black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

For those of you who still know me from WAAAYYY back, you might maybe be able to coerce me but I don’t know. I’m honestly scared of Tumblr and all of the lovelies on it devouring my entire life again. 

MY TUMBLR HAS MOVED

So I’m not deactivating this account, but I am starting a brand new Tumblr blog elsewhere. Why? Because I just don’t think I can pick up where I left off here. It’s been three years, and I need to start over. 

Also, I really just wanted to come back to a place where I could do things and keep going about my day, not necessarily get swallowed whole by the all encompassing entity that is Tumblr and its many communities. 

SO! TLDR version:

I’m back on Tumblr, but it’s mostly just for me, and my new account is here:

http://hashichosha.tumblr.com/

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

((Well...that's me for the night...I've officially gone brain dead and can't formulate responses. If I owe you anything, please let me know! I LOVE YOU ALL!!))

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

C'mon, Gil, you don't know who I am~?

"I...I don't think this is...This isn't a productive line of conversation."

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Watching her sheer excitement at the prospect of playing hide and seek, Gilbert had to keep from laughing and shook his head. She really was more of a child than anything else. She really was just a young girl, looking to finally have some fun with people, finally free of a prison which she'd never really deserved.

"Ok, ok. I'll count. Calm down." He covered his eyes and sighed softly, tipping his head back to make sure she couldn't accuse him of peeking. There were plenty of places for her to hide, but if she was going to be this excited...He might actually manage to find her in good time.

◊ | He seemed to be in a really good mood tonight. Was it because of the salisbury steak? Or was it because she had complimented him for earning respect? Either way, let’s not have the fun stop. Alice nodded vigorously. “Yeah! Betcha’ can’t find me, Seaweed Head!”

It would make sense to not leave the apartment. Alice didn’t want to hide out in the freezing cold. Looking around, the apartment seems capable of a million hiding places. If Alice was going to pick a spot, she needs to pick the perfect one. One that would be unseen to the eye, not even Oz would even catch the chain in a glance! Yes, that sounds pretty reasonable. It’s time for Alice to release her ninja tatics by hiding around certain furniture and erasing her presence. “Count, Seaweed Head! Count!” And with that, Alice started to look around, finding a place to hide.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Well...he certainly had to go now. Gilbert chuckled to himself and finished his cigarette, turning to wander back into the building. He made short time down the hall and into the room in question, knocking before he let himself in.

"Hi. Here I thought you'd have some other people to keep you company."

Stargazing (@ black-coffee-and-cigarettes)

Oz looked down, and saw a dark figure on the balcony, and smiled. He waved with a  large gesture, hoping Gil would see. He had been busy all day with Pandora affairs, and Oz missed him only after several hours of separation.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

So you coming to my bed tonight~?

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about!!"

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert couldn't help but chuckle softly. She was hilarious and adorable when she really wanted to be. And while he knew he wasn't contributing as much as he could, or helping with any of these decisions, it was kind of interesting to see where Alice went first with things.

"Alright. Hide and seek sounds reasonable." He glanced out the window and then around his apartment, humming thoughtfully to himself. "But you can't leave the building, alright? I don't want you running out there and hiding, because I probably won't find you and you'll end up getting sick." If Chains couldget sick. Well...either way, it was good to have the rules. "And I'll count to twenty, but that's it. Otherwise you'll win hands down."

◊ | Pixie wide eyes started into his, waiting for an answer. Putting her fork down on her clean plate, she plopped her chin on top of the palm of her hand. She was done eating, so there was no need for her to not put her elbows down on the table. “That’s exactly what I’m saying!”

If only Oz was here. But then again, it was still a nice night, and it was too cold and too dark to go outside and play in the snow. The last thing she needs is to turn into a popsicle. And that isn’t really anything worth playing for. “Mmh…” She put her finger down from her chin. “Since we can’t go outside…how about…hide and seek?” This would be worth a test of Alice’s ‘stealth’ skills, and it would be fun to see the look on the Raven’s face when he admits defeat.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

It had been a long day. Of doing nothing but mindless wandering and chatting with people who needed more information...It was tiring. And it felt so useless...It felt like trying to run up a hill that kept slipping out from under his feet. And he was sick of it.

He moved outside and onto a balcony to take a smoke break, looking out over the other windows of the building. And seeing a familiar face pressed up against the glass. Well...he probably ought to go check on that...

Stargazing (@ black-coffee-and-cigarettes)

Oz stared out the window at the endless night sky, which sparkled with shimmering stars against black velvet. He practically glued his face to the glass, and remembered a telescope he had when he was younger, when Gil was still a child and Oz had been blissfully unaware of everything twenty-five years ago.

He missed Gil, actually.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Heeeeey sexy. :3 :3

Wh-Wh-What?! That...Um...Hello to you too...?

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert felt sick to his stomach. He felt like he was mere seconds away from shaking apart. And every word felt like it was taking the last of the breath in his body from him. Hearing Break attempt to support him, and ask him about these things...He couldn't be sure if it was helping or just making things worse.

He shook his head and dug into his coat with shaking hands, finding the crumpled box of cigarettes and fighting one out. He was shaking too hard to light it, felt too dizzy, too weak, too sick, to do anything more than just put it in his mouth as some kind of distraction.

"No...Not natural. It feels..." He laughed sharply, the sound more of a hoarse bark than anything else. "It feels like I don't have a choice. I don't know what I'm doing; I don't know if I have control. I don't know if I cantakecontrol..." He forced himself to turn, to look at Break, and not to give in to the urge to free the other man.

"But I know...I know he wants Oz dead..."

Changing of the Guard (for black-coffee-and-cigarettes)

Glen’s servant….Many things that Rufus had told him were starting to make sense to him.  He knew that everyone had been decieved by that man, plunging all of Pandora into ruin and confusion.  But now placing Gilbert and his brother in the puzzle was easier.  Yet, as much as the puzzle was coming together, that was one of the last things he wanted perfected.  “Jack…tried to kill you.  But because you are a Baskerville, you lived….”

“It must be painful.  More painful than I can imagine.  After all…i have felt what Jack never did; remorse for his actions.  But being a victim is something else.”  He grunted a bit as his arms got uncomfortable again and he shifted.  “That is why you serve Glen.  It feels more natural.  Gilbert, here’s another question…do you know how your master feels about Oz?”

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert is always embarrassed when his Master puts things out of the way like this, when a spot is cleared for him and things are ignored for his sake. But it's always been like this. And it's no doubt why he's always felt...safe here. Like he's finally found a family. And yet this one asks him for so much as well...

He shakes his head a bit and moves across the room as quietly and unobtrusively as he can, lowering himself into the offered seat and forcing himself to just breathe. He looks up to meet Oswald's eyes, smiling meekly as he does. He's been here for so long and still he can't look at the man straight on without feeling shy.

"Well...I can't say that there's anything necessarily wrong. I'm just...feeling..." He took a careful breath and pressed his lips together in a tight line. "I feel anxious...I feel like...I'm not ready."

Growing up...? (@vorsichtig)

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Listening to Vincent cough, watching his brother trying to keep all of this pain a secret from him...It's agonizing. Gilbert can barely stand to be in the room, can barely stand to face the reality of this life. What little was left of it for his brother. He shudders and curls his fingers carefully in the mess of tangled blond hair, just enough to keep Vincent close, to keep the other from trying to hide away again.

He wants nothing more than to be able to curl around Vincent and shield his brother from the world, to shut out all of the pain and all of the sickness and everything that seems to constantly threaten them. He doesn't care if he catches whatever Vincent has, doesn't care if he finds himself bedridden all over again. He just wants to protect his brother.

"Please...I don't...I can't..." He shakes his head and bites his lower lip, forcing himself to hold those mismatched eyes with as much determination and as little fear as he can manage. "I want you to be healthy before anything happens. I want to know that...you can hold on, that you're still...strong enough to survive, without me there." He doesn't want to admit that he knows there's no surviving after the ceremony; there is no life waiting in the Abyss for his brother.

"Don't eat if you can't. I don't want you to feel even worse. Come on...Let's at least get you away from the window. Being chilly isn't going to help you recover any. And you don't want to get any worse, do you?"

Winter Hazards (@vincent--baskerville)

♖} The sound Vincent makes when his brother wipes his nose is almost kitten-like—it’s a tired mewl; were he not so tired, he’d certainly flush crimson with embarrassment. He’s never gotten used to how tender Gil is with him, how he does things that would make most others cringe, how he’s never afraid to be affectionate with him, is never put off by Vincent’s constant poor health.

Though, his brother’s hands running through his hair feel so good. Vincent sighs a bit (it sounds more like a wheeze), and pulls his knees against his chest, ducking under the comforter in a vain attempt to muffle his near-constant coughing. He can hardly catch his breath, but—with much effort—he does his best to conceal this fact from his brother.

“Don’t apologize, Gil. It doesn’t matter, really. And it’s almost over. All of this—” Vincent inhales sharply, exhales shaky, his breath a frightening rattle, “—is almost over. Though… I’ll miss you. I’d so wished I’d be able to take care of you, too, Brother, before I’m gone. It hurts me that I can’t.”

He eyeballs the tray again; in spite of himself, he’s already reaching a hand out, searching for Gil’s. “I’ll… try. Though… I’m feeling a bit sick to my stomach. But Brother’s always right, of course—” he does his best to smile, and it falls tragically flat, “—I should eat….”

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Damn it...She really was cute. The way she just seemed to ponder things, the way she put the unconscious effort in to make sure none of her food was wasted, the way she could stare, wide-eyed and innocent...Chains were never supposed to be like that. He'd been trained for years to expect differently. Well, if nothing else, she was one of many things in his life that Oz had overturned his expectations of.

"Sure...we could play a game. If that's what you want to do." He glanced at the dishes and shook his head. "We obviously don't need to eat again for a while, and I know you don't like going shopping, so...a game would work out just fine. Was there any one in particular that you wanted to play?" He couldn't say he had a lot of time to just 'play' anymore...Oz usually had to force him into it.

◊ | After licking off the sauce on her lips, she looked back at him, hearing his question. So they were both alone for the time being? It wasn’t a surprise, but it was rare occasions on days like this when the Rabbit and the Raven would be in splendid isolation, especially when Oz was out for the day.

“Mm…” She pressed a finger to her chin, with a slight tilt of the head. “So Oz won’t be back?” Amethyst hues blinked in curiosity. You can cross off dinner on the list. “Anything? You mean like a game? Something like that?” It was rare of Alice to play with Gilbert, but she mostly did it with Oz, and he would encourage the noirette to partake in these kinds of activities.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert flushed and felt a painful lump in his throat rise up. It wasn't fair. Even after everything, after his failings, after this mess with Break chained up and undoubtedly waiting for death...the man was still looking to support him, help him, ease his mind. His shoulders shook and he dropped what little remained of his cigarette, sick of watching it shake in front of him. Sick of the proof of his weakness.

He drew a careful breath, closing his eyes, unable to look back at a man who couldn't even see him anymore. Why...? All of them deserved so much better than this but history just wouldn't quit...

"No...Break...It's not fair. None of this is fair." He gestured shakily, unable to so much as smile bitterly. He just felt so tired. "But...I can't say 'no' to you...not after all of this."

His chest hurt. Even as he began to try and put the words together, the pain was back in full force. He wondered if it ever went anywhere in the first place. "I was his servant...Glen took my brother and I in. He and Jack were there...They were always there. And all I wanted was to see everyone happy. But...Jack wasn't right. He tried...He tried to kill me. And God only knows what he did to Vincent. All for...for someone he lost..."

Changing of the Guard (for black-coffee-and-cigarettes)

Break stared at his general direction in thought.  Though he couldn’t see the man’s face at all, he could tell just by the way the air was around them and his voice that whatever he remembered was painful.  He’d never heard him so broken in all the times that he knew him.  “Gilbert?  Please tell me.  You shouldn’t be afraid to tell someone like me, right?”

“I mean what am I going to do anyway?  I’m just a sinful old man who is just waiting for fate to take it’s toll on me.  And it’s only fair. I told you my dark past.  Now that you know yours….I would like to know why you are in so much pain.

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

It's a familiar voice. He knows it well. And he only hopes that Vincent only just got here and hasn't been there all along, potentially trying to sleep next to him and bothered awake by his groaning and mumbled complaints. No...He'd have remembered that...wouldn't he?

There's really no time to try and think on it. And he doesn't seem to have the brain-power to do as much either. He shifts muscles that seem to ache from leftover alcohol poisoning and moves the pillow away from his face, squinting up at his brother to keep what little light is in his room from feeling like a spear to his brain.

"I'm never sure if it's a good thing at all, even when I'm having it..." He grumbles under his breath, shaking his head and exhaling shakily. "So whether I've had too much or not...ugh...I can't even finish that thought." He shakes his head and rolls over, lying on his stomach to stare at the wall. "You had a busy night too though...all of those guests and all of those parties...I don't want to put you out because I'm hungover..."

Post-Holiday Hangover (@a-past-without-me)

♕| Vincent hates the holidays. Even he, impeccable actor that he is, finds himself incredibly tested by them; he has to shake the hands of so many nobles he cannot stand, has to attend formal dinner after formal dinner, has to gracefully thank gift-givers for things he couldn’t care less about having received.

He’s quite thankful when it’s all over, really—he can return to his normal (if sulky) mood. It’s a sort of letdown, but in a relieving sense; he exhales a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Now, on to more important matters. Vincent feels as though he hasn’t seen his beloved brother in ages; it’s as good a time as ever to track down the elusive noirette. And track him down he does—because before he knows it, he’s invited himself into his brother’s room.

Ah… poor Gil. He must be having an awful go of it. Vincent smiles sweetly, and pretends to be as innocent as can be. He’s quite good at it, after all. “Brother,” he coos softly, flitting over to Gil’s side and resting a cool hand atop Gil’s, “are you feeling poorly? Perhaps you’ve had too much of a good thing. Would you like me… to care for you—?”

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert can't help but worry, watching and listening to Vincent. His brother can barely breathe, is struggling with so much...He's surprised the blond is conscious, in all honesty. Such a dear, but so wounded, so tired...No one deserves this kind of constant onslaught of pain and sickness. No one deserves anything that stands to fall on either of them.

He sighs and shakes his head, rummaging around in his pocket and producing a silk handkerchief. He wipes at Vincent's nose, brushes his free hand through the sweat-dampened mess of the other's hair, making the effort to get those now limp golden strands off of pale but sickly flushed skin...It's worrisome. It's almost frightening.

"Because you're sad...?" Gilbert smiles carefully, sadly, and shakes his head again. "I guess that makes sense...And you're stuck here so you can't express it. You're just bottling it, just trapping it all inside...That's what's hurting you and making you sick. And I'm so sorry." He huffs and shakes his head, shifting everything around enough to press a careful kiss to Vincent's forehead.

"Please...don't force yourself to do anything, hm? If you don't want to eat right now, I can always go make more later. Or warm up what's here. And, no matter what, I'll always be here with you."

Winter Hazards (@vincent--baskerville)

♖} Vincent gives Gilbert a sad, watery smile as soon as his brother enters the room. How healthy Gil looks, so rosy-cheeked and broad-shouldered! His brother, to him, has always been the picture of perfection—Gil is so strong, and he, Vincent, is so weak, always needing to be coddled or tended for.

(This, too, is a part of why he hates himself—)

“I think it’s because I’m sad, Gil,” he murmurs, coughing into his sleeve. Ah… how badly that hurts; his lungs are so very tired from the constant onslaught of cold after cold. He just wants to feel well again—but it’s been years since he last was truly healthy. (Now that he thinks about it, ever since he learned what’s to become of them, he hasn’t felt well since.)

He eyeballs the tray with a weak sigh, pawing at aching eyes, a runny nose. Truly, he has no appetite, but he knows Gil has gone to great pains to make nice things for him. He won’t be able to taste it—his nose is thoroughly blocked—but he owes it to his dear brother to at least try. “You don’t have to apologize, Gil.” Another sigh; he tries not to cough. “It’s all right. You’re busy, I understand. I’m sorry I’m being a burden. But… I’ll try to eat.” A pause. “If you sit with me.”

[black-coffee-and-cigarette-blog1]

Gilbert flushes slightly and shakes his head, shifting closer so that Jack can hold on to him. He doesn't even think about it anymore; he just wants to be close to someone that isn't going to be pressuring him or reminding him of what's coming up. Of what's waiting for him.

He shakes his head and smiles warmer, patting Jack's hand with his own and humming softly under his breath. It was a fair concern, how Vincent was doing. He spent most of his time worrying about his brother, really. Nothing ever seemed to pan out the way they want it to.

"Mm...I wouldn't say that I'm still cute but...thank you." He shakes his head and chuckles under his breath. "And Vincent is ok...Ill, but...as far as I can tell, it isn't anything too drastic. Not yet at least. But don't worry! I'll look after him."

God he's rambling again...he needs to just stop for a moment. Just breathe.

"That looks amazing though, Jack. I've never been that good with my hands before. But..." He looks from the carefully crafted item and back up into those vibrant eyes. "I wouldn't want to take it from you. I'm sure you have someone in mind for giving that to."

Lonely Days (@lux-naturale)

♔] “Ah, I’m sorry,” Jack replies with a smile, bending down to brush off his pants, then flicking a few errant snowflakes from his hair. Friendly jade eyes search Gilbert’s person, giving him a once-over—it’s been so long since last he’d seen the noirette; it feels like years!

“Still so cute, Gilbert, just like you always were,” he observes with a gentle smile and a warm laugh, reaching out as though he means to take Gil’s arm. “You and your brother both have always been such precious creatures.” There’s a pause, and Jack purses his lips. “I do hope he’s well. As for me… thank you. I’m fine.”

Though, that dour look soon fades.

“Why, I was crafting!” He’s practically crowing, and puffing out his chest. “Would you like to see, Gil? It’s my lastest toy, if you will—and if you find you like it, I’ll give it to you when I’md done!”