corpsememes

[corpsememes]

JACKASS: THE MOVIE 2002

trigger warnings for cursing, suic.ide ideation, general nastiness && dangerous acts. 

“we’re about to test my rocket skates.” “i’m about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.” “we’re going to warm ourselves up with some fireworks.” “i guess i don’t have any last words.” “i’m just going to kill myself once i lose my wiener.”  “wait a minute, i already know my fortune! it’s partying!” “i think i’m a little concussed.” “i’m a complete fucking idiot.” “i’m not mad at you, i’m just disappointed.” “you know that hurt so much more.” “this isn’t gonna work!” “is this the worst you’ve ever had to go boom-boom?” “nah, man. i shit my pants at the fair.” “did you see the way i stopped the beanbag with my stomach? that’s instinct. you can’t teach that.” “i was lon chaney’s lover!” “whose dick do i gotta suck to get some explosions around here?” “i’m not running anywhere with a toy car shoved up my butt.” “i’m surrounded by cacti, for fucks sake, IT’S CACTI!” “whatever it is, it hurts!” “you know you have to get up at five in the morning tonight.” “there is no such thing as failure, [name]!!” “[name]/you/they knocked my nuts in half!” “i’m sorry...i got bursitis.” “i could for sure go for a miller high life.” “you little bastard!” “will you push me to the top? i wanna do it again.”

[corpsememes]

Send in “T or D” + a truth and dare for my muse to choose from!

[corpsememes]

SHIT MY COWORKERS SAY

dedicated to my lovely coworkers from my past job <3 content warning for minor swearing. adjust/make changes as needed.

“if i died for 15 seconds every day, i’d totally be cool with that.” “rose quartz seems pretty lickable.” “i’ve been called every name in the book.” “a man called me a stupid bitch in russian today, so i guess that’s a win.” “if you say a normal word with enough passion, it could be a slur.” “you know, the bird? bird is the word? you know?” “word of the day: bird!” “he was a biker and a musician, so yeah, the worst.” ;“hockey is so good it hurts.” “that guy’s suit cost more than my college tuition and he had the audacity to give me a lecture on how money can’t buy happiness.” “i want long, sexy hair like yours.” “slow down, muchacho, buy me dinner first!” “let me take my mask off and read that again.” “oh my god! hey, asshole!” “i’m giving you a compliment.” “you’ve got pretty hair…” “what are you doing? you know i can see you right?” “this truck is so stupid big.” “nice common sense you got there.” “i love when people make my job easier by doing everything possible to make me miserable.” “i like that one song by the black eyed peas.” “can someone pick me up? i have to pee.” 

[corpsememes]

MAC MILLER ( part one. )

K. I. D. S

“when you're young, not much matters.” “take that away from me and i really got nothing.” “is there a type of alcohol that you would recommend?” “do you mind if we smoke this blunt outside?” “it’s nice out and we could get high.” “i don’t wanna be inside today.” “this life is good, don’t let it all go to waste.” “this world is our playground.” “they just see you as deceitful.” “tell them haters keep they mouth shut.” “now i get the last laugh.” “you’re mad that your girl/guy always says that i’m hot.” “can you stay a while?” “baby, where the fuck you been?” “i can take you higher if you hit this vaporizer.” “don’t be mad that your girl/guy loves me.” “i ain’t got a damn thing on my mind.” “there ain’t no need to panic.” “i’m just tryna have fun tonight.” “i’m highly underestimated.” “i'm supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” “ain't a shock that i’m a topic of discussion.” “i just hope they're servin' beer in hell.” “imma be rich, that’s what they tell me.” “hey, let's just hit the road.” “i feel like a million bucks.” “no cop can bust me.” “if you got weed, you can come fly with me.” “finna have a party, baby, you can tell your friends.” “bitch, i feel great.” “not a day goes by when i ain’t getting high.” “i live a life pretty similar to yours.” “i don’t wanna share you.” “we could be together but you scared to.” “i ain’t gonna leave you.” “i hope you know that i could have any girl/guy i choose.” “they told me never fall in love.” “you think you love them, but you don’t.” “i want your heart so, baby, give it up.” “it seems that we meet again.” “can i have a moment of silence?” “i’d like to thank you.” “maybe i am a little bit over my head.” “how they treating you up there?” “you loved me more than i’ve been loved before.” “hope you know i’ve been thinking about you.” “you’re in my heart.” “i wanna be left alone.”

[corpsememes]

anonymously (or not) send me your favorite blogs, let’s spread some positivity.

[corpsememes]

party   sentence   starters.

tw:   drinking,   smoking.

did you just spill your drink on me?

shut up and dance with me, okay?

is this seat taken? sorry, this place is crowded.

i want to go home already.

having the strong feeling i’ll have to erase all my social networks in the morning.

could you do me a favor? could you pretend you’re my girl/boyfriend for a moment?

who the fuck invited you?

oh, i wasn’t expecting to see you here.

parties aren’t my thing.

want to dance with me?

do you recognize anyone?

can i get you a drink?

i said you could invite one person. one!

i don’t feel so good.

maybe i should have stayed home.

i am not nearly drunk enough yet.

i don’t recognize anyone here.

i should call my ex.

where’s a boy? i need to make out with someone.

i’m not drunk enough for this.

luckily for me, i have all my best ideas drunk.

it’s not a party without a little drama, am i right?

hiding from the drunk crowd too?

i only came for the free food.

do you want to get out of here?

boys are stupid, and i love you.

you’re beautiful, boys suck, i love you.

i’m dizzy, okay.

i need some water.

you need to go to bed.

do you want to talk about it?

do you have a light?

want to get some fresh air?

want to go somewhere quiet?

i’ll drive you home.

[corpsememes]

TEXTS BETWEEN BESTIES ( part one. )

her:

“men are scumbags.” “i feel okay, but, like-- my stomach can’t be trusted.” “we should go watch some nyoomnyoom.” “wanna cry? we’ve been friends for almost a decade.” “i really just wanna stay up late ONE DAMN NIGHT!” “why does it look like a mass cyanide poisoning?” “why is there an 8 year old?” “wut you say, lil bitch?” “SOMEONE HIT MY CAT-- I MEAN CAR.” “{NAME} IS ON DRUGS????” “and i INHALED some chinese food.” “not me sleeping through tornadoes.”  “STOP YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!” “don’t be a playa and i won’t be a playa hata.” “you can’t leave if you WANTED TO.” “can’t wait for him to gum on me.” “YOU GOT A DONK NOW.” “AHHHH I LOVE THAT SHIT!”

me:

“kill all men. imma date a woman.” “when i die, use that picture at my funeral. like, the one they put up in front of your casket.” “damn thai iced tea.” “thinking about how much you love keith richards. wait, not you...me.” “i just be googling shiz.” “i stayed up late last night to watch jackass and now i have johnny knoxville and steve-o brain rot.” “STOP HE’S SOOOO FINE.” “don’t drink the kool-aid !!!” “i look like timothee chalamoonie.” “why didn’t they give harvey dent skin grafts: a novel by me.” “is this a red flag?” “this is so bussin’ a nut.” “imma take both of ‘em. two boyfriendssss.” “I’M LEAVING YEET!!!!!” “beetlejuice is so hot. like he is so fine.” “skin care? out da window. hair? bye. fashion? bye. make-up? bye.” “this gives me motivation to somehow get famous and tell all the people from my past to suck it.” “imma be honest, i wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but seeing karma feels good.”