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culact1920 · 5 years

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“Mystical questions in life”

Life is full of mysteries that we should not be scared of— but rather than an experience that we should seek for. Since I was young, I already have many questions in mind that was still left unanswered.

In 2014, I was a grade 6 student who is currently in San Fernando Elementary School. My life as a grade 6 student was fun and I need also to make an effort to graduate especially I am studying in a public school, which is public schools in the Philippines are known to have limited school supplies and classrooms. During that time my mother used to send us to school and picks us up every day with my sister which is a grade two student who still needs of a company of a parent.

As a grade 6 student that time, I am not the kind of a student who is not really exposed to the real world. Who doesn’t really know what is going on around me and just focused on our my own world as a kid. In our school our class usually starts at six o’clock in the morning and ends in the mid of the day, because there is still other class after that because of lack of classrooms in our area.

There is one time which brings me into the idea of ghost. I wasn’t the type of person who believes in ghost my mom always telling me a story about them, not to scare me but to be more aware of them. Those times I’m really in doubt to believe about them until I saw it myself and experience them also. Our relatives in the side of my mom, they have this kind of skill of having a six sense or what we known as a third eye who sees unusual things such as ghost and other elements.

I am expected to go to school at 6:30 a.m. and I usually wake up on 4:30 in the morning to prepare. It was an unusual rainy morning that is a week before All Saints Day. I finished preparing first among us— me, my mother and my sister. My mother told me to eat already to incase I’m already hungry since she was done preparing our food. I went in the kitchen and decided to eat already because our delicious breakfast was calling me to eat. In the kitchen, I was there alone eating my breakfast and my mind is flying around and thinks about random and silly things about life because of the silence around me and my boredom. My sister went to the kitchen and told that she was already done preparing herself for school and told me that she will go in the living room to watch television while waiting for our mom. While I was eating and I looked around our kitchen because of my boredom, suddenly, when I looked at my side I saw a kid and shouted “Ay buset ka, Louise!”—which is the name of my sister. The little boy looks like my sister but the difference was that he is a boy. He was looking to me intently and he was trying to say something to me but I couldn’t hear and understand it properly. I also noticed that the ghost was wet and trembling in his coldness.

I was shocked for what I’ve saw, and I thought that my sister is just playing around to scare me, but I guess I was wrong. When I looked at my side again where I’ve seen the little boy, that is the time I concluded that I’ve seen a ghost. I felt numb and scared, so I ran up to the bathroom to call my mom.

I knocked the door and shouted“Ma! Ma! Mayron akong nakitang lalaki!”, in my trembling voice.

“Nanung ikit mu? Atin manako?!” she replied in a worried voice.

She was trying to go out the bathroom even if she has no clothes on to check up what is going on. Instead being scared intensely, I laughed at her reaction dealing with my experience. I imagine her going out with no clothes on and finding on someone that isn’t really visible and imagine the people around us and think of that she was crazy.

I stopped her and said,“Ma, sandali lang! multo nakita ko hindi magnanakaw.”

“Ay, balaku ninanu ka!” she replied.

My mom told me to calm down and wait for her to finish taking a bath.

When she was already finished, she asked me to eat, but apparently I saw the ghost in the kitchen so I didn’t come with her and I already lost my appetite. I stayed in the living room and watched some entertaining shows to lighten my mood because of what I have encountered but I still can’t help but to think with what I’ve saw. I got curious of the ghost I’ve saw and my mind kept on bagging me a lot of questions about it like, “What is the reason behind his death? What was he trying to say to me that time? Of all the people, why did he choose to show himself to me?.”

I don’t really felt so good that time and I almost thought that I can’t already go to the school because of that. We went first to my grandmother’s carinderia in the market to freshen me up and lighten my feeling. When the people there saw me they asked my mother why I look pale and noticed that I’m not like the usually me who is very jolly and talkative. My mom told them about what happened. That is the time when they started to gave up their own opinions about my experience.

One of them said that, when you see a ghost who have a face that spirit just died recently and they are still can’t believed that they are already dead. They are asking for help because some haven’t yet said their last words to their love ones or even others haven’t achieved their justice why they are dead. On the other hand, when you saw ghost with no face at all and it was just a figure of a body it means that ghost died for a long time and they are the ones who are known to be the “ligaw na kaluluwa”she stated.

“Anong gagawin ko para hindi na siya magparamdam sakin? Or kung may gusto man siya sakin anong dapat kong gawin para matulungan siya?”, I asked.

Then she replied, “Ipagdasal mo siya, nak! at kung makita mo man siya ulit huwag ka matakot, try mo siya kausapin kung anong kailangan nya sayo para malaman mo kung ano talagang gusto nya at dapat mong gawin para lubayan ka niya.”

Her opinion and advice helped me a lot, and do to realize many things about religious things, especially spirits. She enlighten me more about spirits and somehow gave me answers to my unanswered questions in mind.

I went to the cathedral near the market place after my class to pray for the little boy I encounter that he may already receive eternal life and may he rest in peace with God. And beyond what he experienced in his past life that causes his death, may he they find justice for him or whatever the reason behind his death. After I prayed for the spirit of the little boy my feeling became lighter than before.

That experience made me realized that sometimes you need to conquer your fear in able to know and solve all the questions in your mind rather than regretting it in the end. I also realized that not all ghost are bad spirits at first you will be scared and terrified at them because of their unusual face or looks but we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. We just need to find time to know more and understand their presence.

I admit that I cannot remove the fact that sometimes I feel terrified about their presence even if I am not the typical ones who are scared to them—the ghost. After that experience I rarely watch horror movies or even talk about ghost related topics to somehow forget what happened.

One time, my mom told me if I always pray at night and I told her “yes.” Then she told me that lately, I often do sleep walking and told me that “bute nalang napigilan ka namin ng daddy mo. ” I got curious about it and asked my mom what does she mean from what she have said. My mom told me that I almost falling of the staircase in the mid of the night and luckily they were able to prevent me from walking. They kept on asking what causes me to do sleep walking but the only thing I can answer is, “hindi ko alam, wala naman akong natatandaan.” I kept on thinking and remembering what was I dreamed at that time that may help me from this kind of behavior. I recalled it and remembered that my sleep walking does not happened for no reason at all, but because of my dream it somehow helped me to understand why am I like this. Based on what I’ve remembered, someone kept on calling me that I couldn’t control myself but to follow that voice.

I suddenly felt strange and nervous, that what if a devil is the one after my dream that causes my sleep walk at night. I told my parents about it and they told me to pray always and gave me a Saint Benedict medal to cast on bad spirits. It really helped me a lot and I felt better than before.

In class, my teacher told us a story when she had sleep paralysis where you are temporarily unable to move or speak that occurs when you are waking up or falling asleep. And I remembered what I’ve experienced before, that we somehow shared same experience.

I asked her that what might be the possible cause of it and she answered, “Sa totoo lang, hindi ko din alam kung bakit pero baka maaari itong kagagawan ng demonyo kaya mas mabuting lagi kang magdasal.”

At that time I realized that what if I just lacked my faith to God and I need to deepen my relationship with him even more. I decided to find more time for him through doing my obligations as a Catholic more sincerely. He really helped me in what I’m currently experiencing and even though I cannot remove the fact that I still see unusual things on earth, he helped me to be more tougher beyond their presence. From that on, I rarely encounter ghost and sometimes myself already got used to their presence and they don’t really terrify me unlike before.

One philosopher said that, “The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.” Life is very mysterious but let us not that stop us to keep going, we just have to believe that we can pass through to every challenges what life may bring us. Come to think of it, Imagine living in a life isn’t mysterious, isn’t boring? Mysteries want us to be more eager in life, to strive more on what we want to know or discover in this world.

Elise Galang

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culact1920 · 5 years

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My Life’s Video Clip

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

My biggest fear in life is the thought of losing one of my parents. It's something no one can ever be ready for and something no one can imagine actually happening. But there are times that we really couldn’t do anything but to accept that losing one of them is part of the cycle of life and we cannot change that fact.

Considering that it is probably one of the most difficult things to cope with in our life because knowing that the person whom you love and care with is no longer there physically with you. It is very hard to accept especially when that loved one was taken so suddenly and you didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye.

The grief and the pain are inexplicable even if you cry a river. But everyone copes with grief differently, and some of us never do. Some people go through many stages of grief and react to death differently.

One of the most disheartening moments in my life was the day that I had to watch my father lay in the hospital and die. It was November 1, 2005 when this tragedy happened to our family, I was only five years old back then.

My father was diagnosed with a kidney disease where he experienced fatigue, loss of appetite, and leg cramps which are caused by the waste products that built up in his blood, a condition known as uraemia.

My mother used to tell me that whenever the doctor had to inject some fluids and medicines into my father’s system, everyday seems very hard for him specially because of his dialysis sessions where the machine removes the waste products and excess fluid from his body.

It is necessary for my father to undergo into this kind of session because his kidneys are not able to filter the blood adequately in his body.

It was very hard for me and my mother to witness my father’s sufferings and for how many days, we were just beside him, holding his hand.

Everyday, my father would always tell me and my mother how lucky he was for us, his family, for his friends, and his life. He always reminds us how much he loves us even when he barely had any words left to him, he would still repeat the phrase.

We had been making daily trips to the hospital for weeks. Waiting, watching, remembering, lunches at the hospital café, stories, laughter, sadness, and silence.

The last ten days became the hardest part in my father’s journey in the hospital , He looks entirely different. His breathing changed, he became more ragged. The tips of his fingers turned blue. His skin smelled different. His breath gradually became rough, then a rattle. It sounded awful.

I went beside him, I spoke to him as I always did, kissed his cheek and asked the usual things that I ask him whenever I get to visit him at the hospital.

“How are you feeling, pa?”. I asked him.

Then he would just raise his thumb, reassuring us that he’s fine, doing okay. But I couldn’t see any signs of improvement; I couldn’t see any trace of that in his face. But rather, all I see is pain, sadness and tears in his eyes. It is obvious that he isn’t feeling okay, that he is in great pain and suffering, but he doesn’t want to admit that. He doesn’t want to see us worry.

One day, before his dialysis session, he was holding my mother’s hands while he’s looking at me, and out of curiosity, I asked her whether my he was feeling alright because I could sense that he wasn’t feeling okay , but my mother wouldn’t answer me, instead, she was just crying, she was sobbing. I couldn’t understand what’s happening so I also just cried.

He was shaking his head out of disagreement while he was just pressing my mother’s hands, telling us to stop crying because I’m sure that he doesn’t want to see us cry for him.

On my father’s last few days, we consulted the doctor, he said that he could give him something that would make him at least feel better, but it would really be more for us than for my father.

“My job,” the doctor said, “is about prolonging people’s lives. Anything I give to your husband now would simply be just delaying his death.” The doctor said to my mother.

So we waited. When it finally came, his death was quite sudden, and absolutely inevitable.

During my dad’s funeral I was literally in shock. All I heard were screams and cries of sorrow. At one point in time I looked around the church, and realized that there were over hundreds of people who had similar feelings because my father is one of the most gentle & serene individual I know.

My dad is brave because the only thing he fears is God himself. He is a man of integrity, diligence, humour and most importantly, he's a man filled with love, but I couldn’t still accept the fact that he’s gone

I closed my eyes and opened them back up slowly because I wanted someone to tell me that this was all a bad dream, but it was reality. I probably seemed fine externally, but internally I felt like I was dying.

When the casket closed, I cried so hard I thought I was going to vomit. At that point I knew that he was gone forever. And once everyone got to the burial site, I watched the casket get buried into the ground. When the dirt started to be put on top of the casket, my mother burst into tears. I felt bad for her, I couldn’t do anything but to be there beside her.

In this whole tragedy, I learned that it’s not at all bad because it’s only difficult until we learn to adapt to our new situation. After that, it’s no longer a devastating topic; it’s just reality. Losing my father at a very young age has shown me that being a parent is the most important job that I will ever have, but the important thing is we experience, we grow and we adapt.

There are so many milestones that I won’t get to share with my father – jobs, relationships, adventures – but deep down I will always be carrying him in my heart and in my mind.

I thought about how difficult it must have been for my mother to find herself without the love of her life. I recalled how she spent the following years after my father’s death and doing her best to keep the pieces of our family together.

This whole tragedy taught me about her resiliency as a mother. I was amazed at how she handled things by herself; I have never seen her give up on life, and she was so strong. And for me, she is indeed the embodiment of love and care. She always stands for our family by sacrificing her needs and desires.

Even when she experienced the bitter reality of life, she still welcomes them as happiness with smile on her face. She has always taught me to face the challenges of life with courage and to always have trust in God, no matter what happened. I have witnessed and been with her going through the various ups and downs of life but she was never been affected by them

Even in the stormiest weather, she always tells me that everything’s going to be okay. I constantly admire her because that and of her passion for life; she doesn’t waste a moment and does her best for everything. She makes sure that my family is always loved. She is a good listener, the reason why she is my best friend. She is so easy to talk to, despite the age gap, it didn’t became an issue for us that we can talk for hours without getting tired.

We didn’t come from a very wealthy family and in fact, the money that my father provides us when he was still alive was just enough for us to have three meals a day. I was not complaining but I could say that I was still very lucky because my parents still does everything just to make me and my little brother happy. Now that my father is gone, the only person that is left to us is my mother, but despite the fact that she is alone, she never failed her duties and responsibilities as a mother to me and my little brother. She never failed to show her love and affection to her children.

Without a second thought, she will always be the person that I will look up to and admire the most. She has not done anything extraordinary like finding the cure for cancer or winning the noble prize but to me, every little thing that she does for us and her family every single day is amazing.

I value my mother the most. Especially, now that she is the only one that is left with me and my brother. She is the most important person in my life because no matter what I do, what mistakes I make, what I say, or how much I upset her, her love for me will never subside. Even though how many times we argue, no matter how big the fight or disagreement, I can always count on her to resolve the issue.

Even when the world turns their back on me, she’ll be standing there beside me with open arms. She is my person. Nothing is as valuable as her presence. She always makes me feel that I am the best gift that she ever received from God. And If I would be given a chance to be born again, I would have still chosen her as my mother.

Justine Abella

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culact1920 · 5 years

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SISTERAKAS

“Sana eda na kamu kapatad”

The time when my sister told me that, I just want to disappear just like what a bubble does. That was the time when I realized that after all this time, she’s just enduring my entire existence. I just don’t know what to feel, I lost interest in living and my heart just started to ache when she told me that. I didn’t expect that my sister who is with me almost every day, whom I love and who is included in my every day prayers, is wishing I wasn’t born at all.

She told me that when I was in 9th grade last December 2016. Since our Christmas Party in school is a few days away, my friends decided to go to mall to buy gifts to be given to our other friends in school. I remember I bought three wallets in the shop named “egg” unfortunately; I misplaced it when we’re looking for a head band in watsons.

Since I’m on the 9th grade that time, I’m not yet allowed to use mobile phones; all I have that time in the mall with me is my Ipad. I’m borrowing one of my friend’s phone to update my parents about what we’re doing inside the mall.

When it’s already time to go home, I borrowed my friend’s phone and texted my mom that i’m about to go home and I’m already in the line waiting for the jeepney. Since my friend and I won’t ride the same jeepney and we have different route, I returned the phone to her immediately after texting my mom without waiting for her reply. I didn’t have an idea that they are waiting for me on a grocery store where the jeepney will have its last stop. So since I didn’t know that my mom replied. I just went straight back home.

I arrived in our house and noticed that the only person that is there is my uncle. When he saw me, he told me that my parents texted me and told me that they’ll be waiting for me in a grocery store. They were waiting there for an hour already. So what I did is borrow my uncle’s phone and texted them that I’m already home.

When they arrived at home, I didn’t expect that they will get mad at me because in the first place I didn’t do anything. Is it my fault that I don’t have a mobile phone? And I didn’t know that they’re waiting for me in a grocery store. That is why I just went upstairs and went straight to my room and I didn’t do anything but cry,cry and cry all over again. Then suddenly I heard a notification from my Ipad and saw my sister’s message to me it says,

“Sana eda na kamu kapatad”.

I can’t stop myself from crying.

My dad got mad at me and because of that he confiscated our gadgets including my sibling’s. That is why my sister god mad at me more. Everyone in the house is mad at me; I just don’t know what to do. They’re making me feel like I’m wrong where in fact, I didn’t do anything wrong.

The day after is our Christmas Party, I came to school with puffy eyes and heavy heart. When my classmates saw me, they started asking me if I’m okay or if there’s anything wrong but I can’t speak and open up to them because I know that they have problems in their life too, I don’t want to be a burden to them and maybe they won’t understand. So all they did is hug me to make me feel a little better. My adviser also asked what happen then I decided to open up to her to somehow release the heavy feeling I have in my heart. And then she said to me,

“Tira ka nalang samen, walang magagalit sa’yo don”.

We’re six in the family meaning we’re four children of my parents. I’m the third child and my sister who told me that is the second child. I’m close more to the other sister which is the eldest because never did she make me feel worthless. She always give me what I want especially my favorite food which is sylvanas and always willing to listen to my nonsense stories. She’s the kind of sister everyone wishes to have.

There may be times that I will get mad to my sister which is the second child because of her attitude but never did I wish that she wasn’t born at all. She’s a blessing not only to my parents but also to us, her siblings.

She may have that attitude that will somehow make me hate her but I know that inside of her, she still has that piece of a good heart. She may make me feel worthless in most times but I know that she still have that precious and soft heart inside her.

That sister of mine is still my best friend and sister even though she told me that. I may not share mostly to her compare to my other sister but I know that anytime she’ll be willing to listen to me.

I remember I had a girl crush. At first it’s a secret between me and myself but when my crush and I started to talk to each other already, I told it to my sisters because I can’t take the “kilig” anymore. I didn’t regret on telling it to them because they’re happy for me too and they’re very supportive to my crush.

I remember my crush sent me a picture of an ocean wave then I replied with “O K A Y” and that is where it all started. That was last October 2018.

My crush and I had a mutual understanding meaning same feeling we both like each other. We almost had that chance but unfortunately she found someone that is better than me.

“Infatuation lang siguro lahat ng ‘to”

We talked to each other for almost 2 months but she told me that last 4th of December 2018. She makes me feel that I’m the greatest blessing that came to her life and that her 2019 will start beautifully. But how calm she still found someone better when she made me feel the best?

I told that to my sister while crying in front of them. I’m hurt because how can someone do that to me when all I just did is to give them the love they deserve. But never did I regret loving her. She’s my first girl crush and I will never ever forget her because somehow she’s also one of those people who never made me feel worthless.

“Mumuna pa balu kuna na eya seryoso e”.

My eldest sister told me that when I told her about what my crush did to me.I thought about it and suddenly it came to my mind that my sister noticed already that my crush is not serious to me but why didn’t she stopped me. Maybe my sister is seeing me happy that is why she didn’t stop me from talking to my crush. Maybe my happiness is what matters to her the most.

My crush sends some photos of a girl and tells me “ang ganda niya no” but little did I know that, that is the girl she replaced me to.

For the first time in my life, I felt stupid. Why didn’t I noticed that? Maybe I just focused on the love she’s giving to me and didn’t notice that she’s slowly drifting away from me already.

Maybe she isn’t the one for me. There’s still this point in me that says maybe she deserves her more than me. At least now I know what kind of love I deserve and I shouldn’t let other people who will come into my life broken to use me in fixing themselves.

That is the time when I appreciate my sisters more than my crush because everyone in this world is temporary, any moment now someone will go away from my life. But still i’m thankful that she came into my life cause somehow I knew what love is and what it feels to be loved by someone who truly cares for you.

I may not be smart enough but I know what love is. My sisters are my best friends for life. Soon we may be far from each other and have our own families but one thing for sure is we will always have our back and shoulders when there’s a need to lean on.

Isabelle Montoya

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