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Anything can change

Any moment

Trust no one

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It's been along time I could say this but with a new doctors prescriptions for my schizoeffecive disorder. I can say she was spot on and I'm feeling in control. Have you ever been pleased with an outcome under the care of an old or new doctor?

Absolutely, yes. I have one therapist I've had for about 9 years now and I'd be dead without her guidance. Through different methods (some experimental which I'm making a video about) I have greatly improved. When you find the right doctor/therapist it can truly change your life. I encourage everyone to find their compatible doctors. They're not all the same and it is IMPERATIVE that everyone finds "the one" as it can truly change your life.

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Live life as if authority doesn't exist. Only your morals.

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(Tw: Suicide, Descriptions of Hallucinations/Delusions) Professional Dx: schizoaffective (major depressive type), PTSD, BPD, Anorexia; Self-Dx: Social Anxiety (my doctors keep saying the other diagnoses cover it, but I think that's BS). I have been struggling so much lately with falling asleep. I all but physically act out vivid daydreams of killing myself in very specific ways. I have hundreds of leftover meds from trial runs over the last five years. I'd go into a coma within the hour if I took them all. I get so frightened of the world around me that I shut down completely, get so confused that when asked who I am I can't answer, and even if I want to answer I can't talk unless someone coaxes my voice out because I'm so afraid the nebulous "they" will hear me. I don't see things as much anymore, but I feel the presense of "them" looming around me as "they" whisper to me. "They" tell me to be afraid and that I have been transported to another dimension or that I will suffer because I've cheated death (multiple suicide attempts). "They" love to remind me that no one cares and that I'm lazy and a burden, so alone. Sometimes "they" talk to me through the lightbulbs their amalgamation of voices sounding kind of buzzy. The corner in the bedroom or kitchen are the safest place in the house because it keeps bad things from happening if I sit in it for a while every day...my partner really doesnt like that, but they don't understand. As I type this I'm feeling myself spiral again. There's so much more. I'm afraid I'll be dead by the end of the week. I can't keep living like this, what do I do? I've been in therapy for five years, I've been to multiple short term institutions and one long term for 6 months, I've been on so many meds, I've tried CBT/DBT, I'm so tired. I'm so angry at the suffering. I'm so broken from the suffering. I guess I just needed to vent (although the spiraling has begun), feel free to ignore. I hope you are well. You seem like you deserve a break too. Take care.

This is tough to unravel but here's the thing you should try first. Try wondering why. As goofy as it sounds try and see if there's a good reason for it. Maybe they see these things to keep you from interacting with what they think is a hostile outside world. Try making friends with them and be forceful if they don't comply. Be persistent. It's hard to imagine making friends with these hostile apparitions but just try. Your mind in an evolutionary sense is only trying to help Its just doing it incorrectly. Make them bend to you not you bend to them. If you need more help please ask. Thank you and be safe and stay strong ~Crow

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how are you lately?

Better than usual. Thank you, this question made my day actually.

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