, hiding, hurting yourself via power suppression, or killing yourself. The "good" characters in the story are the ones who don't want Alina to have power (Mal) or want Alina to hide her powers (Baghra) or want to use her powers in a muggle-friendly way (Nikolai).

In Shadow & Bone, Alina asks Mal to kill her if she gets captured by the Darkling. In Siege & Storm, she nearly dies trying to kill both herself and the Darkling. In Ruin & Rising, Baghra kills herself to distract her son. These are all framed as "good" and "noble" actions.

Even side characters get infected with this rhetoric. Genya takes her fate into her own hands when she chooses to take revenge on the King. But this is framed as being "evil" and "corrupted" because she takes the Darkling's side instead of Alina's. When she returns to Alina, she realizes the "err of her ways", that she has been following an evil man, and she is happy instead of hand the reins over to a prince who sends his offending father on a cushy vacation and makes Genya stand trial for murder.

Alina's Power as Evil

On the other hand, the character that encourages her, mentors her, and likes her because of her power is the villain. The character that wants to empower Alina by giving her three of the greatest amplifiers ever made also wants to exploit her for his own gain. It is still curious to me that the form that Morozova's amplifiers take are that of slavery: a collar and fetters. Visually, this indicates that whoever wears the amplifiers will be a slave to someone else. But in practicality, all they do is give the magic-user god-like powers. It was the writer's choice to manifest these empowering artifacts with disempowering imagery. It is a microcosm of the trilogy unsettling relationship between victims and power.

In contrast, Mal makes many decisions for Alina and she obediently follows (Mal decides they will hunt the stag, Mal decides where they will travel next, Mal decides they will leave Ravka). When Alina does start making her own decisions (Alina decides to go back to the Little Palace, Alina decides to rebuild the Second Army, Alina decides to go after the third amplifier) she gets punished by the plot and characterized as being corrupted by the evil amplifiers. She is "evil" for standing up against people slandering her. She is "evil" for talking back to Baghra. She is "evil" for wanting something different from Mal. In turn, Mal lashes out at her for not being the weak dependent girl she was.

When Alina uses her powers, she becomes more beautiful. But this makes her vain. Mal liked her better when she was suppressing her powers, blind to her pain and fatigue. The other character that suppresses her powers (Baghra) is framed as moral and uncorrupted.

Alina is "evil" for not listening to her "moral" boyfriend and being "selfish" for doing what she must to defeat the Darkling. At the end of the trilogy, Alina is excised of her evil (both the amplifiers and her summoning) and she is paired with the man who warned her of the evils of power. She is made to reject Nikolai's proposal because the "moral" decision is to accept one's lot in life (an anonymous orphan at Keramzin).

Self-Empowerment as Merzost (Abomination)

Advocating for yourself not only breaks societal laws, but cosmic laws of the universe. The Small Science accepts what is already there ("We do not conjure from nothing", "Like calls to like") but merzost asks the universe for more and there are limits to asking the world for more, for asking the universe for better. Dare you even ask it, dare you even attempt it, there will be consequences---a failed coup, the Shadow Fold, the universe taking your powers away from you.

Specifically, victims cannot ask for better. The Darkling cannot ask for more from society. Genya cannot ask for better from the monarchy. Alina cannot ask for better from Mal. To be "good", you either accept your lot or you kill yourself because self-destruction is better than self-empowerment.

Like the saints, you must suffer to be considered worthy.

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No mourners, no funerals.

Taken from Crooked Kingdom (collector’s edition) by Leigh Bardugo @lbardugo

Art created by @monolime

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the crows as buzzfeed unsolved out of context:

kaz:

inej:

jesper:

wylan:

nina:

matthias:

basically the plot of six of crows & crooked kingdom:

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these fuckers

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I understand the casting choices in Shadow and Bone are designed to make me see that The Darkling aka the evil white guy is the villain but casting one of THEE finest male specimens in the lands to play Aleksander is not helping me be rightly allied with the good guys here.

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-ˏˋ Baby Tom in Billy Elliot ˊˎ-

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Villanelle + Gay on Main 

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Bi ppl: *exist*

My ace ass: 

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You know what

People really actually say “Oh Hamilton is on par with nazi propaganda because it glorifies racist men uwu” when the entire point of the musical was to paint the racist America with an ALL POC CAST  in a MUSIC STYLE THAT WAS INVENTED BY POC created by a GODDAMN LATINO MAN WHO REGULARLY PERFORMS SAID MUSIC STYLE LITERALLY FOR A LIVING. 

Why the HELL do you think the recurring message of immigrants being the lifeblood of the nation was so prominent? Why do you think they consistently brought up racism and being against slavery, why do you think every single racist white founding father was played by a person of color? 

Like seriously, the entire reason the musical was made was for POC to see themselves on stage and to see THEMSELVES in the place of old racist white guys. The message was that America was built by immigrants and people of color. 

Both fans and people who hate this musical just completely missed the entire point, and that is a goddamn shame because it really is a good musical if you have the audacity to *gasp* understand that things are not Exactly What is On The Package? Perhaps? 

Or even perhaps actually listen to the musical instead of parroting some white person trying to grab at woke points? Maybe? 

(white people please reblog this but if you clown in the tags I will fucking steal your knees. Not your kneecaps, your knees)

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#1 dad

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Can we please stop associating being a good person with how much you're willing to suffer in silence for other people? You can be a kind person and still say "no, I don't have the time/energy to help you with that." You can be a kind person and still say "this makes me uncomfortable, please stop." You can be a kind person and still say "I disagree and here's why." You can be kind and still say "I'm not okay with this." Being kind is about treating people with kindness and respect, not about being the human equivalent of a doormat!

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it cannot be coincidence that our bodies are fully capable of holding another we were designed to love (x)

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Everyone is kneeling in a cool way and then there’s Hemsworth who looks like the human version of a dog ugh I love them all