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i am, as the critics say, a disaster

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Another log, after-House

Gray made an oath with Arch in the dream world to protect him the best he could, like he did with me. He'll turn Arch's pain into a sorta ticklish feeling, and protect them from nightmares. The protection doesn't work unless I'm physically close to Arch, and if he's in extreme pain the ticklish feeling is painful in of itself. I'm happy Gray's made a friend! By holding onto a thread of thought long enough, I end up being able to read it. The problem is, I don't know which thread's what and if it is a painful thought I can trigger nightmares and night terrors from their memory. I'm practicing on birds instead in different ways to avoid that. Maybe I'll try memory reading on them... No matter how painful it is, I have to improve. I can switch the bird's thoughts. By keeping them equally mixed, they seem a bit confused but are able to take care of themselves. I can color-code the thoughts to make sure who's is who's using something similar to the dream-creation power I have in the dream world. Foley made a promise to quit drugs and keep his drinking lower. I heard he started up training with the others. I'm happy for him! Jade's Voice is becoming annoying. I hope we can get rid of it soon. I managed to put Lucille to sleep, but it was painful for both of us. I think I forgot most of what happened, actually... I was just using my powers more and more and things went blank and Lucille was on the ground. Sandman's dead! I'm proud of Rift and the others for hatching a plan to get rid of the sneaky fucker.

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Cerberus and Crow Jane, Protector and I

      This is what I know about us. Protector and I have been linked for a very long time; since before she was born, and, if you stretch it, centuries longer than that. There are a lot of things that are not clear to me or are confused, have gaps, but you don’t spend a week with a Nightmare and a whole fucking Covenant whispering among themselves while stirring your brainpan clockwise and widdershins without retaining some of it.      From what I remember and Protector told me Crow Jane said, this is the story. Crow Jane is one half of co-ruling Nightmares of a Covenant alongside what I called the Crow Man. They call themselves “The One Who Comes After” and “The One Who Comes Before” respectively.      Somewhere through the centuries the two had some sort of falling out and Crow Jane attempted to leave. A member of the Covenant was Cerberus, a powerful, vicious, and loyal Voice; it was tasked to track down Crow Jane and bring it back fully into the fold. Cerberus and Crow Jane had always hated each other with a passion of fire.     Crow Jane attached itself to my family bloodline about one-hundred and fifty years ago as best as I can guess, somehow camouflaging itself by choosing someone an occupying the same space as them. The Crow Man and Cerberus eventually tracked Crow Jane down. The Crow Man could detect that Crow Jane was associated with my family and began stalking us, trying to get Crow Jane to reveal itself. Cerberus tried to get at Crow Jane by inhabiting a woman someone and attacking Crow Jane. However Crow Jane set a trap for Cerberus and caught it but was unable to to kill it and instead Sealed it inside a child growing in the womb of the woman Cerberus was inhabiting, hoping it would give it a little time to prepare for when Cerberus woke again.       Protector is stronger than Crow Jane anticipated. Protector has carried and fought Cerberus for over twenty years.       Protector and I have been chosen to be pawns in a hunt that has lasted centuries. Protector the vessel of the hound of hell, and I the shield of the crow of death and decay. The events that led to this. The evil we and our families have been put through, that I put Protector through under the influence of Crow Jane, this is why. But they made a mistake.. They chose us. They linked us together, brought us together, and we have created a bond that will cost them their existence.

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Have you ever loved somebody so much that you wanted to kill them?

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Blank

I just want to feel the water rushing past my fingers again

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REAPER ONE AMALGUS ZERO

ENJOY YOUR FUCKING RECRUITS NOW THAT THEY’RE EITHER SWISS CHEESE OR TRAITORS.

FUCKIN’ LAST TIME I TRUST A COVENANT TO KEEP A FUCKING DEAL. I’M GOING SOLO.

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They said you had locked yourself in your room and were fighting Cerberus, so I thought it would be best to leave you alone.

I never thought that something was using Arch to lie.

I trust you all too much...

I'm starting to think I'm not be honest with myself.

I help the other with their problems , but I been hiding how I feel around things.

I can’t believe that you all didn’t see I was gone for a week at the st. Lucifer hospital. You didnt look , called for me.

Arch’s demons made her bound and gagged me . Then she dragged me by my hair down the staircase into the basement.

Where she had been taking cats, birds, rats down to killing them . Where they place to fester and have maggots wiggle around in them.

I was so scared and try to struggle that’s when I was Hits by some hard on my head.

I I woke up sometime later with my hands above my head. I felt a horrible burning feeling on my right leg. It start felt like a horrible razor cut then grew into an unbearable feeling.

Arch ’s demons ( crow Jane ) was controlling arch ’s hand as it moved the blade cutting strips of my skin off.

Cerberus my voice Would heal the wound to keep it from bleeding out

For seven days and seven nights strips of my skin Cut or peeled off my legs.

On the seventh day I was going to be kills I had no other choice but to strike arch with a rock . I was able to manage to get my hands out of the Ropes because I worked my wrist Rawl trying to get free.

I didn’t want to die.

I forgiving arch. I know it wasn’t her who did it was the bad thing.

But why did it take you also so long.

What is The reason I got overlooked or arches because we don’t have powers or are where seen as luggage on the team.

What I’m saying is sometimes I feel over looked at times. That worries me.

I did my very best to help everyone. I even have cleaned up quite a bit blood when it was needed.

I’m so caught up . I The only person I ever had to kill was my brother in self-defense .

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I'm happy you're both safe and strong as you wished. You will not leave my thoughts, no matter where you go. :)

But I hope we do not ever meet again in the real world. I will miss you dearly, Alex!

Joining Amalgus

I told the overseer I wanted to talk to Lucious, as soon as I had him in my room I told him I’d made my decision and wanted to join. He was really happy about it and told me that he would need at most a week to get ready for it, but tomorrow, we will get me tagged and shown to a proper home in the core. 

Zahks is happy with me, he loves it here and Im happy to see him getting along with the others, including Hunter.

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Was I truly a monster all along?

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Why bother trying to do anything? Usually people say for happiness, But happiness never lasts long otherwise it cannot exist Satisfaction is painful to achieve Things must be suffered against to be won. But if the reward does not measure up to the struggle- why bother trying? I remember what I felt with everyone around me. Not happiness, not sadness, not peace, not chaos. Not exactly. We think we found the term for what I really want... Spiritual balance. Kinda cheesy, but it works. I want the pull and fro in equal measures. The good, the bad. To feel sad so I can feel happy. To feel happy so I can feel sad. Maybe there's even more to this balance thing. I hope I can see it one day. We still want to discover new things, no matter where it takes us...

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Don’t Forget

[3:21:33 AM] Syphus: You are all human in some way.

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Even though we’re surrounded by people, animals, and have one another...

... What is this loneliness we feel?

It feels as if The Forest could satisfy it.

But since that isn’t an option at this point;

Where do we truly belong?

The knight silently calls for them, but they do not answer.

He knows they never will, that he is like the monsters they fight.

If only they were connected, he thinks, if only they could understand.

But he cannot grasp the veil that suffocates them

If he is thousands of black feathers and dots away.

He can only watch through the Queen’s telescope as his kind link is devoured.

He can only hide his red blade.

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Task 4

Reflect on yourself and everything you have done to be where you are now. Audio, text, or video is fine.

Post to the recollective task tag and tag any other Tasks as such. “#recollectiontasks”

I am not as lazy as Gardur was, I expect this to be done by the end of the next seventh day or light but uncomfortable punishment will be issued.

- Syphus

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Dreamy afternoon - I literally just took these and you can’t understand how happy I am -