#but then in real life? only seems to really respect or be comfortable with women

[rotzaprachim]

don’t have many real wishes but inej and matthias meeting in season 2 is something i want to see happen because their friendship is really special to me. she immediately knocks him flat on his ass 0.5 seconds after meeting him and then like three days after his release/kidnapping matthias is like girl i know nothing about you but real talk you are way too good for kaz. like, way too good. i know you can do better/ 

[yaoyaobae]

Another twst oc introduction 🏃‍♀️

Jaseem

School : Royal Sword Academy

Favourite food: Rice dishes, Shawarma

Pastime: Playing with his pet tiger Rana, Visiting Kalim, Discovering wildlife

Family: Father, Mother, Kalim(Cousin)

Role: Dormhead

Jaseem is a third year at RSA. To most people he may seem like a lone wolf who despises making friendships, but underneath the surface is a gentle boy who longs for freedom.

Being born from a wealthy family with relations to the Asims, Jaseem’s status is nothing new to even the freshmen. Every year groups of students and parents from high status families would flock around him offering their sister/daughters hand in marriage.

Before he was allowed to bring Rana to school (don’t ask me how he did it-) Jaseem had no choice but to either 1. Run as fast as possible or 2. Teleport himself to a safe spot. Now with Rana, a fearsome tiger donning an expensive turquoise silk ribbon, nobody dares to approach Jaseem anymore.

Personality wise, Jaseem is extremely sharp-tongued and will not tolerate a single second on people he deems as childish. He is capable of cooperating with others but would prefer to work alone. Despite the cold exterior, if one can prove that they love tigers as much as he does.. maybe they’d stand a chance to win his attention. And if you can win his trust, Jaseem is probably the most loyal ally/friend you will ever get.

Having attended many arranged marriage meetings, Jaseem is already accustomed to how he must act around the ladies even if he dislikes interacting with them and entertaining their thoughtless comments about his wealth.

He is actually really bad at conveying his feelings, particularly romantic ones. He can no longer grasp the real meaning of love and has trust issues about whether someone is genuinely interested in him. This only numbed Jaseem more over the years hence brushing these feelings aside.

Jaseem has a general disliking towards women due to his past, but he will respect those who deserve it and mean their words. He won’t voice his opinions unless the situation gets on his nerves.

Jaseem’s mother was hospitalised when he was a young child and has been living there for many years, only visiting for a few days when the doctors deem her suitable. Due to schoolwork and other business matters, Jaseem is unable to visit her as much as his father. But he tries to make time for her as he feels most comfortable and at ease when talking to her about his troubles.

His father already told him that he will never marry another woman as he loves his wife very much, this made Jaseem envious as he hopes to be able to find someone he can stand by faithfully someday. While he feels that his father can be rather strict, both father and son have mutual respect for one another as they only want the best for the family.

Backstory

Back when the life wasn’t as complicated, Jaseem was extremely cheerful and lived every day to the fullest with the vast amount of wealth his family possessed.

However when he had reached the age of 10, his life began to fall apart. As the only son, Jaseem was forced to find a future wife sooner or later. From then on he had to attend countless numbers of arranged marriage meetings, parties while attending his father’s business conferences. Jaseem thought he could shoulder this responsibility , but that pressure would just build up later as he grew older.

Arranged marriage meetings were the worst. Jaseem learnt how shallow and sly people could be, faking their entire personality to coddle up to him for the sole purpose of attaining his family’s wealth. “But that’s just the reality of being the only heir isn’t it”, he thought. Jaseem became increasingly saddened over the fact that no one genuinely TRIED to understand his hobbies or know more about him, only throwing empty praises about his home/accessories/looks.

Since young Jaseem has been fascinated with tigers and his mother was the one who encouraged him to take care of one ( much to his father’s reluctance), thus Rana became his new family member. Many of his suitresses cringed at the sight of Rana whom they saw as a dirty, wild animal. Sometimes Jaseem’s father had no choice but to order the guards to take Rana away in order to force Jaseem to follow his schedule , which made him even more depressed.

Eventually, Jaseem had reached his breaking point during one of the parties and wanted to escape his “cage” even bringing Rana with him. It was then he met a young, white haired boy in the greenhouse. Jaseem couldn’t hold back his tears when the boy comforted him, claiming that he can share the same sentiments. It was after they were called to the main event where Jaseem learnt that the boy was no other than Kalim Al Asim, the oldest son and soon-to-be heir of one of the richest families in the world and his cousin.

From that moment onwards, the two spent their childhood days together basking in the sunlight and running around the mansion. They confided in each other, became each other’s source of strength to keep doing their best( this was especially stronger for Jaseem towards Kalim). They drifted a little after entering higher education, but still keep in contact.

For Jaseem, Kalim is the definition of the sun. Had he not met this smiley boy showing off his unique magic and telling him how he must continue to do his best as not only the heir but as an older brother too, Jaseem would have had a different fate and never face his reality. This explains why he hates Jamil to the core after knowing what he had done when he overblotted.

Current lifestyle for Jaseem was no different from his younger days, he still attends arranged marriage meetings (fewer due to school) and gets numerous phonecalls from his father about countries they have to fly to for business conferences. Jaseem became more adept at his dealings with women and can twist meetings to end faster to save his time to do something useful.. like picking a new silk ribbon for Rana. 🐯

Relationships

Kalim

Cousins by blood and childhood best friends. While many students in NRC thinks Kalim is way too carefree, Jaseem would cut in and tell them off as Kalim is not the oblivious rich boy many thinks he is.

He respects Kalim’s motto to be kind to others, lend a helping hand when needed and staying positive despite the challenges life throws at him. Jaseem wishes to protect this precious spirit, praying that Kalim will have nothing but happiness in his life. Jaseem truly looks up to Kalim for being able to smile through everything he’s been through, believing that he wouldn’t even survive a day in that household knowing he might not live to see the next day.

Jaseem can be extremely over protective of Kalim especially when Jamil is around. “I can’t let that damn snake cause any harm to my cousin..”he would think angrily while glaring at Jamil💀

Jamil

If not for the sake of his family image and Kalim Jaseem would have pummeled Jamil to the ground for the things he said and had done to Kalim. While he tries his best to understand Kalim, Jaseem still cannot fathom why he’d want to keep this traitor who doesn’t even consider him a friend by his side.

Unlike his caring and soft self when he is with Kalim, Jaseem treats Jamil like a mere servant and only replies with direct commands. Sometimes he would mock Jamil for the sake of belittling him, but would not stoop as low as to bring his family into it. The atmosphere around these two can be very intense indeed.

If Jaseem learns to see the overblot incident from Jamil’s point of view, perhaps he will come to understand that the two of them aren’t so different after all.

Najma

One of the few girls he respects, Jaseem is like a second older brother to Najma. Of course Najma catches on quick and can tell that Jaseem isn’t exactly fond of her brother, so she has to constantly remind Jaseem to stop frowning whenever he spots Kalim and Jamil together. He tries his best to be nicer to Jamil, but only because Najma wouldn’t stop nagging at him 🤣

Bonus: Rielle

If you’ve seen my old comics about my RSA ocs i often draw Jaseem and Rielle bickering 🤣 Jaseem thinks Rielle is incompetent and has dad issues while Rielle views Jaseem as a weirdo who is way too protective of his cousin, also why would any sane person bring a TIGER to school??

Fun facts about Jaseem’s design

He carries a waist pouch filled with Rana’s treats, various silk ribbons, water dispenser, comb and toys ( just to name a few). The pouch is magically altered to carry many items.

The tiger plush keychain was a gift from his mother when his parents brought him to an amusement park on his birthday. Jaseem did not have the best experience as he was constantly surrounded by guards and journalists, no other children wanted to play with the renowned heir too.

His seemingly blue day turned upside down when he spotted a cute tiger plush in the souvenir shop, thinking about how it looks exactly like Rana. Jaseem’s mother noticed his adoration for the fluffy toy on the top shelf and asked the staff to order one for Jaseem. Even though this silly fabric toy could not compare to the vast amount of gold and expensive gifts Jaseem received, he saw his mother’s gift as something invaluable that money can’t buy.

Till this day he still brings his tiger plush around with him chained to his waist pouch. Though it looks rather dull after being used for years, you can still tell how well washed and cared for it is by its owner.

I struggled trying to incorporate Jasmine’s hairband into the design but for now its a turquoise strand of hair that starts from the top of his head so it looks like a hairband! Its also Jaseem’s way of exploring with his own style knowing that he is far away from his home and strict upbringing. The first time Jaseem dyed his hair he thought “So this is what its like to be rebellious..interesting” 🤣

His earrings are different, the one on the right is a slightly thick gold piece ( OG Jasmine) while the left is a decorative earring with small, dangling chains and a huge jewel ( Live action Jasmine). I thought it would be cool to incorporate both earrings as I couldn’t settle on one.

END

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed Jaseem too, I’m really happy with the response for Alison haha 😭 Till next time!

*Also I know someone addressed it before but I mean to express Jaseem’s love towards Kalim as familial, nothing more. How you choose to see my OCs is up to your interpretation so long as you don’t twist my words and stories i wrote for them :)

[namisweatheria]

I feel like we don't discuss Nami's relationship with gender enough. Her entire character is so deeply informed by being a girl in a male-dominated pirate world and it's so interesting and so worth talking about.

The background creepiness of Bad pirate crews, which are most of them, how they tend to not have any female crew members at all, how they beckon any pretty young woman around to come play with them and join them. It's real bad. It's also like, a totally 2 dimensional portrayal of evil that is reserved for the most background of background characters.

However I think their ubiquity says a lot about how piracy is meant to be perceived by the public in One Piece, and is one of the strongest indicators of how prevalent misogyny is in-world.

It's very normal in One Piece for regular island inhabitants to have never met a Different class of pirate in their life. There's no reason for them to withhold judgement that maybe these pirates won't be like every crew that attacked before, and to wait and judge them by their actions. I mean frankly that would be irrationally weak self-preservation.

There are people who live peacefully under the flags of Yonkos who protect them, and feel loyalty and gratitude to them for it, but that seems to only be thing with very big name pirates. The East Blue, being the weakest and least populated, has no such plethora of powerful people and resulting turf wars.

So. Nami. Is very clearly implied to have never met any Different pirates before. I'm thinking about what that means. About how every group of pirates she stole from were creepy, dangerous men. How she started going out stealing when she was still a young child. How she didn't have a mother anymore to guide her or comfort her. How Arlong would grab her chin inappropriately, talk about her as a "human female", as property, and god knows what else.

How all the men in Arlong's crew treated her patronizingly, pretending they're all friends, teasing her and playing at respect when really not a single one of them ever stuck up for her or hesitated to accuse her of betrayal. Who were always ready to kill her if she refused to cooperate. Who grabbed her and intimidated her when they felt like it.

That's what she had to come back to after a close call with stealing from other predatory men, instead of the relief of home there was a dark, cramped room filled with endless hours of misery and isolation and blood. Where any one of her captors could barge in and demand new maps, work faster, where did you go, you took too long again this time. Endless threats and incursions.

I'm thinking about that her fight scene in Alabasta, where she tumbles and rips off her cape and uses it to catch her enemy's spikes, before leaping to her feet and running out the back door, all in one moment. How it makes her enemy reconsider her and think, "so the girl's not a total novice at fighting after all." What that implies about her experiences as a young thief. The times she wasn't fast or clever enough and had to fight and claw her way out. Why she always carried a staff and a knife. Why she was the only one before Chopper who had any medical knowledge or experience.

You know she was stitching herself up. And the weapons, how do you think she learned to use those? If any of the Arlong Pirates helped her it wasn't out of kindness and it wasn't gentle.

Then I think about Nojiko, and Bellemere's memory, and the only softness in a hard life. How easily Nami connects to every young woman experiencing hardship that she meets. How completely she dismisses the struggles of men unless they mean something to her and are going through something terrible. The way that Nami only has sympathy for women and children is easily noticeable in-text, but it's also something confirmed in those words by the author. And it's clearly because of the life she lived, the men who had all the power and only abused it, who saw her as nothing but a girl to take advantage of, without anyone aside from her sister clearly knowing and caring about any of it.

Nami clearly isn't bitter, she doesn't think the world owes her recompense, on the contrary she knows she is far from the only person in the world to suffer the things she has suffered. She is endlessly reaching out and kind, but only to those that she isn't sure would get help without her. Certainly, before Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro, no man ever reached out a hand to her without an ulterior motive.

I think when she sees a girl in trouble, a girl biting her lip to hold in a scream of grief, a girl running in the woods away from a monster, a girl captured by pirates, she sees someone who no one is coming for. Who no one will stick up for. A person without allies in a world against her. Whether it's actually true in this case or not, she runs straight for that girl anyways every single time.

[packsvlog]

── ✎ CHERRY SODA, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘬𝘰‧₊˚ ୨୧

✶ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: June has arrived with a constant presence of heat waves, which your hot self is happy about — after all, now you have an excuse for your red cheeks and sweaty hands whenever 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙠𝙤 𝙞𝙚𝙞𝙧𝙞 is near you.

✶ 𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: happy pride month! i love loving woman. at the end, i got heavenly inspired by gatsby’s love for daisy, if you’ve seen the movie with leo, you will understand which scene i’m referring too. fun fact: the movie they are watching is bodies bodies bodies, and i wanted to explore more of reader’s ct, but i couldn’t, cus is all fluff. there is always gojo slander in my fics where he is not the love interest lmao. I ALSO LEARNED HOW TO MAKE DE DEGRADE TITLE MWAHHH. divider by: @cafekitsune

✶ 𝐬𝐲𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬: fem!reader / pure fluff / modern!au / curse!au / crackfic! / all are minors so no smut or sexual innuendo / everyone is gay / english is not my first language / too many swear words / lesbian!shoko / reader’s sexuality is shoko, and only that.

✶ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.4k

The happiest day of your life in Jujutsu Tech was the day you found out your upperclassmen, Shoko Ieiri, was lesbian.

That’s it, it was a simple statement made by her when you heard Gojo Satoru flirting with the girl and receiving the news as an answer. You nearly fell to your knees thanking whatever deity is taking care of this universe and you, the sky was clear of clouds, but you could hear perfectly the fireworks of celebration in your head and heart.

“And then, she said ‘Gojo, I’ll rather eat raw liver than be dating a man, specially you.’” You recall the talk while walking from side to side in your room, while Haibara and Nanami are seated in your bed, one with a enchanting smile and the other completely bored. “And…”

“And what?” Haibara bounces on his crossed legs, hands gripping your sanrio plushie of Cinnamonroll, his favorite of your vast collection.

“And she is vegetarian!” You clap your hands, Yu following your movement. “So, Gojo turned to me, and he said ‘and what about you, hot stuff?’ ”

“What did you answered?” Nanami is the one to ask, although his eyes are fixated on the album cover of the vinyl in his hands, disco playing in the background, his ears are all focused on the gossip.

“So, you see…” Scratching your head, you sighed. “I fumbled for real, just went back to you guys.”

Haibara happy expressions morph into disappointment.

“You’re so stupid, with all respect.” He offends you, though. “This was your chance, it’s not everyday we can be going around telling people we are gay, specially our crush.”

“You do all the time.” Both you and Nanami answers the boy.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m me, Yu Haibara, the one that can’t shut his mouth. No one tells me their secrets, Kennie had to bodyslam me multiple times because I was always about to tell everyone, when we fist stared going out.” Although he said with energy, the boy had his lips in a pout.

“That’s not true, you haven’t told anyone I’m sapphic or about my crush on Shoko.” Your pacing has stopped, as you tried your best to comfort him.

“Not yet, at least.” Nanami snorts his small comment, before whipping the smirk of, and groaning. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to have you two whining, one is already hard enough to deal with, and I’m dating him! So you need to fix this, Y/n.”

“Huh? Fix what? What did I do?” You stare at Haibara, but he seems as confused as you.

“You need to make sure Shoko knows you’re into women as well. Make this your plan of life or whatever, soon as she knows, then comes plan b: get her on a date, it’s not that hard.”

“Yes it is!” You argue your friend’s really good plan. “She is Shoko Ieiri, pretty and popular and strong, and I’m little old me.” You dramatically falls on your carpet, hands on your forehead like a damsel.

“Girl, be for real, this school does not have that many people to be calling her popular. It’s just that you both are the only girls.” Haibara throws the sanrio plush at your face after his statement. “And you are as strong as her, in fact you are stronger than her, you literally are the strongest at the school.”

“So close! That’s the albino with the blinding eyes, actually.” Says Kento, coming to sit on the floor by your side. Both of you with large doe eyes staring at an energetic Haibara.

“She knows what I mean, your cursed technique is literally the more fucked you get, the more stronger you become. If Gojo bitch slapped you, you would break this world with your energy.”

“What are you saying, baby?” You stare agape at Nanami, is not always he uses the pet names, but the boy is as shocked as you with Haibara’s statement, so it slipped.

“Yeah, what’s with you and this weird coach talk? I don’t wanna be slapped by Gojo.” You mumble awkward, thoughts going straight into the cursed image of having Satoru’s large hands slapping your face — goosebumps follow your disgust in your skin.

“You need to shoot your shot, make her see you as not a school friend but as a potential future girlfriend.” The brunette gets up from the bed and points to your calendar. “It’s june, time to proud!”

You are proud and extremely hot, days later when summer has made its presence everyone’s problem. The students at school discards the purple jackets of their uniforms to only wear the white shirt underneath. You have to do a double take when you see Shoko and her classmates coming your way at the vending machine.

Ieiri looks so beautiful. She always does — but there is something about the short box braids she has, or how she tied her blouse on her waist, the way her skin is glowing with sweater, or the way she is smiling and right in front of you — glossy lips tinted pink moving. Oh shit, she is talking to you.

“I’m sorry what?” You catch yourself saying before staring at her eyes, she is smiling and they are almost closing. Adorable. “My brain is melting, it’s so hot.”

Lame excuse, but she buys it, you think.

“I was asking if you bought your soda yet.” You can sense her eyes on your empty hands, and smiles more when you sign no with your head.

“No..No! I was about to, you want some? I can buy for you.” You cringe at your own desperation, but Shoko sweetly laugh.

“No! I want to buy for you. I’m you senpai, it’s my job.” She goes for the machine and presses the number for cherry coke twice, before paying with her card. Shoko gives you your can before saying her goodbye and moving back to her waiting friends, both males smirking at you.

Walking back with a maniac smile before sprinting to your bedroom, you where once again greeted by Nanami and Haibara in there, startled by your sudden entrance of nearly breaking the door down.

“SHE KNOWS MY SODA!” You scream before falling to your knees, the cold can pressed against your hand reliving you.

“What does she mean?” Haibara asks to his boyfriend, but Nanami simply shrugs, annoyed.

“Don’t know, but clearly you don’t know ours. I’m thirsty and melting.” The blond whines before leaving the room to grab his and his boyfriend’s beverage.

“Hai, you don’t understand.” It’s a second after the door closes, you are in front of the boy, happy expressions in contrasts to his alarmed one. “She payed for my soda, and she knew what was my favorite.”

“SHE KNOWS YOUR SODA.”

When Nanami returns, minutes later, he is appalled to see you and his boyfriend screaming happily and jumping on your carpet, while on the background, wedding bells are heard from your music box. He sighs desperate.

Friday comes quickly, and luckily for you, it’s the first of the month, therefore, movie nights in your room: the perfect hangout spot, as always. It’s been a tradition since your friendship with Haibara started, and Nanami shows up whenever he was bored, which pretty much was all the time — specially now that he has his own boyfriend to cuddle.

You love them both to a crazy extent, is true! But no one in their right minds enjoy third wheeling, so you keep mumbling while setting your room up with the help of Yu while Nanami is out buying the snacks. It’s in the middle of your one person rant while adjusting fairy lights on your bed, small couch and plushies’s shelf, you feel something being throw to your head.

“Ow! What was that for?” You turn around to a pissed of Yu, hands on his hips and scowling face.

“I’m so tired of you, Y/n.” The boy comes closer to you, you fear he is going to throw any other thing, but instead he hugs you. “Please, don’t be stupid. Shoko likes you, everyone can see as much as we see you like her. So stop wasting time.”

It’s not supposed to work, because after all, you are the second most dramatic person in this school — coming after Satoru. For some reason, you might blame the summer heat waves that burn your skin much like Shoko’s attention does, and your brain has always been fogged with thoughts of only her. The thing is, Haibara is partly right. You like her lots and lots, and she likes girls lots and lots, and you are a girl, a pretty girl that can make Shoko laugh and feel comfortable — a pretty girl she knows what’s the favorite soda flavor.

Haibara is startled when you leave his embrace to move out of the room, he follows you after a few second of astonishment, and when the boy notices where you are going, a large smile is plastered on his face. He is so proud of you.

Both of you stop in front of a black door decorated with a cat rug and painted with flowers and vines, handmade by Shoko herself. You take three long breaths before knocking the door, and nearly jump back when it’s opened less than a second later by a six foot tall white haired freak with devilish smile. Gojo doesn’t have his glasses. Bitch knew you were coming.

“Shoko, your girlfriend is here.” Satoru sings before opening the door more, giving you a sight of Shoko’s perfectly cleaned room and minimal decorated, a total contrast to your own.

“Y/n?” Ieiri jumps from her bed besides Geto and comes your way at the door, pink cheeks much like yours. “Hi!”

“Hi…” Your soft voice you have reserved only for her comes out, before you scratch your throat and looks at everyone. All eyes are on you. “Uh, the boys and I are doing a movie night. We- - we thought of inviting you guys, if you want.”

“We would love to, we were so bored, actually.” Shoko answers right away, before turning to her friends.

“Huh? Weren’t we going to the mall?” Gojo asks turning towards Geto, but the black haired only shakes his head. “Oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, we are totally bored, no mall! Just movies with friends sounds amazing.”

“Great!” You smile triumphantly. “Nanami is getting snacks. Hai, can you send him a message asking to buy more?” You turn to your friend, but he is already with his phone in hand, texting, one of his hand making a positive sign. You turn back to face Shoko, shivering while noticing she is already staring at you. “So, see you… You guys, in fifteen minutes?”

“Yeah, see ya.” She whispers back.

It takes Haibara hands on your shoulder, much like Gojo’s on Shoko, for you to realize both of you had been quietly staring at each other. You wave her goodbye before moving back to your dorm. While in there, you and Haibara prepare the room for the others. The sofa would be for him and Nanami and your bed for you, as always. Your friend goes to his room before returning with his inflatable neon pink couch, which prompt you to change your neon lights to pink, as well.

The room is cutely decorated before you both fall on the bed to rest, and then a knock come. You don’t get up, Nanami just bursts into the room before dropping his bags on your coffee table. He scoffs.

“Why did you had to invite them?” Is all he says before falling on his sofa. “I mean, I like her, Geto I can handle…” Kento moves his face to stare at you two before whining. “But Gojo?!”

“Damn, I thought this was going to be a good time, not an offending me time.” The three of you jump at hearing Gojo’s voice, he is by your door, annoying smile decorating his face. Besides him, is Geto and Shoko.

“Every hour is a offending Gojo time, sorry bud.” Geto taps his friend head before moving inside your room, his eyes scan the place before deciding to fall on the neon sofa. “Nice room, Y/n, very you.”

The “thank you” is at the tip of your tongue, barely leaving through your voice, before stagnating when you look at the door, where she is. And fuck, you don’t think you’ve said anything in this world before, words become nothing in your mind in that very moment, all you can think is compliments and her name — Shoko is wearing a different outfit than earlier, she discharged the shorts and shirt for a flourished sundress, and two strands of her hair are braided. You can also catch glitter on her eyelids and her signature pink gloss on her lips.

“Shit.” Someone say, and you quickly realize it’s your voice. You cough before shifting your face to the boys, all again staring at you. “Uh, than… Fuck, thank you, Geto.” You say before moving towards the coffee table and grabbing two sodas of cherry coke and twizzlers. You go towards Shoko, who is still by your door, and you handle her the soda with a happy smile she copies.

“Am I going to have to share the pink couch with them giants?” Shoko whispers, motioning her head towards Satoru and Suguru, both playing fighting in the inflatable couch.

“No, no.” Couching again to refrain the embarrassment of answering so quickly, you sigh after, containing your nervousness. “You can share the bed with me.”

You close the door behind her, and soon your hand is in her back, moving both of you towards your comfortable bed and sitting on it, legs sprayed all over while your backs are resting on your comfortable headboard. Shoko is near the wall, caged by your body.

You toss the controller to Haibara, and he starts to go through the movies in the playlist showed on your wall, by your projector. You are not interested in movies anymore, if you could you would move everyone away and be with only her. You can sense her face moving towards the boys and you, but you keep staring at your soda. The cold in it keeps you in check.

Taking a gulp, tasting the faint cherry, you wonder what kissing Shoko would taste like. You could bet it would be like strawberries with sugar sprinkled on them, maybe a spoon of honey as well. And obviously, a tinted bitter of the cigarettes she smokes from time to time — it used to be worse, until you commented on the bothering of the smoke, and now she never smokes whenever you are near.

Maybe, you head and heart wonders, she likes you. There is nothing wrong with you, after all. You are pretty, smart, strong and sometimes funny. You could be liked by her as much as you like her, right?

The movie is already playing when Shoko pokes your arm, your mind goes blank and you move to her, tilting your head.

“Can I have a licorice?” She quietly asks. You want to give her anything, in fact.

“Yeah, here.” You open the package, giving her one of the red tubes. Trying not to, but failing, your eyes focused on the way her lips closed on the candy, wetting part of it with her gloss.

“Hey! No snoggin in there, I’m already third wheeling these two.” Gojo’s voice makes you realize how close you were to Shoko’s face, you grunt before staring at Nanami and Haibara, and they are just holding each-other.

“You’re bitter ‘cause Suguru won’t cuddle you.” Shoko answers after biting harshly her licorice, Nanami laughs at her answer when an offended gasp comes from Gojo. He doesn’t deny.

You laugh at Gojo’s offended face, and to add more fire to his bitterness, you move your arm to Shoko’s shoulder, she goes stiff for a moment before resting her head to your neck.

“Traitors.” Gojo mumbles and goes back to staring the movie, you see Suguru smirk before doing the same you did to Shoko to his friend.

After more minutes of the movie, in a particularly funny scene, you sense Ieiri’s head moving, you look down and she is already facing you. You grab another licorice and give it to her, straight to her mouth, she bites it before you take a bite on the other end.

If that’s the closest your mouth would come to hers, you would take it. By the gods, anything she would give you, would be precisely loved by you. Her presence, her scent, her glittery eyes staring solely at you. You would trade anything for her in that moment, if only to keep her attention on you and yours on her. What’s heaven to a woman’s love anyway?

You want to kiss her when the licorice is devoured eagerly. You almost do, lips reaching closer, and her eyes flattering shut, but a bombing laugh of Suguru takes you both apart. No one noticed, all eyes on your wall. You sigh gulping, groaning once more, but smiling while hearing her quiet giggles.

When the movie ends, everyone but you two get up, cracking their bones and talking loudly.

“Y/n, what was your favorite scene?” Haibara is the one who asks you, smirk in his face he shares with Gojo. “My favorite was the cruise one with the bananas’s costume, so funny.”

“Oh, yeah! Yeah, my favorite as well.” You answer while caressing Shoko’s arms, she starts to giggle more and you smile as well. “There was no cruise scene, right?”

“No, there wasn’t.” Shoko moves her head up, laughing sweetly now.

The gods really took their time with her, appreciating every little detail, from her laughs she emanated such good feelings, your insides would go warm and butterflies would rip your ribcage. But truthfully, you felt the weight of all your emotions while staring lovingly at her. Someone coughed.

“Well, I don’t know ‘bout you guys, but I’m tired. Should we go?” Gojo says and everyone agrees, they all say goodbye to you before stopping at the door, Nanami moves towards your music box, playing a calm song he knows you listen to before sleeping.

“Aren’t you coming, Shoko?” Suguru asks with malicious in his voice. She yawns, but doesn’t move.

“I’ll walk her to her room, don’t worry.” You say, making her nod and soon all the boys are gone. Is just you and her, in your bed.

Shit. Shoko Ieiri is in your bed. The perfect girl, the one you adores, the most beautiful human being is laying on you in your bed and she is not complaining, she even hugs your waist tighter when the door closes.

“Ieiri.” It’s rare for you to call her by her name, and she always seems happier when you do, this time is no different, she moves her head up with that cute smile you adore. “I like you.”

You always wondered how to confess to someone — her — in the most majestic and perfect way. In your mind, much like Haibara did to Nanami, you should give her plenty of her favorite food and flowers to match her sun kissed cheeks. It’s not something you planned, because you’ve never thought this day would come. Although it all changed with her in your arms, like she was always meant to be, you were designed to hold her.

So, in the pink and yellow lights of your room, under a shelf of dozens of plushies and Novo Amor playing in the background, your eyes focus shifting from her glitter eyeshadow to the gloss in her lips, that was heaven to you. That was the perfect place. She smiles, and you know you did the right thing.

“I like you too, Y/n.” Her sweet voice is melody to your ears, you barely register what she says, but is nothing to worry about, her lips are quickly on yours by the end of her sentence.

It’s cherry.

Shoko Ieiri tastes like cherry, in fact, she tastes like your favorite soda, a part of you who loves the beverage, unknowingly already choosing her. Her gloss is passed to your lips, giving you more of her taste, and when the kiss gets deeper, you feel like heaven has been given to you. In that moment, you know you are lost.

You separate yourselves for a second, finding yourself hovering over her, and stare at the her pretty crimson face, for just a moment appreciating that after her you would never be the same again. And how happy you were for that. So you go back for a second kiss, and a third, and more, more. All the kisses she wants, you will give to her, for the whole eternity you’ll have by her side — you are hers, and she is yours.

[jmdbjk]

No hurricanes.

We have 4 days left in August but it looks like there will be no hurricanes for us. We are typically waiting for one to arrive about this time every August. Definitely a welcome calm because there was already too much shit packed into this past month as it was so thank you to Mother Nature for not adding that extra layer of a shit show.

That being said, there is always next week for a hurricane. We wait. In the meantime, Episode 5 of Are You Sure? drops after I go to sleep tomorrow night.

Namjoon has been active on his IG account, he just tweaked his bio, changing the title "right place, wrong person" to all lowercase. We are holding the ship on a steady course, Captain. Seas are rough but we see the signals.

In case you didn't know, Miss Karma came back from her vacation. As of today, Min Hee Jin has been terminated as CEO of Ador.

She is being given the choice of remaining as director/producer for NewJeans but all of her stock options and whatever went poof. Good luck bitch, fighting your sexual harassment lawsuits without your CEO salary or perks. On your way out, please fumigate your office and leave the keys with the security team.

In other news, Billboard executives meeting this week to discuss major changes to Billboard Hot 100 and minor changes to Billboard 200. Can't wait to hear what this new round of fresh hell will be.

Also, Billboard having an event in Seoul to fiNd ThE nExT BTS!

Ya know... after all this time... how has no one ever realized its not the NEXT BTS anyone needs to be searching for? Yes, to the part about finding an authentic artist who can craft their own (really good) songs with lyrics that resonate. But the real key they need to find is...

... the next FANDOM that is like Army. Globally diverse from different walks of life including young, old and in-between. Loyal, loving, smart, organized, even if at times we seem to struggle to come together.

If an artist can cultivate a relationship with their fandom which consists of mutual respect and trust between them only THEN can the artist do anything, be anything, even untouchable. Hasn't anyone been listening at all? BTS has been saying for years they couldn't do anything... wouldn't be where they are... would have no reason to exist WITHOUT ARMY.

Seriously shaking my damn head. No one listens. No one.

Some other random things that are constantly doing a hit n'run inside my head...

I hope Jimin’s time with Dior menswear is finished because good lawd that shit is fugly. No. Just no:

It looks like an outfit they would be forced to wear as a penalty for losing a Run BTS game. Isn't that the same way Koreans tie up what they call a "lamb head" towel around their head to go in the public baths?

I haven’t talked about Jin at all this month. Shame on me.

He's been very very busy endearing himself not only to Army but to middle-aged men, women, kids, moms, future spouses, actors, idols, foodies, gamers, fishermen, grandmas, grandpas, the world.

Hobi will be coming home in 49(?) days!

Jimin and Jungkook are sending off their fellow soldiers with autographs as they are discharged. I guess it is somewhat comforting to read these simple messages they write to their departing comrades. It's all we have for now. I hope they are doing ok way out there in the boonies. 9 months and 15 days left.

[cvpitvno]

Hi, this is for any svt member or all of them if you want, but how they react when their s/o stops them from oral/fucking because they're insecure that they didn't shave down there. Pls and thank you.

SVT REACTION TO THEIR S/O BEING INSECURE ABOUT NOT SHAVING

𖤐 — gn terms, i think it’s pretty gender ambiguous

￫ SEUNGCHEOL

will deadpan and go on a rant about how he’d still dive head first even if you had a full on bush - seungcheol loves you, not only your body, so it doesn’t have to look picture perfect like in those cheap pornos for him to love you

￫ JEONGHAN

hannie will stop and deadpan at yoi as if asking if you’re serious - his favourite version of you is when you’re a bit messy, rolled out of bed or greasy hair setting in… so why would be mind hair? he thinks it’s raw and shows the real you

￫ JOSHUA

josh will be respectful and back off, but it would kickstart him into making sure you know that what you want to do with your body doesn’t concern him - if you wanted to never shave again, he wouldn’t stop you because he respects you (like your partner SHOULD!)

￫ JUN

pft will drop his pants and just point at his crotch, showing off his own unshaven body - “i haven’t shaved either - i’m comfortable if you’re comfortable baby”

￫ HOSHI

absolute crack but this man would bring up his love for tigers in one way or another to validate his reasoning for why you should let him fuck you even tho you haven’t shaved

￫ WONWOO

i can see wonwoo as being someone with quite a bit of hair down there too so he’ll ask you if you mind him with hair as his argument - if you don’t mind him with hair, why would he mind you with it?

￫ WOOZI

woozi seems like the type to be a very well groomed person when it comes to his hair down there, but i don’t think it would serve as an issue to him - he’d stop, ask if you trusted him, and would talk to you about how he loved you no matter what was on or not on your body

￫ SEOKMIN

dk would actually kinda take it to heart - he’d see this simple insecurity as a lack of trust and think it had something to do with your perception of him (did he seem like the type to look down upon body hair? of course not but that’s what would be going through his head)

￫ MINGYU

similar to woozi, mingyu seems to be the type to like his body more clean shaven, but man did he love the feeling of going down on you with hair or the feeling of his pelvis against the plush curls of your own pelvis

￫ MINGHAO

honestly, i can see minghao being really respectful about your own decisions - while nothing can hinder him in admiring and loving your body, he does believe that if you don’t feel comfortable with it, then neither does he

￫ SEUNGKWAN

kwan would put a stop to that shit immediately - “if anyone- i mean i hope there’s not anyone but me - but if anyone ever gives a damn whether or not you have hair on your body… slap the shit out of them”

￫ VERNON

similar to dk, mans would rethink his life and wonder if he did something to make it seems like he would care about you having body hair or not - he’d talk about it but in the end wouldn’t push to continue or for you to face your insecurity head on

￫ CHAN

chan would pull you close and just discus with you rather than stopping at trying to bring it up later - he reassures you that he genuinely doesn’t mind if you’ve shaved or not, but if it’s something you’re not comfortable with, then he’s fine with that as well

tmi - so i’m on a weekend trip with my sister, sister in law, and her sister, and the airbnb has a hot tub and i shaved everything but my bikini line and i was a lil insecure, BUT i remembered i had this ask so i had to answer it even tho i’m in vacay mode

but… just so everyone knows - hair is normal, and it will always be normal even on women / fem presenting people. just because society is too absorbed in old values doesn’t make your body any less valuable and beautiful if you got some hair on it okay?

if it wasn’t intended to be there it wouldn’t be, okay <333

[allied-mastercunt]

Yandere AM is cruel. But what kinds of yanderes would the main 5 be? Who would be safer to be with? (Plot twist it's neither of them/hj)

i love how since you don't know me well, you assume that the very mild version of yandere AM i showed so far is cruel to you.

The Five as yanderes

Ellen (book leaning)

The emotional type.

Ellen is the only one who kept some of her humanity. She still cares about the others. And she cares about you so, so much... All because you've shown her kindness the others don't show her anymore.

No, to the others, she's scum. She's aware of that. She knows they only really bother to take care of her because she let them all use her body. She's accepted that it was her only real value for the rest of the group. Well, maybe except for Benny, Benny was nice to her most of the time.

But you? You felt bad for how the others treated her. You offered her a shoulder to cry on. You offered to hold her, let everything out. And she missed being loved. She missed being cared for and held.

She becomes addicted to it. To you. She wants all of your attention, all of your affection, all of your love.

She'll scream. She'll cry. She'll beg.

She loves you. She needs you.

And she'll do anything in her power to make sure she gets you.

Gorrister (game and book mixed)

The wifebeater violent type.

There's very little left of what Gorrister used to be. A once passionate man who then lost himself, first to how his life turned out and then to that damn computer. He was now heartless, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, it would seem a certain kind of passion was... re-awakened in Gorrister. All because of your sweet self.

You tried so hard to reach inside him again. To try and find the man he once was. You could say you succeded, in a way. A very hurtful way, sadly.

Gorrister was now an angry man with an unhealthy attachment to you. He wanted you all to himself, no matter what he'd have to do to keep the small spark of light in his life.

And if beating you was the only way to get you to work with him? That's what he's gonna do, darling.

Ted (book and game mixed)

The manipulative type.

Ted is an expert at lying and manipulating people for his advantage. Especially now. He's a charmer, really! And you're just so easy for him, so nice, so sweet... He loves it.

He manages to wrap you around his little finger. He'll convince you that he's your knight in shining armor, that he's your only real friend, that you can depend on him, that he'll protect you...

He's your only friend around there, really! The only person you can really trust!

He's possessive and has a tendency to objectify his partners. Especially women. His mind was a truly dark place now, seeing as he barely respected anyone at this rate. You have to listen through his rants about how all the others are affected by AM and how he's the only sane one. He'll insult everyone, you included.

And then he'll gaslight you into thinking he's right and that you're slowly losing your mind because of AM. He's your only true beacon of hope, your only link to sanity.

And you'll do everything for him, won't you?

Benny

The worshiping type.

Poor Benny doesn't really understand love anymore, due to all the damage AM caused to his brain. But he understands all the kindness you've shown him. He knows you were the one who comforted him through all the pain caused by that damn machine.

Especially since you'd try to chase after him and help save him from more pain. You did your best for him, and he took your kindness when he could, his brain warping it into a worship-like obsession.

It starts off innocent. If he managed to find something "nice", he'd bring it to you. He would follow you, seek you out, do anything for your attention to be on him exclusively, even if he had to pull you away from the others and hold you down to cuddle him.

And he's very physically strong. He's not letting go, you're the most important person in his life, after all. The others need to learn that, too. Or he'll use those teeth AM gave him to rip their guts out.

But hey, their hearts would be a great offering for you.

To show just how great his love to you is.

Nimdok

The twó-faced type.

He's an old man who barely remembers anything about his past. You naturally want to help him, don't you? Of course you do, you're such a kind person...

But the truth is, even without his memory, you can never take the cruelty out of a monster. And he worked with doctor Mengele himself, he may not be as bad as the Angel of Death himself, but he's definitely no saint.

For you, though, he's just a poor old man that AM torments alongside the others. But the others...?

Well, he might not remember what he did, but he sure remembers how to be a scary motherfucker and how to form his incredibly detailed, whispered threats to make them all leave you alone. And of course, he will make those threats come true if needed.

You have no clue, of course. You think he's a sweet old man, the only one who's actually nice to you, unlike the others who push you away.

And the others... they get to see his true colors.

[sandyferal]

I genuinely think Tootie’s behavior towards Timmy would improve dramatically like. The second Vicky moves out of the family house. It’s clear that Vicky is severely inhibiting Tootie’s ability to have friends, much less have them come over and spend time with her. And it feels likely that the main reason her crush turned into an obsession is because Timmy had shown himself to be the only person willing to be nice to her. It doesn’t justify the way she acted, but let’s be real it’s not like she has good role models to teach her better.

I feel like once Vicky isn’t around to ruin her social life she’ll be able to have other friends over and like, have someone around to seek comfort in that isn’t her crush. She could actually start growing as a person. Which could happen as soon as like, 1-3 years after the events of the show?

I also really like the idea that even if she isn’t obsessed with Timmy, that Crimson Chin doll he gave her holds a special place in her heart because like. As a sentimental person I gotta be real something like that would never not be sweet to me. I’d thinking about it for years.

And I like to think because of that she eventually got into comics and began to obsess over those instead. Maybe Crimson Chin wasn’t her thing! But she seems to enjoy fantasies and I think it would be so fun to see her find her own interests. If we’re getting into specifics, I get the vibes that she would be into comics following heroes like Superman, or when villainesses get their own comics like Harley or Poison Ivy. Obviously not those exact characters but those are the vibes I get. Not to say I don’t think she wouldn’t still have girly interests and love romance and stuff but man.

Additionally. I fucking hate Tootie from the live action movies. They glorify her as hot and morally perfect while simultaneously treating how she was as a child as weird and ugly. Man people grow up and sometimes get less weird but like some people are just dorks. Tootie is a dork. Keep her as an overenthusiastic, emotional, glasses-wearing, strong-willed dork. You cowards. Women don’t need to be “perfect” to be accepted and loved.

If Tootie and Timmy did eventually get together, personally I think it would be good if Timmy just. Didn’t see her for a while. She gets more into spending time with actual friends, and doesn’t talk to Timmy as much until they meet up again a couple years later at an afterschool comic club/comic con, or something of that sort. I think she deserves to be her own person before she actually ends up with anyone.

And while I normally don’t like “ships” (I say that in quotes bc I don’t particularly feel compelled to ship these children at all) that involves a party who clearly isn’t interested… they’re also. Children. It’s not that serious. They really shouldn’t be together at this age anyway, and they probably will change as they get older.

It doesn’t feel that big of a deal to imagine Tootie and Timmy might be together as adults despite their current dynamic, because the main issues are:

a) Tootie doesn’t respect boundaries and is emotionally unstable, which are both likely caused by isolation, lack of good role models, and being too young to understand things. Very likely she grows out of it.

b) Timmy not liking her. Which, in the context of the early episodes about her, is actually something you could debate?

To clarify, he obviously isn’t interested in a romantic relationship most of the time, but at the same time he clearly has some care for her. The argument could be made that it is because of his fairies influencing him, yes, or it’s just pity. But like. There are episodes where he legit just does something because he wants her to be happy. And he indicates he doesn’t really dislike her or hate spending time with her. He, at least in theory, is actually willing to spend time with her. (“I would’ve gone to her dumb party if she’d invited me.”) That’s not even mentioning how he. Like. Just straight up chose to stick himself with a love arrow because he wanted to enjoy spending a Valentine’s Day with her. Which is a whole thing that could be analyzed but not the point.

If anything his actions point to a young boy who at the moment, only feels attraction through the lense of someone being “pretty” instead of someone they can genuinely get along with. He sees Tootie as weird and embodying the qualities boys find “icky” in girls. It would make sense if he grew out of that.

Although at the end of the day I don’t really care who these kids end up with, I JUST want Tootie to be able to have a happy and healthy social life/relationship with a partner when she grows up, and I hate the idea of completely stripping away her “not pretty” qualities before she’s allowed to have that. She’s a fucking lovely little girl who deserves to be herself, and to be weird, and to be happy. That’s my fucking daughter!!! I love her so much!!!

[herejusttosufferalong]

Alright, we talk a lot about Luke, but not enough about Nic and her personally. I

I beleive this tik-tok was intenational lol as well as jack's stories of her new photos. She's too smart to just post random stuff and then deleting it. I would never beleive she was like not like not on tik-tok, watching every single post after premier with that blue dress on his gf instead of reactions to the mirror scene lol.

She has also said she doesn't believe in love. Girl, fr? And she hasn't been in love for 9 years? The way she's working, very hard. I am totally rooting for her here, yeah. I get it! Tbh, she just doesn't need the partner to be happy, but at the same time I like... But isn't everyone sometimes longing for the feelings and intimacy? She is very 'put it together' person. She comes of as a strong person also, she is ambitious and career-driven, but at the time I feel like sometimes she is tensed. She works not-stop, and it's pure speculation or just the vibe, but the way she does projects and pr. I could be wrong, but it's almost she doesn't allow feeling to come to her head instead she dives deep into other things. Again I could be wrong, but sometimes she's a bit workacholic, u know haha Like she could works 7 days a week, no rest. And it's inspiring, yeah, but if try to analyze here a little, you know. Why do people work this much?

Maybe, she was dating smn, but with her insane schedule and the way she's touching Luke in the last interviews. I don't know.

The only impression I get that she hides her blind spots very well, and her whole bubbly self is just the cover, and not all people can crawl inside and really get what it's in there. She guards it. She needs someone kind and soft enough to cherish her. And I feel like during filming Nick and Luke shared something real and very emotional, and she allowed herself to open up. And that's why she's that grateful. I think as every woman out there with curves had at some point of her life a point, where she learnt how to love her body. And all these scenes, she mentioned she was a bit terrified, but then, the way she spoke about experience with him. It gives the sweet aching, because he really tried to make it comfortable for her. She mentioned the way how open they were in communicating feelings and ideas, how he wouldn't crash her with his weight during that sofa scene and how easy it was, because they laughed through it and discussed every detail. And like every other bridgeron actor saying that all that scenes were heavily choreographed as stunt, and she's just 'well, we improvised, cause it's not like do this and do that' .

'I don't have relationships like that with anyone in my life'

'unique bond', 'as almost we've been through war'

Well, Is it beaucse she let her guard down with him during filiming? It's just interesting, because I just really see the diffirence of her behaviour with other co-stars. Although, she is warm, but not that much, and as I said for her it's not really that easy to let any person see she's not that confident inside, as she seems to be.

He respected her, he made her feel safe during all of that. And it's beautiful, because things like that, when you trust the person like that and they saw you like that, it's just a lot. Yeah, some would say 'it's just work', but from her interviews for her it was empowering experience. And he was a part of it. And that's why I am again can't comprehend, how this man from her perspective(she is literally praising him every time she gets a chance, people are saying she's like that with everyone, but nah, it's like a lot with him again) is the same guy, who is still going through 'fboy' phase. Because Iistening to his interviews, his passion for Colin, and well-spoken and attentive he is, I believe Luke definetly respect and get women the way, that fuckboys don't. It's all so confusing for me. Cause I do see Luke through her eyes, and she's just very caring and loving, while I also see how Luke is in real life with his decisions, and I'm like? It's like Nicola doesn't see the perspective, does she? Or maybe we don't? Or just maybe he's in fact very diffirent with her and treats her as a something precious. Maybe not in a romatic way (yet, delulu again) , but in a sense of 'She's Nic', Almost like, she is divine, and she's not like the other woman. Like you know the way he looks at he, listens to her attentively, how responsive he is, and how behaves around her during interviews is almost like he puts her very high, and enjoys the way shines, reflecting her energy and feeling easyness and calmness around her. Almost, like his mind is always in montion(ahdh, hi), but when she's around, it's like starting to calm down. It's like they are in bubble, especially if they're just chatting only two of them. And that's not the dynamic I can see with other people from both of them. All of that thinking making me feel delulu things, but yup. That's the reason I also think L is just confused

Love this, thank you for sharing!

We don't consider N enough and why she views L the way she does.

Because right now it is very hard to reconcile the man we see with the one we saw on the press tour and the one she brags about.

Too many people have been quick to judge her for supporting L recently but we have to remember they have a bond that we have only had a glimpse into.

[dusty-daydreams]

Hi! Fic Anon again, I find it really interesting that only (as far as I can remember)Eloise and Anthony's traumas related to Violet's traumatic birth experience has been mentioned/explored in the show. What do you think of it? It seems really interesting.

Hi Fic Anon!!

Sorry I’ve had a crazy week at my new job, and then your ask got buried and I couldn’t find it!

But I am back, and I am always happy to see your messages

Cynically I think they have only mentioned Birth Trauma for Anthony and Eloise because they struggle to write the family dynamics.

But that is not an interesting answer, so let’s speculate!

It could be a result of their respective relationships to their gender identity.

Eloise is obviously highly antagonistic towards her gender, including - I would argue how unsafe being a woman makes her feel. Her defining experience with the defining experience her society puts on womanhood, was a horrific one of her mother in agony and almost dying.

She is very aware of the ways in which childbirth can end in her death and she is very aware of the fact that her society thinks that the primary thing she can do is enter into a contract with a man she may hate, in order to risk her life trying to give him a son.

I don’t think all of Eloise’s discomfort with femininity can be traced back to her birth trauma but I think a lot of her discomfort with marriage is traced back to her birth trauma.

Anthony, I think, is not as comfortable in his masculinity as he thinks he is, at least not in the places his masculinity intersects with women.

Around other men Anthony holds his own, but in his efforts with his sister’s and his romantic partners he fumbles and struggles.

I think it is (in part) a result of the way that his Mother’s traumatic birth fundementally undoes the chivalric myth.

A lot of masculinity is built on a man’s concept of himself as defender of women.

And Anthony’s first real act as the Patriarch of his family, the Man™️ was to fail to protect his mother from suffering.

Anthony’s first real interaction with femininity as an adult man, was one of failing to fulfil his masculine duty to protect, because he couldn’t actually protect his mother from childbirth.

And I think Anthony carries that forward into the rest of his relationships with women, struggling to protect them the way his gender identity demands, and being constantly subconsciously aware that he can’t actually do that.

He protects Daphne, he fails her by doing so, he stops protecting Daphne and fails her in a worse way.

He tries to protect himself from future distress from failing to protect a wife, or from dying himself, and chooses a wife with his brain. Then a woman who denies his protection to the extent that she doesn’t even accept his proposal even when he has compromised her. Which again, he fails his masculine duty to protect a woman’s virtue and then that failure compounds because that woman will not even allow him to go with masculine plan b - marrying a woman of noble enough birth if you outrage her.

Basically, Eloise has birth trauma because it traumatised her in relation to her feminine gender identity and Anthony has birth trauma because it traumatised her in relation to his masculine gender identity.

(Eloise and Anthony have incredibly similar personalities!! And slightly different politics, affects and ways of interacting with the world is because of the way those personalities manifest alongside their regency gender identity)

Which does make me wonder why the other siblings do not also have birth trauma, (that is a more fun reason than the writers don’t care about an internally consistent world)

For Daphne I think it’s because she already saw herself as a mother. She wasn’t focusing on her mother’s pain and connecting it to herself, she was focusing on comforting (mothering) Eloise. Daphne is not connected to the childbirth portion of motherhood, but to the child rearing portion of motherhood.

I can’t remember if Benedict and Colin are even at home in the childbirth scene, but if they aren’t, which would make sense because they should be at Oxford/Cambridge/Eton, then they wouldn’t have that trauma impact them.

If they are there, I think like Daphne they aren’t paying attention to their mother. I think they are paying attention to Anthony, watching him struggle to be Lord, and thinking - I don’t want that! I don’t want responsibility!

So perhaps, Benedict’s responsibility avoidance and Colin’s arrested development could be attributed to watching Anthony experience their father’s death and their mother’s traumatic childbirth.

Gregory was too little to know what was going on. (Ditto Hyacinth obviously)

Which leaves Francesca, who I think has been traumatised in a similar way to Eloise, but is also more resigned than Eloise. She has accepted her gender role in society, and is now trying to mitigate (see also: her terror at the idea of having eight kids - perhaps the terror of a noisy home, but also I would argue the fear of eight or more pregnancies and labours)

Anyway, that’s just what I think!

Feel free to add thoughts if you have them

[9800sblog]

Hii💐 since you are still open for questions about ateez I’m curious of what is seonghwa’s reputation. 👀

How is he known among kpop idol community?

seonghwa tarot reading

his reputation in the kpop industry

do I have his energy permission to do and share this reading? king of pentacles

answers for the current energy of 08/01/2024 15:08 GMT-3

such an interesting question, and seonghwa seemed interested in knowing the answer too kkkk

in general

9 of cups, the moon reversed, hanged man reversed, 7 of pentacles, king of swords, page of cups

the image is pretty simple and as expected, seonghwa is a hardworking man who deserves more than he gets but is content with what he has. seonghwa has a lot to show for, a guy with much passion, many talents/skills, and childish hobbies hehe. for those that have seen him outside of the stage, on lives, content, etc., seonghwa is seen as a cute guy who's able to attend to his inner child without looking weird. seonghwa is good at making the most out of bad situations, changing his or others' perceptions if there's such need. there's much respect towards him as an artist here, the king of swords being most relevant, he is very well recognized inside the industry as a complete worker. these cards show someone who is kind and pure, people's perception of him may have changed recently, making them think he is more down to earth, stuck in reality than they previously thought. much attention to his skills, a thoughtful dancer, a sweet voice and a strong rapper, a powerful presence in general that still transpires respect and fairness towards everyone, people aren't scared of taking to him (but that may have changed recently)

closer idols

3 of cups, high priestess reversed, death, 5 of swords

as I said, it seems a big change has recently changed the perception of most people towards seonghwa. this is a really nice person, someone who is easy to interact, easy to feel comfortable around, knows how to speak with all kinds of people, but mostly only to those he's already close to. he may be seen as someone that doesn't always trust his intuition, someone a bit scared of the unknown, and may not often speak to women, scared of getting into trouble. this is someone who avoids a few problems, and walks away at the sign of conflict, which can be seen as a good thing by some. however, this is still someone extremely thoughtful, appreciative of others and not afraid of change! it's quite complicated as there are many different opinions being heard, but seonghwa is seen as a guy who prefers to stir the pot when change is necessary, while avoiding fruitless conflicts. overall, he's seen as a friend, a trustworthy individual with whom you have to worry about absolutely nothing, matter of fact, if you don't wanna think when you're around him, he'd do that for you! he's seen as someone that knows how to pick his battles and friends and lives a happy and stable life. seonghwa may differ from your first impression of him, maybe when you think you know him, he surprises you, he's a bit weird and likes to make others uncomfortable for fun but the message that keeps coming through is that seonghwa is really just a great friend.

staff

8 of cups reversed, knight of cups, 6 of wands reversed, 2 of wands reversed

the 8 of cups reversed and 6 of wands reversed make me think he's mostly seen around other ateez members by these people, so they may think their idea of him is a bit limited. all in all, seonghwa may be a quiet guy around staff, mostly focused on his work and attentive to details. this is probably someone that follows traditional rules of respect and he may be seen as quite the hopeless romantic! as always, seonghwa is seen as a very cute guy by everyone, a pure heart and maybe a wanderer spirit who is limited by the real world. imaginative, creative, kind, helpful, proactive, focused and dedicated. they may see him as more of an introvert but think that's probably not how he is casually, that it's just not the appropriate time to focus on having fun.

female idols

10 of cups, 8 of wands, 8 of swords reversed, 6 of pentacles, the hierophant reversed

no surprises, seonghwa is seen as someone who isn't tied down by social limitations, he's incredibly confident in his inner self, he's done a lot of soul searching and knows what makes him feel happy and free. they think he knows well about how things are "supposed" to go, and he may even help others in doing so but it may not work for him, seonghwa may be seen as someone untraditional, not because he's unaware, he's just happy otherwise. this is a really smart person that knows how to hold a conversation and has many different facets, they know he can talk a lot about many different subjects, be really fun, but not have experienced it directly, as seongwa may be more professional when around the girls. they may fantasize about being in his life, either as a couple or best friends, they see him as a really good person in general, a walking green flag (IT SEEMS! I AM NOT CLAIMING ANY ABSOLUTE TRUTH), as seonghwa is not your typical type of guy, they may imagine that it would be fun to have him in their lives, I see many girls imagine being just friends with him and gossiping and stuff hahaha very nice vibes here 🤷‍♀️

male idols

ace of cups reversed, the world reversed, 10 of pentacles, knight of swords reversed, the tower

very different vibes jesus christ! some male idols really really like him, hold a lot of respect towards him and see him as someone that is very knowledgeable, respectful and can/will get very far in life. they may see him as someone more traditional and untraditional at the same time, who wants to do more, bring change into the world but is unfortunately limited by responsibilities and real life complications in general. seonghwa is a funny guy who likes to exaggerate for fun, may be dramatic, weird, messy, whatever, they think he is funny for that. I am getting very heavy energy here tho, obviously the cards are mostly reversed, these people's perception of seonghwa may be tainted by their own world views and weird interactions with him. seonghwa is seen as trouble by some of the guys, they don't think very nice things about him but they think he's well protected so they won't mess with him, but oh they wanna. it doesn't seem to be many people having this opinion tho, just the energy very strong. seonghwa may pull them off their high horses while they don't expect it cause he looks like such an easy-going, cute individual. in any and all cases, all of them see seonghwa has strong connections that will stay with him til the end of times, he can be quite impulsive which some like and some really don't. those that like him think he has some type of ancient knowledge (?), maybe passed down by generations. in general, male idols think ateez/kq environment is very tied together, people really see them as a family business.

[freetobeeyouandme]

Chapter 8: The Road Goes Ever On And On

Chapter 8 of my Byler Fantasy Isekai AU is up on Ao3 now! The party goes camping as they try to find El's sister.

Tags: M, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Fantasy AU, Canon Typical Violence, Canon Typical Horror, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn

Summary:

Mike Wheeler hates High School, so when he almost dies and falls through a portal to another world, he’s not going to complain. Especially not when that world does not only have swords and magic but seems to work exactly according to the rules of his favorite tabletop role-playing game. But his euphoria might be short lived because the party of adventurers he falls in with turns out to be the target of an evil god and the fate of the world might rest on their shoulders. So, exactly like his games of D&D. Except the wanna-be Paladin soon realizes that being a hero is much harder in real life than it is in-game. - Or, Mike gets isekai’d into a world where D&D is real.

An excerpt and taglist below the cut:

Excerpt:

El takes over dabbing at her still bleeding nose from Mike before long, staying silent as they watch her, stunned at her announcement. The rest of their party joins them before anyone has time to come to terms with El’s news. Lucas relays it to those of them that had missed it, but no further words are exchanged about it for now.

The others continue acting like El’s bleeding nose is a normal occurrence, so while Mike hangs back, watching her with careful eyes, he has to accept that El is in no immediate danger – or need of his assistance.

They briefly check in about what they’d accomplished in town and then set off earlier than planned, none of them willing to waste light by having an early dinner. Mike finds himself looking back at Loch Nora longingly as they do, its inns and taverns promising warm food and comfortable beds, but he understands why they’re not taking that risk. As they trek another hour or so through the wilderness he almost wishes himself back at the Laboratories, though. He is looking forward to the day that they defeat One and a semblance of normal returns to his life – although what normal looks like for him in this world, he has yet to find out.

As darkness sets, Will and El summon lights to guide their way, but even so it quickly becomes too dark to continue. So, they stumble along the woods until the next clearing and then finally make camp. Max and the three elves head out to collect firewood since they’re the only ones with Darkvision, while the rest of them do what they can to get camp ready by the light Will has summoned.

Mike finds himself next to Mrs. Byers preparing food to roast over the fire. With his mother doing most of the cooking, his skills in that respect amount to being barely able to scramble some eggs, but under Will’s mother’s watchful eye he successfully strings up pieces of meat and veggies and sets them aside to marinate while they wait for the fire to get started.

Beyond her instructions and corrections the two of them work mostly in silence, which Mike isn’t too unhappy about. He never quite knows what to say to adults, and that only seems to go doubly for dragonborn women from strange fantasy worlds. With his mother’s friends he at least knows how to bring up the weather or answer their questions about school and if he has plans for college. He can’t begin to fathom a topic that might sustain a conversation between him and Will’s mother. Are goblins as much of a threat here than they are in D&D? and How much death and destruction do you think One will wreak before we stop him, do you think? both don’t really seem appropriate.

Like his mother’s friends, though, Mrs. Byers seems to dislike the awkward silence that ensues and so eventually she does try to talk to him. She hands him more of the meat she’d cut up and asks: “How are you holding up?”

The look she gives him is concerned and Mike straightens up, sticking out his chin, without deciding to. He doesn’t like that she thinks he can’t deal with the situation just because he’s new. Smiling grimly he says: “Probably as well as everyone else.”

Mrs. Byers’ face softens. She holds up her hand as if she considers putting it on his shoulder and then seems to decide against it – which, considering the meat juices on her fingers, Mike isn’t too upset about.

“You’re allowed to not be okay, though,” she says. “The rest of us have been dealing with One and the Circle for a while now. But you didn’t sign up for this.”

And Mike appreciates the concern at the same time it makes his skin boil. He hates the insinuation that he’s somehow different than the rest in this regard. “Well, the idea that monsters exist isn’t so strange to me. I used to play games where you fight them all the time, so this is fine. And I’m not the one who almost died at One’s hands, so you should be asking Max and El that more than me. I’m not sure he even knows I exist.”

Mrs. Byers doesn’t immediately respond, watching him finish another stick of meat and veggies with a strange expression. Finally she says, quietly: “You’re very brave, Mike.”

Mike feels his cheeks heat up at the strange compliment paired with the look he still can’t decipher, so he’s glad when Dustin comes over, gestures at the middle of their small camp and asks: “Hey, Wheeler, wanna help me prep a fire pit?”

“On it.” He gives Mrs. Byers an awkward smile and follows the Artificer to dig a very appreciated hole.

Lucas returns first, and with his arm full of dry branches they manage to get a fire going – kindled with magic, of course. Mike and Dustin return to Mrs. Byers to get the food, but thankfully she says nothing more and so Mike can almost forget about their conversation as Dustin and Lucas chatter around him.

Unofficial Tag List (aka you interacted with my posts about this fic, please tell me if you want me to not tag you in the future (or want to be added)): @smalltownwheeler @wheelerpilled @wrong-energy @foodiewithdahoodie @doggo9 @gardenfairie @beelikesbyler @beverlysclown @yickarus @sourdough-el @hessolivagant @hesquietoday @oldfashionedmorphine @total-serene560 @bylersrise @hawkinsunderground @longtallglasses @generalstorecashier @snixx @camel-casing @bylersbear01 @turningsoft @casatoan @maru-chu @mid13s @goldentrunks

[sad-eyed-lady-of-the-paperbacks]

Thoughts on 1.3

Ok, I’m still devastated over Sofia Ivanovna but I’m finally able to put that aside just enough to belatedly type up my thoughts.

But first, I wanted to acknowledge the antisemitism in the room, because it appears briefly in this chapter, comes in even stronger in 1.4, and will unfortunately continue to crop up throughout the book. I love Dostoevsky’s writing and find it to generally be very compassionate and humanising, but there are unfortunately antisemitic tropes present. Jewish people are more often mentioned than actually depicted or included as characters, which means these tropes occur as passing nods, but it is still noticeable. I do not know enough about the man’s personal views to know how much of this was done consciously or intentionally on his part, and how much was a consequence of the general climate of Europe and Russia at the time, but to be blunt, I don’t care to know. Intentional or unintentional, it is wrong and has a harmful effect. And it feels irresponsible of me to be posting about this book without pointing out and categorically disavowing that aspect of it. These tropes are disgusting and evil. They have zero basis in reality, but they do have an immense damaging impact on the lived reality of Jewish people down to this day. This bookclub will have zero tolerance for antisemitism.

Now onto my thoughts.

It seems that Fyodor not only has a constant eye for opportunities to invest his capital, but also for opportunities to prey on vulnerable women

Sofia is the orphaned daughter of “some obscure deacon.” Interestingly, she will not be the last woman in the novel who meets that description, which makes it feel like a significant detail

The only detail the narrator is able to give us about Sofia's childhood (the fact that she made an attempt to hang herself and had to be cut down) is the only detail we need in order to create an absolutely horrific and gut-wrenching picture of what this girl suffered. And there's just something so real about it? The fact that this old benefactress lady is not evil or motivated by any real malice. She isn't a Bad Person, she isn't Cinderella's wicked stepmother. I doubt she truly even hates Sofia. She does seem to be almost resentful of her own decision to take the orphan in, and takes that out on her, as though Sofia is the one who asked to be orphaned and then taken in by this woman. But it's not really about Sofia at all. Her constant picking at and criticising of Sofia comes from sheer idleness and boredom (and let's be real, probably some generational stuff from the way she herself was raised). This is how it so often is in real life. The fact that bullies and abusers of this kind are not necessarily bad or malicious people just makes it even worse. It's so pointless and petty, but the damage is real, as we can see for poor Sofya Ivanovna.

On a stylistic note, I again love the limitations of our narrator. He can’t tell us everything, he’s just reporting to us what he himself has heard or been able to uncover. It imbues the whole thing with so much reality

“What could a sixteen-year-old girl possibly make of it all beyond realizing that she would be better off throwing herself in the river than staying with her benefactress?” (McDuff) - <\3 ouch, my heart.

It’s a small comfort, but I’m glad that he at least didn’t benefit financially from this marriage. Although that seems to have possibly worsened his treatment of Sofia Ivanovna. I do think that he did have—perhaps not respect, but something like it, for the fact that his first wife was from a better family than him and brought so much wealth to the table. (The fact that she was fully capable of beating him up probably helped too.) But with Sofia Ivanovna, “he even trampled with both feet on the ordinary decencies of marriage.” (P&V)

Grigory standing up for Sofia is a little glimmer of something heartwarming and beautiful in such a dark and sordid and deeply sad chapter

This is the first mention of the klikushi, which is translated numerous different ways. I talk about it in this post and provide a good resource to learn more

The benefactress equates Sofia’s absolutely horrendous circumstances as having been sent by God. As punishment for her “ingratitude.” When she eventually took charge of the children, one wonders if she ever voiced this opinion to them. Was Ivan ever told that: that God caused his mother’s suffering?

I wish we knew more about Yefim Petrovich Polenov. He sounds like such an excellent person.

Ivan appears to be pretty much the polar opposite of Mitya. He works hard at his studies, and then works hard to support himself, loathing the thought of being dependent on others and not banking on any inheritance. He’s resourceful and creative about it too

I love his little alter ego as “Eyewitness”

Ivan managed to write an article in such a way that people of completely polarised views all read it and thought the author was on their side. Honestly, this isn’t that dissimilar from how Dostoevsky’s own work gets picked up today.

Are the “one or two astute men” who conclude that Ivan is basically the 19th century equivalent of a troll the correct ones here?

Why did Ivan show up in his hometown when he had been preparing to go abroad? What business could have possibly made Mitya decide to summon the help of his brother that he’s never met before? Whatever it is, apparently even this will not serve to make his arrival completely explicable.

Why does the arrival almost immediately give our narrator an uneasy feeling? What is this sense of looming catastrophe that continues to haunt these pages?

Ok. Now I’m off to delve into chapter 1.4, and then I’ll be caught up!

[plantinghobbies]

The Same Damn Thing

Part 1: We were scared of getting old and it made us restless

Join @solipsisticno1 and I on this six-part roller coaster for Valetine’s Day, based on an angsty lyric challenge that nobody asked for. New installments drop every few days, feedback fuels us!

By the time Valentina arrived, the room was over capacity and the crowd was over served, the bass so loud it felt like it was rattling her organs. She spots Matty’s curls first (she always does) and begins making her way over to her sister’s friends. She knows that description isn’t totally accurate - the couple of times she let it slip they’ve squawked at her about how she’s their friend too - but under the circumstances, it’s hard to not feel like her sister’s understudy. She’s been that her whole life.

The group is huddled at their usual table in the corner of the pub, shoulders pressed together as if it could ward off the onslaught of real-world responsibilities ready to overtake them in a few days when they leave the comforts of school, newly minted “adults”. Right now, they looked more like drunk toddlers, spilling on the table and each other as they play one last round of flip the lid. Valentina never bothered to learn the complicated rules Matty and George had made up years ago, but she knew enough to know they were near the end.

Matty’s cheeks are flushed from drink, something she’s loved ever since she first saw it at fifteen visiting her sister for the first time since she left, slept in her dorm, met her friends. Met him. It wasn’t why Val had chosen to study here as well, but it didn’t hurt. She’d been intoxicated - not just on the cheap beer, but on the camaraderie. Growing up, Val loved American sitcoms - Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Beverly Hills 90210 (though her parents didn’t know about that one) - groups of friends who take on life and then meet up on a shared couch or bar stools to recap their days - the glowing highs, the comedic lows. Together, seemingly forever. She’d enrolled here with visions of her and the gang at this very table playing flip the lid, her and Marin on morning jogs before class, her and Matty - well, just getting to exist in his orbit really, that unnamable pull that seemed to light him from within, draw people into him.

And for the first few months, her sitcom dreams and her freshman reality had aligned. She’d joined them for nights out, did sunrise yoga with the girls (apparently, someone in their dorm had read women who run age faster than non-runners. Val was very skeptical of the science behind this “study” but didn’t want to risk speaking up to challenge it) and had spent enough time with Matty to mold her blind infatuation into genuine respect and admiration. A lot of time with Matty actually. It seemed that wherever she and Marin went, Matty would follow. Even to the crochet night that Val had organized at the elder-care center, wanting to test out the new app she’d been working on that provided alternate crafting methods for people with arthritis. Not that Val was complaining - she got to be surrounded by him, even if the only logical explanation for his presence was he was trying to pull Marin. Why else would a twenty-one-year-old man choose a crochet night over helping his friends defend their snooker championship at the pub? (And the feeling seemed mutual – Marin went on and on to Val about how great Matty was, how smart, how caring). Anyone else would have done everything they could to avoid him, them, but Val was a masochist it seemed. She didn’t care why Matty was there, just that he was there.

This pathetic acknowledgement aside, everything was as it should be. Except for one thing. The golf ball sized lump that seemed to develop overnight on Marin’s thigh. Instead of spring break on the warm beaches of the Algarve, they spent it in the sterile, white-washed hospital cancer ward. Ravaged was the term the doctor kept using. We’ve never seen something like this, how quickly its’ ravaged her organs. Funny, Val thinks, even Marin’s cancer was an overachiever.

Val had wanted to stay home, especially when Marin got accepted into an experimental drug trial. Experimental meant unexpected, something none of her family were particularly good at dealing with, except Val. She had clashed with her parents who were insistent on her going back (Val felt a little bad about fighting with them when they already had so much on their plate). But where she could fight with them, she was helpless against her sister, who crawled into her bed one night and pleaded with Val to go back, to not let this disrupt her life too, to help her live vicariously through her (it’s going to be so fucking boring here, I’m going to need the escapism). They’d cried over the unfairness of it all, big crocodile tears soaking the pillowcase as they clung to each other.

So she’d returned after break, feeling unmoored and exhausted. Marin had filled everyone in, long draining teary phone calls that kept her up until all hours of the night. Val knew she’d saved Matty for last, and after it, Marin didn’t leave her room for a day. (Val’s never asked if she and Matty are just close, or close. She’s afraid to have confirmation of her fears, that once again she’s no match for Marin).

Speaking of Matty, he’d thrown himself into the last month of term, a man on a mission, holding the group together in Marin’s absence. And he’d slotted Val in seamlessly, including her in everything, checking in with her more frequently. Val relished the attention, his care with her, the soft look he got in his eyes looking at her during midnight talks when the worry and cancer-fueled fucking anger overwhelmed them. She wanted to believe it was something, a spark, but he seemed so torn up about Marin. It was probably just pity. She secretly worried that he was going to all this trouble to try and replace the Marin-sized hole in their group. Or worse, in his heart. And she couldn’t be her sister, no matter how hard she’d tried growing up.

So, while she was devastated that they were leaving, hadn’t really even processed what next year would look like, there was a glimmer of hope in her that it would simplify things, they’d be less complicated. She’d go home for the summer (she’d cancelled her planned internship, felt selfish being away at such a tough time), take care of Marin, and return next year with him in the rear view. Out of sight, out of mind.

That seemed really hard to imagine right now when he catches her staring, looking at her over the lip of his pint, all soft eyes and a shy grin, like he knew something she didn’t. He stands as she approaches, enveloping her in a warm hug.

“Drink?” He shakes his pint as he speaks, and she nods aggressively.

“Here, you take this one, I’ll snag another” he pivots, pointing over his shoulder to the long line behind him that leads to the outside bar.

“No, don’t be silly. I’m not in a rush, I’ll grab it. Don’t want to take you away from this lot on your last night.”

“Eh, I’m sick of these twats” he says loudly, cackling when George flips him the bird and mutters about him being a sore loser. “I’ll wait with you, could do with some fresh air anyway.”

And she has to admit that the breeze feels nice, hadn’t realized how flushed she’d gotten in the stale air of the pub. Even after they score her “her”drink (a vodka cranberry) that he takes the piss out of her every time for - “it’s my drink of choice - that’s because it’s the only drink you’ve ever had! You’re missing out!”- they gravitate toward an empty bench on the outskirts of the patio. Matty lights a cigarette almost as soon as they’ve sat down.

“What happened to the New Year’s resolution?”

“Quitting seemed much more doable before your sister got sick” His face contorts into something between a grimace and a smirk. He flicks the ash away, breathing smoke out of his nose, something she knows should repulse her, but she finds oddly sexy. “I mean, I’m trying to keep everyone together. It hit Mags particularly hard, what with losing her father so young. Her fucking checked out mother could have at least paid for decent therapy back then. It’s been all I can do to keep her somewhat sober and passing class.”

She nods her agreement; she hadn’t realized just how much he’d been carrying not just her the last few months.

“Marin is the glue, you know? With her not here, I’m worried it’s all gonna fall apart. Like getting older wasn’t fucking bad enough.” Tap tap tap. He has a nervous habit of tapping his hands when he’s nervous. She’s noticed it more and more the last few weeks, a few beats turning into extended rhythms as the slow march to the end of the term draws near. “These were supposed to be the best months of our lives.” She can’t take seeing him anxious anymore, her hand reaching out to cover his on the bench. Val watches as her fingers lace together with his like an out of body experience. He squeezes hard, sending a twinge through her hand. She doesn’t care, she squeezes right back. “It’s so fucked.”

Another squeeze. His thumb grazes her knuckles gently. “I just wish there was more I could do.”

Now that is a sentiment that Valentina can relate to. “I hear you, I don’t know how to help her either and it kills me. Like, I’m her sister, and there’s just fuck all that I can -“she can’t finish, her voice catching in her throat.

“Not just her” his hand comes up to brush an errant hair out of her face, fingering the blond hair like it was gold. “For you.”

“Me? You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I may not have to” his gaze is piercing “but I do.” The words are like a dose of cold brew, hitting her nerves, making her feel jittery with a combination of excitement and angst. She feels guilty, she’s meant to be comforting him! But she also wants him, has for years, this is the closest they’ve ever been. About that, it feels like the space - the physical space - between them is getting smaller. She knows she’s not moving because she keeps trying to will her body to sit back, pull back, step back. So it has to be him closing the gap, leaning in, right? It makes no sense and yet it’s the only logical conclusion.

This shouldn’t be happening, she can’t be her sister for him. She can’t. “Listen, Marin is going to get better and then you and she can -”

Her eyes have to cross to see the confusion written in his, that’s how close he is now. Danger, danger. “Me and Marin? That’s not….” He takes a breath, sets his shoulders as if preparing for something. To let her down easy, no doubt. Oh god, how did he know? “Listen, Vee, I know this may be bad timing but -“

The sound of her phone is a mercy, and she jumps at the easy out, grateful to see her aunt’s name flash across the screen.

“I - uh - I gotta take this. Excuse me”

She wanders off under his watchful stare. By the time she returns, the group has migrated out to join him, her seat in front of him occupied. Everything is muted, their loud voices, her feelings, even the colors around her. It’s like she left the scene in color and came back black and white.

Mags yells out to her. “Val, come tell this dickhead that your first visit to London will be to see me, not him. Matty is delud-“ Her voice drifts off at the look on Val’s face. Matty clambers up from the table, squatting down to eye level, thumbs rubbing her shoulders as rhythmically as he did her knuckles. She wished she could feel it, feel anything.

“Valentina? What is it? Are you alright?“

Better just rip the bandaid off, there’s nothing for it. “It’s Marin. She’s uh” Val clears her throat, physically working to dislodge the words stuck in her throat, “I uh, she’s dead. She, she died.”

Everyone freezes, mouths hung open, gestures caught in midair. Matty’s still holding onto her shoulders, but the soothing rhythm has stopped. Being on the receiving end of the news had been hell but being on the receiving end of Marin’s friends – her friends too, she can hear the echo of Matty chastising her even now – reactions is somehow worse. Faces crumpling, hot tears. Shayla just keeps muttering oh my god over and over, as if a mantra, seemingly unaware that she’s doing it. It’s the only thing that cuts the silence until…

His lips part. “Vee, I – “Leave it to Matty to still find words when everyone else is at a loss. His fingers flex, arms adjusting to pull her into his body. But she can’t, can’t deal with anyone’s pain or awkwardness or misguided pity right now, especially his. She steps back, dodging the hurt look in his eyes. The subtle shift brings everyone’s attention back to her and they move all at once, a giant mass surrounding her. Taking up space and the air that she is desperately fighting for. Shayla’s oh my gods have turned into a litany of questions about what happened and what’s next and what does she want, and Val simply does not know.

Sweetheart, you need to come home. She’s gone. It feels like a lifetime ago that her aunt told her the news, voice cracking around her words, and yet it’s been less than five minutes. Val knows this because her favorite song had started playing just as she got the call – Purple Rain – and Prince’s epic riff was still blaring across the patio). Right before her phone buzzed, she’d even been tempted to ask Matty to dance (one minute of feeling him pressed against her before she swore she’d move on, just a little taste of what could have been if she hadn’t been born with such an incredibly, eclipsing force of a sister who drew everyone to her). That brief, reckless surge of confidence that feels like a different lifetime now.

She has to get out of there. She feels the need to cry and scream and throw things and curl into a ball and Val’s never been good at multitasking but right now it feels like she might do all of them at once if she doesn’t find a way to fucking move her feet. What is wrong with her? Is this shock? Is she dying? She feels like a part of her already has. Her spiral is interrupted by a steady hand at her back. She glances over her shoulder, meeting Matty’s bloodshot eyes. His curls are damp where they brush across her cheek, he looks wrecked. Of course he is, he just lost his – well, Val’s not sure what they were exactly but he looks beside himself.

Head tilting toward the patio exit, he takes her hand, her body going along with him. And it seems the rest of the group as well, them all trailing behind, clinging to each other, afraid to let go. He rambles on the walk back to her place – she’d balked at Matty’s insistence on spending the night on her couch, walking her back had been a reluctant compromise. I’ll come by as soon as you’re up, can help with packing. I can even fly home with you if you want. She reminds him he has graduation in a few days, knows a small army of family are coming from all over to celebrate him. Fuck that, I’ll call them right now, this is a family thing too. She bristles at that, the reminder of the intimacy he shared with her sister. Then she almost doubles over with shame at the thought of being jealous of Marin at all. She’s selfish, the worst.

Val knows he shows up the next morning, knows it even though she isn’t there. Because he said he would, because that’s who he is. Taking care of others, ignoring his own pain. That’s what he’s been doing for her all year long. Sure, she was the understudy, but she’d been a willing participant. Because the truth is, she’d been using him right back. She’d been so numb – with guilt at being well when her sister wasn’t, being at Marina’s dream school without her, being away when her parents were swamped with medical appointments and bills. Being with Matty, drunk on his attention, that’s the only time she felt anything all year. But the guilt of almost kissing Matty behind her sister��s back, while her sister was dying, well that almost crushed her.

The shame was palpable. It drove her out of her dorm in the middle of the night, leaving behind anything that she didn’t absolutely need, knowing she’d never come back for it. Kept a wall between them at the services, despite Matty’s multiple attempts to exchange more than just pleasantries and condolences. For months, it kept her company in the dead of night, when she was most tempted to return his numerous calls, reply to the endless stream of unanswered texts. Val, I’m here if you need anything. Please just let me know you’re getting these. Talk to me. And then there’d been one voicemail, recorded when he was clearly off his face. Veeeeeeee Im drknu and herteng n i fcin miss and then he’d been cut off, sounds of scuffling and a muffled give me that (it was George, she thinks) before the dial tone.

She didn’t hear from him again. Sometimes she’d wonder what finally made him give up. Anger, a new woman, apathy? This was one of her most well-worn thoughts, that he had simply moved on from the Langford sisters. She couldn’t blame him (and yet she did). They’d been friends for less than a year, connected by a third person who was now gone. What did she expect?

For years she kept the voicemail and texts, the only thing she had left of him, until even those were lost when she accidentally jumped in the pool at a friend’s wedding with her phone forgotten in her back pocket. Along with the contact info for her sister’s (her) friends. It became harder to remember the sound of his voice, the smell of his cologne, the cadence of his speech when he got so animated he couldn’t keep a train of thought going. But then she’d be out shopping, at a bar, and she’d hear it, the faint strains of Purple Rain. And it would come rushing back. The one damn thing that kept the torch from going out completely

[ivygrowsc]

America Ferrera's breakthrough career

I just want to point out that this woman has delivered 2 cinematic, historical, browsing, impeccable speeches about the frustrations I feel about being a woman. And that actress of course is the one and only America Ferrera herself. Let's talk about her debut role in the movie — Real Women Have Curves. The 2002 independent film based on the play by Josefina Lopez is one of my all-time favourite movies I have watched in my lifetime. And if you somehow know this movie through another suspicious Greta Gerwig connection, I implore you to watch this. The movie was directed by Patricia Cardoso. At the time when it was released, America Ferrera had already filmed another movie but this movie debuted first putting her on the map. She was only 17 years old! Josefina López wrote the play when she was 18 years old. In 2019 it was the first Latina directed film to be included in the National Film Registry at the library of Congress. Taking inspiration from her real life, Josefina wrote Real Women Have Curves about Ana, mostly centered on her relationship with her mother Carmen, played by Lupe Ontiveros. This movie is touted, not only for its representation of women in their real bodies, it also delivered a warm and loving portrayal of Latina families and neighborhoods in Royal Heights and East Los Angeles. Again this isn't a time where Latinas, even today, are represented in a full and nuancent light. So to not only have this Latina family but to have them placed in East Los Angeles which has been criminally and stereotypically portrayed as "dangerous", really meant something and still means something today. And the message of that film being "there's so much more to me than my weight". I think this might serve as a comfort watch for many women around the world.

I don't understand how we were made to believe as children, that America Ferrera was the biggest woman to ever grace our tv screen. The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants is what I call perfection in cinema. If I ever will have a daughter in the future, she is required to watch this movie. Because every little girl needs to understand what sisterhood and what community is. I feel like girls today are not watching sisterhood displayed on television, or even in movies. It's always these toxic relationship, these toxic friendship — not to say that neither of those can't be toxic and bad, because even within this friend group they all have their own issues with each other, with their families etc. But it's not about the problems, it's how they solve them, how they come together. And I feel like this message should be displayed for the young girls today. And I just love how diverse the friend group is, because nowadays it seems like every teenager I see on tv are like the same skinny, white blondes. If you haven't seen this movie make sure to have a box of tissues nearby because it's going to make you cry.

The dark side of pretty privilige is, you don't get to be funny, intelligent, respected — you just get to be pretty. So I've just finished watching Ugly Betty, I fully recommend, and I realised the only female character who's actually respected within this show, is Betty. If you don't already know the concept, Betty gets hired to be the assistant to the chief. Because he sleeps with his assistants, they decide to get him an "ugly" girl so he won't sleep with her. But she's hired for Mode, which is kind of like Vogue/Cosmo type of magazine. So naturally she gets bullied. They treat her like crap because she doesn't look like the ideal Mode girl. But the crazy thing is, since none of the men want to sleep with her, they actually respect her. They start to treat her like a human being with ideas. Then she becomes one of the most liked people by anyone in their team. On top of that, all of these gorgeous women get treated like absolute crap. No one listens to them, their ideas are not heard, and they're not respected. So it leaves a very clear message: wether you are gorgeous or "ugly", misogyny will still hunt you down and it will catch you. For Betty, men don't look twice her way. They treat her bad from the moment they see her. Just because they don't want to sleep with her, they don't find her attractive. For the beautiful women in the show, like Amanda who is painted as the gorgeous blonde, men only want to sleep with her, and they don't see that she's smart. Go back to watch the show and you'll see how horribly the other women get treated compared to Betty (and they have some good cameos in this show).

As we are reaching the end, we can claim America Ferrera as "that girl". The term is, in my opinion, used for anyone who dresses like a fashionista and acts like the queen they are. But it's much more than that. I think, to achieve that title you have to be also impactful and encourage other women to be what they want to be. America really proved it by playing the Emmy Award winning role of Gloria in Barbie, directed by Greta Gerwig. I think every cis, heterosexual white male should be forced to sit down and watch this movie. The message behind the Barbie movie is about going from being a girl to being a woman. Barbieland is what our childhood felt like; we were safe, naive, independent and everything seemed perfect. The real world is what womanhood actually is. It's scary, sexist, there's pain and we're faced with so many challenges, while still being held to unrealistic expectations by society. "We mothers stand still, so our daughters can look back to see how far they've become". America Ferrera's speech about how hard it is to be a woman, really affected me and made me tear up in the theather. "It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood." America Ferrera the woman you are, thank you so much for helping me and other women to believe in theirselves. Happy international women's day! <3

[cutiemochiii]

Present Moment

The final conversation Kanae and Sanemi ever had ;-; inspired by this gorgeous fanart

credit to the artist (wish I knew who it was) for the beautiful fanart

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Sanemi liked running water. In between his angry comments, fierce battles, and carrying the burden of being the wind pillar, Kanae had seen him glance longingly at the waterfalls and quiet rivers they passed on their missions together. Sometimes, the softness of his eyes as he gazed would make Kanae stop and ponder their next move, or wonder if they were going the right way. Anything she could do to stall, just for a few more seconds, for the man whose eyes held thoughts she knew he would never share.

So it did not surprise her to find him by the river just off of Oyakata-sama’s property. He had excused himself stiffly once the sickly man had given them instructions for their next mission: a case of women going missing from a village. It was obvious that something about the mission had ticked him off. When Sanemi was really on edge, simply sitting in Oyakata-sama’s presence was enough to annoy him. The two men had respect for each other, but if Sanemi could force the man to stand and place a nichirin sword in his hand, he would do it in a heartbeat.

Sanemi was sitting cross-legged, eyes closed as he let the sounds of the current wash him away to a place of calm. Kanae didn’t want to bother him, but since everyone else tried to avoid him as much as possible, she figured she was the only one who could make sure he was alright.

“He shouldn’t be sending you to that village.” Kanae froze as Sanemi’s gruff voice rang out over the sounds of the rushing water. She smiled.

“You knew I was here.” She responded softly. Sanemi scoffed, fidgeting in his position until he settled comfortably again.

“Of course I did. I’m not deaf.” Kanae sat down beside him, legs folded to one side as she leaned back on her arms.

“He should not send you to the village.” He mumbled again, watching the fish make their way through the river, as quick and determined as he was. Kanae smiled.

“Nobody’s forcing me, Shinazugawa-san. I volunteered to go.” Kanae had offered to complete the mission. She had thought it would be the smartest decision, as the demon would be more likely to hunt after her, since she was a woman. Mitsuri had just joined their ranks, but she was merely a girl, nervous and untested. She did not want to put her life at risk as her senior.

She caught Sanemi staring at her arm. “You’re injured.” He argued. Kanae rubbed her shoulder, laughing softly.

“It’s merely a cut, I’ll be alright. Besides, Shinobu patched me up real nice.” Sanemi looked away once more.

“She’s just a kid, there’s still a lot she isn’t capable of.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that, or else she won’t agree to help you with your injuries anymore.” Kanae teased. Sanemi smiled softly.

“Sanemi.” Kanae’s voice was solemn. Sanemi tensed at the sound of his name.

“When I was told about those village women and girls, I couldn’t help but think of our young Mitsuri. My apprentices at the Butterfly Mansion.” She looked down at her hands. “My sister.” Shinobu’s short hair and butterfly berets flashed in Kanae’s mind. Her throat seemed to close.

“When I think of them, I can’t help but wonder how I’d feel if anything happened to them. These girls, these women, they’re being taken from their homes. Away from their spouses, their siblings, their parents, their children.” Sanemi was gazing at her now, and a part of her was reminded of an owl: the thoughtful, quiet, yet deadly predator of the night. Kanae held his gaze.

“I cannot allow the luxury of my wounds to keep me from saving them, bringing them back to their loved ones.” Kanae’s eyes were blurring with tears, and she blinked them away. Sanemi let out a slow breath.

“But what about you? You’re a liability right now. You will be slower than you usually are. What if the dangers are too much for your current state?” His voice held no anger, not even frustration. Just worry.

Kanae smiled. “Shinazugawa. If I avoid danger because of my injuries, or my fears, would I even be a hashira? Besides,” Kanae had scoot behind him, gently wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head against his back. She could hear his breathing, feel his heartbeat, strong and steady, against her hands. “Danger is everywhere. It’s the beauty of life. I could just as easily choke on some food, or even fall into the water, as I could get hurt in battle. I could just as easily lose you, as you could me.” She smiled sadly. Sanemi was staring at the grass, hands grasping Kanae’s arms.

“So let’s not worry about those things, hmm? Let’s just live in our present moment, sitting next to this river and enjoying each other’s company.” Sanemi could feel Kanae’s gentle voice vibrate through him, resonate into his very soul. Imitating the frequency of his beating heart, as if they were calling out to one another, created one and the same. Only she could do this to him. Not the smoothness of his blade, the strength of his wind breathing, or the coolness of the flowing water before him.

When Sanemi was with her, the clutter of his mind was emptied, replaced only with a sense of serenity. Her voice was a tether, holding him down with thoughts of a small home in a valley, the scents of blooming flowers and the laughter of children playing on the hills. A world so very different from the one they lived in, but one he dared to dream of, only because she gave him a chance to dream.

Sanemi’s hands moved down her arms, until his fingers interlocked with hers. He couldn’t help the smile that dawned his face.

“Okay.”

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Author’s Note: AHHH, my babies ;-; I love this ship so much. Anyways, I am going to be making a sort of part 2 for this as soon as I can. I have the idea for it 😊 well, it’s short, but I hope you love it!