courtneyjanesays

[courtneyjanesays]

I'm measuring heartbeats and miles away...

The day has come. As I sit in the LAX Delta Sky club, I begin to grow more anxious than I was on the first two connections. It might just be the free latte I enjoyed that is upping my heart rate. Regardless, I am sitting attempting to look and behave normally, you know breathing, but not hyperventilating… Trying to not snap at man sitting next to us who feels the need to slurp and gulp his beverage. All that aside, the day has gone rather smoothly. There was no actual sobbing when we were dropped off, we opted for the privileged life of priority boarding (thank you AMEX Delta card), no real bad turbulence in the air or on take off/landing, and no running from gate to gate to catch our flights. Oh, and our checked bags only cost $35, plus we checked one of our carry ons after the security check for free. Things seem to be going our way thus far. There is about two hours until we board our last flight to Maui, and it can’t come fast enough. I want to get through this six hour flight already! Thirteen or so hours in the air is a long day, for sure. Maui, we are ready.

[courtneyjanesays]

We may have our differences and bicker like crazy, but I love you to the ends of this earth. It is crazy to think that we have been together for 6 1/2 years. We have both grown so much, and in a few days we will be taking the first step toward our future together.

[courtneyjanesays]

TITLE: Six days It would not paste over in the right format, so here is a screen cap.

[courtneyjanesays]

It's getting late and,

Tonight is like most nights. You lie down, and soon drift into soft snores and soft lips.

I sit in bed, waiting, hoping, that I will soon follow suit. I sit with my book, and attempt to focus

on the words strewn across the page- your breathing catches- and resumes.

See most nights I sit here for hours while you sleep, sweetly and quietly. Sometimes I watch you, sometimes I pace the apartment, looking for

something that isn’t there. Sleep tends to evade me, unless I smoke enough or drink enough

Niquil. Or if I sit and stare at my book long enough my brain shuts off.

Its 4 am. I see images I wish I could forget. Its 4 am. I can see the faint light peeking through the curtain. Soon you will wake, you will

quietly leave the bed and I will dream of things I don’t want to see. I will drift into soft snores and soft lips.

[courtneyjanesays]

Constant motion in a still world.

[courtneyjanesays]

Bird of Paradise Circa 2014

[courtneyjanesays]

The first time I looked through a camera lens was the first time I truly saw beauty.

[courtneyjanesays]

Welcome to my world

As I said in my last post, this will be a little history of who I am. My name is Courtney Jane, legend has it that I am named after Courtney Love and Janes Addiction. A true product of the 90’s, if you will. My parents are from two very different backgrounds, and managed to meet and create me.

My dads side of the family are all born and bred in Maine, and my moms side is divided between Oklahoma and Hawaii. I was lucky enough to have hard working parents who loved to do everything. My father was told at 19 that he had retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease that causes eventual blindness. This caused my dad to have a fire under his ass to see everything he could and drive everywhere possible before he no longer could do either.

This led us to traveling across country in a ’68 Mustang all the way to California (and Mexico). I was 6 or so when this happened. Before that we visited New York City for a concert a few months after 9/11. I got to see ground zero when it was still all just rubble. In second grade we moved to Hawaii for two years. We got to see three of the 8 islands, and I met my biological grandfather on my moms side.

I won’t get into every detail of my life, but I felt this part of my childhood played an important roll in shaping who I am and will become. I cherish everything that I can see, hear, smell, touch and taste. All this comes out in whatever endeavor I choose. Be it my photography, music, writing, or my cooking.

I also feel it important for me to speak a little to my mental illness, because it is a huge part of who I am. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was teenager, and have since gone through multiple medications. None of which really helped because my anxiety has always out shown my depression. This has really shaped how I go through my daily activities and how I live my life. It has taken me years to get to the point where I am now, and it drove me to work extremely hard through college. I only bring up my mental health because I am proud of myself for powering through and being able to admit that I need help when I need it. In a way, it has helped me succeed.

I graduated in May 2016 with my associates degree in Hospitality Management. So now my fiancé and I are moving to Hawaii in less than two weeks. My parents have been living in Hawaii for three years now, and are helping us get started. I really want to take the opportunity while there to learn as much as I can about Hawaiian and Chinese cuisine. I want to come back to Maine with enough knowledge to open a restaurant eventually.

So now that you know the gist of me, and why I am doing this…we can get started!

[courtneyjanesays]

Brief overview

Now that I have a few photos out of the way I can talk a little bit about what this blog is going to be. Well, at least what I hope it will be. I have had a love/hate relationship with tumblr, and am still not really sold on coming back after a MANY year hiatus. Although we’ve had our ups and downs, I felt this was the right time to create a blog again and use it for something better than when I was a teenager. I want to share my coming adventure and past struggles/successes. My fiancé and I are moving to Hawaii in less than two weeks. We both hail from small towns in Maine, and while I have lived in Hawaii when I was young and traveled across the country to various amazing places, my fiancé has only left Maine very few times. I want to kind of chronicle our journey, with all of its glorious ups and downs. This blog is going to be a collection of thoughts, poems, and photos. I hope anyone and everyone will take this journey with me. My next blog will be talking about myself a bit, to kind of break the ice! Don’t be shy either, feel free to ask me anything and follow along. Much love, Aloha nui loa Courtney Jane

[courtneyjanesays]

[courtneyjanesays]

Waimea Canyon. I miss Kauai.

[courtneyjanesays]

Hawaii's beauty never ceases to amaze me