boleynscaesar

[boleynscaesar]

Currently reading Crassus: The First Tycoon. Peter Stothard's prose is dramatic and colorful, but I'm frustrated by the lack of citations and occasional errors. Four chapters in and he's said Sulla was Rome's first dictator (no), and that he probably had syphilis. (There is no documentation of syphilis in Europe before 1495; skeletal evidence might date it to medieval times, at earliest.)

I want to like the book. Stothard is an excellent writer. But it makes me wonder what other errors in the text I just haven't noticed, and they suggest spotty research. If y'all have any other recs for books on Crassus, I'm all ears.

[boleynscaesar]

The real problem with the classics corner of tumblr is that it's deeply unbalanced. There are not enough hellenists going insane over random ancient greek politicians. The latinists are giving it their all and being completely unhinged on main and we aren't matching their energy. This simply cannot stand.

[boleynscaesar]

If someone (me) were to create a who impregnated Octavian poll what options would people want hypothetically?

we are in a pregnant senators renaissance... good!

[boleynscaesar]

Hey Roman history tumblr I was sick the day my class covered Marius and Sulla. Did they explore each others bodies?

[boleynscaesar]

roman senator accusing his political enemy of sexual immorality but as he gets further into the speech it becomes increasingly clear that he only knows because they were doing the sexual immorality together

roman senator accusing his political enemy of sexual immorality but as he gets further into his speech it becomes increasingly clear he doesnt actually know what any of the things hes accusing him of are & only vaguely knows what happens during sex

[boleynscaesar]

Hi! This is a what if scenario but I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you think if Tiberius never divorced his first wife, he would live a happier life? Also if one of Julia’s sons were emperor instead?

Honestly, I think any change to the historical Tiberius' life has an 80% chance of improving it. His story is one trauma after another, combined with grief, being stuck with a job he hated, and what looks like depression, anxiety, and/or some sort of neurodivergence. It doesn't surprise me that he tried to retire several times, and I'm impressed that he didn't snap sooner.

Of course, that doesn't justify how many people he hurt when he did lash out. He ended up as a cruel, paranoid, and deeply lonely old man. But he didn't start out that way, and in any other position I think he would've been a better, and happier man.

From one of my previous posts:

Augustus: Good work killing the Germans, your next posting will be - Tiberius: I’d really rather just read books at the library in Rhodes. Augustus: Rhodes? What, are the Parthians plotting to invade again? Tiberius: No, I’m 36 and you’ve been making me fight court cases, corruption and wars since I was 17, you made me divorce the wife I still love and miss, my new wife’s adultery has made me a public laughingstock, I want to retire. Augustus: You know what you need? A new army in Syria. It’ll be great practice for when you’re emperor. Tiberius: How do I make it clearer that I do not like politics??? Augustus: I don’t understand the question.

I don't entirely blame Augustus, either. He does seem to have intended for one of Julia's sons to succeed him, and only settled on Tiberius after every other viable successor died young.* And all his meddling in his relatives' lives was supposed to ensure a stable succession, and prevent another civil war. (And it worked!) He probably thought he was doing what was right for the sake of the Roman people, but it came at a terrible cost.

(*I'm not counting Agrippa Postumus as viable; for whatever reason, Augustus disowned him.)

It's not hard to imagine a slightly luckier world. One where Marcellus succeeded Augustus, or Agrippa had lived longer, so Tiberius never got so burned out and never had to divorce Agrippina. Or where his brother Drusus, or Gaius or Lucius Caesar took over instead. Tiberius would've probably made a fine senior advisor.

But that's not the world he got. The very nature of autocracy put enormous pressure on the Julio-Claudian family and eventually tore them apart. Even for the people at the very top, I think autocracies are cruel and unfair.

[boleynscaesar]

*You can interpret “liked” however you want—agreed with/been proud of/got along with/etc

[boleynscaesar]

'ask me about my agrippantony agenda' hello i am ASKING this has very much piqued my curiosity

OKAY SO BASICALLY Agrippa was the smart and strategic one who Octavian couldn’t have won without and Antony was the disaster drunk who cared more about fucking than winning. So naturally I want to smush them together.

Especially since Octagrippa was so clearly happening the inherent comedy for me is Agrippa and Antony fucking hating each other in negotiations and on the battlefield, yet Agrippa can’t stop having hatesex with his bf’s main rival because he’s just so good at it. And with Antony he gets to turn his brain off and doesn’t have to come up with amazing plans all the time.

[boleynscaesar]

'ask me about my agrippantony agenda' hello i am ASKING this has very much piqued my curiosity

OKAY SO BASICALLY Agrippa was the smart and strategic one who Octavian couldn’t have won without and Antony was the disaster drunk who cared more about fucking than winning. So naturally I want to smush them together.

Especially since Octagrippa was so clearly happening the inherent comedy for me is Agrippa and Antony fucking hating each other in negotiations and on the battlefield, yet Agrippa can’t stop having hatesex with his bf’s main rival because he’s just so good at it. And with Antony he gets to turn his brain off and doesn’t have to come up with amazing plans all the time.

[boleynscaesar]

one of the worst things ever is just coming to terms with the fact that mark antony probably fucked good

[boleynscaesar]

Say what you will about Scipio Nasica Serapio, you gotta admit that if he'd been around in 59 BCE, the moment Caesar tried to propose another agriculture bill to the People's Assembly Scipio would've beaten him to death with a chair.

[boleynscaesar]

If there was a mirror that showed you what you truly wanted most, and Octavian looked in it, what do you think he would see? This is for a fic thank you

What a great question! Of course, since you are the writer, you get to reshape the Oot as you please, but I'm happy to brainstorm a little.

Octavian is such a hard guy to read. I think it's rather telling that historians use two different names for him, almost as if he's two different people. You could plausibly portray him as a power-hungry manipulator; an ordinary boy who did what he had to to survive; an idealist trying to do right by his country; the evil overlord who actually won; a family man, a shitty father, a philanderer...What shows up in the mirror then depends on what you think any of these personalities would have wanted, and whether that changed over time.

But whatever else you think of him, Octavian was an actor, intensely aware that he was playing a role. He crafted his own myth and dragged the rest of the world into playing along. Even he must have started believing it to some extent. After all, we all make rationalizations for our behavior: My honor demanded it. I was forced to, to survive. I'm just doing what's best for Rome.

I like to think he'd smash the mirror, for daring to depict what he actually wants, and not for what he keeps telling himself he wants.

[boleynscaesar]

Octavian’s opinion on Caesar during his reign is so funny to me because sometimes it was *mean girls voice* “I don’t think my father, the conqueror of Gaul, would be happy to hear about this” and sometimes it was “who’s Caesar idk her Pompey 5ever"

[boleynscaesar]

“He did not wish to be thought the grandson of Agrippa, or called so, because of the latter’s humble origin; and he grew very angry if anyone in a speech or song included Agrippa among the ancestors of the Caesars

—Suetonius, Caligula

Yeah okay Gaius of all your ancestors you’re gonna be ashamed of the cool one. You apologize to my man Agrippa right the fuck now. I can get behind making your horse consul and going to war with Neptune but this is too far

[boleynscaesar]

There’s a lot of historical figures that feel like they’d only be successful/noteworthy in their specific time period and place, but I really do believe Caesar could’ve thrived anywhere any time

[boleynscaesar]

My horny ass could never be an Ides of March conspirator