carldelmonte

[carldelmonte]

After 3 years, it happened. Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness! ♥

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sarap mo i-mute sa social media tsaka sa real lyf, lamoyon?

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HINDI MO TIME AT EFFORT ANG NASASAYANG, OKAY? KAYA ‘WAG MAGING DEMANDING

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Nagplano sila mag inom kahapon then parang namove ngayon kasi maraming hindi pwede kahapon. Tapos kanina napag usapan ulit namin kung tuloy ba, tuloy daw. Tapos sabi ko, "paano pag nag aya kumain sa labas si Daddy? Kasi diba birthday ko. Eh hindi pa nya alam" sabi nya, "Edi cancel lakad. Baka kasi magpuntahan sila eh. 9pm daw sila pupunta eh panigurado pag umalis tayo alas dose na tayo makakauwi"

Sakit naman. Una muna inom. Hahahahah

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Puro pala sad post pinopost ko dito sa tumblr hahahahahahaha

[carldelmonte]

It's my day but it feels like it was just an ordinary day. Maybe I'm just expecting too much na may mangyayari na maganda today pero too bad, umaga pa lang, badtrip na agad. Hahahaha maybe I am destined for a not-so-happy birthday every year.

I didn't remember any birthday na sobrang masaya ako just because of the handa and the celebration. I am just happy and contented na may bumati sakin.

I remember when I was celebrating my 18th birthday, wala akong kasama non. Mag isa lang ako sa bahay. Si papa nasa Quezon, nagttrabaho. Si mama that time, patay na. Nakakalungkot. Even my childhood friend didnt bother to go to my house. I was alone. And the next year, ganun pa rin. Walang pagbabago.

When I got 20, I have Jeham na. We celebrated my birthday in SnR. I was happy kasi mommy nya yung nag initiate na kumain don. I felt happy kasi hindi ko nafeel mag isa kahit na may sakit ako non.

But now, I'm 21, I dont know kung bakit bumalik na naman sa dati. I have my husband right now. Pero bakit ganun hindi ko pa rin maramdaman? Sabi nga ni Nanay, "First birthday mo sa Anjail, walang ganap?" Well, I never expect anything. Pero hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko.

But I still thank God for another year because He never left me. He always there for me, guiding me and providing my needs. I think, that's the importance of birthday. Remembering when God was with you through out that year. I'm expecting that He will still be with me all the time. And I think that would make my year complete.

[carldelmonte]

Nung naisip ko na makipaghiwalay na, there is something na bumulong sakin na, "talaga ba? Seryoso ka na ba jan?", "huwag". Narealize ko na, kaya ko lang nasasabi yung mga bagay na yun dahil nasasaktan ako. But then, when I saw him crying, and saying na, "Hindi ko kaya na mawala ka.", "Tutuparin ko pa yung pangako ko sa altar na mamahalin kita hanggang sa huling hininga ko" tapos grabe yung iyak nya na para bang lalabas na yung puso n'ya.

Narealize ko na hindi ko pala kaya na mawala s'ya. Yung pag iyak pa lang niya, pinaramdam na sakin agad na mali yung mga sinabi ko, na hindi ko talaga kaya na mawala s'ya.

Ito yung unang matinding away namin na alam ko at sinisigurado ko na hindi na mauulit ito.

Thank you, Lord, for guiding us. Hindi mo po kami hinayaan na magkahiwalay at tunay nga po na ikaw pa rin ang nasa sentro namin. 💖

[carldelmonte]

Then, tear came fall down

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Ngayon ko na lang ulit naramdaman 'to. Shemay parang laging bago eh. Ang sakit pa rin.

[carldelmonte]

Ang hirap pala pag hindi ka naaappreciate. At lalong mahirap pag inappreciate ka naman pero pilit dahil sinabi mo sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo.

Ako yung tipong laging nakakaappreciate ng mga bagay bagay. "Ang gwapo naman ng bebe ko", "Ang galing mo naman. I'm so proud of you" I always encourage everyone. I always cheer them and mouthed the words, " I am so proud of you."

I never experienced na masabihan nang "maganda ka", "magaling ka. Congratulations and I am so proud of you" na galing sa parents ko. Pero sa ibang tao, oo. Pero wala sakin yon. Hindi ako nahhurt pag hindi nila naaappreciate yung achievements ko. In fact, everytime na may makakaappreciate sa'kin dati, sobrang nahihiya ako. Pag yung nasakin na yung attention, lagi kong pinapabilis yung phasing na nasakin para mawala agad yung attention nila sakin. Kaya siguro, hindi ganun ka built yung self confidence ko.

But then, when this time came, nung nagka asawa na ako. I dont know, pero bigla kong hinanap yon. Hinanap ko yung pleasure na alam ko it help me to build my confidence. Pero parang bumaliktad yung mundo. Ngayong hinahanap ko na 'to. Ganun ata talaga, when you are growing, may hinahanap ka na aspect or whatever you called it para mabuo ka. Kasi I realized na habang tumatanda ang isang tao, yung gusto nya ay nag uupgrade rin. Kung yung dati, ang gusto mo lang ay candy, ngayon ang gusto mo na ay cellphone. At yun yung nagpapasaya sayo. Doon mo nararamdaman yung contentment.

Ngayon, parang wala na akong pakielam kahit sino yung umappreciate sakin. Ang mahalaga yung asawa ko, naaappreciate ako. Siguro nga, sa isang relasyon mararamdaman nyo talaga yunh tipong hindi ka na naaappreciate ng bf/gf/asawa mo, at ang ending magtatampo ka para maiparamdam mo sa kanya na may problema kayo. Pero yung sakin, it all lead to nothing. Hindi ko na maramdaman yung naaappreciate nya ako. I've been cold to him, pero parang wala lang. Masakit pala. I always dressed beautifully for him, pero wala lang. May mga bagay ako na ginagawa katulad nang pag iipon, na alam kong ikakaproud nya, pero hindi nya napansin kung hindi ko pa sabihin. And wala lang syang reaction. Nung naiinis na ko tsaka nya lang ako inamo amo and saying na, "ang galing naman ng asawa ko"

Kailan ko kaya maffeel yung appreciation na hindi pilit? Sobrang hirap naman kasi sya yung least ng tao na hindi ko ineexpect na gagawin sakin to. Lord, please give me more strength. :(

[carldelmonte]

Pinipilit ko lang ba o sadyang pagod lang ako? :(

[carldelmonte]

Sometimes I feel so numb and heartless pagdating sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Naaasar ako kasi wala akong mafeel na kilig, or anything. Lalo na nung sinurprise nya ko nung sa kitkat, srlsy, I felt nothing. :( self, bakit naman ganun? I dont want to be unfair to him. Everytime he writes a message that telling me how much he loves me, parang wala lang. Pero minsan naman, I am so inlove with him na para bang wala ng bukas. Pero madalas talaga, parang wala lang. Hay! Ano bang nangyayari, self?????!!

[carldelmonte]

2016 had many ups and downs. Bad experiences, depressed days, lonely days, lovely days, happy days and more. It's like a movie wherein everything, all the feels whether it is bad or good you will feel it. No exception. But despite of those bad days, I still thank God for those experiences because I will not be this stronger, braver and bolder without it. And also for guiding us in the right pathway by Him. Thank you, God for being there for us from the beginning until the end. Thank you for all the blessings that we were received throughout the year. I wish this 2017 is more closer to You and of course, strong relationship with Papa and Jeham and his fam, loooooooooong life and a brighter future. Bye 2016, Hello 2017! ❤️

[carldelmonte]

12/02/16

Finally, my cousins and I got bonded. Its almost 6 months since the last time we've seen each other. Since it's the first time again, nagkaproblema kung paano kami matutulog kasi, hello, we're heading to early adulthood (except to the 3rd one hehe), so malalaki na kami. Way back then, we used to be in the same bed. Wala lang, para lang kaming naglalaro kasi sobrang laki nung higaan. Nakakaikot kami whenever and wherever we want. Pero ngayon, kung pwede lang in one position, ganun na lang kasi kung hindi magrereklamo ang isa. At eto na nga, right after breakfast, Sean said, "ang sikip kagabi e. Ako pa nasa gitna." Hahahaha I missed the old days. Buti na lang yung isa, nagawa ulit namin, ang matulog magkakatabi.

[carldelmonte]

Simple messages like this feels like I'm an important person, that there is someone who appreciates me. Still I got a true one 💕

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[carldelmonte]

November 29, 2016 💓 @Solenad 3, Nuvali Sta. Rosa, Laguna

So glad to be part of his fam. It’s my first time to welcome like his family did. Sobrang thankful ako kay God kasi pinarealize nya sakin yung halaga nya sa buhay ko. Hehe sml, love! @jrhmpdnjl 💓