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See Me: A Mental Health Tale

It's been a while.

I would love to come on and say Fat has finally got Fit. Alas, that is not the case. This post is about a different kind of fitness, the fitness of the brain ie, mental health. It is a topic that I have often thought of posting on my numerous forays into blogging but have never found it to be relevant to just slot it in. Folks who followed this when it was regularly updated, will know I often touched on how the jogging definitely affected the mind for the better but apart from that I've never really spoke about it.

So what are you gibbering on about and why now? Before I go onto that, a brief history lesson. From an early age, we were exposed to the 'invisible illness'. My dad was diagnosed with mental health issues in the early 90s. There was still a stigma and you didn't have the social media awareness campaigns you have now. Mental health issues were not widely understood. I would like to think it benefited my brother and I in highlighting that people aren't always what they seem and could have underlying feelings/ailments that are not obviously visible.

In the years that followed, I learned to be there for people. When my dad was feeling down, I'd make sure I was there, do my best to make him feel wanted and try my best to encourage him. When my mum was finding it a bit hard on those days, I'd also make sure I was there for her and help her out. When my sister in law got a cancer diagnosis, and endured an onslaught of chemo, I was there as the court jester to brighten the days. Over the years, I've learned to be a bit of a sponge. If there are stresses or strains in my immediate family, I'm there to soak it up and get us all through it. Think of me as a bit like Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile.

However, recently I started to wonder if my powers of absorbing were running out. What used to be fixed with a random annual leave day from work for a bit of me time seems to take a wee bit longer to shift. The last five weeks of work have been manic. Doing two jobs for a while, a bit of travelling, working through lunches, skipping tea to log on and get a few more hours of work in.

Fast forward to his weekend. I get home on the Friday with this great plan for the Saturday. Free Comic Book Day in Glasgow, followed by Guardians of the Galaxy at the cinema and then meet my friends in the pub to celebrate a friends birthday. And then it happened. I was sitting on the couch, it somehow became 11 pm. I realised that I had zoned out and whatever was on the TV wasn't being watched and suddenly I get an onslaught of fatigue. "Jon, go to bed and sleep" I said to myself knowing a good night's sleep solves a world of problems.

I wake up this morning (Saturday) and it has come to a head. My body is a dead weight and I have absolutely no intention of leaving that bed. I don't know what happened but I woke up even more burnt out than I went to sleep and I'll be honest, I have never felt like that before. Over the last year or two I have brief moments where I think this isn't the best but as I said above a wee day usually sorts that; this felt different. Suffice to say, the plans I had were not going to be happening. Knowing this was not good I did something I wouldn't usually do. I text my brother and sister-in-law. At the exact moment I hit send, I realised something. I have just admitted that maybe my mind isn't as strong as I always thought. I'm used to making sure others are feeling fine that it's easy to neglect myself. The last 5 weeks have given my brain an absolute battering. The warning signs were there. The only time in those weeks I've not had a pulsing headache was when I took my ass to London for a break for a few days. I need to just chill the hell out and make time for myself. Even if it is just chilling out watching TV, I need to evaluate the balance in my life and never be afraid to ask someone for a chat or help. 

What followed was somehow getting beyond the wall and getting out of bed and going for a shower. Convincing myself, I'll still go to Glasgow for the freebies but give the cinema a miss. I'll be honest, the sun helped. If I'd hit that wall on a dreich Winter's stormy day, I honestly don't know what side of the wall I'd be on as I type.

An afternoon of sitting on the stairs in the sun reading the comics and then I got a text. It was dad asking how I'm feeling. Again, I was honest on the reply and it was role reversal. He said that he is going down to see the big cruise liner leaving. And that was that. A couple of hours later, I'm standing on the Esplanade with my best friend doing what us Inverclyders do - watching a big boat sail down the Clyde and it felt great. 

It was standing there that I got the thought to finally do a post on mental health. He always taught us not to be ashamed of it and that is only one of the reasons he is my inspiration. 

Did I have some kind of meltdown, did I finally run out of fuel. I don't know. All I know is that I am happy to admit, mental health is up there with physical health. Both need to work in tandem and both need maintained. I know no one reads this but I always feel writing things down helps. If at least one person stumbles upon this and reads it before they burn out, even better.

So folks, just remember, take time for yourself and sometimes it is beneficial to switch off from the mundane.

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Getting the Fitbit with the HR monitoring definitely adds a dimension to your jog

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Week 20 - Finale

The time has come, it’s the final weigh in:

Last week: 16st 11.9lb This week: 16st 11.6lb Loss: 0.3lb (0.13%) Steps: 77,955

Five months ago [or 20 weeks if that’s your thing] I finally set up a Tumblr blog. The intention was to have a wee online challenge with @fatmazza. As time went, the actual challenge fell by the wayside but the weekly updates still came.

Beginning: 17st 5lb End:          16st 11.6lb Total:         7.4lb (3.05%)

Overall, there was a weight loss with it being a good bit lower throughout the period. Regardless, it was quite impressive.

However, although set up as a weight challenge, during the process it struck me that is only one factor and to be honest can drag you down if you only focus on it.

For me, I realised that many other factors are better as key indicators of the effectiveness of an active/healthy lifestyle. The main ones I experienced [which are ultimately linked] are:

sleep

energy levels

mental health

For the best part of a year before starting this wee project, I had a terrible sleeping pattern which lead to constant fatigue and in turn made me feel stressed, harassed and just generally cloudy and moody. I can’t say what happened first, but somewhere in the early stages of the challenge I started sleeping great, even waking for a pre-work cycle and/or jog.

Adjusting to a proper sleep routine, my energy levels were better and in turn I generally felt great. I was calm, relaxed and probably the least tense/stress I had been in ages.

These benefits were highlighted even more over the last couple of months of the challenge. Between the resulting niggles from my leg strain and a couple of other issues, my motivation has been totally sapped with exercise put on the back burner. As you will see, the weight started piling on and lo and behold the sleep is away to pot leading to general cloudiness again.

An Incentive

Is this an incentive? Damn right it is. I cannot emphasise how great I was feeling and to know what I need to do to get back there is an incentive for trying again.

So What Next? Well, try and  get back on it. If I can get my motivation back, I’ll be back. My aim is to focus on cycling and rowing (low impact) for now. Into the new year, I want to start jogging again. I'm going back to square one - Couch to 5K from the beginning. I’ll start with the eight one minute blocks and see where we get to. I'm not setting goals with time limits at the moment.

So, I’ll probably randomly update this as I'm a big fan of the benefits of writing things down.

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Week 19 - The Penultimate Week

Last week: 16st 12.2lb  This week: 16st 11.9lb Loss: 0.2lb (0.13%) Steps: 86,881 

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Week 18

Last week: 16st 8.7lb (2weeks ago) This week: 16st 12.2lb  Gain: 3.5lb (1.5%) Steps: 66,038

What’s happening? So, it would appear that my lack of motivation is starting to have an impact. Not only [as you can see] is the weight creeping up, the fitness and energy levels are going to.

Aiming for a jog and cycle at the gym this week on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. Then hopefully the final physio session for my gammy leg on Monday.

Once i get back on it, I’ll have a think about a plan to get back on track for logging a 5k time.

If only @fatmazza was still on it. My failings would have well been a motivator for him to take the lead.

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No weigh in this week. Im in Lisbon. Have a Custard Tart instead.

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Week 16

Last week: 16st 9.2lb This week: 16st 8.7lb Loss: 0.5lb (0.21%) Steps: 87,264 

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Last week: 16st 8.6lb This week: 16st 9.2lb Gain: 0.3lb (0.26%) Steps: 96,664

Whats been happening? So last week, I mentioned that the motivation has been sapped a bit and I need to get on it. Well that hasn't happened and it's got worse. Its not even the weight that is the issue. Its the lack of activity. Your body and. In definitely knows when you are being more active and let's you know it when you aren't. The plan I was at the physio earlier in the week to loosen the leg issue so back to basics for a bit. Light jogging as if I'm back attempting the c25k for a couple of sessions to keep the legs moving and force myself to the gym to use the bikes. I’m going to attempt to write up a schedule involving exercise and food until next Friday and try and stick to it. Them enjoy Lisbon and embark on the pre Christmas push [which may still involve a 5k].

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Week 14

Last week: 16st 8.6lb This week: 16st 8.6lb Gain: N/A Steps: N/A

Dead flat between the two weeks. so no gain or loss for me. What’s Been Happening? Not much to be honest. Over the last few weeks the motivation has slipped a bit. The dark mornings and nights are fairly taking their toll. But every effort counts. Another 20 minutes of jogging clocked up tonight.

If I’m honest, I think the target of logging a decent 5k time by the end of the year is slowly slipping away. I’ll try my best but not sure it is going to happen.

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Week 13

Another week that this is late. It is the exact inverse as last week.

Last Week: 16st 8.9lb This week: 16st 8.6lb

Loss: 0.3lb (0.13%) Steps: 75,553

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Week 12

Obviously, this should have went up last Wednesday. D’oh

Last week: 16st 8.6lb This week: 16st 8.9lb Gain: 0.3lb (0.13%) Steps: N/A 

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Saturday Cycle: Paisley - Home

The slight drawback of getting into cycling towards the end of the year is that the daylight is getting limited and the weather isn’t exactly great. That just means when the weekend comes, I should get out.

Following last weeks trip to Inverkip, I was keen to get back on it. One train ride to Paisley later and I was presented with the prospect ahead, 18 miles until home. 

The route from Paisley back to Greenock is all part of the National Cycle Network and is about 90% cycle path with very minimal elements going through roads/town.

I was very impressed with the path but not so the weather. Already having a bit of a cold, cycling through [what was essentially] clouds wasn’t exactly a treat. However, a great wee cycle was had and I would definitely recommend that one. I wouldn’t mind adding the Glasgow-Paisley bit and trying the full thing. One day I might even try it in reverse, although the route up to the start of the path in Greenock is a bit more uphill than I’d like.

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Week 11

Last week: 16st 7.1lb This week: 16st 8.6lb Gain: 1.5lb (0.65%) Steps: 100,204

It turned out that I won last week so the points as at last week would have been 100 pts (Me) to 50 pts (@fatmazza). My gain this week has left the door wide open for his resurgence to begin. Apart from the Saturday cycle (previous post) there hasn’t been much to write about. The Couch to 5k has hit the last couple of weeks and I am struggling a bit. It is now at the point where it is one continuous run. Having struggled the last twice at the gym to complete it, I am going back tonight with a different mind set. It’s not a competition, if I break it up and take a couple of breaks that’s no biggy. So, the last of the 25 minute runs is getting broken down to 9/8/8 with a minute gap in-between. The 27 and 30 minute runs are getting split evenly in three (9s and 10s).  Once I’m up to running for 30 minutes in the session, I can then focus on trying to string them together.

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Hill Climb

Over the last few months, any cycling that I have done (firstly in the gym and more recently on the bike) has been at a constant speed on the flat. 

Deciding that I should attempt to cycle to my brother’s house which is up the back of Inverkip seemed a bit of an effort compared to my recent cycles. But, you don’t get anywhere if you don’t try it. So off I went. 

2 hours, 30km and 400m ascent later and I was back home, totally buzzing. 

I won’t lie when I say my legs were burning heading up the hill at Inverkip, but made it I did. A quick visit in to see Elaine and wee Grace and it was time to go back down the hill. The pain of uphill is worth it for the freedom of the downhill leg.

One thing I have realised is that we are pretty lucky to be part of a cycle network in our area. It definitely helps being able to get out while gradually building up the confidence for the sections on the roads.

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