bootleg-jesus

[bootleg-jesus]

The Kim Possible theme just rang out through the library and whoever is responsible has my utmost respect

[bootleg-jesus]

Booty shorts that say Hazardous Waste on the ass

[bootleg-jesus]

👊😔

Hrmm...

Thinkin ‘Bout...

leg

[bootleg-jesus]

Hrmm...

Thinkin ‘Bout...

leg

[bootleg-jesus]

Medusa, just doing her thing: Ho, what traveler enters my domain? Surely a fool, and another victim to the Curse of Medusa!

Me, a shy motherfucker: You know, hehe, p-prolonged eye contact is usually a sign of a-attraction......

Medusa, a lesbian: Yah.,,... I-I didn’t know how to tell you.... (//^ . ^//)

The thousands of unfortunate statues: Just shut up and kiss already before I fucking shatter myself

[bootleg-jesus]

Cool Date Idea

Invite your special someone over for a nice, home-cooked dinner. While cutting the onions, display your genetic and emotional superiority by not tearing up. If you do happen to cry, immediately douse yourself with a fire extinguisher. Girls like gals who not only don’t know how to handle their emotions, but can also safely and successfully put out a flaming hot mess. (That’s you!)

[bootleg-jesus]

I can’t believe I wasn’t invited to my own wedding. Smh

[bootleg-jesus]

Me just trying to get to class:

The uneven sidewalk: I’m about to end this man’s whole career

[bootleg-jesus]

I’m so glad “useless lesbian” is a coined term, like, I don’t want to blame my Dumb Bitch Syndrome on just me ya know

[bootleg-jesus]

Can I, can I PLEASE just be a maenad and just fuckin. Pet forest animals and tear men (that I mistake for lions) apart

[bootleg-jesus]

“Salads are erotic”

-My Mythology Professor at 7:17 PM

[bootleg-jesus]

I’m trying to not drown, but I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting Obama

[bootleg-jesus]

Hey if anyone knows what the fuck is going on just let me know! It is essential that you ONLY speak to me in four-letter words, I can’t understand anything else

[bootleg-jesus]

“This essay doesn’t make any sense but I’m still turning it in”

An essay written by Me

[bootleg-jesus]

I’m now exclusively attracted to girls who are well aware the only thing in my big ol’ head is air. A girl clicked open a pen for me yesterday and now I dream of kissing her under the moonlight

[bootleg-jesus]

Local Dumbass Mistakes Streetlamp for the Moon, Suddenly Understands the Plight of Moths

[bootleg-jesus]

Me, a pure child, brushing my teeth: ptoo

Cockroach hiding in my sink prepared to attack and kill anything, including God: mmmmmmhm, Minty Fresh

AAAAAAAAHFUCKAHHHHHHHHHH