buttsandbrooms

[buttsandbrooms]

It's usually pretty hard for me to scout Northeast talent, as their skills are usually hidden under layers upon layers of hoodies and sweatpants due to the region's frigid climate.  However, if I am a boat floating aimlessly in a foggy night, Macaulay beater Jenna Jankowski's piercing blue eyes are the lighthouse that leads me safely to shore.  According to the internet, a marauder is someone who attacks others and plunders their goods.  With a smile like hers, Jenna is certainly her region's most dangerous and dastardly plunderer -- of hearts.

[buttsandbrooms]

When the proverbial "they" first said that brains are sexy, they most certainly had Martin Pyne of the Silicon Valley Skrewts in mind.   Of all the snubs on last seasons Eighth Man All-American lists, none was more egregious than Pyne's.  The bespectacled athlete is in a class of his own at the utility position, as he is both an elite scorekeeper and statistician.  His refereeing is also the stuff of legend out West, making him possibly the most dangerous triple threat the IQA has ever seen.  All of the ladies and gents of the IQA will be pining for Martin by season's end...if they aren't already.

[buttsandbrooms]

So, for those who don't know, I have the Lost Boys' vote in Jack ThePhan's new coaches' poll.  For every installment, I will share with you, the people, my rankings, as I'm not afraid of public backlash like others tend to be.  So, let's get to it.

First and foremost, these first rankings should all be taken with a grain of salt, as we don't have any footage of the major tournaments that happened this past weekend.  Ergo, they're pretty much based on what we know about teams on paper (e.g., rosters, scores): expect them to change heavily after this coming weekend, when we hopefully will have film of last weekend's tournaments, and we'll have major results from Breakfast Taco and the Lumberjack Invitational.  Here are my votes:

1. Baylor - Are only losing one player from last year's Final Four team (Paul Williard), and will presumably be adding at least 2 or 3 additional athletes to their competitive roster.  Their beating SHOULD be far and away the best in the region this year, and their quaffle offense and defense will most likely both diversify and improve.  Expect them to show more than just "Baylor D" this year.  Tons of teams played it at fantasy tournaments, which  means more and more teams will know how to beat it.  I'd be very surprised if they aren't aware of this as well.2. TAMU - Only graduated two players from last year's team, and are adding new talent to supplement an already strong returning roster. More importantly, NO team in the land is more motivated to win World Cup after two consecutive seasons of hype and disappointment.   Last year they were killed by a lack of quality beating strategy.  Look for them to change that this season.3. UT - The Longhorns graduated most of their big name players, but a strong core of athletes remains.  With two competitive teams sent to WC last year, and a full house league on campus, one can only assume that they'll have talent to reload with, and continue to be competitive.  How far they go will be determined by whether or not the new recruits buy into the three-a-day training mentality that last year's roster did, and can continue to be 20 quality players deep.4. Lone Star - Those big name players from UT?  They're here, along with talent from surrounding powerhouses TAMU and LSU.  While their top lines will be out of this world, one has to question their depth, as they currently don't have the luxury of having interchangeable parts at all 21 spots, especially beater.    The biggest question mark for LSQC is, of course, how they will adjust to being a community team: especially one based in multiple locations.  Will they be able to develop the same cohesiveness that led UT to a championship?5. Lost Boys - The Lost Boys have added much needed depth to their rotation in the form of several UCLA grads and standout Vassar beater Peter Lee, and have possibly the four best players in the world this season at their respective positions (Rodriguez, Goh, Seto, DiCarlo), but the dropoff from their first line to their third line of talent is a huge red flag for this team going forward, at least when compared to the teams ranked above them on this list.  How they develop that third line will make or break this team.6. USC - Assuming both August Luhrs and David Demarest play full-time this season, the Trojans will be a scary matchup for the majority of teams.  Luhrs had a dominant seeking run at WCVI (and generally intimidating presence at chaser), and Demarest is easily a top 5 two-way chaser in the world (he did not play at WCVI).  If these two players are dedicated, the team's fate will be decided by its females.  In the past, a full-rostered USC's Achilles Heel has been female players who don't warrant attention by opposing defenses. If the Trojans can turn their girls into legitimate threats, their team will be a legitimate threat for the title. 7. BU - Bawston came out victorious in the Initialism Invitational this past weekend, defeating both QC Boston and rival Emerson in the process.  Led by newfound Northeast darling Max Havlin, and the return of key players Brendan Stack and Katrina Bossotti, BU will presumably be a strong contender throughout the season.   I've given them the benefit of the doubt with this ranking and will withhold further judgement until I see the tape.  8. UCLA - The Bruins lost over half of their WCVI roster, including their coaching staff and beloved team founder.  While they will still have the talent to compete against the strong majority of teams, nothing save an absurdly elite recruiting class will have them sniffing a Final Four run this season.  Without top-tier players like Goh, Sponagle, King Abramson, Abayan, Levis, Lin, and Browne this will be a completely new-look program that will have to significantly adjust its playing style to succeed.9. Emerson - Emerson lost several key players to graduation or other area teams, but the Lions have an absurdly deep pool of talent to draw from by way of their IM league. David Foxx should be able to physically dominate the Northeast.  I won't say more about Emerson until I see game tape -- this ranking is heavily based on how they performed at World Cup last year.10. Florida's Finest - Well, the name is accurate.  FF took home the trophy at this past weekend's South tournament.  This is a similarly benefit of the doubt ranking until game tape surfaces.11. Kansas - Kansas lost several strong players to graduation, but strong Fantasy showings from players like Colby Soden lead one to believe that the Jayhawks will be the team to beat in the Midwest, especially given how BGSU's roster looks.  Again, this is a benefit of the doubt ranking.12. Texas State - Texas State had two breakout stars at #TFT this summer: Eric Reyes and Jordon Parisher.  How the rest of their roster develops remains to be seen, but these two playesr alone can most likely hero ball against most teams in the league.13. UTSA - UTSA is still a new team, but they showed a lot of athleticism at fantasy tournaments this summer, and are approaching the season with a very serious tone.  Given that we're still at a point where pure athleticism will win you games against most teams, UTSA will be a team to watch this season.14. NYDC - NYDC has a roster that should have no trouble making waves in the Mid-Atlantic.  However, whether or not that roster will be able to compete at a national level with split-roster practices remains to be seen.15. LSU - LSU might be WAY down this season, but it's still LSU. Even with a depleted roster, they'd still be very competitive in other, less physically demanding regions., especially with a slimmer, more athletic Brad Armentor carrying the ball.

[buttsandbrooms]

BnB Presents: Hot, Or Not?

This marks the first installment of what I hope to be a regular feature here on Butts and Brooms.  I'll give you three things in quidditch that I think are currently HOT, and three things that I think are NOT.  Pretty simple, right?  Let's get to it.

HOT:

Snitch Catch Off Pitch:  Simply put: SCOP's team of anonymous bloggers has been absolutely killing it since they burst onto the scene a few weeks back.  Regardless of whether you agree with their opinions, you can't deny that they've been doing their jobs: posting original content that sparks conversation during what has been a relatively dead period for analytical quidditch blogging.   However, history tells us that the majority of quidditch blogs tend to be flashes in the pan.  Will SCOP be able to remain hot throughout the regular season, or will they fall by the wayside of inactivity like so many of their predecessors?  

Community Teams:  At this point, I'm pretty sure everyone and their team mom knows that most regions have an all-star laden community team ready to run roughshot over every college team in its path...but that's not why I'm giving community teams the "hot" nod.  They're not hot because of how good they've gotten.  They're hot because of how they got there.  They've given the quidditch community the closest thing we've ever had to the recruiting/free agency phenomenons of college and professional sports.  Aside from the World Cup announcement, no question has been on the forefront of every quidditch player's mind this offseason moreso than, "who's joining a community team next year?"  We've had roster leaks, official roster announcements, roster rumors...all that's separating us from the big leagues is Tony Rodriguez sitting in front of a group of underprivileged youth and a Vitamin Water dispenser.  What's going to be really fun is when there are multiple competitive community teams in each area, and players will actually be deciding  which team they want to play for, as opposed to just whether or not they want to play.  Look for the defections we've already seen in the Northeast (more on that later) to become the norm in years to come.  As the kids these days say, "Dis go'n be good."

The IQA Website: Does this one actually need a description?  The new website looks pretty.  It has hot people on it.  It doesn't talk about Harry Potter.  It's everything we've been asking for, and more.  Good on you, IQA.

NOT HOT:

The Eighth Man: I feel like I'm in one of those old school Boost Mobile commercials with old people and Fabolous, because all everyone ever says about T8M anymore is, "Where You At?"  While the site has done pretty much the bare minimum of what's expected in the past few months (fantasy previews and recaps), there really hasn't been any other content production from what was supposed to be the journalistic savior of quidditch.  While we could give them the benefit of the doubt and say, 'It's the offseason; there's nothing to talk about,' we here at BnB have higher standards.  With a full staff of writers who've been on summer vacation, there's really no excuse for not having churned out some sort of article on a weekly basis for the past few months...especially with all the community team news that's been happening.  #investigativejournalism.  With the new season rapidly approaching, we'll quickly find out if T8M will regain its spot atop the quidditch journalism hierarchy, or will be completely overtaken by SCOP, The Quidkid, and even the IQA itself.

Emerson:  No team has been rocked harder by the community team uprising than the Lions, who have already seen three players defect to the Massacre.  And we're not talking low-level scrubs who were never going to see the field, either.  The biggest of these stories was Benny Nadeau, who was slated to serve as captain for Emerson's World Cup team.  Clearly, bromance was thicker than water. The other major defector, Victor Viega, was the first ever BnB submission, and heir-apparent to David Foxx at the keeper position for ECQ.  Living up to their name, the Massacre ruthlessly gutted the Northeast powerhouse, stealing from them both their present (Nadeau) and their future (Viega).  But, on the brightside for Emerson, this is the type of first-act tragedy that great sports movies are made of!  

Myrtle Beach:  And THANK GOD.  Cold-weather World Cup here we come!!!!

[buttsandbrooms]

When I first met Kaci Erwin of the University of Texas, I didn't get a very good look at her, as my face was in the turf.  She put it there (Does that even count as meeting?  I'm counting it as meeting).  When I got up, I couldn't decide whether I should ask for the license plate number of the truck that hit me, or the phone number of the Greek Goddess who just hugged my heart to the ground.  Kaci is reportedly in cahoots (i.e., workout buddies) with one Augustine Monroe, and it shows: she's got legs that look like they could physically crush the majority of male players in the game right now. I'm talking Famke Janssen in Goldeneye status (if you don't get that reference look it up, because it's great).  Despite only having played for, like, a month, Kaci is already a fearsome defender, and competent offensive option.  If she keeps up her current pace, she'll undoubtedly be one of the top female players in the sport by the time April rolls around.  And one of the hottest.

[buttsandbrooms]

Butts and Brooms Presents: The Attractive All-Americans (Female Edition)

The same rules apply as in the male edition: This team is comprised of the female players who embody the greatest combination of skill and hotness.  The one change: because there are barely any female keepers, I chose to replace the keeper spot with a fourth chaser.  Let's get to it:

Chaser: Sarah Holub (UT).

Holub, both a T8M and #BBAA selection, has one of the sassiest smirks in the IQA.  She also likes Disney.  A lot.

Chaser: Audrey Wright (UT).

Audrey Wright is the legs of Texas Quidditch.  And the arms.

Chaser: Vanessa Goh (UCLA).

Goh, both a T8M and #BBAA selection, has the hottest boyfriend in the entire IQA.  She was also proposed to by a stranger after falling into the crowd during the World Cup Finals (watch yourself, buddy).

Chaser: Becca DuPont (TAMU).

DuPont, both a T8M and #BBA selection, is also known as a "shewolf."  I'm not exactly sure what that means, but she certainly makes all the boys and girls howl.

Beater: Mollie Lensing (TAMU).

Lensing, who played for the Silver Phoenixes this season, was a member of Team USA, and a finalist in this year's #BBI.  Yes, I still have the photo.  No, you can't see it.

Beater: Savannah Allison (TAMU).

If the IQA had an official #twerkteam, Allison would be its captain.

Seeker: Molly Pietroski (Lost Boys).

Pietroski is the hottest seeker to come out of Emerson since Dan Hanson.

[buttsandbrooms]

So I'm just curious what you think (since you are willing to share your opinion/I respect it). To me Texas's weakest point seemed to be seeking (granted they had beaters and seekers opposing them snitch blocking). Do you think if the finals, or any other game, had been in snitch range that UT could've lost? Especially considering they lost on snitch to Baylor at regionals?

Seeking is UT's weakness relative to its chasers and beaters, but I wouldn't necessarily consider it a "weakness."  That being said, if the game were to actually come down to a snatch, it's entirely possible that they could've lost...but only if their opponent were ahead, and their seeker could catch the snitch without beater support.  If the opponents were down and pulled their beaters onto UT's seeker, they'd stand no chance stopping the Longhorns in the ensuing pure chaser game, and they'd quickly be pushed back out of range.  If the opponents were ahead, they'd have a chance of winning as they'd have around 5 goals to give before UT could push them out of range. 

[buttsandbrooms]

Butts and Brooms Presents: The Attractive All-Americans

I'll be releasing two of these lists: one for males, and one for females.  The players selected for each of these lists are, in my opinion, the best combination of attractiveness and skill at their respective positions.  Without further ado:

Chaser: Drew Wasikowski (TAMU).

Drewski was selected as an All-American by both T8M and Butts and Brooms.  He is also the only quidditch player to have won a medal for swimming at the Olympic Games.

Chaser:  Simon Arends (UT).

Arends, a first-team #BBAA selection and second-team T8M selection, recently got a haircut.  Men, women, and children everywhere wept.

Chaser: Kifer Gregoire (TAMU).

Gregoire serves as TAMU's sure-tackling point defender with the swaggiest of on-field swag.

Keeper: Chris Morris (UT).

Morris, a #BBAA selection, has played every position for the Longhorns, including male model.

Beater: Jacob Adlis (UT).

Adlis, who usually breaks hearts with his ripping physique, missed most of the season with a broken wrist.  He was a #BBAA selection, and moonlights as an actor under the stage name "Edward Norton."

Beater: Mathieu Gregoire (TAMU)

Kifer's swag is the swaggiest.  Mathieu's stache is the stache-iest.

Seeker: Donovan McNiff (Cal).

Donovan McNiff is going to change the world, one intercontinental flex at a time.

[buttsandbrooms]

Butts and Brooms Presents: The All-Americans

Male Chasers: Simon Arends and Kody Marshall (Texas). 

Defense wins championships.  Arends and Marshall are two of the best defenders in the business.  However, unlike many great defensive players, these two are just as unstoppable on the offensive end, having the ability to literally grind their way through the tackles of all the opposing team's chasers in succession en route to a goal.  They're also great distributors to boot.  These are, unquestionably, the best all around chasers in the game, and undisputed first team all-americans.

Female Chaser: Vanessa Goh (UCLA).

The first team girl chaser position for most people is a coin-flip: is it Vanessa Goh, or is it Sarah Holub?  Both are able to tackle male chasers consistently.  Both are able to score, catch, and pass effectively and consistently.  There are, however, slight differences in these chasers' skill sets.  Whereas Holub is godlike at making leaping two-handed catch-dunks, Goh excels at one handed catches away from her body, and making defenders miss in space.  Although Goh is not as proficient at the catch dunk, her superiority in space gives her the slight edge over her Longhorn counterpart in the versatility category, and a first team all-american accolade.

Beaters: Colin Capello and Hope Machala (Texas).

Though UT is known primarily for its aggressive, physical chaser play, the style of play that has made the likes of Marshall and Arends household names is not exclusive to the Longhorns' quaffle players.  Capello and Machala are just as tenacious as their chaser counterparts, with the former's being possibly the most notorious in the nation.  Whereas some beaters intimidate with their cannon arms, Capello intimidates with both his bludger and his body, which he will use to drive opposing beaters into the ground whenever given the opportunity.   Machala's quick reactions and accurate throws make her a formidable force as the rear beater in Texas's stack beater defense, and her aggressiveness allows her to seamlessly pick up the slack if their point beater is taken out by an iso.

Keeper: Zach Luce (UCLA).

Zach Luce is by no means the most physically gifted keeper in the league -- he isn't carved out of marble with blazing speed, nor is he a behemoth middle linebacker.  However, his individual performance at the World Cup was undoubtedly the best.  With fellow keeper Alex Browne out due to injury during the finals and semi-finals, Luce completely took over the championship field, racking up goals against Baylor and UT like no player had ever before done.  Despite his skinniness, Luce is incredibly slippery, giving him the ability to slip and spin out of tackles by even the likes of Texas's point defenders.  He is also a marksman from range. And, whereas most lanky keepers are only known for their shot blocking, Luce is a proficient tackler who can take down ballcarriers who make it through the perimeter defense. 

Seeker: Steve DiCarlo (Lost Boys).

Steve has caught, like, 45 snitches this year.  Just ask him about it.

Utility: Missy Sponagle (UCLA).

Missy Sponagle is the ultimate support player.  While other girl chasers are getting attention for flashy dunks and shots, Sponagle is quietly flying under the radar, doing all the little things that make UCLA's offense run, such as setting screens to open up her teammates, and opening herself up for outlet passes to stretch the defense and create passing/driving lanes for the ballcarrier.  She can also take the ball up herself, and can score consistently when given the opportunity.   Sponagle is also a very exceptional beater, who would undoubtedly earn an all-american spot were she to focus all of her time to the black headband.   As an added bonus, she has a 100% snitch snatch rate as a seeker.  She also tackled August that one time.

Check out the second and third teams after the Read More.

--- Second Team:

Chasers: Chris Morris (UT), Sarah Holub (UT), Melissa White (LSU). Beaters: Andy Abayan and Asher King Abramson (UCLA). Keeper: Augustine Monroe (UT). Seeker:  August Lührs (USC). Utility: Kenny Chilton (UT).

--- Third Team:

Chasers: Drew Wasikowski (TAMU), Becca DuPont (TAMU), Jeff Lin (UCLA). Beaters: Lauren Carter and Jacob Adlis (UT). Keeper: Stephen Bell (UT). Seeker: Sam Roitblat (BGSU). Utility: David Demarest (USC).

[buttsandbrooms]

Offseason Training: No Excuses

The offseason is upon us.  For athletes, now is the time that training is kicked into high gear, as they no longer have to worry about the stresses of school, or keeping their bodies amply rested for tournaments. For quidditch players, however, now is the time for them to become sedentary slugs who only raise their heart rate from being #butthurt by Facebook threads.  Why does this dichotomy exist?  Because quidditch players, above all else, absolutely love making excuses.  Below are the top six excuses that quidditch players give for why they don't train.  I'm going to tell you why they are crap.

"I can't afford/don't have access to a gym."

Did you know that you actually don't need weights or machines to work out?  Herschel Walker, one of the greatest athletes of all time prided himself on a workout regimen that focused on body weight exercises (e.g., pushups, pullups, unweighted squats) as opposed to weight training.  Weights certainly make training easier and more efficient, but they are absolutely not a necessity.  And, if you really want to do resistance training but can't get to a gym, be creative.  Spongebob freaking Squarepants made a barbell out of a pipe and stuffed animals; you can do the same. For example, fill a backpack with your heaviest books and do pushups or squats with it on your back.  Plus, you know what else is great exercise?  Running/agility drills.  And, unless you're living in a submarine or on an airplane for the next three months, everyone can go out and run for a nominal fee of zero dollars and zero cents.  Ever seen Rocky IV?  If not, go watch it, and you'll understand.  No excuses.  

"I don't have time."

Yes, yes you do.  For this to be a legitimate excuse, you would have to have all 24 hours of your day budgeted to mandatory activities; I can all but guarantee that no quidditch player does.  Have summer school, a summer job, or both that eat up all of your time?  Either train late at night, or get up an hour or two early to get a training session in.  If you want something bad enough, you have to make sacrifices.  One such sacrifice is sleep.  Triple H, the COO and part-time active wrestler for the WWE finds time to work out twice a day in addition to his almost daily cross country travel, 8 hour office days, performances in the ring, and, most importantly, spending time with his kids.  On some nights, he's lucky to get just two hours of sleep, and still acts as the COO of a billion dollar company and part-time pro athlete.  "I don't have time to train" is quidditch player for "I'm lazy."

"I don't have anyone to work out with."

...so?  If you can't will yourself to work out on your own, you're either lazy, or don't want it bad enough -- probably both.  If you really need someone else to get your butt in gear, get in touch with a teammate and set up a competition with them to see who can get more training sessions in by the time the next school year starts, with the winner getting a reward, or the loser getting a punishment.  Just because you're the only one in the gym doesn't mean you have to train alone. 

"Working out isn't fun."

You know what else isn't fun?  Losing.  Trust me, success on the field validates all the pain you go through in the offseason.  Suck it up.

"I don't know how to work out."

This might've been a legit excuse before the internet was invented.  Now, there are countless websites that will teach you the basics of athletic training free of charge.  All you have to do is look for them.  Another great resource is your fellow quidditch player.  Know someone who knows how to work out?  Don't be afraid to ask them.  If they care about the future of the sport, they'll probably be willing to help you out, even if it's just teaching you the basics.  In today's world, ignorance is, flat out, a product of laziness.

"Quidditch isn't supposed to be taken so seriously."

It isn't supposed to be taken seriously, or you don't want it to be taken seriously because you're too lazy to work for your success?  We all know what the answer is.

[buttsandbrooms]

Butts and Brooms would like to extend a very special congratulations to Cedric Leimkuehler (Quidditch Thor) on becoming a member of the University of Kansas Cheer Squad!  Put all those squats to good use, big fella!

[buttsandbrooms]

Meet STONY DICROD: The Lost Boys who found each other.  Steve DiCarlo needs no introduction.  Also known as "The Golden Snitchy," Steve runs the second most famous quidditch blog on Tumblr.  Together, he and Tony Rodriguez helped the Lost Boys bromance their way from the middle tier of Western teams to being a snitch-snatch away from reaching the Final Four at World Cup VI.  In their spare time, the real life incarnates of George and Lennie (Of Mice and Men) enjoy giving the DICROD to Disney Land, collecting Marvel action figures, swindling desserts from McDonalds, and fighting off small children for food at their local Hometown Buffet.  Even though they argue like an old married couple, these two have, allegedly, never gone farther with each other than sharing an air mattress at the Cinco de Mayo Cup -- without cuddling.  Is this relationship truly platonic?  Or will we be seeing an article titled: "Son of a Pitch! I'm in Love With My Best Friend!" in the near future?

[buttsandbrooms]

B&B: Q&A -- Part One

These were all asked by the magnificent Hank Dugie.  I chose not to answer the question about snitches because that was discussed ad nauseam after Zach D'Amico's article on the subject was released a few months back.

Question 1: Should it continue to be coed?

Short answer: yes. If football is coed (yes people, football is in fact a coed sport), then quidditch should also remain coed.  The bigger question here is whether or not we should continue to force teams to play females as teams become more and more athletic.  In the interest of not being redundant, I'll just link you to Vanessa Goh's post on the topic, as she pretty much echos my thoughts.

Question 2: Should the IQA have competition?

Definitely.  Everyone knows that competition forces people not to be complacent, and instead be constantly working to improve.  I was a big supporter of the ICBA (is that what it's called now?) when it started, as it put pressure on the IQA to meet the demands of its players.  And, well, it worked.  As long as the IQA knows that we don't need them specifically to play organized quidditch, they have to collaborate with us on decisions, and not be dictators.  Gotta keep 'em on their toes.

Question 3: How long until quidditch is relevant/irrelevant?

That depends on what your definition of relevant is.  In my mind, quidditch is currently irrelevant.  We're a punchline for late night talk show hosts and sports websites (shoutout to Barstool for publishing my post-WCVI status), and a novelty for Harry Potter fans.  And, honestly, who can blame them?  The opening ceremonies of the World Cup featured our commissioner wearing a white pimp suit and cane leading a Harlem Shake several months after the fad became dead, and asking us to preach the word of quidditch like we were missionaries trying to persuade the natives into joining a cult.  If I weren't already a quidditch player, I'd have spit up my protein shake and dropped a dumbbell on my foot while laughing about how stupid quidditch is.  The opening ceremonies should be a showcase of what your sport is all about.  To outsiders...that is what we're all about.  The IQA's online presence also leaves much to be desired.  We rarely see the top teams in the sport being highlighted.  Since NOVEMBER (and even a few months before), the cover photo of the IQA Facebook page has been barely readable posters featuring NYU players, and before that, it was people dressed in superhero costumes.  Your World Cup champion Texas Longhorns are a team of athletes who look undeniably like athletes, but instead of featuring them on the image that everyone who looks up quidditch sees, we feature NYU and nerds being nerds.  Also, videos.  How is it possible that the first video anyone sees when they look up quidditch is STILL that god-awful Harvard tape?  We have a video department now.  Can we get some highlight videos that showcase the intensity of modern quidditch?  You can publish as many articles as you want about how great the sport is, but it's the visual media that has the biggest influence on outside viewers.  If we really wanted to, we could be relevant by the end of next year's World Cup.  But, it's a matter of whether or not the IQA wants to be relevant in the minds of sports fans.  If they don't, we never will be, no matter how great the sport becomes.

[buttsandbrooms]

Over on our Facebook page, I asked y’all what your favorite type of uniform was. By a narrow margin, the traditional soccer kit worn by the likes of Kansas and USC edged out the “modern” look worn by teams like Emerson and TAMU. Ironically, coming in at a distant third was the simple and clean…

[buttsandbrooms]

The Swag Report: Uniform Edition

Over on our Facebook page, I asked y'all what your favorite type of uniform was.  By a narrow margin, the traditional soccer kit worn by the likes of Kansas and USC edged out the "modern" look worn by teams like Emerson and TAMU.  Ironically, coming in at a distant third was the simple and clean look preferred by the two best teams in the sport (Texas and UCLA).  With that said, it's time for the first installment of the Butts and Brooms Swag Report, featuring the styles sported at the fashion show that was World Cup VI.

THE BEST:

Texas

It's an old adage in sports: Look good, play good.  Texas personifies it.  The best teams don't need flashy designs to gain attention: they do it through their play on the field. These uniforms scream, "we're TXQ, and we're here to run through you."  The burnt orange top on white bottom is iconic to college football fans everywhere, and is now equally as iconic in the quidditch world.  A lot of people are skeptical of white shorts because they get "dirty," but Texas wears their mudstained shorts as a badge of honor representative of their physical, relentless style of play.  The matching socks complete the look.  The biceps don't hurt, either.

Kansas

Kansas has the perfect mix of flash and class.  The piping on the jersey makes the uniforms pop, but it's not overdone to the point of being flamboyantly distracting.  What really puts Kansas over the top, however, is their multiple combinations of uniform.  Not only do they have the black model seen above (the jersey, not Ronell), but they also have a blue jersey that they can rotate with throughout tournaments.  Not only does it keep their players feeling fresh, but it keeps them looking fresh as well.

VCU Hot People

These weren't actually game worn at World Cup, but come on.  Hot people in brotanks and short shorts.  What's not to like?

THE WORST:

Emerson

These jerseys look like they were thrown up by a hipster after a week-long PBR bender.  They look nothing like a sports uniform: they have no definitive base color for refs to call out for fouls (are they black, grey, purple?), nor do they explicitly identify the team that's wearing them, which makes is problematic for spectators.  Additionally, the design is difficult to discern from distance, which is how most people view them during games.  They also completely clash with traditional athletic shorts, which the Emerson players wear.  Although I can appreciate the artistic intent, these are, flat out, abysmal as uniforms.

Maryland

Maryland took the Texas approach and tried to model their quidditch uniforms after their football team's.  Unfortunately, they got the exact opposite results.  There is way too much color clashing, the base pattern (the designs within the black) does not look good in person, the numbers are awkwardly placed and sized, and most of them don't fit the players remotely well -- they're baggy and not close to being form fitting (again, the opposite of Texas), which makes the team look less athletic.

The moral of the story?  When it comes to uniform design, less is more.

[buttsandbrooms]

Have I ever mentioned how much of a badass my girlfriend is? 

This may offend people. I’m negating the whimsy that exists for a second and looking at quidditch purely as a sport.

(Also forgive my switching dudes/males/guys terms around. I don’t really care what they’re called they have penises)

Let me lay this straight out: THIS IS MORE OF AN...

[buttsandbrooms]

Meet Hank Dugie of the University of Texas(s).  Does this post even need an elaborate description?  Just look at that thing.  I've seen my fair share of butts in my day, but this is the first male quidditch butt to ever put me at a loss for words.  If you can find a better man-butt in all of quidditch, I'd love to see it.  Until then, congratulations to Hank for being officially awarded the title of "Best Man-Butt in Quidditch."  Do they even make thrones big enough to fit him?