#it's a wonderful thought experiment. i like this one

[alchemistc]

i like your voice in person

Evan's staring at the bed like he's trying to navigate a minefield.

Six months ago that would have sent Tommy on another journey of self-deprecation, a reminder that he'd known Evan wasn't ready for this, known this was a possibility, but Evan, for all his own insecurities, knows what the hell he wants and if he'd felt even an ounce of pressure or remorse up to this point he'd have said something long before now.

Sometimes Evan likes to work it out himself, and sometimes he needs a little nudge, and Tommy watches the head tilt and the angle of his pursed lips for cues as he settles under the sheets.

"Something on your mind?" he prompts, and Evan blinks, like he hadn't realized he'd gotten lost in his thoughts.

"Uh...nothing, maybe."

"Sounds like something, probably."

Evan's smile tilts up at one corner, and he settles on the bed a little stiffly. "It's nothing major. Just. Something I've been thinking about?"

He can feel his brows jumping, can see the way Evan takes in the look with a fond expression. Evan steels himself for something -- they're still muddling through past experiences and learning how to be a bit more intentional in some of their conversations, because they both have a bad habit of reverting to flirting and deflection.

"You remember what we talked about last weekend?"

Tommy can genuinely remember about 93 percent of what he and Evan talk about at any given time, which is an astronomically high number and not at all an exaggeration. He'd be embarrassed about it if he didn't have clear evidence that Evan was as deep into this as he was.

They talk a lot, is the thing, about inconsequential shit just as much (definitely more) than the important stuff. They talk far more than Tommy can remember talking in any other relationship he's been in. But Tommy can pinpoint the exact one he means.

"You mean the roles thing."

Evan hadn't been a stranger to a little daddy talk in bed when they started to explore it, and he'd brought it up right at the start for a reason, but Tommy had taken a while to come around to the realization that Evan had sort of internalized the 'I don't have daddy issues' of it all in a way that Tommy hadn't actually meant it. There'd been little things, here and there; like Evan reaching a door before him and then bashfully waiting with it half open like he'd made a misstep; like twisting his mouth a little funny when he snatched the bill from the table before Tommy could get it. Little things.

Things that, in the abstract, yeah, Tommy liked to do for his partners, but in reality weren't actually that big a deal to him.

He'd needed to clear the air.

Evan nods. Curls a hand around his knee before he shifts his body so that he's facing Tommy. "So, I like taking care of people."

(A conversation, a month ago, Evan grimacing around "My therapist says I have to stop calling myself a people pleaser in a derogatory way.")

Tommy hums, something to remind Evan he's listening.

"And I guess I sort of built up this idea in my head that that was like, a hard stop with you."

("Everyone likes being taken care of sometimes, Evan.")

"And I'm not -- I'm not upset at you, or like, feeling guilty, I just -- I've been thinking about it, and I feel like I forgot to ask you how you wanted to be taken care of."

The thing with Evan is that no matter how often he'll deflect with a joke, when he wants to say something serious he's blunt as hell about it. There might be some hemming and hawing to get there but sometimes he says things that just make Tommy wonder if he'd ever actually learned how to say things before Evan.

"I don't really have a list, babe," he says, and then sort of hates himself for it. Deflect, distract, hey baby how about I blow you about all these big feelings inside my chest I can't articulate.

Evan, though, Evan squinches his eyes and runs a heavy hand through his hair. "I...sort of do?"

"Lay it on me."

Evan grins. "That's actually one of the things on my list."

Tommy blinks. Tries to figure out that trail of thought, but he's coming up with nothing. "Okay, can you expand on that?"

"Like --listen, you know I'm a huge fan of being the little spoon. I'd let someone put screws back in my leg just for continued little spoon privileges. But sometimes I miss being the big spoon, and in my head the idea sounded so stupid to bring up but now I'm wondering if, like, maybe I've just been denying you the joy of being the little spoon?"

Tommy thinks of Evan's hands spread big and warm across his belly, of knees tucked up behind his, warm breath on the back of his neck like when Evan stumbles up behind him in the mornings whining about coffee, and maybe he blue screens a bit because he's never actually dated someone so close to his own size, because there's always been an assumption at the outset that he wouldn't want that.

Alex had been a little too into the same dynamic he'd seen Evan stumbling through, and Colin had hated sleeping with someone's flesh touching his own. Beyond that he hadn't really dated anyone long enough to really form a preference.

Maybe Kara might have been willing, back when he'd been closeted enough to pretend it wasn't an effort to get it up when she had his dick in her mouth, but they'd been young enough that staying the night wasn't really a consideration.

"And like -- listen, I don't necessarily prescribe to gender roles as a thing in general, but a few weekends ago I spent like twenty minutes staring at a bouquet of flowers in Trader Joe's and convinced myself you wouldn't like the gesture so I didn't buy them but you have a few vases in your moms old china cabinet and the moment I remembered them I felt stupid for not buying the flowers."

There's something curling tenderly underneath Tommy's ribcage that he's not sure he's ever felt quite like this before. It's not new, exactly, but it seems to be thrumming particularly hard tonight.

Three months in, Tommy had gotten the man-flu from hell, temperatures so high he'd been grounded and sent packing to rest it off, and he'd texted Evan a jumbled mess of barely discernible things when they'd tucked him into the Uber.

Evan and Bobby had made chicken noodle soup at the station and Hen had sent Evan off with a laundry list of things he could do to help drop the fever, and Tommy had spent the duration sulking and glowering and dragging himself out of bed every time Evan had wanted to change the sheets, to keep Tommy as comfortable as he could, but when Evan had caught it four days later he hadn't hesitated to do all the same shit with gusto. Evan hadn't been particularly grateful either, because neither one of them liked being laid up when the world was out there waiting for them, but he'd at least had the grace to not be an asshole about it.

He had, though. Been grateful. A little awestruck, too, at the mere idea of someone so unafraid of just being there through all the moaning and groaning and hacking and coughing, keeping the tissues from piling up on the bedside table and switching out cold packs to the freezer so he always had one ready in case he wanted it. In the clarity of a full day without fever making his brain feel like cotton candy he'd stared down at a sleepily wheezing Evan and known he could absolutely lose his heart to this man.

"Also I don't want to toot my own horn here but I give excellent foot rubs, and I feel like there's about a million other things I've just been -- holding back from doing?"

"Because of the role thing, or because all your stupid exes told you you were needy?"

It's not a night to pull punches. Also Tommy wants to send thank you cards to every single one of them and attach them to boxes with a bark scorpion inside.

"Both," Evan says without a second of hesitation. His smile crinkles at the corners of his mouth, and Tommy is suddenly annoyed with the space between them. When he holds out his hand to tug Evan into him, Evan melts into it for the space of a moment before he pulls back. "I actually kind of desperately want to be the big spoon right now, if that's something you'd be into." Evan had definitely clocked the look on his face when he'd mentioned it, but he's keyed into the way Tommy checks in and reciprocated in kind since the start of this, so.

Tommy peels his glasses off, snags his bookmark to keep his spot in the monstrosity of the Wrangler maintenance manual he'd stopped being cagey about the fifth time Evan caught him flipping through it, and watches Evan settle comfortably into bed next to him. The problem is, Tommy actually isn't sure where to go from there, which is a ridiculous thought to have because Evan hadn't either and he'd figured it out just fine.

"How do you want me, Buckley?"

The roll of his eyes is so bitchy that Tommy has to remind himself that for all his people pleasing attributes, Evan Buckley is, at heart, a huge fucking brat. Evan tugs and twists and maneuvers his arms and Tommy sort of sinks into it, head tucked in the crook of his shoulder, draping his leg over one of Evan's when he shifts his knee pointedly, a massive, unruly breath escaping Tommy once they're all done shifting.

"You should absolutely try out the rest of your list," he murmurs into the space where Evan's shoulder meets his neck. "Although you don't need to woo me anymore, I'm actually fully wooed."

Lips against his crown, pressed tightly enough that he can feel the smile against his scalp, Evan chuckles. "You don't know how good my wooing is."

The fingers shifting up and down his arm feel somehow different, from this position, even though Evan has done it a hundred times before from the spot he likes to claim with his head right over Tommy's bleeding, three-sizes-too-big-for-him heart. It's ridiculous, and it shouldn't feel any different, but it does. He wants to be greedy with it, soak it in and then never let Evan do this again because he finally understands the appeal and he doesn't want to deprive Evan that.

"This is nicer than I expected."

Evan's soft laugh ruffles his hair, and Tommy wonders if he's dumb enough to ask Eddie how long he should wait before he can reasonably beg Evan to spend the rest of his life with him.

"Save the reviews for when I actually spoon you. It's gonna rock your world." His hand drifts up, fingers digging into the dimple of Tommy's skull.

The hum in his throat has a mind of it's own, going thin and reedy and --

Evan pauses, and Tommy can practically see the gears whirring in his mind, because this is new information.

To both of them, actually, but Tommy doesn't have time to process it because the fingers on the back of his skull spread and sink deeper, just enough pressure to be more than a glancing ruffle, and Tommy can't quite help the way he tilts his head back into it, or the way he hitches his leg to press his groin a little more firmly to the outside of Evan's thigh.

They're both too tired for it to really mean anything -- both off 48's and a fumbled round in the shower while they were already bone weary -- but Tommy wants the reminder for them both when they wake up in the morning.

He can feel his eyes drooping the longer Evan scrubs his fingers against him, and the thought pops into his head as he's drifting off. He doesn't want it to disappear into the fog, though, so he murmurs it into the soft, warm skin of Evan's neck. "I like camellia's. White ones."

Evan hums, and Tommy just knows that the moment he drops off, Evan will be reaching for his phone to google the language of flowers.

[raineofthedragons]

Was not prepared to go on helluva boss tumblr for the first time and see so many people hating on Stolas.

Wow, I wonder why a man who has been abused his entire life and never had his feelings prioritized would shut down at Blitz screaming at him? Definitely not because it meant one of two people in the world who might care about him was behaving exactly like Stella. (Heavy sarcasm) (No hate on Blitzø, his reaction makes complete sense given his past.)

Also, this man is so fucking autistic-coded, and his reactions scream meltdown to me. He spent all day scripting that interaction, to finally put the feelings he’d been trying to communicate for months into words (contrary to what I’ve seen people say, he’s given many hints that he sees their relationships as something more, Blitz just has too many self-worth issues to see them) only to have it blow up in his face.

I don’t think he was surprised by Blitz rejecting him, I think part of him expected it. Because that’s what you do when you script interactions, you always prepare for the worst-case scenario. I think that the way Blitz rejected him was unexpected. He predicted Blitz saying no, not Blitz refusing to believe him altogether. He wasn’t prepared, and he could no longer control a situation that was already a major change from anything he’d done before. That’s fucking terrifying. His emotions spun out of control, so he tried to leave the situation. No, it’s not the most graceful exit, because that’s not within his capabilities. Speaking from personal experience, this man is probably barely holding himself together, and is focusing all his energy on maintaining control of his actions, because he doesn’t want to break down in the fucking hallway in front of someone he cares about.

When Blitz not only follows him, but unintentionally brings out traumatic memories, of course he breaks down. “I didn’t know you thought so low of me” doesn’t mean “I thought you liked me back,” it means “I didn’t know you see me and my abusers the same way.”

This ended up way longer than I thought it would but I’m incapable of saying things in a concise manner, sorry.

[ariaste]

Is there disability rep in RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND? It seems like pirate books get overlooked for how often they show characters with disabilities.

Jesus christ okay listen. You've activated my trap card, because YES EXACTLY. Disability is one of the CORE TROPES of any pirate story -- is it even a real pirate crew if there aren't people missing some of their bits? And it's not just side characters, is it! Is a pirate captain even a proper captain without a peg-leg, a hook, or an eyepatch?

And yet when we see these characters, or at least when I see these characters, my brain does not register them into the category of "oh, here is a Disabled Character". Like it is wonderful that we are seeing more disability representation in media these days but... It's often not very satisfying, is it? They're like "Here is a very carefully presented Character In A Wheelchair So You Know She Is Disabled-Disabled 😌" and there are all of these rules this character has to follow to be """""properly"""" disabled in exactly one specific way with no variations, and always there is an Issue with her (almost always a woman??) ability to navigate her wheelchair through the landscape so that the media can Prove They Are Being So Thoughtful And Aware Of The Difficulties.

I don't know about you, but for me it always sort of smacks of insincerity. Or like, the overtly intentional and deliberate sincerity, which then comes across as a bit unnatural and uncanny valley. We as the audience are not permitted to simply experience this character as a person, we are forced by the deliberateness of the narrative to experience her as a Disabled Person. Which.... Sure, that's better than not having any disabled representation at all, but there's SO MUCH FURTHER we could go with it! But the first step is for the media creator/s to stop going "look, a Disabled Person [delicate gasp] Wow she's so brave" as if she's a fucking zoo exhibit and start going "look, a Person. she's disabled, and has some other personality traits and hobbies as well."

(I feel like we also went through this journey with Strong Female Characters too, didn't we? Where we had all of these weirdly awkward """sincere"""" attempts at people writing Strong Female Characters and Oooh She Is So Strong, And Ooh Her Femaleness, She Grew Up With Brothers... But that was not what we wanted, we wanted the writers to chill out and just write a woman who was a PERSON and stop making it weird.)

Anyway, back to pirates, because I think we've really been overlooking pirate media for the fact that the disability rep is just right out there in plain sight, and it's so normalized that it would be weirder if it WASN'T there, and the media creator isn't loudly trying to win brownie points for being Virtuous And Inclusive™. (And just because tumblr reading comprehension is piss poor sometimes: yes, there's a difference between trying to be virtuous and inclusive and trying to be Virtuous And Inclusive™, and I bet you can recognize it when you see it.)

Pirate media doesn't make it weird! Pirate media doesn't try to camouflage the fact that a character is disabled ("Yar, and here's No-Legs Bob, on account o' he's got no legs, that'll teach 'im to make jokes like he's pretending to fuck the cannon" "somebody hold me up and i'll fuck the cannon again" "[raucous laughter throughout the whole crew]") nor does it deny that their disability causes problems sometimes (the ol' "peg-leg got stuck in a knothole in the deck" gag, or the classic "whoops, tried to stab someone with my hook hand but they dodged and it got embedded in the planks" gambit). Pirate media offers a huge VARIETY of disabilities too, instead of just One Token Wheelchair User -- you've got people with prosthetic limbs, you've got people partially or fully blind or deaf, you've got people who are mute (and also btw look at this amazing parrot or monkey they have, it killed a man once), you've got elderly people who aren't quite as spry as they once were but oooh they Know The Sea like nobody else, you've got people who struggle a lot with their disability and need extra help and support AND people who are not slowed down at all and just livin' their life the way they do.

Y'know. Actual diversity.

Also the only time pirate media draws deliberate attention to the disability is 1) if there's a cool story behind it that is somehow relevant to the plot ("[captain looking balefully at his hook hand] me hand was bitten off by a WHALE.... i've been chasing that whale for the last forty years....") or 2) if it provides a fun way to show the culture and community of the crew as a whole (see the No-Legs Bob example, above). Also notice that in pirate media, you are allowed to directly address the disability and make a harmless, casual joke about it ("No-Legs Bob" again) and it doesn't feel mean or weird, it's just.... descriptive. It's just the way that pirates be. Yep. No-Legs Bob ain't got no legs. So what? It is there in his name and yet it still doesn't feel like it's the only thing about him.

The vibes are just.... UTTERLY DIFFERENT from the disability rep i've seen in other media. And so i think we should be looking at pirate media more and striving to emulate it when it comes to disability rep, because THERE'S SOMETHING HERE, they're doing something INTERESTING, there is something worth thinking about and studying, what are they doing and how are they doing it and how can we replicate that in other things? (Also, even real life pirates were better about disability than many other folks -- they had PENSIONS for crew members who couldn't work anymore.)

ANYWAY back to your question of whether there is disability rep in Running Close to the Wind.

Short answer: yes. Long answer: do you want a whole inventory?

Captain Teveri has a prosthetic eye (it's covered in gold leaf, inspired by this Tumblr Heritage post which I'm sure we have all seen). Also facial scarring, which is not really a disability but still does not get a whole lot of representation.

Many of the crew have hook-hands or peg-legs

Avra says you are not a real pirate until you are missing some of your bits, and makes some joke about how he only has a Weird Toe or something

A side character, Skully (so called because he has a hobby of carving skulls in things and is currently working on carving a GIANT skull into the face of the cliff overlooking the entrance to the pirate cove, because obviously every pirate cove is required by the Trope Laws to have a skull cliff but my question was WHO PUT IT THERE? answer: this guy), has two peg-legs and a hook hand and still goes abseiling by himself to carve the skull onto the cliff, nbd nbd. Probably got the best abs in the book, but tragically Avra, the POV character, did not think to notice them

Elderly grandmother in a wheelchair who threatens to stab Julian the Super Hot Monk through the ear with a knitting needle

Julian is described as standing out from everyone else explicitly because he's NOT missing any bits and that's odd (comes kinda close to missing some bits, though, he plays around with alchemical explosives at one point. man's on track to be missing a couple fingers sooner or later, so just... y'know, let him cook, trust the process, he's still growing as a person)

(this one is a joke) arguably Avra's Weird Luck Thing could count as some kind of chronic illness, considering that it is a thing which materially affects his life and which he does not have control over and cannot predict when it will come into affect. DISCUSS. (again: a joke)

[steps gingerly off soapbox] thank you for coming to my TED talk

(Also: RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND comes out in ten days on June 11th! It's a comedic fantasy novel about queer pirates stealing and trying to find a buyer for the most valuable secret in the world and fighting back against oppressive institutional powers! You can read a review of it here and the first chapter of it here, and you can preorder it here.)

[catmiemy]

Another Chance to Live Part 4 (Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader)

Summary: Ana and you finally start dating.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

A/N: Look at me sticking to my upload schedule. Although I might be able to publish the final two parts earlier since I had more time to write because I had to cancel some plans thanks to conjunctivitis.

I hope you enjoy these two finally getting together. As always, happy to hear what you think :)

After your conversation with Jenni you continued to sit on the couch, staring at your phone as if the device would be any help in figuring out how to ask Ana out.

As it turned out, it actually did. While you were still contemplating, weighing the pros and cons of every option, your phone buzzed with an incoming message. Your heart skipped a bit when you saw it was from Ana, just like it always did. And your heart definitely skipped more than one beat once you read the message.

You read the words over and over again, finding it impossible to believe this was actually happening. For so long you had told yourself there would never be anything more than friendship between you and Ana, and now all of the sudden your whole world had been turned upside down in the best way possible.

A little birdie just told me about the conversation you had.

Hope you don’t mind she told me.

Jenni said you didn’t tell her not to tell me, so she thought it was fair game.

Anyway, what do you say about changing our hangout tomorrow to an official date?

You know as a date, as more than friends.

Ana’s reply was almost instant.

Of course I don’t mind, it makes my life a lot easier!

I really owe that birdie, but don’t tell her that.

And yes, I’d love to do that!

You quickly texted back that you were excited about it as well, before putting away your phone grinning like a fool.  You felt like you were floating on a cloud of happiness, something that you hadn’t experience in a long, long time, maybe never to this degree.  

Great, I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow.

Already looking forward to it.

---

The next day you got more and more nervous the closer the time for Ana to pick you up came. However, whenever the anxiety threatened to become overwhelming, you just thought about the Swiss woman; how happy you always were in her presence and how at ease she made you feel, as if you were perfect just the way you were. Every time you did that you immediately felt much calmer; less anxious nervous and much more joyful excited. 

 Still, it took you forever to pick out an outfit, mentally thanking Ana that she had texted you earlier in the day to at least let you know what style of clothes you should be wearing, elegant but not overly fancy. In the end you settled on a black dress because you could never go wrong with that, and it did show off your body in the best way possible.

Even with all the internal debating about your outfit you ended up being ready almost 30 minutes before the pickup time, because you had started so early. Therefore you settled down on the couch, trying and failing to distract yourself with your phone.

Only a few minutes passed before there was a knock on the door. With a frown you went to open it, hoping it wasn’t your parents with some sort of request to help them out. You definitely didn’t have time to do that right now.

However, when you opened the door and laid eyes on Ana your frowned turned into a big smile. You were always happy to see her, but tonight even more so. Finally you got to be with her in the way you wanted, no more pretending to be just friends.

“Hi,” you greeted her, too distracted by the blonde’s mere presence to wonder why she was here so early.

“Hi,” Ana echoed, stepping forward to hug you. You melted into the embrace and turned your face inwards against her neck, relishing in the fact that you didn’t have to suppress gestures like this any longer.

“Ready to go?” The Swiss woman asked you after a bit.

You nodded, grabbing the bag you had conveniently placed next to the door. When you turned back towards Ana, she reached out offering you her hand. You instantly laced your fingers through hers, the small contact filling you with warmth and an overwhelming sense of belonging right there in this moment.

When you were getting into the car you heard the church bells ring and suddenly realized how early the Swiss woman had been. It wasn’t like she was known for being unpunctual, but also she wasn’t usually this early.

“How come you were here this early? Did I have the time wrong?”

That seemed like the most logical explanation, even though you had checked the time in Ana’s text about at dozen times.

“Well, I knew you’d be ready early and I didn’t want to make you wait unnecessarily and maybe get anxious.”

Your heart melted at this. It was so thoughtful of Ana and it showed how well she already knew you. This fact put you even more at ease. There was no need to pretend or try to show yourself in the most favorable light, this woman already knew you and somehow she still liked you.

“Plus I was excited to go out with my friend,” the blonde continued.

For a second your stomach dropped at the last word, but when you looked over and saw the humor in Ana’s eyes you recognized that she was just teasing you.

“I guess I deserve that,” you conceded, “And for the record I never wanted you to be just my friend.”

You were a little surprised by your own boldness. However, Ana made you feel like it was not only okay to say what you were thinking, but that it was in fact exactly what the Swiss woman wanted.

“That’s good to know,” Ana stated, sounding much more serious all of the sudden as if she still hadn’t been totally sure about your feelings.

Suddenly you felt a little silly for not taking into account that other people got insecure as well. You had been so focused on yourself, that you had never considered how it must have been for the Swiss woman to constantly hear you emphasize that you were merely friends.

“I’m sorry about that, I just didn’t think there was any possibility you’d ever like me too,” you apologized.

Ana looked over at you sadly. “I know, but we’ll work on that,” she promised.

“On what?”

“On the way you see yourself! Don’t think I missed how you didn’t believe me when I told you that everyone I know on the Spanish national team likes you and is always looking forward to seeing you,” the blonde elaborated.

You didn’t quite know how to react to such blatant flattery. Most likely this was just Ana being sweet, but you couldn’t lie, it was still nice to hear.

“See, you’re doing it again. You don’t believe me,“  the blonde accused you softly.  

You whipped your head around to look at Ana, shocked that she could read you so easily. Up until now you had always prided yourself on having a good poker face, but apparently the Swiss woman saw right through it.

She didn’t say anything else though, merely smiling at you gently. The silence gave you the time you needed to gather your thoughts. Once again you found yourself being surprisingly honest.

“It’s just because I’m nothing special, I’m just me. I’m too quiet and not very interesting. It’s not like I think everyone hates more or anything. But why would anyone particularly like me?”

In your opinion you had made a good point, but Ana’s eyes were filled with disapproval and sadness on your behalf.

“Because you’re a great person! You always have an open ear for everyone. If there’s anything you can do to help someone, you do it without hesitation. You have such a good heart and you’re so mindful of everyone around you, doing your best to make everyone feel seen and heard.”

“Sure you don’t talk everyone’s ears off as soon as you meet them, but once you’re more comfortable? You tell great stories that always make me feel as if I’m right there with you and I love hearing what you think about things because I can tell that you took your time to form opinions. And to see you speak passionately about the things you care, that’s just something else!”

“Also, I love how much you appreciate the beauty around you. Going somewhere with you is such a treat because you will always point out the pretty flowers, the interesting cloud constellation or the cute dog you see with so much joy and reverence.”

“And let’s not forget that you’re gorgeous. You have the most beautiful and kindest eyes I have ever seen and don’t even get me started about your smile!”

You were overwhelmed by how easily, without even thinking about it first, the Swiss woman managed to list all of these nice qualities. It made you more inclined to believe her. At the very least Ana had you convinced that she meant every word she had said, and that in itself was a good feeling, even if you weren’t convinced all of this was actually, objectively true.

“I could keep talking all night long about all the reasons why I like you so much, but I guess you wouldn’t really appreciate that. So instead I’ll keep bringing it up for as long as you’ll let me be a part of your life, which I’m hoping will be a very long time,” Ana concluded.

“That’s probably a good idea, otherwise you’ll spend the rest of the evening with a tomato head,” you joked.

You had always hated how easily you turned red, your frustration usually only making it worse.

“I wouldn’t complain about that for a second, I find your blushing adorable,” Ana commented, which of course only made you blush even more, but for once you didn’t mind as much.

You arrived at your destination soon after, and you immediately recognized the place from pictures you had seen of Lola and her girlfriend. So the mystery of how the blonde had chosen where to take you was solved. You had never actually been to the restaurant yourself since it was very romantic and mostly frequented by couples, but you had heard good things about it.

By the end of the evening you could definitely confirm that all the praise you had been told about the restaurant was justified. Although in all honesty every place would have felt like heaven to you when it was the location of your first date with Ana.

The conversation stayed mostly light and happy for the first half and hour, both of you enjoying each other’s company and this new and exciting situation. In a lot of ways it wasn’t all that different, you talked as easily as before, the conversation flowing effortlessly. So once again you realized that you had gotten into your heard for nothing. Things weren’t awkward or weird at all, like you had been concerned about.

Sure, there were some differences, all of them positive though; the way you kept slipping from normal conversation into light flirting, how you just gazed deep into each other eyes a few of times, and the way Ana placed her hand onto yours and left it there as long as she possibly could, sighing when she had to retract it because you both needed your hands to eat.

“So do you want to talk about the national team?” You asked, once the last of your nervousness had settled.

Ana shrugged her shoulders unsurely, smile dropping from her face. You had to fight the urge to take it back and apologize for probing; reminding yourself about the conversation you had had after the game against Barcelona. It was okay to ask, and if the Swiss woman actually didn’t want to talk about it, she would tell you. Still, this went entirely against your instinct.

“It’s just such a frustrating situation. Inka is a horrible coach! At least for us, maybe it’s just not a good fit, I don’t know, but for us it doesn’t work. We’re playing badly and the atmosphere at camp isn’t how it used to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing like what I heard about Spain, but everyone was kind of in a state of constant annoyance and was so happy when we could leave.”

“And the worst thing is that the home Euros is coming closer everyday and I wanted that to be the crowning moment of my career. Maybe that’s selfish, I don’t know, but now? Now I think it’s going to be nightmare, if I even get to go at all,” Ana finished her rant that had began passionate and angry, but fizzled out into something more like helplessness. 

Exactly like after the game against Barcelona the Swiss woman looked drained, her shoulders slumped and her smile no longer reaching her eyes. It made you simultaneously want to give her the longest hug in the world and go and punch Inka in the face.

However, since you were still sitting in the restaurant you settled on reaching over and giving her hand a good squeeze, before doing your best to come up with a good response.

“I’m so sorry things are like that and I’m always here to listen if you need to rant about it or hold you if you need to cry. Trying to keep in your emotions isn’t healthy.”

That was probably one of the most hypocritical things you had ever said, you who always held your emotions in until you felt like imploding. However, theoretically you knew that wasn’t a helpful thing to do, so you weren’t going to advise someone else to do that.

“And I can help you figure out if there’s anything you and the girls can do. I did a lot of reading and looking things up when everything was going down with Spain. Of course it’s a totally different system, but I’m still happy to help out,” you offered.

A soft smile, a real smile, one that made Ana’s eyes shine, returned to the blonde’s face.

“I appreciate how much you care. That means more than I can ever express with words. To be honest we’ve already started looking into what our options are and have been talking with the Swiss federation. So maybe it’s not quite as hopeless as it feels right now. The next few weeks should give us an answer to that,” Ana told you.

You felt some relief at that. Surely there was no way the Swiss federation would be as difficult and idiotic as the Spanish one. Right? Therefore things would hopefully be sorted out before too long and Ana would get the home Euros she deserved.

“That’s good. I’m confident things will turn out okay,” you said with more confidence than you actually felt. But Ana didn’t need to know that. If you were wrong in the end you would deal with it then, right now the best thing you could do was strengthen her hope.

“Yeah?” The Swiss woman double-checked, confirming to you that this was actually the right thing to do.

“Definitely,” you assured her, praying to a god you didn’t believe in that you wouldn’t be proven wrong.

“I think so too,” Ana admitted quietly, as if she was scared to say it too loudly out of fear of jinxing it.

“Now let’s talk about other things. I don’t want Inka to ruin the mood on my date as well, she has done enough of that during camp. How about we focus on your national camp instead? I heard you almost made Jenni rip out her own hair with your cluelessness,” the Swiss woman teased with a big grin.

Your first instinct was to tell Ana that it was totally fine to keep talking about the situation with her national team, that it wouldn’t ruin anything. But then she mentioned Jenni and all the teasing you had endured, and all of the sudden you wanted to beg her to continue talking about the Swiss team. Anything to avoid speaking about how oblivious you had been.

“Come on, let’s be honest Jenni would never rip out her precious hair or do anything else to ruin her looks,” you deflected, basking in the sound of Ana’s laughter. You would never get tired of making the blonde laugh.

You kept up the banter for a bit, before you remembered a specific thing you had been fretting about for the last 24 hours. It probably wasn’t something you should bring up on the first date, or maybe it was exactly the kind of thing you had to mention on the first date. You still hadn’t made up your mind about that.

All you knew was that in that moment, feeling happy and secure in Ana’s presence, you wanted to talk about it. And maybe it was time to do what you wanted more often and worry less about whether it was the ‘normal’ thing to do. What was normal anyway?

“There’s something I need to tell you”, you blurted out, kicking yourself for making it sound so ominous. No one ever said ‘I need to tell you something’ about unimportant stuff.

“Of course, I’m all ears,” Ana replied, smiling at you encouragingly.

“Okay, so…” You swallowed, trying to gather yourself. „I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. I mean I’ve dated and had flings and such, but never a serious long term relationship. And I don’t know it that’s a problem for you. I would totally understand if it was. And maybe I shouldn’t even have brought it up tonight, so I’m sorry if I’m making this awkward. Although if it is a problem then it was probably good I told you today. I…”

“Schatz,” Ana interrupted you. You didn’t really know any German, let alone Swiss German, but you were fairly certain you remembered this one. The use of a sweet pet name relaxed you significantly; she wouldn’t do that if this was in fact a deal breaker.

“I don’t care about that in the slightest. I’ve never been in a relationship with you either, so that will be brand new for me too. We’ll figure it out together,” the Swiss woman promised.

“Together,” you echoed. You loved the sound of that.

---

As time passed and more dates followed it became clear that Ana had been right. Things between the two of you just progressed naturally and not once did you feel out of your depth because of your lack of experience with relationships.

You shared a magical first kiss on a walk through the city after your second date. Ana’s lips felt pleasantly warm on yours in the chilly night air. After that all dams were broken and you spent a lot of time kissing like two hormonal teenagers, slowly or more precisely pretty rapidly moving on to other activities.

After the first time you slept together, the two of you lay in Ana’s bed facing each other. The Swiss woman gently traced her thumb over your forehead and your cheek, looking at you lovingly. Although you did your best to avoid using this word for anything to do with Ana just yet. It was too early to even think about love.

“Are you okay? Was this okay?” The blonde whispered, her eyes serious and for some reason slightly worried.

You stared at her in surprise. Could she not see how happy and satisfied you were, how cherished and lo- adored you felt?

“This was perfect and I feel amazing. You know I had sex before, right?”

Suddenly you weren’t sure if you had been clear about that. Maybe you had given Ana the impression that you weren’t just a relationship virgin, but an all around virgin.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but still this is a big step and I just wanted to check in. It’s different when feelings are involved,” Ana elaborated.

For a moment you just grinned at her like an idiot. If you thought you had been feeling lo-, adored before, it was nothing to how you felt now.

“You’re just the absolute sweetest, tesoro. And you’re totally right, it is different. So much better! I can’t wait to go again, but right now I need some sleep. Someone wore me out.“

You looked at her pointedly, but that quickly changed into a smile when you saw how proud of herself Ana looked.

“In that case, sleep, mi Schatz. Because I definitely need you to be ready for another round soon,” Ana said, pulling you against her and kissing your forehead.

It took you all of five seconds before you fell into a peaceful slumber, your face buried in Ana’s neck.

---

However, you were right too, about everything sorting itself out with the Swiss national team. You were eating lunch at Real’s training ground when you heard, willing the time to move faster because tonight you would finally see Ana again. The two of you hadn’t been able to meet up the last few days because of insanely busy and conflicting schedules.

So when your phone buzzed with a message from Ana your heart fluttered happily. Hearing from her was always the highlight of your day. Things at Real were still less than ideal. You didn’t feel connected to the team, most of them still seeing you as ‘that Altético player’.

You were well aware that you were to blame for that as much as anyone, maybe even more so. Your efforts to integrate into the team had been minimal to say the least. And you felt a fair bit of anger at yourself for being so unprofessional, but somehow that still wasn’t enough to change anything. You just didn’t want to be there. It was as simple as that. And you could pretend, but you couldn’t change your actual feeling.

Day after day you forced yourself to be perfectly punctual, train hard, listen to the game plans and analyses, but there was no joy to any of it. Not even when you played games, something that you had always loved before. You were simply going through the motions.

At least you were having a pretty good season; otherwise your disappointment with yourself would have been through the roof.

When you checked your phone you saw that it was a screenshot announcing Inka’s departure from the Swiss national team. A happy squeal escaped you, everyone turning to look at you. It wasn’t like you to be loud, especially not in a cheerful way.

“What is it?” Misa asked curiously.

You simply showed her your phone, a smile appearing on the goalkeeper’s face.

“This is great news,” she agreed.

“Amazing news,” you corrected.

Now you were even more excited to see Ana later that night and celebrate this special occasion.

You were happy that you had decided to meet up at your place; this gave you the opportunity to prepare something special. However, you didn’t have much time, so you found yourself standing in the store after training looking around frantically and blanking on what to do.

The first idea that came to mind was to get a cake with a message like ‘She’s gone!’ on it. But you seriously doubted that you would get one on such short notice. Also a whole cake for just the two of you didn’t sound like a good plan.

So maybe just a card? What kind of card though? You had some strong suspicions that there wasn’t anything like an ‘I’m so happy you got rid of your stupid national coach’-card. 

You could practically feel the seconds ticking by, getting more and more anxious by the minute. Time was running out and you still didn’t have the slightest idea what to do.

Noticing how tense you had become you forced yourself to exhale slowly and relax your body, starting with your jaw and slowly progressing downwards. There was no reason to get so stressed about this. Ana wouldn’t expect any grand gestures; you wouldn’t disappoint here no matter what you did or didn’t do.

As you calmed down the fog in your brain lifted and you regained the ability to make decisions. After having a swift look around you settled on buying the ingredients for Ana’s favorite meal, as well as two caramel cupcakes. As a last minute decision you added two candles to put on the cupcakes, one an I and one a G. This way you could literally get the satisfaction of seeing Inka Gring’s legacy go up in smoke.

Later that evening Ana arrived at your apartment with a bright smile on her face and some extra pep in her steps. She immediately pulled you into a tight hug, rocking the both of you excitedly from side to side.

“I’m so happy for you,” you told her, leaning back slightly to beam at her, before getting closer again and peppering her face with light kisses. 

This made Ana giggle. “And you know what makes me happy?” She gasped.

You stopped your kisses and tilted your head, unsure of where the Swiss woman was going this. It didn’t seem like the kind of question she would ask if the answer was the obvious one; Inka leaving.  

“That you are so happy for me. It means the world  to me that you care so deeply, about both the good and the bad things happening in my life,” Ana clarified.

A blush cropped up on your face and you moved to hide your face in Ana’s neck, but the Swiss woman gently stopped you

“Don’t. You know I love your blush,” she murmured, placing her hands on your slightly pink cheeks and taking in every inch of your face. “So beautiful.”

Of course that only made you blush more. Ana winked at you, but didn’t stop you when you once again stepped forward to bury your face in her shoulder.

The two of you spent a nice evening together; spirits were high all around thanks to the good news. Ana showered you in compliments for your cooking and when you brought out the cupcakes she burst into laughter.

“I love this! Like a cleansing from Inka,” she said in between laughing.

“Shhh, this is a serious matter,” you chastised her playfully.

“Oh sorry,” the blonde replied, forcing a solemn expression onto her face.

However, it only lasted for all of five seconds before the huge smile that had been on her face all night long returned. You wouldn’t be complaining about that though. A happy Ana made you happy.

“To the end of the unfortunate Inka-area and to a better future for your national team,” you announced, lighting the two candles on fire. “Make a wish!”

Ana leaned forward and blew out the candles with closed eyes. Then she turned to you. “Do you want to know what I wished for?”

You shook your head firmly. “No! Otherwise it won’t come true.”

Ana smirked. “Too bad because it involves you.”

“Wait really? Then I change my mind and want to know,” you backtracked, mentally running through everything she could have wished for.

“Nope, too late,” the Swiss woman informed you.

“Meeeeeaaaaan,” you complained.

Ana just grinned at you, shrugged her shoulders and took a big bite of her cupcake.

When you continued to pout at her, she offered you a compromise, “Fine, I’ll tell you when it comes true, okay? And now enough with the puppy dog eyes. Otherwise I might crack and tell you right now and then we’ll both be at fault when it doesn’t come true.”

“Sounds good to me,” you agreed, biting into your own cupcake with gusto.

And honestly just knowing that Ana had made a wish that included you warmed you heart. It was nice to be such a big part of someone else’s life, someone other than your parents that was. But you wouldn’t think about them right now, nothing was allowed to taint this moment.

Instead of dwelling on your thoughts you looked up at Ana happily chewing the last bite of her cupcake.

“I love you,” you blurted out without thinking about it.

Once the words had left your mouth you instantly regretted them. Not that they weren’t true, they absolutely were, but you hadn’t said them to each other yet. So what if Ana didn’t feel the same and you just ruined this perfect moment? Or even worse, everything!

At least Ana was still smiling at you, that was probably a good sign. If she was going to leave right then and there she wouldn’t smile. Right?

“I love you too,” the Swiss woman simply said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  

“Really?” You couldn’t help but ask.

Ana got up and came over to your side of the table. She grabbed your hands, softly pulling you up so you were on eye level.

“Of course I love you. How could I not? I guess we still have some work to do until you see yourself the way I see you, as such an amazing, good-hearted, beautiful person,” she told you earnestly.

“I really love you.” It was the only thing that came to mind, Ana’s compliments once again overwhelming you.

“That’s good because I really love you too,” the blonde replied with a chuckle, gathering you into her arms. “And I won’t rest until you love yourself too , exactly the way that you deserve.”

You just snuggled even closer into Ana, a deep calmness filling you up from head to toe. It wasn’t something you were used to, usually there was always some anxiety running in the background. However, the blonde brought you so much peace.

It was something you had never expected before you experienced it yourself. You had always thought love would be all excited butterflies and exuberance. There was some of that of course, but also this all-encompassing calmness, that was in many ways even better than all of the excitement.

[pomefioredove]

*does a little dance*

vil prompts you say? Can i get your take on Vil being confronted by Yuu's real and imminent return home? And it's their only chance too (ie. the portal can only be opened with a meteor traveling overhead and surprise surprise its passing NOW they have three days max)

*does a little jig, going away*

you guys love torturing this man omg. so much angst. I'm about to pour all my abandonment issues into him ikyk

summary: yuu leaving type of post: short fic characters: vil additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, angsty, post-book 7 author's note: my partner has been ignoring me for the past few days (I can't figure out why) so vil is about to experience pain, as he should

There are only six visible letters in lonely, and a thousand more hiding behind them.

The word carries such a weight with it, its meaning and its leaden implications, crushing the lungs of all who dare to shoulder it. It's a sore, tender sort of hurt, one that constricts the chest and numbs the limbs. Paralyzing, strangulating.

They say beauty is pain, but Vil has never felt more hideous in his life.

He had known; of course he had known. There was always a possibility you'd get your chance to return to your home, a world alien to him, and never come back. He'd been preparing himself for that reality from the moment he met you.

It didn't make it hurt any less.

Love is blind, but it's ignorant, too. Vil had pushed that thought to the back of his mind, covering it up with an if rather than a when, like throwing a veil over a tombstone. He had convinced himself that the chances of you leaving were slim, that when the time came, years from then, he'd be ready.

He wasn't counting on a few months.

"It works for about three days," you explain, a giddy smile on your face. He forces himself to share the expression. "The spell is so powerful, it can only be cast under specific circumstances... if I miss this, who knows when my next chance will be?"

Vil is an actor, yes, but this is different. This isn't something he's reading off a page to a room full of production assistants and actors. This is you and him, alone, tangled in an uncertain future with no ending in 12-point Courier.

His voice cracks. "That's wonderful,"

Sevens, is he selfish.

A part of him wants to slap you across the face and call you an idiot for even thinking about leaving him here, let alone being excited about it, but he can't even move his feet from where he's standing.

He should be celebrating with you.

He should be happy that you get to escape this terrible place. You get to go home, where you're accepted as you are, and loved, and where you belong...

But you belong with him. He accepts you. He loves you. Why do you need anyone else? What can they offer than he can't?

It's an egotistical fantasy Vil holds in the back of his mind for the rest of the day, one where you wake up and realize that your place is here, by his side, and not a world away from him.

He tries to convince himself it's not the end yet. Perhaps the spell will fail. Perhaps Crowley will change his mind. Perhaps someone else will overblot and throw the school into chaos. Each thought is more indulgent than the last, but without them, he might have lost his mind before noon.

What is he supposed to do?

Smile and wave while the only person who has ever understood and loved him unconditionally leaves him forever? Make a fool of himself pretending to be happy for you?

Every second without the certainty of seeing you the next day feels like an eternity.

It's wrong. He knows that. He can't keep you chained to the foot of his throne like a pet. You want to go, don't you? That's what you've wanted all along.

Once again, Vil only comes in second.

[shakingparadigm]

Seeing all those analysis posts about how Till liked Mizi because she was gentle while not giving the same attention to Ivan because he wasn't... how Ivan might have made Till uncomfortable because he expressed his admiration for Till through violence because he liked how Till had the courage to fight back...

I was wandering if Ivan ever realized that the way he went about showing his feelings wasn't positive for Till and he fucking did. "I wish I had been kinder" he fucking regrets dude, fuck me man.

(This veered wildly off-topic I am so sorry.)

Coming back to this ask after the most recent R6 update is interesting.

I've always wondered why they chose the title Cure in particular. I was expecting a song title along the lines of Star or something abyssal. Then I thought about Till's affiliation with experiments and drugs and the various ways he was hurt. Cure... It also brings to mind how the content for Ivan highlights his "oddness", how he's framed as someone different, almost wrong in a sense. There's something that he lacks, something that he feels the need to fix, to cure.

In the recent ROUND 6 production post, the true meaning is revealed. You're right on a certain level, but as always, it's complicated.

Both Ivan and Till seek a certain type of "healing", maybe to compensate for their pain, their oddness and their loneliness. They wish to be cured of their suffering somehow and they seek the solution in other people.

QMENG states that Till desires a type of healing that Ivan cannot provide, and vice versa.

It goes without saying, pretty common knowledge at this point, but Till is a lot softer under his rebellious front. As someone who's been beat and abused his whole life, it makes sense that that type of love he'd want is something gentler, something stable. It's incredibly obvious in the way he acts towards Mizi. She's so genuine, so bright, untainted by the cruel reality of the world. Till softens around her, since she has only showed him kindness he in turn shows her the sweetest side of himself. He's had nothing stable to cling onto before, so he immediately becomes attached to this idealized version of Mizi. He believes she's the only person who can provide him with what he needs, the only one who can "heal" him.

It's outright stated that Ivan cannot provide that type of "healing" that Till is looking for. Ivan does try, of course. Unfortunately, he lacks something fundamental. Because of this he expresses himself in rather childish ways, which may involve a little cruelty and attention-seeking. A lot of Ivan's actions are muddled by his complicated feelings as well, as its stated that his true emotions and intentions are difficult to grasp. With Till, Ivan wants to save and be saved, hurt and heal him, keep him and set him free. Live for him and die for him. He criticizes Sua on the ethics of self-sacrifice and then goes on to do the same himself. With Ivan, everything contradicts.

He tries desperately to be the cure that Till needs, but due to his incredibly complex nature that "healing" will never be just healing. It may come with more pain and confusion despite his best efforts.

I don't think Till refused to give Ivan attention because he wasn't gentle enough, rather I think it's because everything was so complicated whenever Ivan was involved. Ivan is there for him in his times of need and causes a fair bit of trouble during the rest. He's strange and hard to grasp, but he's familiar. Calling each other "friends" seemed like such an inadequate label because they're simultaneously too close and not close enough. Ivan does wish he was kinder, though. Not only to Till, but to Sua and most likely a few other people as well. There's a lot of aspects in which Ivan wishes he were different, and it's tragic to hear how he deprecates himself in his final moments for it.

There's the second half of QMENG's statement as well, "vice versa". Till cannot provide what Ivan needs either, but Ivan desperately desires it anyway.

Ivan views Till as his cure. He wants to not only "heal" Till, but to be healed by him as well. This desire can be seen in the lyrics of Cure:

Notice my pain

And mend me right now

To quiet my fears

I'll drown in you

(The wish for "healing" is stated.)

In your gaze, where I’m seen

Consume me, yes, me, oh, oh

(Ivan urges Till to "consume" him like medicine, he wishes to be what Till needs.)

Ivan lacks something, and he believes that Till can make up for that lack which is why he's so fascinated by him. If Ivan is a black abyss, Till is a supernova, bringing life to an empty void. Unfortunately, Till is explosive and rather inept at handling his own extreme emotions, which causes him to either lash out violently or retreat further inward and push Ivan away. He's also a thoroughly destructive and hurt individual, seeking his own cure in another form. He cannot provide what Ivan needs.

Both Ivan and Till are incredibly volatile. That's not to say they don't have their gentler sides, but overall they've been doomed from the start. Ultimately it's no fault of theirs, they did what they could with their complicated feelings and fought through their own respective hells.

In the end, Ivan had to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't get the "healing" he needed and could never be what Till needed, either. That's why he finally acted on his impulses and let his complicated feelings win over, resulting in his death. Despite all the heartache, his final thoughts are a statement of gratitude. Truly a tragedy.

[dark-frosted-heart]

He Doesn’t Know That I Turned into an Animal - Roger Barel (Premium End)

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. None of my translations are proofread until a day after posting

Roger: Can you follow this scent too?

Roger held out a white handkerchief to me.

(This is the handkerchief I lent to Roger on a mission…!)

(Could it be that the one he’s looking for is me…?)

Roger: I have sharp ears, so I was listening for the voice of this handkerchief’s owner, as well as her heartbeat and footsteps. But I haven't been able to hear anything. So…please. Help me find her.

(Last night you were listening for me…)

(Why did I assume that he wouldn’t?)

(I want to tell him that I’m right here since he’s so worried about me!)

I led Roger to my room.

Roger: The scent led you to this room?

Kate: Arf! (Yes!)

Roger: …Any clue where she went after?

I made laps around my room. I wanted to convey to Roger that the scent couldn’t be traced out of this room.

Roger: You’re telling me that Kate never left her room…? No…that’s not right. She left without anyone noticing?

(Yes! You’re doing great, Roger!)

I’ve been wondering about how I ended up like this, but…

I think the cause was me touching some kind of chemical while cleaning up the infirmary.

The things Roger researches range from useful to questionable.

The fact that he had a drug that could turn a person to an animal shouldn’t be a surprise.

(Since Roger’s the one that manages the drugs, he should be aware of the possibility of me turning into a corgi…!)

Roger: …Like if she could disappear like Liam, or transform, then no one would notice her.

(You’re pretty sharp, Roger…!)

Roger: As an animal, the lil’ lady wouldn’t be able to say anything or call for help…

(You’re getting there, Roger!!)

Roger: And then a cute female corgi just so happens to show up… Meaning you’re— 

Kate: Arf! (I’m Kate!)

I met Roger’s eyes and barked to make it sink in. However…

Roger: … No, that’s impossible…

Roger looked away from me, throwing the answer he worked toward out.

Roger: This is bad. I don’t have a clue.

(You’re kidding me…All that work and you’re not putting it together?!)

From experience, I knew Roger was knowledgeable and open-minded.

Normally it’s impossible to turn into an animal, but I thought he’d consider it.

(How do I tell you…?)

Roger: Hmm… I should write down what I know so that I can find Kate…

Roger took out a notepad from his pocket and started writing things down.

Maybe he was writing down things he noticed while looking for me.

(...It felt like Roger was analyzing things just then, but maybe I was imagining things?)

(In any case…I can’t give up! I’ll keep trying until I get through to Roger!)

And so I used all of my corgi brain power…

I tried to tell Roger that this corgi was Kate.

I tried to use the typewriter… (My dog paws were too big)

I tried to use the piano to show that I was human inside… (William praised me for being a genius, though as a dog)

I tried to show the mystery novel where people and animals swapped places… (Harrison tossed me out his room)

After numerous failed attempts, the sun set— 

By the time I returned to the infirmary, I was completely exhausted.

(What can I do…)

Ale: Arf? (What’re you trying so hard for?)

Kate: Awoo…(I want to tell Roger that I’m Kate…)

Ale: Woof woof? (That guy can’t understand us though?) …Woof, woof (...Sometimes Roger gives me a sad smile)

(Huh…?)

Ale: Awoo…(Maybe he still thinks about how he couldn’t wake my previous owner up) Woof, woof? (I enjoy being with Roger, but I can’t tell him that you know?)

Kate: Woof… (Ale…)

(Until now, I’ve always thought that it was important to deliver people’s thoughts and feelings. But as a fairytale keeper…)

(...I’m now in a position where I can’t no matter what I try, so I understand the pain better now) 

Ale: Woof! (There’s no point in moping. Let’s eat some snacks!)

(Snacks…?)

Ale: Arf? (Hey Roger, what do you have there? In your pocket!) Woof… (It’s been rustling for a while now…)

What Roger’s been repeatedly taking out of his pocket was just a notepad.

Every time I did something, Roger would take it out and jot something down.

Ale: Woof?! Woof! (Do you have tasty treats in your pocket?! Give it here!)

It seemed that Ale mistook Roger’s notepad for a treat or something.

Suddenly, Ale jumped high and the notepad fell out of Roger’s pocket.

Roger: Ah, Ale!

Ale: Woof… (What the…This isn’t a treat…)

The notepad fell open on a page…and I happened to catch what was written on it.

“Animal transformation curse observation record…Subject: Kate”

And then the page turned thanks to Ale’s paw touching the notepad.

(...Hm?! This…)

“She understands human speech, but can’t speak due to having a dog’s vocal chords.”

“To reveal her identity, she played the piano and tried to show me a novel. She’s kept her memories from when she was human.”

His notes were filled with information related to me as an animal.

Kate: Arf…? (Roger…?)

I stared hard at Roger and quickly put his notepad away.

Kate: Arf! Arf?! (This! This is my record, isn’t it?!)

Roger: Ah…You saw, lil’ lady?

Kate: Arf! Arf?! (Just now! Did you say “lil’ lady”?!) Grrr…(You noticed that I’m Kate, didn’t you…!)

Roger: Can’t understand what you’re saying, but I know you’re angry.

Kate: Arf! (Explain!)

Roger: You probably want an explanation now?

Roger sat down on a chair in the infirmary and began his explanation.

Roger: I didn’t notice that you turned into a dog until this morning. When you led me to your room after smelling the handkerchief… That’s when I finally realized that you might be a dog.

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: As an animal, the lil’ lady wouldn’t be able to say anything or call for help…

(You’re getting there, Roger!!)

Roger: And then a cute female corgi just so happens to show up… Meaning you’re— 

Kate: Arf! (I’m Kate!)

Roger: No, that’s impossible…

~~ Flashback end ~~

(You did notice at that time…?!)

Roger: …This is probably why you became a dog)

Roger fetched a green bottle from a shelf.

Roger: This bottle has a “become whatever animal you want to be” drug. But…it was leaking because of a crack on the bottom, so you probably touched that while cleaning.

Kate: Woof…(Yeah…)

Roger: Also, I have a guess on how to turn you back. With a kiss…

(K-kiss…?)

Roger: Like in the fairy tales you know? A curse is broken with a kiss.

(If you knew that, then why…)

Roger: Why didn’t I turn you back immediately? So that I could study you, of course.

Those words reminded me of how Roger acted this morning.

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: This is bad. I lue. Hmm…I should write down what I know so that I can find Kate…

~~ End flashback ~~

(At the time, I thought Roger’s tone was analytical…)

(I can’t believe you were pretending to take notes to find me when you were really just writing down your observations…!)

If Ale hadn’t jumped and Roger hadn’t dropped his notepad…

I would never have known.

Kate: Grr…Yip! Yip! (You…mad scientist! Egoist!)

Roger: What’d you expect me to do? It would've been such a waste to turn a valuable research subject back so soon. But I’ve done enough research for now, and I miss your human form. Shall we turn you back?

Kate: Grrrr…! (You’re the worst…!)

It’s true that Roger looked hard for me before realizing who I was.

Last night, he looked so serious while listening for me.

(But…that’s besides the point!)

(I worked so hard to make you realize who I was so it’s right for me to be angry that he decided to use me as a research subject!)

Ale: Woof…? (I don’t know what’s happening, but is it Roger’s fault?) Arf! (In that case, go all out!)

(Go all out…Yeah, let’s do that!)

Following what Ale said, I jumped onto Roger’s lap—

Roger: !

I kissed Roger on the lips.

I didn’t do this for Roger, but because I wanted things to go back to normal, but…

Maybe because I wasn’t used to having a corgi body, I only touched the corner of his lips.

I doubt this could be called a kiss.

(Will this really turn me back…? …Ah)

At that moment, my body grew hot…The corgi body started to shift.

Kate: Finally! I’m back…!

Roger: Ah…Lil’ lady, I don’t wanna say this, but…

Roger’s gaze on my body made me realize that I was naked.

Kate: D-don’t look!

I quickly wrapped myself in a blanket and huddled a corner of the infirmary.

Kate: Will you take responsibility for making me your research subject and bring me some clothes?

Roger: Yeah, no problem. But… Is that what all?

Roger pointed at my head and my body that was hidden by the blanket.

Kate: …? What do you mean— 

I casually touched the spot on my head that he was pointing to…And froze.

There was something coming out of my head that shouldn’t have been there.

Kate: W-what is this?!

I borrowed a mirror to check…

I still had corgi ears on my head and a short corgi tail on my butt.

Roger: Maybe because it wasn't a full kiss so it wasn’t a complete transformation. This really is interesting.

Kate: No way…! How do I turn back completely?!

Roger: Why not kiss me again?

Kate: It doesn’t have to be you, does it? All I need is a kiss.

Roger: If that person loves you, then it’s no problem.

Kate: Love…

Roger: Actually it has to do with the area of contact, the duration, and saliva composition… A loving, passionate kiss should do just the trick. A loving kiss is what breaks the curse in a fairytale after all.

(If that’s the case, then the half-hearted kiss only undid part of the transformation…)

Kate: Roger…do you…l-love me?

I felt oddly embarrassed asking that, and my voice was shaky.

Roger: Of course I do. You were so cute as a corgi.

Roger’s answer wasn’t really what I wanted to hear.

He probably knew what I was really asking and dodged the question on purpose.

Roger: Is that all you wanted to ask? Then go ahead and kiss someone else?

Kate: …

I was angry with Roger for knowing who I was but not saying anything about it because of research.

That’s why I wanted to kiss someone besides him…

(...Why can’t I move my legs?)

Roger: Just so you know… If you leave this room with those cute corgi ears and tail, you’re gonna run into some troublesome men. Not everyone in this castle’s a gentleman. Since research’s my priority, it’d be safer to kiss me.

Kate: Why are you saying stuff to make me stay?

Roger: It doesn’t feel good watching someone you’re fond of wagging their tail for someone else. It’s only natural.

(I can’t take this anymore…)

(I should be angry with Roger, but more than that…)

(I really want to kiss him)

Surely this was just an after-effect of Roger doting on me when I was a dog…

That’s what I told myself.

Kate: Okay… Since you took care of me while I was a dog, I’ll take care of you.

Roger: That so? Thanks.

The moment I saw Roger’s satisfied smile, my tail started wagging under the sheet.

(What am I so happy for!?)

Roger: But before a kiss to turn you back— —Let me do a thorough examination of your body.

[faerytreealtars]

How To Reach Your Destined Role? ~ Advice & Guidance on your journey through life.

Hi everyone, I'm finally back with another Pick a card! This time I am doing the PAC that the majority voted for and it is all about who are you destined to be? How can you get to that level? Or perhaps you already are there? Pick an image which draws you in and that shall be your pile!

This PAC took a lot longer to get around to than I would have hoped, but I had to put myself first as I'm sure you will understand between battling mental health struggles and then physical ailments, which have still not cleared up but hopefully I will get there soon! Still, I feel brighter and more energized mentally so I thought it was about time to get back on the horse, so to speak anyway without further rambling shall we get into the piles...

[ Image credit goes to ilikefairies ]

Pile One ~

[ Cards drawn: The Magician, The lovers, three of swords & the sun.]

[ Top Of Deck - Nine of cups. ]

Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be a free-spirited soul so do not worry about rushing into choices of who or what you are meant to be. Before I had even pulled any cards I heard the message in my head that you have lots of opportunities in this life and you can choose to be many different versions of yourself, many people get stuck into the mindset that there is only one version of themselves that can exist in this world but that is untrue, it is up to you who you want to be, exist in a way that brings you happiness. Now based on the image you chose and the messages the cards are sharing with me, I feel you are someone who is meant to bring more love, light and hope into this world by merely existing you do this but if you wish to be more proactive then read the next part and hopefully the messages will resonate for you.

How to get there: You need to become more aware of your power in this world, and how your actions and emotions can influence your days. How your thought patterns can affect your choices and beliefs. They either will push you onwards towards happiness and success or hold you back in stagnation and fear but when you work on finding your footing, grounding more in the present moment and working on having more confidence in yourself. seeing yourself as worthy and lovable on the bad days as well as the good then you come closer to the higher power that connects you with your soul. With the three of swords present you have gone through much despair and heartbreak, it has toughened you to this world which can indeed be cruel and though those experiences however sorrowful they were gave you much more perspective and wisdom on human nature and your own inner world they were not meant as punishment or as a way to put out your light. With the sun following this card I can tell that it is your loving energy and the fact you feel so deeply that can power you on to create brighter days not just for yourself but for others too, do not fear sharing your experiences or using them in your creations or hobbies to add inspiration to others life. All in all, I can see you living a good life, not without its challenges but a life like that is unlikely and perhaps boring! The final advice I hear is to keep working on yourself, masterpieces cannot be rushed and you should focus on what intrigues and brings you happiness in the moment, don't worry about having it all figured out too soon. Best of luck, my dear pile one!

Pile Two ~

[Cards drawn: Page of cups, Knight of cups, the Star & eight of swords]

[Top of the Deck: Ten of Cups]

Who are you meant to be: Okay, woah Pile two your energy is so happy and bright I love it thank you for letting me bask in it for a while!! If no one ever tells you that you are wonderful and lovable then let me please be the one to tell you now: You are wonderful and lovable in so many ways, thank you for existing!! Anyway on with your reading. So we have a lot of water energy going on here so right off the bat I can tell you are meant to be someone who values and uplifts your own as well as others' emotions. I keep hearing therapist in my mind and though I never intended this reading to be about careers perhaps that is a job you feel drawn to or perhaps you already seem to act like everyone's personal therapist in your day-to-day life. (I know that can get tiring so do put your own wants, needs and boundaries first if you feel that others are putting too much upon you.) I am now also hearing teacher and parent so yeah it may be in your destiny to help shape and mould the next generation into as bright and uplifting a soul as you are yourself. Now in a more general sense, I can see you are meant to be someone who always strives first to open others' eyes to truths in the world that others may want to turn a blind eye to, sometimes this may make you feel alienated and insecure of yourself but keep striving on and never back down for those who wish to put your down like to see you trapped in your insecurity and doubt it allows them to get away with all the malice they put into the world but you are far bolder and brighter than them and your presence, voice and actions help to bring forward a more hopeful future.

How to get there: Honestly Pile two I feel you are already on your way to getting there without much guidance from anyone else but I will say keep listening and feeling your emotions, honouring them as truth for it is how your intuition seems to let itself be heard. Keep working on your communication skills for I feel they are a skill you will be using quite a lot in the future or perhaps you already do. Finally don't be afraid of having a bad day, you are allowed to feel negative about things and it's totally okay to lean on others as much as they lean on you. Don't get so caught up in overthinking and doubts, or even worries about how to help others sometimes we have to let others make it through their own lessons in life, it is like the baby turtles who hatch on the beach and must make it to the sea on their own power and will, not all of them will make it but we can't intervene less we can cause more harm than good. That's all I'm getting for you pile two. I wish you the best and again I just love your energy so keep being you because it brings so much happiness to the world.

Pile Three ~

[ Cards drawn: The magician, The high priestess, seven of pentacles, four of cups ]

[ Top of the deck: The Tower ]

Who are you meant to be: You are meant to be someone who changes, themselves and the world. You are like a phoenix who rises from the ashes and is rebirthed as a newer, better you after every fall. I am also getting the visual of a chameleon who changes to fit their environment. This at times may have left to feeling confused or a sense of imposter syndrome but do not fear it is a skill and talent all in itself and it is not a wrong thing to be doing. It allows others to feel more comfortable around you so then in turn you can aid them in bettering themselves. Now to focus more on you, who this reading is meant to be helping I can see you are meant to a more spiritually in tune individual who listens and honours their mystical power, of which you have a lot. I feel many of you have been shamed or forced into behaving "sensibly" when you try to show this part of yourself as many cannot understand it and feel it doesn't help with the real world. Please stop listening to them, you would not have this connection to your higher self and the divine if it was not meant to benefit you and the world in some way. So feel free to behave as "woo-hoo" as you wish, the ones who value and respect you will stick around and those who behave in ways that try to condition and control you will eventually leave and you will be all the better for it!

How to get there: Work on listening to your intuition more, remember that intuition is a message that carries calm energy while anxiety will make you feel frantic and in the need to rush. You do not need to rush. As the seven pentacles show you need to cultivate patience and wait for the seed to grow. Trust that all that you are doing, even if at times it is having to sit and do nothing is helping to nurture and give your dreams and goals the best chance of success. I also feel you need to take more time to give yourself mental rest, let your mind grow still and quiet, focus on one thing at a time and seek more time for meditation. This in turn may help you feel more grounded and grateful for all you already have and all you have already achieved. Finally do not fear the tower falling, in the midst of the chaos it may feel like the end but you will begin to see it is simply the clearing of the unneeded and stagnated to allow for the creation of the brighter and better. From it you will always become wiser, stronger and yes even kinder.

I wish the best to all of you in pile three, I know the days may seem long and hard but try to focus on the simple gratitudes and you will begin to see the sun beam from behind the clouds. Until next time, Love Fae.

[crepezinhos]

3sum w/ kazuha and wanderer where kazuha has to constantly scold wanderer for degrading you😭

Fortune’s Fool

(REQUEST #2: You wonder whether it was a fortune or misfortune to have met your two good acquaintances in a drunk state…)

POV: The request ☝️

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— Somnophilia does NOT happen even if it might look like it.

— Reader uses SHE/HER pronouns.

As a wanderer from Fontaine, you’ve made many friends and acquaintances throughout your life. In one of your many trips to Inazuma, you met this very talented wanderer and poet called Kaedehara Kazuha who gave you plenty inspiration and the vibe that you needed in your life. In one of your few trips to Sumeru, you met this other wanderer who called himself Wanderer for some reason and was very complex. He was rude, cold, sometimes mean and very proud of himself, but that didn’t make you unable to develop a friendship with him. After all, in Tevyat, one of the few global-wide traditions is that wanderers don’t attack other wanderers. After all, all wanderers aren’t common and all of them want the same thing, peace and pleasure. So, to make the tradition even better and realer, when there’s an encounter of wanderers, it’s common that they’ll celebrate it and use the opportunity to talk about their recent experiences around the world.

And that’s exactly what you’re doing right now in an isolated bar in Liyue. You had the great luck of spotting the one and only, Kaedehara Kazuha, meditating in a tall, yellow tree, a man popular around Tevyat for being the only human who managed to hold the Musou no Hitotachi alone.

“It was all thanks to my old friend’s vision. Otherwise, I don’t believe I would’ve done it.” He said, taking another sip of his wine.

“Still, that is one great story, Kazuha! It must’ve been a great source of inspiration to your Haikus.” You implied, genuinely impressed at his deed.

“Incredibly, it was not. The only thing I wrote related to that moment was about the fact that the second vision I had with me awakened although its owner has ceased years ago. I don’t want to sound weird but it felt like… his spirit did it. Like it has been watching me ever since my arrival…” Kazuha shared his thoughts, making you take a sip of your wine this time.

“No, no, I totally understand, I also believe that some souls have the strength to live even after the death of their body.” You reassured Kazuha.

But unfortunately, the conversation was cut off due to your attention being dragged by the sound of the bar’s doorbell, signing someone had entered the bar.

The first thing you noticed when you were turning around was the person’s very long hat. Then you realized the person’s short, dark purple hair and the white and blue pattern of their clothes.

It was the nameless Inazuman wanderer you met in Sumeru.

“Hey! Big hat guy!” You called him out, instantly dragging his eyes to you. “Come here!” You said, tapping in the chair right next to you.

He stared at you back for some seconds but didn’t reply, walking to the bar’s counter afterward like you weren’t there.

“Who is he?” Kazuha asked, taking a sip of his wine in a slight suspicion and making you pay attention to him again.

“He’s a wanderer from Inazuma.” You explained.

“Inazuma? That’s weird, he gives me chills even tho I’ve never seen him in my life.” Kazuha said, getting a little more suspicious.

“Yeah, because he lives in Sumeru! Don’t worry, Kazuha, he isn’t dangerous!” You defended Wanderer, turning to him again afterwards. “Hey, c’mon big hat guy!” You screamed but he ignored you again, not even staring at you this time.

“I believe he had a rough day, Y/N, let him go.” He suggested, tapping your resting hand in the table to bring your attention back to him again.

“Well then… where were we?” You asked, finally giving up and fully tuning your body back to Kazuha.

“We were talking about souls and spi—”

BANG!

Your whole body flinched at hearing a sudden bang in the table coming right from your right side, almost making you jump off your seat unlike Kazuha who didn’t get scared at all. You immediately looked to your right and you met Wanderer and a fat wine cup in his hands.

“Why so scared?” He asked, sitting down at the chair you were previously tapping and staring at your scared face with a mocking smirk.

“To be fair, things get extra emotional for people when they’re drinking.” Kazuha answered for you, scolding Wanderer.

After all, even if Kazuha was also drinking, he had the vision of the bar’s entrance, which means that he witnessed Wanderer’s approach and that he could’ve warned you of it.

Your soul finally came back to your body.

“Yeah, that was super unnecessary!” You screamed.

“Don’t worry, it won’t happen again, I don’t want to drink a lot tonight.” He said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Me neither.” Kazuha said, taking a sip of his wine.

“I guess me neither too…” You said, still a little angry at Wanderer.

.

“And then he stared at it for like 10 seconds… hic, and still couldn’t realize Ms. Hina was a parody of himself!” Kazuha finished the story, making you both burst in laugh like hyenas, punching the table with your empty cups and fists.

You two were cackling like that for the unfunniest or most random things you could think of. Your belly was hurting so much from the excessive laughs that you decided to rest your head in the table, trying to curl your body and ease your pain. But then your nose begun to hurt from the friction of it against the table, so you turned your head to your right and noticed Wanderer caressing his forehead aggressively, like he was stressed at something.

“What’s wrong, hic, Hat Guy?” You asked, getting up again just to lay your head in his shoulder.

“I don’t feel so good…” He explained, ignoring your nosy head.

“Are you gonna to throw up?” Kazuha asked, also taking it in funny way like you.

“Maybe, if she keeps moving me around.” He said, trying to push you away from his shoulder without moving too much of his own body.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be so negative..!” You said, throwing yourself again just to hug his two shoulders very tight.

“H-Hey!” He screamed, trying to get you off him in way more panic than before.

“Hey, Wanderer guy, you said you were a puppet, didn’t you?” Kazuha asked, ignoring the situation you were putting him in.

“Yes, I am!” He screamed again.

“Do you have a dick?” He asked, making you and Kazuha cackle like hyenas again.

“W-What?! Why the heck do you wanna know if I have one or not?!” He asked, absolutely mad at the both of you for laughing at such an intimate question.

“I’m just curious… what about drugs? Can you smoke weed as much as wish to?” He asked again, making you and him just giggle more.

Wanderer didn’t even bother answering and fought you off for some seconds, but out of nowhere, he stopped it all and begun staring at a wall, absolutely paralyzed in realization.

“Y/N, get off.” He demanded.

“I don’t really feel like getting—” You tried joking one more time.

“Y/N, I’m gonna throw up and I will not stop myself if I do it on you. ” He confessed, making you instantly weaken your grip in him.

“Are you o—” You tried asking but as soon as Wanderer felt his shoulders become free, he immediately jumped off his chair and ran towards the hall with the “Bathrooms” sign as fast as light. You decided to follow right afterwards even if you weren’t allowed to go into the man’s bathroom.

“Hey, guys, don’t leave me here!” Kazuha screamed, not getting up from his chair.

When you got inside the bathroom, you stopped to look for where he went and met his two feet standing in the farthest stall of bathroom. As soon as you noticed that, you ran towards his direction again and banged the stall’s door sometimes, trying to get in.

“Wanderer?! Are you ok in there?!” You asked, trying your best to hear him through the door but no sound was emitted rather than him breathing.

“I-I don’t know… I don’t know whether it wants to come out or not…” He answered with a whiny voice.

“I mean… you’re a puppet, I wouldn’t expect my body to react like a human’s if I was a puppet.” Kazuha showed up behind you out of nowhere, which made you jump in fear again and let go of the stall’s door.

“K-Kazuha?! Oh my god, don’t do that again!” You screamed at Kazuha angrily, looking back to meet him acting as calm as ever, unlike the situation.

But in that moment of distraction, the door opened, and there was Wanderer standing very embarrassed.

“I’m fine.” He said, pulling his hat down to cover his face.

“Oh, thank goodness..!” You said very cutely like you hadn’t just screamed at Kazuha and threw yourself at him again.

“H-Hey, don’t throw yourself at me, I’m still a little nauseous!” He complained, trying to push you away but suddenly, you felt Kazuha’s hands lay on your shoulders not so nicely.

“Party in the stall!” Kazuha screamed, pushing the both of you inside the stall, making you and Wanderer barely fall in the toilet if he hadn’t put his hands on the walls.

And meanwhile you and Wanderer got up, you heard a click from the door. As soon as you were finally standing up, you looked behind and noticed that Kazuha had locked the door with a silly smile in his cute face.

.

All that you remembered was Wanderer and Kazuha switching places because he wanted to get out, but both of you pulled him back in. Than you forgot what happened between Kazuha locking the door and the current moment, which made you just more and more confused, because you wanted to know how did you allow yourself to be sandwiched by both of them, making out with you. But it didn’t really matter anymore, they were too good for you to not pay attention in them. Kazuha was behind you now, kissing and sucking your neck as his hands slipped through your shirt and bra, squeezing your breasts gently. And Wanderer was in front of you now, smashing both your heads and lips together with one of his hands squeezing your hair, while his other hands slipped through your underwear and masturbated your clit using two of his cold fingers.

Your brain was barely functioning but you wouldn’t deny that what you were doing with those boys gave you a tremendous amount of pleasure. Two men willing to sacrifice the privacy and art of sex just because they couldn’t wait to fuck you.

Happens that your mouth was the best spot for you to breathe, which was currently being taken by Wanderer’s tongue. He was smirking, loving the power he had over you compared to Kazuha, playing with your clit in ways that made you flinch and screech in agony.

“A-Ah~! Wanderer, wai—!” You screamed when Wanderer suddenly inserted the same two fingers inside you with no kind of warning at all.

But Wanderer ignored you and instantly pulled your mouth back to his. The amount of shock and pleasure from it made your back arch, making it harder and harder for both men to adjust their positions.

“Fucking stand up, I’m not gonna hold you if you fall.” He demanded, stopping the kiss for a quick moment unlike his fingers.

“Hey… let’s be fair to Y/N and us… we’re standing up on a tight place..!” Kazuha scolded with a very gentle voice thanks to amount of alcohol he drunk.

Wanderer leaned up and stepped backwards a few times, letting his hands off you go as started to analyze the situation while licking off his soggy fingers.

“Hummm…” He thought for some seconds while Kazuha still played with your body. “Kazuha, hold her and sit down.” He demanded.

You couldn’t even tell if Kazuha understood how or why but he still obeyed. So he moved both his hands to your shoulders and sat down at the toilet, pulling you down too to sit on top of his lap.

“W-What are you going to do..?” You asked to Wanderer, using some of the energy you managed to regain in that small break.

“Sex!” Kazuha answered for Wanderer very happily, with a cutesy, smiley face.

Yeah, he had no remaining consciousness at all.

But your eyes were more focused on Wanderer slowly undoing his pants with a growing smirk in his face.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Surprised at seeing a puppet with a dick?” He asked mockingly, stepping the closest he could to you, your mouths centimeters away from each other.

“So you do have a dick…” Kazuha commented.

“Shut up.” He demanded with an angry voice, looking at Kazuha in distraction before looking back at you with that mean smirk. “Come on, I know you want this… you just gotta say it! I know your brain is still working unlike his…” He provoked.

“Hey, I do have a brain..! Here~.” Kazuha defende himself, pulling you closer to him as he used his knees to spread your legs apart.

Wanderer’s grin widened as he admired the awkward position you were in, sitting on top of a man’s lap with your legs spread by his legs… and Wanderer knew that Kazuha would definitely use his hands during it.

“May I, Y/N?” He whispered in your ear very teasingly, making you throw your head aside in embarrassment.

And finally, you nodded weakly, allowing him to finally push all of him inside you. You were about to scream in shock, but Kazuha was quick to identify it and silenced your mouth using one of his hands.

“Shhhh… we don’t want no one to hear us, do we?” Kazuha whispered in your ear and Wanderer finally begun moving in and out of you after also having his moment of pleasure from entering inside you.

Your brain was only functioning to receive the pleasure that Wanderer gave you, even if he was barely starting, and grip on Kazuha’s arm covering your mouth for dear life. Alcohol really messes with the human mind… maybe you shouldn’t have drunk that much alcohol… or maybe you should’ve. Kazuha’s hands immediately begun roaming around your chest as soon as he saw you relax, trying his best to make you feel even more pleasure. He basically just copied what he was previously doing, but better, even if it was only with a single hand, pinching your nipples and touching spots he knew were sensitive and sucking your neck with his mouth passionately.

It was absolute ecstasy.

Wanderer wasn’t going fast yet, he was more focused on finding the perfect spot and angle to thrust you before driving you insane, but that was going to be very complicated in that place. So his hands were absolutely crushing your hips to keep you in that same rough spot at all costs. It was definitely going to mark them if he kept holding you like that for the rest of I.

“Fucking useless slut…” He let out his stress as he realized he wasn’t managing to perfect his thrusts the way he wanted to.

“Hey… let’s not make this even harder for her… she’s doing the best she could for a woman having sex with two men in a bathroom stall.” Kazuha scolded, stopping his massage in your neck for a brief moment.

“Correction, she’s being relentlessly bred like a dog and she loves it.” Wanderer mocked again, staring right at your teary eyes.

“A beautiful one…” Kazuha tried to make it sound like a compliment, kissing your cheek from behind cutely.

“You know that you and your little praises are not making her feel better than I, right? I can feel her pussy clenching when I degraded her~...” He teased, making you throw your head aside in embarrassment of being stared right on the eye by him while he fucked you with hunger.

But Kazuha only saw that as an opportunity to launch his head further in your neck.

“Well… I don’t think she’d show me her neck like this if I was so insignificant.” He mocked Wanderer, who just stared at him very violently.

In that moment of slight relaxation, you used one of your arms to reach Kazuha’s head and caress it to keep him stimulating you, making Wanderer’s ego slightly hurt.

But before you could have a minute of strength and consciousness, you suddenly felt Kazuha’s hand in your boob slkde all the way down to your belly, than your underwear, than your clit, scissoring it according to Wanderer’s thrusts. Or at least trying to…

You felt your entire body flinch and melt in Kazuha’s lap as every single part of your body that could possibly make you feel pleasure was being toyed. You couldn’t tell who was giving you more pleasure and that just made you get more and more lost in it meanwhile they got more and more competitive for dominance. Kazuha was absolutely making you agonize and flinch with his tortuous, little, teasing touches, and Wanderer was absolutely numbing your mind, trying his best to make sure that he was the main one there. He was the reason why Kazuha had to cover your mouth in the first place but you still clearly hear each slap of Wanderer’s skin against your hips and the puffy, soggy sounds coming out of your pussy.

“Fucking Christ… can you fucking take your dick off my way?!” Wanderer screamed at Kazuha, stopping his thrusts inside you for a moment and making Kazuha stop sucking your neck like a meal too.

You had noticed it ever since you sat on his lap but Kazuha was growing harder and harder with every second. His pants and your weight got in the way for most of the process but now you and Wanderer could clearly see and feel his tip beginning to rub and cover your pussy, which was what made Wanderer angry and stop.

“It’s not my fault I’m not the lucky one…” He defended himself with an embarrassed face.

Finally, you had a moment to breathe and process all the information while they discussed.

“I’m not gonna let you finish her off now that I already got inside her.” He assured, putting his hands on your hips again to make sure Kazuha wasn’t going to do anything to you.

“Well then, what will we do?” He asked, making Wanderer instantly create an idea.

You could see his eyelids popping up like the lightbulb on his brain has just been lit.

But Wanderer took advantage of your distraction and pulled you off Kazuha’s lap for a quick moment just to spin you around and push you back to him. The impact of it made your head fall very close to his clothed erection.

“Make the bitch suck you.” Wanderer ordered, gently squeezing your ass in anticipation.

“Hey, she’s not a bitch…” Kazuha scolded with his gentle voice, caressing your head gently.

“Of course she is! She’s such a horny and cock-hungry whore that’s she’s willing to take two at the same time… am I wrong, Y/N?” He mocked, leaning closer to you just to grip on your chin and force eye contact with you.

“I believe we are also sacrificing the sake of privacy and art of sex due to a snowballed lust, aren’t we? We are also pussy-hungry whores with sadistic kinks according to your logic, but I’d rather call this the peak of humanity.” Kazuha scolded artistically.

Even tho it was pretty much a huge turn-off to you and Wanderer…

“Can you just… shut the fuck up and let me fuck her?” He asked, still trying to understand what Kazuha said.

“Alright, whore… I promise it will be quick, Y/N.” Kazuha whispered in your ear, caressing your cheeks with a thumb and forcing eye contact as he undid his pants with his other hand.

And Wanderer finally begun thrusting you. Now that he had full control of your hips with no sort of intervention from Kazuha, he was absolutely destroying your few, remaining dignity.

Completely numbed and hypnotized by the Wanderer’s vicious thrusts, you shoved your warm, breathy mouth inside Kazuha’s cock with his hands’ assistance, sacrificing your best canal to breathe.

“Oh God…” Kazuha groaned, gently laying a hand on top of your head.

He was absolutely relaxed in his seat, letting you suck in your tortuous rhythm. The hand he laid on your head did nothing but caress it. He was so gentle he even praised you even if sometimes you couldn’t even find the strength to keep your head going up and down in his dick.

“You have no idea how good this is…” Kazuha complimented, looking at Wanderer.

“You’re just drunk, she’s barely moving her head… Plus, don’t compare a mouth to a fucking pussy, it’s definitely way better in here.” He mocked between slight hisses.

“No, no… she’s warming my cock passionately and I love it.” He defended you again, hugging your head with better strength to assure you.

“Well then… you’re losing the fun.” He finished, and you suddenly felt a hard slap hit one of your buttocks, making you arch your back and separate your mouth to Kazuha’s cock in shock of it.

Kazuha held your face in place, worried about how you felt, but all you did was moan like crazy to Wanderer’s domination in you.

“See? She loves it! Who would’ve guessed that the Great Swordswoman from Fontaine was a hidden masochist?!” Wanderer mocked, squeezing and caressing the same ass cheek he slapped.

“You should not mock people for a kink you’d rather have than not have in sex… after all, not many women like sadistic guys.” Kazuha scolded again, leaning closer to your head to whisper something in your ear. “Don’t listen to him, Y/N… you’re doing amazing… but I really need you to suck me…” He asked, gently pushing your head back to his cock after you nodded in allowance.

As long as Wanderer’s unstoppable sadistic streak was turning you on more and more, Kazuha’s praises contrasting Wanderer’s degradations was absolute music to your ears. You could feel yourself getting tighter and tighter, closer and closer to climax whenever anything related to you came out their mouths, creating a paradox of having your dignity destroyed and recovered over and over again.

.

“I’m going to take her to a hotel and take care of her, go home.” You could hear Wanderer’s voice speaking above of you.

You don’t know where you are, nor what time it is, but you could feel your body being held by something in the air.

“Can I take her or come with you? I really want to spend more time with her…” You heard Kazuha’s voice slightly echoing in your ears, but you couldn’t see him.

He still sounded drunk. He actually sounded even more drunk.

“Fuck no, you can barely stand up and I don’t want another man sleeping on my bed! Especially one that I don’t know!” Wanderer screamed.

Did you really pass out?

“I mean… you’ve seen my dick and I’ve seen yours too! There isn’t anything to hide anymore!” He said, as excited as a kid.

Kazuha was really another man when he was drunk, wasn’t he?

“Of course there is! And, it’s her decision rather she wants to see us again or not. We literally just fucked her brains out in a bathroom stall, I would never want to see us again if I was her.”

And maybe he’s right.

“Oh-ho? Now you’re being protective of her? You’re the reason why she’s asleep in the first place!” Kazuha mocked.

Is he? You still have a slight fragment of the memory of the orgasm Wanderer brought you to have… right before your eyes closed and your head bonked in Kazuha’s lap.

“Shut up!” He demanded, pulling his hat down to cover his face but that just helped you to see him better, his cheeks were going pink.

After all, he was carrying you in his arms.

“Go, take her home. I’ll clean up the mess we made.” Kazuha said to Wanderer, and he finally started started walking with you in his arms.

What the fuck did just happen?

[lucysarah-c]

Question: for Virgin! Canon Levi; how do you think that would go down? Like full blown sex one night? Taking it slow over time? Just how do you think reader would need to navigate it with him? Slow burn / build up, a passionate night, tipsy reader?

This is assuming Levi and Reader’s emotions are confirmed for each other

Hiiiii~~ How are you? What have you been up to lately?

Haha, honestly, I'm not entirely sure what caused this full blow-up of questions, but I'm kinda loving it.

Mhh, I think my answer depends a lot on two factors: "Levi's age" and "the experience of the reader." I know you said Canon Levi, but I wonder if you mean canon season 1-4 Levi, Underground Levi, pre-promotion Levi, etc. haha

I'll conclude that you meant "canon season 1-3" Levi. While I personally don't headcanon Captain Levi as a virgin during the "overall" period of AoT (I mean, since season 1, not ACWNR or Underground Levi), I think his reaction depends a lot on how much experience the reader has. Levi strikes me as one of those friends/partners who loves you, cares about you, etc., but hardly ever talks about themselves. In my humble opinion, even if Levi has feelings for you and you two decide to pursue a relationship together, it may take him a lot of time to open up about his past. I mean, this man gets along with Hange amazingly in the story; Isayama says that Hange is who "understands" or "gets along better with Levi," and yet Hange didn't know about Kenny.

So this may be a wild take… but I think Levi wouldn't tell you it's his first time, lmao. He may try to play it cool; you might notice he's not the most "skilled" dude out there ('cause let me tell you, no amount of Ackerman powers makes you seem experienced, lol), but he's not telling you it's his first time. Which, you know, everybody is entitled to their past. Perhaps if the reader is also a virgin and she opens up emotionally like, "It's my first time," Levi would feel she's opening up to him, and he would feel it's a good time to be honest too and be like, "Well… it's mine too, so I guess we will figure it out as we go."

About "how" it would be, I think the reader would have to set the tempo. Most men are READY to blow off some steam if you give them a chance, haha, so if the reader is also a virgin and they kinda want to test the waters before going all the way, Levi would be down for it, especially because it will give him time to catch a trick or two, learn what she likes.

I think that porn or movies make us believe how "sex" usually happens, and I mean, talking from my experience and my friends' experiences… none of us went from 0 to 10. Like, we kiss, we make out, then maybe we got a little handy, then riding on top of clothes, oral sex, fingers, etc. Especially because maybe you don't have your own place to crash at, maybe you two would like to talk it out before it happens. Buy condoms, get ready, etc.

Now, if you are curious how I think Underground Levi would decide to lose his V-card while younger… probably rather quick, steamy, and not giving it much thought, haha. He'd let the hormones talk and make decisions for him. In both occasions, I don't think he made the girl cum before him, which is something that happens a lot; we women are harder to please, it requires more technique than men who… well, let's say that they come rather easily, lol. BUT he will 100% offer to make her cum anyway, with fingers or mouth. Levi will be such a fast learner, give him a chance or two, and he will pick it up like a champ.

Though why can't I shake the idea of a younger Levi in the underground in his 18s, having something with a girl slightly older than him, perhaps 20, etc. And her saying between chuckles, "Slow down, boy."

God, I would pay to see his blushed, embarrassed face.

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @angelofthor @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 @hannieslovebot @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @flxrartsstuff @katharinasdiaryy @levisecretgfblog @searriously @blackdxggr @ackermanswifee @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-12345 @levicansteponme @galactict3a Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[tosomeonessomeone]

Duo

words・ 2.1k /pairings・ Bang Chan x reader / genres・ fluff / warnings・ none

A spacious meeting room crackled with anticipation in the heart of the JYP Entertainment building. Seated at the head of the table, JYP himself beamed with enthusiasm, introducing you, an internationally acclaimed visual artist, to the members of Stray Kids. "Everyone, I'm thrilled to have [your name] here with us. She's an incredible visual artist known for her unique aesthetic," JYP announced, gesturing towards you.

You expressed your excitement, "Thank you, JYP. I'm thrilled to collaborate with such a talented group." The members of Stray Kids turned their attention, curiosity, and excitement evident in their expressions. Standing beside JYP, Bang Chan welcomed you warmly, "Hey, [your name], glad to have you on board." You acknowledged with a smile, "Thank you, Bang Chan. I'm honored to be a part of this project."

JYP set the stage for the collaboration: "Now, I've brought [your name] on board to collaborate with all of you on the aesthetics for your upcoming album. Her vision will bring a new dimension to the visual storytelling of Stray Kids." Felix chimed in, expressing his anticipation: "That sounds awesome! I can't wait to see what we create together."

Han asked, "So, [your name], any hints about what you have in mind for us?" You shared your vision, "Well, I was thinking of exploring a fusion of vibrant colors and abstract elements to reflect the dynamic energy of your music." Seungmin approved, "That sounds intriguing. I'm all for it!"

JYP concluded, "Great! Let's make this collaboration one for the books. Now, let the creative discussions begin."

As the meeting wrapped up, the stage was set for a creative journey that would redefine not only Stray Kids' visual identity but also the connection forged between you and the members in the artistic tapestry of their new album.

As days went by, the collaboration unfolded between you, an acclaimed visual artist, and Stray Kids, creating a masterpiece in the making. The studio walls resonated with beats and melodies as their music production set the backdrop, guiding the strokes of your creative vision.

One night in particular, the studio was alive with the rhythmic pulse of Stray Kids' latest track, each beat resonating through the air. You were seated among the members, your eyes focused on the speakers while your mind translated the music and dance into vibrant images. Excitement filled the room as ideas flowed freely.

Lee Know nudged you. "What do you think of this beat? It's like nothing we've done before."

You smiled. "It's incredible. I can already see a visual story unfolding with this rhythm. Maybe we can play with contrasting colors to highlight the dynamic shifts."

Chanbin nodded. "That sounds cool. Let's experiment with that."

The collaborative energy was palpable as everyone contributed their thoughts, blending the worlds of music and visual art seamlessly. As the night progressed, members excused themselves, leaving you and Bang Chan engrossed in refining the visual concept.

Bang Chan leaned back. "It's amazing how your ideas add a new layer to our music. I feel like we're creating something special."

You expressed gratitude. "Likewise, your music is so inspiring; it's like a canvas waiting to be painted."

Hours slipped away, and it became apparent that the two of you shared a dedication that extended beyond the project. Others left the studio, leaving just you and Bang Chan surrounded by the quiet hum of creativity.

Bang Chan leaned against the mixing desk. "We've been working together so closely, and I just realized we're '97 liners. That's pretty cool, huh?"

Smirking, you replied, "It is. No wonder we click so well. It's like there's an unspoken understanding between us."

Bang Chan smiled. "Maybe it's the '97 connection. We should celebrate being part of the same year."

You both laughed and in that shared moment of realization, the connection between you two deepened. The conversation flowed effortlessly, not just about the project but about life, dreams, and the shared experiences of growing up in the same era.

As the months unfolded, your collaboration with Bang Chan evolved into a friendship beyond the studio walls. The dynamic energy of Stray Kids' music parallels the camaraderie blossoming between all of you.

One evening, after a productive day in the studio, the group decided to grab dinner together. The casual outing marked the beginning of a tradition; over time, it became a regular occurrence. The laughter and shared stories flowed effortlessly, creating a tapestry of memories that linked you to each member.

As the bond deepened, you and Bang Chan found yourselves spending more time together outside of work. The formalities of addressing each other by your professional titles gave way to the comfort of first names. Christopher became "Chris" in a moment of fondness; he bestowed upon you a playful nickname that echoed through the group.

Chris shot you a sly grin, "From now on, you're officially 'Peanut.' It suits you."

You burst into laughter, loving the vibe. "Alright, Chris, Peanut it is."

Chris, still grinning, leaned in, "Perfect! Now, you've got a nickname that fits."

You playfully rolled your eyes, "Fits, maybe. Legendary? Doubtful. So, do I get to give you a nickname in return?"

Chris leaned back, totally up for it, "Oh, you're up for the challenge? Bring it on, Peanut."

You thought momentarily, then smirked, "How about 'Captain Crunch'? Because you're the leader of this ship."

Chris erupted into laughter, "Captain Crunch, huh? Not bad, not bad at all. I can get behind that."

The nickname banter kept going, each name more ridiculous and hilarious. It became a symbol of the easy camaraderie that defined your friendship.

The banter continued as the night rolled on, and the group found themselves in fits of laughter. Stray Kids, a family on and off the stage, reveled in the shared moments that solidified their bond.

Seungmin teasingly chimed in, "Peanut and Captain Crunch are the duo we never knew we needed."

Felix nodded, "The legends of nicknames! You guys should start a business."

The vibe stayed playful, turning even the most mundane topics into sources of amusement. The inside jokes and shared laughter became the glue that held your tight-knit group together.

Later, as you all split, Chris pulled you aside.

Chris, still grinning, said, "Captain Crunch, it's been a great night. Let's do it again soon." You chuckled, "Count on it, Peanut. The nicknames will keep coming."

The shift in your relationship didn't go unnoticed. Stray Kids' members and fans began to pick up on the growing closeness. The term "power couple" started circulating among the fans, playfully acknowledging the unique chemistry within the group.

Seungmin teased, "(teasingly) Looks like Peanut and Chris are taking over the world." Felix grinned in response, "(grinning) The power couple vibes are real!"

The Stays, known for their keen observation skills, passionately shipped the friendship between you and Chris, filling social media with playful comments and fan art. This transformed your collaborative project into a shared narrative extending beyond the studio and stage.

Inside jokes and shared glances fueled speculation even during fan meetings and events. The bond between you and Chris became a topic of affectionate banter, firmly rooting the power couple narrative in the hearts of fans and within the close-knit circle of Stray Kids.

Lee Know chimed in, "(grinning) Hey, [Your Name], make sure you keep up with us. You're hanging out with the young and wild crowd now." You rolled your eyes with a smile, replying, "Young and wild? I can handle that."

Chanbin smirked, "Bang Chan is practically ancient compared to us. And now you're here too. Are we forming a seniors' club?" Chris laughed, "(laughing) Watch it, Chanbin. I may be a bit older, but I can still outdance you any day."

The banter continued, creating an atmosphere where age was merely a number, and the shared laughter became the universal language. You embraced the teasing with good humor, occasionally firing back with playful retorts.

Han grinned, "(grinning) [Your Name], I bet you were around when dinosaurs roamed the earth, right?"

You said, "Well, I did attend their farewell party."

Seungmin smirked, "(smirking) It's like having two older siblings. You and Chris are the wise elders guiding us through the chaos."

You chuckled, "Wise elders? I'll take that as a compliment."

Far from being a source of discomfort, the age jokes became a bonding ritual that reinforced the sense of family within Stray Kids. The members teasingly dubbed themselves the "young and reckless" crew while you and Chris took on the roles of the seasoned mentors.

Even the Stays, ever vigilant and participative, joined in on the fun, creating memes and fan art that playfully exaggerated the age difference. The fans affectionately dubbed you and Chris the "Eternal Youth Duo," embracing the humor and warmth that defined your connection with Stray Kids.

In the heart of Seoul, amidst the bustling city, your private art studio became a haven for creativity during the collaborative project with Stray Kids. With long days in the recording studio and nights spent perfecting the visual aesthetics, the studio transformed into a shared space for art, music, and genuine camaraderie.

Han, Chanbin, and Bang Chan, the Stray Kids' producing trio, often found solace in your art studio. The walls adorned with your vibrant creations provided a backdrop for their brainstorming sessions and moments of relaxation. Hyunjin, with his passion for the arts, joined the mix, creating a dynamic environment where creativity flowed freely.

Bang Chan, in particular, often lingered after the others had left. His supportive presence became a constant in the studio, where the echoes of music and art intertwined. As you painted, he would sit nearby, offering encouraging words and genuine admiration for your work.

Sitting on a stool nearby, Bang Chan observed your latest work in progress, his eyes tracing the delicate strokes, appreciating the intricacy of your art.

He remarked softly, "You know, every brushstroke tells a story. Your art has this unique way of capturing emotions."

You smiled in response, "Thanks, Chan. Sometimes it feels like I'm chasing perfection, and I get frustrated when it falls short."

Nodding understandingly, Bang Chan replied, "I get that. The struggle to create something that truly resonates can be overwhelming. But trust me, what you're doing is already extraordinary."

As the conversation shifted, you found comfort in the shared vulnerability. Bang Chan opened up about his challenges in the studio—finding the right beat and crafting lyrics that resonated. The exchange became a dance of mutual understanding, where the struggles of art and music were laid bare.

You gently remarked, "It's funny, you know? I see you as this incredible producer who effortlessly weaves music, yet you also face moments of doubt."

Smiling, Bang Chan replied, "The creative process is a journey, and every artist, no matter how experienced, has moments of uncertainty. It's what makes the final creation so special."

The intimacy of the conversation deepened, the vulnerability weaving a bond that transcended the boundaries of collaboration. As you both faced the challenges of your respective crafts, the studio became a sanctuary for shared struggles and triumphs.

Reassuringly, Bang Chan said, "We're in this together, [Your Name]. Your art inspires me, just like I hope our music inspires you."

You replied gratefully, "Likewise, Chan. Let's keep creating, even when it feels like we're stumbling in the dark. Maybe that's where the most beautiful things come to light."

The shared understanding lingered in the air, turning the art studio into a cocoon of creativity and companionship. In those intimate moments, the struggles transformed into stepping stones, paving the way for artistic excellence and a connection that resonated beyond the strokes of a brush or the beats of a song.

After weeks of intense work in the warm glow of your art studio, the air filled with the comforting scent of paint, Bang Chan sat, his expression clouded with frustration. Lyrics eluded him, and doubt cast shadows on his usually confident demeanor.

Noticing his struggle, you set aside your brushes and walked over to him, reassuringly touching his shoulder.

"Hey, Chan, it's okay," you said softly. "Everyone faces creative blocks. You're a brilliant producer, and this moment of uncertainty doesn't define you."

Bang Chan sighed, looking up at you with gratitude. "I appreciate the support, [Your Name]. Sometimes, it just feels like I'm not doing enough."

You smiled. "You've created incredible music, Chan. Remember the impact you've had on people's lives. You're not just a producer but an amazing human being."

Your sincerity sparked a warmth in Bang Chan's eyes. The term "power couple" that fans playfully threw around seemed to carry new weight, and he was struck by the realization of the connection you shared.

"You know, [Your Name], we make a pretty good team," he reflected.

Smirking, you replied, "They're not wrong about that."

[bloggingboutburgers]

Wait I'm actually crying because the other day I read one of your comics about your qpr and I can't remember which one but I couldn't stop thinking about how cool it would be and how much i liked the idea of a non-romantic or sexual kind of relationship with someone, but then I kept thinking "but you do experience attraction and have desired a romantic relationship with someone before". I kept on thinking this until at one point I tried to remember when I actually wanted to be with someone and couldn't come up with anything. Yeah, I've had feelings for people before (I think- still figuring that out) but when I thought about us actually being together it just didn't feel right at all. I kept trying to find evidence of romantic attraction but it just wasn't there. I've kinda "denied" being even just ace for awhile because of internalized homophobia, and it took me awhile to finally realize that yes, I am aro/ace, and I onoy realized thid after much internal debate and afyer readung your posts. Basically your comic helped me learn and accept myself instead of hiding because I'm scared people won't accept me. Thank you so so much :) (and sorry this is so long haha)

Aaaaaaa thank YOU for telling me that!!! It makes me so happy if my comics can help someone out in that way, and I hope figuring yourself out in that way also makes YOU happy TwT

Despite being in my 30s I realized I was aroace at 14, but I feel I might be more of an exception and it just being due to me being very persistent, inquisitive and having a strong sense of identity. 'Cus yeah, seems society does a lot (accidentally or not) to not let anyone ever know that asexuality and aromanticism ARE a thing, and beyond that, ARE valid, and beyond that, that YES, you can be happy with those orientations. It's made so hard to get to a place of self-knowledge and acceptance, so it's no wonder people need a while to figure themselves out!

(...And yeah the whole "Oh you experience positive feelings for someone? THAT'S ROMANCE! Wait, negative feelings too? THAT'S ROMANCE ACTUALLY! Feelings of mild interest in general? THAT'S ROMANCE! EVERYTHING IS ONLY EVER ROMANCE!" thing definitely doesn't help either.)

So... Yeah. I'm really glad this could help, and I hope knowing this about yourself will help you not force yourself into boxes you don't actually fit in in the future... And find the right boxes for you if that helps, of course.

I really wish you the best TwT

[beauspot]

some people seem to think syd might be leaving the bear (even if only temporarily) it made me wonder about episode 10

“Forever” will contain another funeral and I thought what if it’s donna’s? this would make sense given the set photos of the funeral that were leaked. someone in the replies to my other post mentioned that’s fak’s brother was there and that for sure would be strange if it was marcus’ mom’s funeral since they don’t know each other that well.

but if it was donna that would be the one thing that could bring syd back to chicago. back to the group. back to carmy. they already have so much in common but to experience such a tremendous loss? it will inevitably bring them closer.

this could be why in some shots in the trailer carmy looks so gloomy. he doesn’t like his mom but he still loves her and something like this always brings people together.

it makes me wonder if this is what will break carmy open.

idk if you guys have read “i’m glad my mom died” by jeanette mccurdy but i feel like carmy will have a similar feeling. he needs his mom to die to truly be free of her and her abuse. i think her being gone will have a significant effect on carmen and will change him forever.

but it will be a good change.

[turbulentscrawl]

Modern Reader Shorts

This is just a couple little blurb ideas I had that can't really be used for anything else. No warnings, really, it's mostly humor.

Luchino

“Your socks are mis-matched,” the professor announces offhandedly, sorting his notes. You’re laid out on the cushy chair in his ‘office,’ shoes off and legs dangling from one arm. And it’s true, your socks are different colors.

“Yeah, I couldn’t be bothered to find an actual pair this morning,” you answer. Luchino pauses and looks pointedly over at you, through his lashes, and squints a bit. That’s his thinking face, you note. Like he’s working through an equation.

“You’re not concerned about being judged for the state of your attire?” he asks.

“Not really. It’s not like anyone really sees my socks anyway.”

“Well, I’m seeing them now. It’s a messy look,” he finally says. There’s the smallest of smirks on his face as he says it. This is some unspoken test, a probe of your reactions. He does a lot of those.

“Okay, but you already know I’m a mess so what the fuck difference does that make?”

Luchino snorts a laugh at your response, and then coos a casual “touché.”

Frederick

“Has anyone ever told you ‘you have a slutty little waist’?” You call out to Fred. His fingers slip on the piano keys and the song comes to a cacophonous halt. He’s frozen still with his back to you—his dorito-looking back with its broad shoulders and snatched waist. You know by experience the man is boney as hell, so how dare he have such a silhouette?

“N-“ Fred coughs, voice croaking. “No, I can’t say that they have.” You can’t see his face, so you wonder if it’s shock or humor that makes him stutter.

“Well, you do,” you reply. A long silence settles over the room. He never dares to look at you, but you think you see pink turning at the tip of his ear.

“Was there anything else?” he asks. His fingers hesitantly move to restart the song.

“Nope. I just thought you should know.” You suppress a giggle as Fred clears his throat and begins playing again.

Robbie (platonic, obviously)

“There’s…games on this?” the too-tall headless boy asked, holding your phone in his discolored hands. He’d been asking around for a playmate all evening, until he found you. You weren’t much of a hide-and-seek type of person, however, and thought this might entertain him a bit in the meantime.

“Sure is! I’ve got crosswords, sudoku, Candy Crush, plenty of stuff!” You reach and tap around on your phone’s screen, pulling up the list of games you’d downloaded to pass the time, when you still lived in a place where there was time to pass. Candy Crush springs to life on the screen and Robbie flinches, nearly dropping your phone.

“It’s so bright…and loud,” he muttered. It was half awe, and half distress, you thought. Too stimulating for the boy, perhaps. You tried sudoku instead—it was a dark screen with no music, but by the time you’d explained the rules to Robbie, he was limp and snoozing against your shoulder.

[thefirstknife]

glad to see that ppl are aware that nimbus doesn't deserve the hate they get bc it stems from them being nonbinary! but i also see them be compared to cayde a lot, which i understand. but ppl are like "they're basically another cayde" and idk how i feel about that. it seems weird and ignorant to sideline them as cayde but nonbinary when nimbus is more than that despite our lack of interactions + lore w/ them. ppl already had a hard time comprehending how they processed their grief through humor and their recklessness in the deterministic chaos mission so it's no surprise they just view them as a cayde comparison :/ sorry, i could be overthinking things i'm not sure. what do you think?

I feel similarly, it feels a bit reductive to just boil them down to another Cayde, though I understand the comparison. People mostly say it because a lot of the hate for Nimbus is the, genuinely, fake outrage over a character being a little silly and humorous at odd times which is strange because everybody loved Cayde who acted the same. And imo, with fewer good reasons for it as well; although both Cayde and Nimbus hide behind a persona to mask their feelings, I feel like Cayde, one of the Vanguard leaders with hundreds of years of experience under his belt should be a little less silly than a rookie Cloud Strider who's never had anything happen to them in their short life until the start of the expansion.

They're both different characters, but share some similarities in how they're perceived so I understand the comparison especially when people ONLY hate Nimbus for "making jokes." And you have to ask "If you dislike characters making jokes, how can you like Cayde then?" It's always people's first association when someone complains about a character making jokes. I don't think people often think of them as just copies of each other, it's just a natural comparison to draw when people pretend to be bothered by jokes.

I also feel like both of these characters have jokes that are a product of their time; this isn't unusual of course, but people tend to look down on anything new. Naturally, the jokes from MY youth were good and funny, the jokes the kids have these days are cringe and bad. That's essentially it.

I like both of them for their own reasons and I enjoy both of their humour styles. Also, a lot of people thought Cayde's behaviour in vanilla D2 was super cringe btw, I remember people being fairly annoyed that he was "cracking jokes" in the middle of one of the, arguably, worst situations the setting has ever been in (Red War, loss of Light). A lot of people don't remember that, but people did NOT like Cayde's silliness. I understand why, but I never really had an issue with it; it was just a relief from all the gloom otherwise. I think it makes sense to add a little bit of silly, and I think the same applies to Nimbus.

This is why people tend to compare the two! And then you look at all of that and you wonder why Nimbus is the one getting the hate and in most cases it boils down to transphobia. Not always, people can dislike the character for other reasons; but in a LOT of cases, online especially, it's just that. It's evident from the misgendering and the type of hate being hurled around which went as far as insulting the devs and the VA (who is nonbinary and spoke publicly about finding it hard to find work because of their identity). Again, people can dislike Nimbus for other reasons too, but it's really hard to divorce the overwhelming hate for Nimbus from their identity and the state of the gaming community currently.

[fanaticsnail]

today being children's day we will have the pleasure of something thematic? 👀My dog really wanna know (but 0 pressure of course, just curious)

"0 Pressure", you say - but all I hear is "Dad Shanks and Baby Uta fic ASAP please."

I had no idea it was Children's Day today, and I had to pump this out because it lives in my head rent-free.

What do I do?

Masterlist Here

Word Count: 1,100+

Synopsis: Uta is going through a leap week and Shanks is an overwhelmed teenager. He does his best to soothe her, but becomes overwhelmed by the wailing cry of his daughter. He calls the one person he knows has hands on experience with a situation exactly like the one he's found himself in.

Themes: Not an 'x reader' fic. Baby Uta, teenage parent Shanks, supportive crew, uncle Rayleigh, parenting things, parenting advice, Shanks is a dad, fluff.

Notes: I hope you enjoy a little bit of a cathartic fic based on parenting experience. I cried writing the end. Happy tears.

Tag List: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @gingernut1314 @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @since-im-already-here @sordidmusings @writingmysanity @jintaka-hane

Down the hall in the dimly-lit corridor, the Red-Headed captain Shanks had his eyes hanging half-lidded and surrounded by a puffy purple hue. He attempts to soothe the inconsolable infant in his arms with a gentle rocking motion, and marching from one side of his quarters to the other. 

Why did he think he could do something like this? Why did he think it would be so easy to care for a baby he found at sea with his crew? He knew better than to go back to Beckman for help: his first mate had finally asked for a week off from “Uta-Duty” after doing nights while Shanks charted the courses he laid for the next destination.

The wails of her shrill cry carry on through the rocking and swaying, and tears begin to pool in the teenager’s eyes. Shanks feels so overwhelmed and helpless, wanting nothing more than to aid Uta through her ailment so he can finally get some sleep. She arches her back and straightens out her limbs with her face red and brows furrowed. 

“Shh, sweetheart,” he hushes in a soft tone, attempting to cradle her back into his arms and rock her, “Daddy’s here. Daddy’s got you.” Uta’s cries turn to whimpers, her vibrant purple eyes widened and looked up into his brown orbs. Both the teenage Shanks and the infant Uta held mirrored expressions. 

Wide globes of vulnerability stared into each other with a glossy sheen threatening to spill over their lash lines further. Uta’s reddened face scrunched up once more, her whimpers becoming a wailing cry with her eyes clamping tightly shut. Shanks sighed, his own tears finally spilling over his waterline, staining his cheeks with a trail of emotion, and trickling down to his chin. 

“I-I-...” Shanks began slowly sitting down at his desk with Uta continuing to cry in his arms, “...I don’t know what to do, sweetheart. What do I do? P-Please, Uta. What do I do?” 

He looks at his desk, noticing his Den-Den snail glaring at him with equally sunken eyes over his features. Shanks sighed, reaching for the snail and beginning to chart in the digits for the one person he thought would be able to help him. He lifts the receiver to his ear and sniffs back another sob into the mouthpiece. 

The Den-Den on the other end of the call rattles, a male voice picking up and giving a lazy “Kid, that you?” 

“...Uncle Rayleigh?” Shanks stuttered into the mouthpiece, the cries of Uta floating eagerly into the transceiver with his cracking voice. Rayleigh sighed into the mouthpiece, a soft smile growing on his lips. 

“That my favorite grandbaby cryin’ there, son?” Rayleigh’s easy drawl called through the receiver, “How many weeks old is she now, Shanks? About seven months or so?” 

“Y-Yes,” Shanks’ voice whimpered into the mouthpiece. Rayleigh hummed in contemplation, and Shanks could almost picture the soft bob in his head. 

“One o’ them wonder weeks, I think,” his rumbled tone relayed back to him, “All I can tell you is it’ll pass. You’re in the thick of it based on her cry, but it won’t be forever. Okay, kid?” 

Rayleigh waited on the other end of the call, his duvet slipping off his chest and falling to his lap as he spared a glance at the clock at his side. No sounds other than the cry from Uta reverberated in the mouthpiece. 

“You still with me, son?” Rayleigh asked the young captain, who only granted him a choked whimper in response. 

“How’d you do it, Uncle Rayleigh?” Shanks’ cracking voice and quivering lip physically depicting his distress with Uta’s cries only growing louder. “You were my age when you found me. How did you do it? Because I-I-... I can’t-... It’s-... Sh-She-... She doesn’t stop.” 

After a deep sigh from Rayleigh, he pinched his brows and turned once more to the snail.

“Lean on your crew for a few days,” he hummed thoughtfully, all truth and full of well-practiced patience. “Get your chef to prepare meals for you in advance. You sleep when she sleeps, you wake when she wakes, and you lean on your crew, boy. Trust them to guide you, give Uta to Beckman for a bit while you get a more lengthy rest, and do your best.” 

Shanks allowed his tears to flood his face, heavily sobbing as he listened to the first-mate of captain Roger. 

Both Roger and Rayleigh raised him aboard the Oro Jackson from toddlerdom. Shanks was found by Roger exactly the same as Uta was found by him. If there was anyone with sound advice and sure experience, it was this glasses-wearing, blonde haired, ex-first mate to the King of the Pirates. His Uncle Rayleigh. 

“Thank you, Uncle Rayleigh,” Shanks whimpered into the mouthpiece, feeling Uta beginning to settle in his arms and bury her face into his chest, “She-... She’s calling down a bit now. I think I’m gonna try and get some sleep.” 

“You do that, son. And know this…” Rayleigh spoke into the Den-Den quietly, prompting Shanks to lean his ear into the shell while cradling Uta into his arms. 

“...You’re doing great.”

Shanks sniffed back more emotion from escaping him as he hung up the Den-Den shell and slowly walked Uta to her crib at his bedside. Slowly placing her onto her back, Shanks looks down at her peaceful face and lays down at the very edge of his bed. Slotting his hand over her crib, he gently places his index finger within her balled fist. 

“You are so precious to me, my daughter,” he sniffed, his lip quivering the longer he stared at her smaller face, “We’ll get through this together. I promise, sweetheart.” He slowly retracted his arm and placed his hand beneath his face while lying on his knuckles. 

“I love you, Uta. My little song,” he whispered, his body finally giving in and prompting his heavy eyes to finally shut, “My precious daughter.”

The night carried on, the gentle swell of the waves shepherded both Shanks and Uta into a heavy slumber. The teenage captain never once regretted the decision to claim the child as his own, his decision to raise her aboard the Red-Force being one of the better decisions he had made. 

Before he woke, Rayleigh had already called Beckman’s Den-Den and filled him in on the interrupted night, and gave him several orders to follow to best support the young Captain. Beckman took Rayleigh’s word as law, barking orders to the crew to give Shanks all the time and space he needed to usher Uta through this stage of childhood development. 

Shanks remained ever grateful that he chose this assortment of sailors to travel with, his crew being the crutch he could lean on in his time of need. He loved each member of his crew so much, especially the small bundle laying soundly asleep in her crib beside him.