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Un-Graduation Day 🎓

I was supposed to graduate with my associate's degree today....

A journey I started a year ago seems unthinkable today. Mental illness stole my dream, postponed my dream. People in my past and the damage caused by loving them postponed that dream. Me refusing to acknowledge that damage postponed my entire life. PTSD (and a migraine med) stole my mind. It came out of nowhere and left me a prisoner trapped inside myself. It took my home, my job, my freedom, my happiness.

I don't do unfinished dreams. I'm still fighting my ass of to get that degree. Fighting depression, anxiety, memory loss, loss of concentration, and myself. All the things that PTSD has "gifted" me with.

My biggest dream, though, is to continue growing and loving and living. A dream I almost stole from myself last month.

Mental health demands immediate attention and when we refuse to give it the attention it needs and deserves, it takes it when IT wants to. It postpones our life. Some day it DOES come back to haunt us. Our ultimate goal should be our wellness, physical and mental. Above all else, we have to learn to love ourselves, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in.

So graduation isn't happening tonight, but my life still is. It is still beautiful and plentiful and amazing. I am still fighting.

And that's something no degree could ever give me.

❤ Happy Un-Graduation Day to me 💪🎓

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you and your body need nutrients. please make sure you are eating enough food and drinking enough water and getting enough sleep, you matter so much and i don’t want anything to happen to you

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“disappointed, but not surprised” has been my biggest mood this year.

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I wish someone would take my hand and show me my place in this crazy world 🌏

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Some days I feel like I'm drowning all over again. I just miss my life...😞

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Just love 💛🌻

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Reading my writing is a huge compliment 🌻💛

so apparently some people feel like it’s annoying when someone engages with a lot of stuff from the same person, like going through their ship tag and liking all the content there. 

hearing about this, i was immediately paranoid about reblogging literally anything from anyone i don’t talk to on a regular basis.

so to save others from the same paranoia, i’m gonna say that if you like every single post on my goddamn blog it is okay. i might be kind of concerned about your level of time management, going through 23,000 posts, but it wouldn’t bother me. 

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I'm basically living this this year. 💔

Venting/ Ranting my frustration with supervisor

“Your taking off lately has gotten excessive. I let it go at first, but you cant keep taking off so often.”

I was in the hospital for two weeks this semester, then sick as a dog from the medications they gave me. They kept changing it and the doses, causing me to be sick longer. Ive tried to get through the days as best as I can, but sometimes my mind and body wont let me.

I’ve had doctors appts to follow up and still have some more. I’ve also been having to leave early to do interviews bc my contract isn’t being renewed and I’ll need a job to pay hospital bills and student loans.

I understand that leaving last minute is kind of lame of me, but I cant help when I get sick. I’m uncomfortable telling them I have interviews and wait until the last minute bc I’m nervous talking about it.

I’d also like to note that this is the same person that told me that leaving my room and having someone cover it while I had panic attacks was unprofessional. Even after I tried to explain that I have an anxiety disorder and severe depression and my meds weren’t working well anymore.

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You’re the type of person that looks for good intentions in everyone.

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“Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters, too.”

— John Mayer, Daughters (via music-and-quotes)

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Special Service Announcement

I’m losing my shit today and

I don’t feel like it’s beautiful.

Usually I can accept the mess,

the chaos, the brokenness that I

carry into my life because it is me;

I am sure that it will turn into something

better than what I was expecting like

a flower seed growing to bloom right

after a hurricane… Today, I’m not me. 

I’m a screaming banshee trying to 

keep myself from dying - warning myself… 

I wail into the day light and find no comfort.

Let me scream.

ReBecca DeFazio

©morethanaflower

“Irish legend speaks of a lament being sung by a fairy woman, or banshee. She would sing it when a family member died or was about to die, even if the person had died far away and news of their death had not yet come. In those cases, her wailing would be the first warning the household had of the death. The banshee also is a predictor of death. If someone is about to enter a situation where it is unlikely they will come out of alive she will warn people by screaming or wailing, giving rise to a banshee also being known as a wailing woman.” - Quote taken from Wikipedia <3

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Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.  inspiration, inspiring quotes, motivation, motivating quotes, leadership, quotes, quoteoftheday, life quotes, positive, strength, wisdom  thoughts  Like this quote? Please share it with others!

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My baby boy has a girl worth callin' his Mama about 😢

Me: "what's her name?"

E: tells me her name ☺

Me: "what's she like to do?"

E: "hair and cosmetology and stuff like that "

Me: "ohhh, Megs will like that! is she pretty?"

E: "well yeah" 🙄 like duh mom, 😅

Me: "okay", we both chuckle, "most importantly, is she nice?"

E: "what?"

Me: "She isn't a mean girl, is she?"

E: "Lol. Nah. She's the sweetest."

Me:

I. Frickin. Lost. It.

I literally watched him graduate high school, join the military, move away, get married, and start his family in the seconds following those words echoing into my ears.

My babies are growin' up 😭

My heart is overflowing with pride 😍

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and just a little broken 💔